My landlady and I had a "big" fight...

Philippines
August 6, 2008 9:36pm CST
I am never a rude person, everybody knows that, I always maintain a degree of respect to everybody, young and old. But I just did something that might be categorized by others as rude and a sign of disrespect to elders. My landlady (old woman, around 50-60 years old) we're talking about a scene in the television where a girl just got ditched by her parents. Then she started shifting the topic to my Mama. I love my Mama, I'll live and die for her. Nobody dares to say anything against my Mama in my presence. But this woman, who thinks old age have given her enough wisdom to criticize my Mama told me that the girl in the television reminds her of me because my Mama ditched me in my situation as well. I imagine my eyes growing big when she said that. I told her calmly that she's got no right to say that about my Mama because she doesn't know her at all and that she doesn't know the reasons why I'm living alone in this area, 5 months pregnant without nobody to care for me. She then told me "Then how can you explain what she did to you? She abandoned you? I will never abandon my daughter like that, I love my daughter". I grew madder at her and I told her she mind her own business and never talk about my Mama that way! I owe her no explanation. How dare she say that about my Mama! I walked out on her and went upstairs to my room, vowing never to speak to her again unless she apologizes. But when I was in my room, I thought I was being rude, my landlady is jumping to conclusion because I refuse to tell her about everything. But then I told myself, she should have respected my privacy and respected my Mama as well. Sigh, we aren't speaking until now. She's old but she's a very proud woman. She'll never talk to me first. And I realize even if I talk to her first she wouldn't respond. Besides, I can never let her think that she's right about my Mama, no way! I'm thinking of moving out and finding a new apartment. It'll be hard for me though because I'm carrying a heavy load and relocating would be very taxing... What would you have done if you were me? Must I talk to my landlady now? I am being rude? I know I've done something wrong, how can I correct it?
5 people like this
14 responses
@howard96h (11658)
• New York, New York
7 Aug 08
Your landlady is just that - your landlady. I would leave it alone, she was out of place with you. When you see her outside just smile and go on your way, don't ignore her but you do not owe her an explanation about your living conditions, why your living alone or anything about your mother. You rent a living space there and that should be the extent of it. She is not your friend or your pal and she should not be, you don't want her getting into your affairs any more than she already has. Keep your distance and stand your ground, she will respect you more.
2 people like this
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
You do have a point and I think it's very sensible of you. I'll have to think about that, I like your ideas. The only problem is that I'm a very friendly person. Sigh, things won't be easy I suppose...
2 people like this
@howard96h (11658)
• New York, New York
7 Aug 08
I would be nice when I see her but not stand around and chat, too friendly is not good. You know that old saying "don't mix business with pleasure" she is the landlord (Business) and not a social friend and their should be a distance there. If people in that position gets to close to you then know all your business and then tend to talk and gossip to others. Your going to have a baby and you really don't need her bothering you or interfering with anything. Where I live there are 60 apartments in this building and I am living here 13 years and not one person has been in my apartment. If a neighbor knocks on my door I will step outside and talk to them and see what they want. I am not anti-social but this is my home and I do not want to socialize with my neighbors, I have my own friends for that. I have never had any problems and there is one nosy lady who is dying to get in here to see how I live, what kind of furniture I have, if I'm neat or messy so she can stand at the front door of the building and tell everyone all of my business. Oh no, I don't allow that and it just kills her. Suffer Maria suffer! LOL
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
Hahaha! Poor Maria! But well, that's a little too nosy for my taste... Hmmm, I guess that neighbor likes you that's why she's pestering you about the details of your home! LOL!
2 people like this
• Canada
7 Aug 08
My husband Vladilyich1 told me that he saw this last night. 50 isn't OLD, haha. On the other hand, here ae people who act in suh a way that 50 can APPEAR old. I know 30 yea olds who come off as being OLD because of heir attitude. I think you did the ight thing. If you need to talk o your landlady again, just tell her that you will not put up with anyone talking abou your mama hat way, or jumping to onclusions, and ha you refuse to talk to her acout this issue further. You two will probably never agree abot the ituation, so just REFUSE to talk about it. You were not disrespectful, SHE WAS!
