Ignored

Bangladesh
August 7, 2008 3:33am CST
My parents split up two months ago & I'm having a hard time coping with it.I live with my mother now and sometimes visit my father.Im 23 years old.but nobody thought it was necessary to ask me whom i wanted to live with after divorce.I love my father very much & i had considered living with him.but i realised i couldn't leave my mother. But i feel angry that i was ignored, that no one thought about me once.Im especially mad at my mother about this,& haven't mentioned this to her yet.what should i do?
2 people like this
19 responses
• Canada
7 Aug 08
Grow up! I think you're too old to think that they should consider you in their decision to break up. You should be off at college or done with school looking for a job and more importantly an apartment. Seriously, I was home at 23 because I was still in school, but I paid rent and had a job. Sorry, but this is childish.
2 people like this
• United States
8 Aug 08
I have to say I agree! Your parents may have stayed together for years MISERIBLE just for you. Noe you are GROWN UP and they should do what makes them happyu. Get over it. You should be liveing your own life. Not lieving with your parents to begin with. It is NOT all about you.
• United States
8 Aug 08
Sorry! My typing sux today. But you get the gist of what I am trying to say.
@Corimore (249)
• United States
8 Aug 08
At any age parents divorcing is difficult to deal with. But at 23 why are you on your own or in a dorm at some college. Maybe you shouldn't be to angry with them they probably didn't want to burden you with their relationship problems. Remember what they are going through is about them not you. You really other than living with them don't have much to do with their personal feelings for each other.
1 person likes this
@kate635 (127)
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
You're already in a proper age to decide for yourself, in fact at your age you should be having a place of your own. Your parents may not have told you that they were planning to have a divorce because they want to spare you the trouble. It was their decision and you should respect it. It is best to talk to your mother and discuss about how you feel so that you will be relieved of the burden. They must have thought of you a lot the reason why you reached that age before they got a divorce. Just don't think of the negative, learn to move on. And don't forget to show both your parents that you love them.
1 person likes this
@memorable (114)
• United States
8 Aug 08
Well you are old enough to make your own decisions so if you wanted to live with your father all you have to do is let your mom know and i am sure she will respect your decision you are a adult now so no one can make a decision for you.
1 person likes this
8 Aug 08
Hello xylocopa, Firstly, its not your fault they split up and your mum and dad proberly thought you'd better off with your mum, you are old enough to know so they should have tlked to you but what done is done and you must talk to your mother about it before you end up hating her so please talk because you mother love and in most case the daughter always stay with mother. Tamarafireheart.
1 person likes this
@shell1986 (405)
• United States
7 Aug 08
I can completely understand where you are coming from but I can also see your parents' point of view on this issue as well. Being that you are 23 I believe they thought you could handle the separation fairly well and as an adult. However, I can also see where you are coming from. Your parents are splitting up and no one bothers to care about your feelings on the subject. So I'm sure you feel like they only care about their own feelings right now. If I were in your position I would sit down with my mother and father separately and explain to them why my feelings were hurt. This way the situation is brought to their attention and doesn't get any worse and cause more problems.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12845)
• Australia
7 Aug 08
first of all i want to welcome you to mylot community... i am sorry to hear about what is happening with your parents and you as well... i think you are matured enough to talk openly with your parents about what you want... you can't be forced to stay with the person that you don't want to... it is unhealthy for you if you keep your emotions for too long and it will become hatred... so i suggest that you talk about it openly... the sooner the better... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@Joyce110 (27)
• United States
7 Aug 08
Honey, I once was very young when my parents seperated, and I was a teen when they divorced. There is never an age when it doesn't hurt you deeply, because you love both parents. I knew the reason for the divorce it was my Dad who kept cheating on my mother. I really believe that when either parent cheats on each other, they are disregarding the feelings of their spouse and they could care less about what the children think, feel or how much they hurt their spouse and children. You need to find out from your mother the reason for the divorce. But I would ask both of them, but seperate,and be a good listner, and keep your opinions to yourself. Then make the decision of which parent you want to support with compassion, and be strong. If you find out your Dad was the cause for the divorce it is going to hurt you really bad, since he is your favorite. But be strong and stay with your mother. She and you could become best friends, and your mother needs your support anyway you can give it to her. Also, if your Dad remarries you just don't want to be in that home,and you will want to return to your mother. Believe me a man can fair better in a divorce than a woman. It still is a man's world. My strength came from knowing the Lord Jesus as my Heavenly Father, and I knew He loved me. He promises that He will never leave you nor forsake you. Make Jesus Christ the Lord of your life, ask Him to come into your heart and forgive you of all your sins, and anger, and He WILL! You will have joy and peace like you have never known. I am praying for you. Keep your chin up...and when you are hurting talk to Jesus His ears are always open to the prayers of His children.
