How long should a couple date for before they move to the marriage stage?

@yenwie84 (1345)
Malaysia
August 6, 2008 7:31am CST
I wonder what are your opinions on this matter. Do you think few months which is less than one year is enough for a couple to understand each other and move to marriage stage? How long should it be? I don't think time really matters. As long as both of the couple feel comfortable and happy in their relationship,time is not a matter actually. I had seen several cases where couples knew each other for more than five years,they ended up broke up too. What do you think? Do you think time is really a matter in a relationship before they move to the marriage stage? I am thinking about this matter as I knew my boyfriend for three years already,but I am wondering whether we are at the right time to get married or not.Please give me comment,thanks.
6 people like this
22 responses
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
hi yenwie. i've been friends with my husband for two months, he courted me for one month, and we got engaged for a year. too fast right? for some yes but for us not really. Gos is in our center and we prayed a lot for our relationship. Yes you're right that the length of time that you've known each other should not be your deciding factor in entering marriage. What's important is you're ready financially, emotionally, psychologicaly, physically, and most of all spiritually. =)
2 people like this
• United States
6 Aug 08
It is a case-by-case thing. However, I believe that it is best to have dated a year or two before heading into that. If you know each other fairly well (craziest thing ever done, how many serious previous relationships, greatest influences, etc.), love each other and have dealt with each other through at least one bout of being miserably under-the-weather, then it is probably about time to start thinking about marriage-- if that's something that you plan to do.
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
I believe two years of dating are enough to know your partner personally. Though I have to admit, that there were behaviors that I never knew about my wife during our dating moments that I am now learning.
2 people like this
• Canada
6 Aug 08
i only dated my husband for a couple of months before marriage, lol. you know, it's one of those things where when you know, you know. you know the person is right for you, deep down you will feel that special something, as cheesy as that sounds. even though we had just started dating, i never second guessed that he was the right one for me.
2 people like this
@sudalunts (5527)
• United States
6 Aug 08
I think that the couple should give themselves time to get know each other. And if they are committed and know that this is the person for them, I say, do it. I could never understand how some people are engaged for years and never get married. I got married two years after I met my husband. Don't know why it took so long Have a good day
2 people like this
@mensab (4208)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
i agree with you. time is not of an essence in deciding about marriage. examples of couples being together for so long, even growing up together, but they end up not couples for life. i think it is not about the length of the time the couple shared. it is more of their trust and decision to be together for the knowledge that i have with this person. for all we know, even one's lifetime is not enough to get to know one person.
@yogeshdhusa (2212)
• India
6 Aug 08
hi yenwie, i agree with you. One should only marry if he/she feel the happiness with him/her. Both should understand each other. But on the other side of coin if both of them are in a relationship and then they break off after so many years. its difficult to say that weather this is the right time or not. I think the time should be average. not too less or more.
1 person likes this
@heero1103 (322)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
I believe this should be on the couple's discretion, but for me, I want to be so sure of it before I marry someone, so that would be a lot of time to be together. It is very important to know each other completely, the things your partner hates, loves, like to do, interests, hobbies, etcetera. As the saying here in the Philippines go: Marriage is not like food that you can throw out when you get burned (I translated it the way I know, hehehe)
1 person likes this
@ebsharer (5519)
• United States
6 Aug 08
I think it depends on the couple. I have seen a few couples stay together for years and never marry and that was a lot better for them. I have seen couples be together for a while get married and then get divorced, mean while they were together longer not married then married. For my husband and I we met and married very quickly. I just knew he was my one. I think that it really depends on the whole situation. If there is ANY doubt then I wouldn't marry but thats just me. I see a lot of people get married and know they won't stay with that person.
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
6 Aug 08
I really think that it depends on the couple themselves. Every relationship is different and probably move along with different types of stages. There are people who date for years and it doesn't work out in the end. There are people who might date for two weeks and wind up enjoying an everlasting and harmonious marriage. You will know when the right time comes along by looking inside of your heart.