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Aug 08
I dont think you should feel bad at all I mean out of respect for you she shouldn't have disrespected your mama. I mean I understand her being old and sharing her wisdom but its wa ys of doing it without being disrespectful.
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
I didn't know he's your hubby, dumb 'ol me, hehehe.... Anyways, I already talked to her yesterday as I promised I would, but I shouldn't have, she ignored me, as might as well talking to the air, she's such a proud old woman. Well, I got my point across, I'm sure she heard me, up to her! Hi ThaRealest, thanks for giving this discussion your first ever response :) I feel bad that I was too friendly with the landlady, that gave her the thought that she's got the right to talk to me in any way she wanted... Sigh... Well, welcome to mylot!
2 people like this
@alori61 (344)
• United States
7 Aug 08
Since you are having a problem with the way you responded to your land lady maybe you should talk to her, tell her you apologize if you was rude to her, tell her you will try not to be rude again, but could she please refrain from speaking ill of your mother. Explain that she does not know the entire situation, your mother did not abandon you and in order that the two of you not have any further misunderstandings you would prefer not to discuss your mother with her. This way you are showing her your mother taught you proper behavior, and respect, but also lay your boundries as well. It sounds as though you share a common area with the woman and it is not a good thing to be on the outs with her, it is her home and you would not want to find your self on the streets especially with a baby on the way.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
She wouldn't dare throw a pregnant woman in the streets! Besides, I'm paid for the whole year... Well, talk, that we'll do. She should know her limits, yup, we'll talk about boundaries and all. Methinks it's not practical to be hard nowadays, with my condition and all. And yep, I owe it to my Mama...
2 people like this
@zhpshql (695)
• China
7 Aug 08
Hi, If I were you, I may be ruder than you,you can consult me, but if you consult my Mum, you are a dad man. You are right, the old woman is wrong, she should respect you and your Mum, and you don't have to move out, give the old woman an explanation, a healthy relation must be set on a equal status.just tell her what you are thinking. So now you are pregnant, you must care for yourself,sometimes nobody care for us, but we must be responsible for ourselves,and you can't make you and your little baby too tired,go on to live there, I don't think she will put you out,if she has a little conscience, after all, she has daughter too, she is a Mum, too. Then you can tell she that If somebody consult her, her daughter will do that too, so she will forgive you, I think, and then take good care for you, good luck, don't be so bad,your baby will love you as you love your mother~~
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
Hmmm... explain what? I don't owe her an explanation right? But well, I'll talk to her, maybe later. I just hope it won't be a nasty conversation... I'll take care of my baby alright (*wink) God bless you...
2 people like this
@Vladilyich1 (1454)
• Canada
7 Aug 08
60 isn't all that old... :)
1 person likes this
• India
8 Aug 08
dear girl, just make sure that you pay your rent at the right time. but since living in water and having quarrel with a crocodile can be troublesome, you try to patch up. talk to her on general issues like telling her that water is not there, about the climate and so on. tackle the situation meticulously. do not bluff or oversay. let the old hag speak and you reply after initiating a conversation. do not jump to conclusions . let her do that.
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
I'm paid for the whole year and I did try to talk to her yesterday to no avail, she's proud and difficult. Well, her lost not mine.
1 person likes this
• India
8 Aug 08
play safe dear.
• United States
8 Aug 08
Well I understand WHY she would think maybe your mother abandoned you because you aren't be cared for while you're prgenant--and she hasn't been given the whole story. But I agree with you. She had no right to make her own assumptions, and she should respect your privacy about your life situations. If you want to tell her, you will-if you don't than that is your right. It does sound like you guys had a good relationship before this incident. I mean, you were watching tv together, is that something you do often? Do you guys hang out a lot? I can understand moving would be hard for you right now--and I don't think you have to. Even if you guys don't talk, you still don't have to move. You should be making things easier on yourself right now. I don't think you've done anything wrong or disrespectful, so don't worry about that. So if you want to go try and make peace with her you can, but you don't have to! Good luck :) *Is the baby a boy or a girl? Do you know?* Any names being tossed around? :D
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
Hi Lily... Thanks for the interest on my baby (*wink). I'm afraid i still have no idea of its gender though, I'm on my 5th month and I may have to have that ultrasound on my 7th month to be sure. Well, I've prepared names, Irene Jane Cassandra for a girl and Ernest Jean' Nicholas for a boy. As of my landlady, I already talked to her yesterday and she continued to ignore me. Well, I'm friendly, that's my fault maybe.. But I decided to ignore her as well, but I'm not moving out, I'll just maintain a professional relationship with her.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Aug 08
I always get interested when people mention babies! lol. When i found out my oldest sister was pregnant I was so happy! I wanted it to be a girl--and I told her she should name it Emma :P lol. But it was a boy! And that is FINE by me, I love him! :) His names Gavin (I wanted it to be Daniel...but mommies wishes trampled mine lol). It's really mature of you too try and at least heal the wound...if she's going to take something like that so personal than she has to deal with it on her own now. it's good you've decided you can stay in your home and not let the fight effect you anymore!