• United States
7 Aug 08
My uncle got a divorce and the wife moved away with the children so he couldnt see them as much. She was a jerk and she holds them in one room. And whenever the kids come back to my uncle they wished they live with him instead it is pretty sad.
1 person likes this
@msedge (4012)
• United States
7 Aug 08
I know when parents got separated or divorced that children suffers but at your age i think you can already understand why they have to get a divorced and being together without happiness might affect you also.All you have to do is to tell them what you want to do with your life.Your old enough to manange your own but you can also stay with them with a scheduled time according to what you will agree upon with them.I know its been hard for you and you wish they are still together but just think this is not only happened to you.In fact my daughter is one but she understand that her father and i could no live happily together and our relationship never work out anymore.One day you will have your own family and you will understand everything.
1 person likes this
@joyadalia (1409)
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
You are not the only that who is going through a difficult time right now since your parents must be going through worse than you do. I know that it is difficult but stay calm. And why not talk to your parents about it. Is it possible for you to live with your dad without offending your mom? Talk it out with your mom then with your dad and you will surely find the answer that you were looking for. Don't blame your parents in not telling you anything. With all the pain that they must be feeling right now, it is possible that they wanted to shield you from the hurt but hurt you in the process instead. I'm sure that they both didn't mean to induce this feeling upon you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
hi xylocopa,i apologize for saying this dear but i don't think it is right for you to be mad at your mother.no one has the right actually, but maybe,we can't help it at times...i understand how you feel dear but try to be more sensible and more patient.it take two to tango as the old saying goes,so it's not just your mum,for sure you father has done something that your mum didn't like.i may not know the details of why they got seperated but i know they both decided it and as their daughter,you have to respect that.it's not that easy i know,but come to think of it..you are lucky coz this happen when the time that you are old enough for you to undrestand thing better.maybe that's what your parents think,that you are matured enough to handle this things.or probably,they are not ready yet tp talk to you about this things.just be more patient and understanding to your parents dear.remember,it's not that easy for them too.in time,when they are alright..when things get better,i am sure they'll talk these thing out with ya..so don't worry too much and just pray for your parents.i'll do the same for ya..heaps dear..huGgzz.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Aug 08
I understand how you feel. I would talk to both of your parents one on one and let them know how you feel. Divorce is hard no matter how old you are
• China
8 Aug 08
i am sorry to hear about your parents'divorce and your negative feelings,and i think the divorce may be the best way if they cann't be toghther with happiness,futhermore,u are capable of helping your parents form the hard time.as for your feeling ,u had better to keep calm and talk openly to your parents about this,i believe everything will become ok,belive in u
1 person likes this
@pehpot (4762)
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
Aren't you too old for this? I was like just gave birth to my second child when I turned 23. Grow up dude.. Don't be mad to your mother, of all people your mom is the one who is hurting the most. I feel for her because I am a mother. You should talk to her and raise your issues, I think the reason why you are ignored is because you let them ignore you. You should tell them how you feel, parents are not superhero, they does not know how you feel unless you tell them. I guess the real problem is miscommunication. Talk dude. talk.
• Bangladesh
8 Aug 08
Don't lose hope. This is da most critical time for ur mom and dad. So b patient. Try to spend time with both of them. I think if u want then u can make ur family reunited. God Bless U Buddy.
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
I know how it feels to decide between two opposing walls. I was in the same situation but fortunately, I was able to live my life not thinking of them. Though there were some behaviors that were caused by my former situation. I suggest, since you are old enough to be alone, to get yourself done with all the things that you want then just visit the two of them at least in a weekly basis.
@jaffna (778)
• India
8 Aug 08
it's really a hard situation..you would have talked about this either of your parents priorly na..there's no point to feel for it..you continue to be a lovable child for both them....don' t have partial relationships...since you are with your mother..take time to spend with your father too since you like him much..you talk about this to your mother from now on..
@djoyce71 (2512)
• Philippines
7 Aug 08
Please don't get mad with your mother. I think no one ignored you. No mother or father would ignore own child. Open up with your mother. Have a heart to heart talk with her about what you feel and what you need so that she will know. I don't know your mother, but I'm sure she'll listen and understand you because she loves you. Have a good day.
@klaudine (3652)
• Indonesia
7 Aug 08
Well.. Seeig from your age, I think you are mature enough to choose where you want to live with. You don't need to feel angry, it is not that you are ignored, but they are giving you a freedom to choose by yourself. have you ever talk about this with them? Telling your dad that you want to go with him, or telling your mom that you want to be your father? Never. I guess. So why don't you start to make this discussion with them? Divorce is a very hard situation, not only for you, but for them too. They need to do many things, so I believe they just leave it to you... Come on.. your parents are having a difficult moment now, help them to solve this problem by not being angry to them