1 person likes this
• United States
6 Aug 08
I agree with you here. Although I do think couples should take some real time to get to know each other, there isn't a real timeline for couples to follow before they get married. I belive if both couples truly love each other, have the possible resources, and are comfortable with moving to the next step, then they should be able to get married. As long as both couples aren't rushing, then they are the only ones who can really know if they are ready or not since they are the ones in the relationship.
@chenmeiyi (973)
• China
7 Aug 08
for me i think two years is necessary for both of us to test our love story. time will tell u whether u two r suitable for marriage. i and my bf can experience many happiness as well as sorrows in the years to come, then we'll cherish life more than before and both of us may get mature enough to face difficulties and frustrations. time counts in my opinion. people always say marriage is the grave of rommance,so why don't we enjoy love long enough before marriage? take care.
@iskayz (5424)
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
Hi there! For me marrying decisions depends on the intense of love partners feel for each other. It doesn't matter how long or short they have dated. If partners do really want to have a family of their own and is ready to spend the rest of their lives together then they should be talking about wedding bells. With your situation only you can tell if you're ready to give up your single life and be with your boyfriend forever. If you're ready to accept all the responsibilites of being a wife and soon a mother to your children, financially secure with your boyfriend and will accept everyting about your boyfriend, faults and all then I guess you are ready. I think time will only be a question in marriage in matters of finaces. If and when partners have enough budget to marry at the moment or at a certain time. Hope that helps. Ciao!
@subha12 (18462)
• India
7 Aug 08
it is purely realtive thing. it also depnds on individuals. so may be for some its few months which is enough, even some are not abl;e to know in years. it depends on comfort levels too
@Cocoa33 (921)
• United States
7 Aug 08
i would say about a year. i say this if a couple spends a lot of time together getting to know each. they need to take the time to see if they are compatible for before moving to the marriage stage. for some people the time may be different.
• United States
7 Aug 08
I would think that when its love and you are sure of it, and you know without a doubt this is who you want to marry, so be it, regardless how long. Well than again, i dont agree with meeting and maryring in the same night or even week, but i can see it happenign in like a month or so, enough time where you get an idea of what this person is like on a daily basis. But when you are truly in love, time usually has no matter on it.
6 Aug 08
My husband and I have been married for 39 years and only new each other for 4 months before we got married. He was 21 and I was 20. He was in the army and I was an au pair. We were both working in Germany when we met. We came home to get married. He met my family a few days before we married and I met his just after the wedding. A lot of people said it would not last. It might not! We have had our ups and downs. I do not think people who have long engagements are any more likely to stay married longer than people who only know each other a short time. You have to work at your marriage.
@rosedust82 (2076)
• Philippines
6 Aug 08
Hmm... I don't really think that there is an "appropriate time" to get married. I guess it's really on how the couple feels about each other and the relationship itself. I have some friends who had whirlwind courtships and still end up happy. You're also right with waiting too long. I know a couple who were together for 10 years, were about to get married and then they just parted ways... So it's really hard to say. However, in my opinion, it would be better to get to really know someone first before getting married especially since there is no divorce in our country. I don't want to end up marrying a guy who beats his wife. Stuff like that I'd have to put into consideration of course.
• India
6 Aug 08
regarding dating the process should continue for as much time as the couple feels is enough to understand one well enough....there is no fixed limit to the time!
• United States
6 Aug 08
I think each and every couple, as well as idividual, is different. I don't think you can set a deadline on this specific situation. You need to find someone that you know you can get through the ups and downs with, someone worth fighting for and you know they'd fight for you as well. Relationships are one of the hardest things to maintain in life, in my eyes, so a deadline would only make things harder. Personally i'm afraid of commitment, but i've been with a significant other that I thought somewhere down the line, when I was ready, I could go through the trials and tribulations of a long term relationship, resulting in marriage, knowing that I would be faithful, honest and open (and vice versa!)