8 Aug 08
hey maple, you dont have to excuse just because she is old,, if i wer you i will be mad her also, when it comes to my grandparents its quite different, desgrace my whole life but not my grandparents for sure i will die for them. If you feel guilty about it, talk to her in a nice way, if she does not respond, never mind shes not a big lose. Dont think about carrying heavy loads because you just will always remember what she did everytime you saw her , may be you have friends that can help you in moving to a new apartment.
8 Aug 08
he he i forgot gudluck...
@113003455 (160)
• China
8 Aug 08
If I were you,I would go and apologize later.Even she overjudges your mother,she's old and with no bad intention,we shouldn't be rude.But sometimes we just cant control ourselves,so do apologize.Then explain why you turned mad,say something about your mama,tell her at that point,she's wrong.
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
I did talk to her yesterday and yep the apology was given already, still she ignored me, I might as well talk to myself. Well, I tried.. now I'll maintain a professional relationship with her, no more no less.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Aug 08
You confided in her and told her personal things and what she did was basically use those same things to hurt you. She had no right, and if she so boldly did this, I wouldn't speak with her again, but that's just me and I don't know the whole proximity of the situation.
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
Yeah, that was my fault, I was too friendly with her, she thought she can judge me and then talk to my Mama that way. Well, I talked to her again and yup! She's as snob and as proud as ever. Tsk! I was sure old people gained wisdom.. I don't know what's wrong with her though.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31002)
• United States
22 Sep 08
First of all, I don't believe her age has a thing to do with it. I am 52 and would never speak poorly to anyone of their parents or family. Some people just simply do not think before speaking. I probably would have reacted the same way, I'm sure. You were not rude....she was. You were simply defending your mama. You don't owe her an appology at all. Speak to her? Well, I think you should be polite to her when you see her but I would not get into personal conversations with her. I don't see why you should have to move right now. I would just pay my rent and keep my distance from her. Maybe after the baby is born, if you are still uncomfortable being there, you could move.
• Philippines
20 Sep 08
That Land lady of yours is older than you, so you should approached her in a humble way, you will be the one to ask sorry now. even you are not faulty. Soon, your landlady will realized that she's wrong.
@kate635 (127)
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
As a landlady, she should know how to respect the privacy of her boarders. It was very rude of her to talk something against a person she doesn't even know. My advice is that you talk to her no matter what the outcome will be just to justify your end and not carry a grudge especially that it would not be good for you baby. If you have been living there for quite sometime, it is best to stay until you have your baby delivered. It is hard to find a place to leave especially on your situation. I guess, you have already build friendship with some of your co-boarders and it is good to have friends around when you need them. As long as you are paying her your dues, just don't mind her. I have the same experience when I was still studying in college, my landlady, also an old lady wanted me to leave my bedspace as according to her her niece is arriving and she wanted my place ready for her arrival. I argued telling her that there are still a lot of vacant spaces, why my place! we got into an argument and I also walked out. I told her I'm going to sue. It did the trick, she mellowed, asked an apology and had another bed prepared. Sometimes we just have to be assertive.
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
Talking to your landlady would do you no good shes old and grumpy. Theres a saying that old dogs will never learn, you know why? Its because they think they know everything and besides she thinks shes superior because your under her umbrella. I suggest go find a real friend and find another apartment. landlady should never go far beyond your private life. Seek help from friends most of the time they are the ones whos always on your side.