The work or the kid?

@kate635 (127)
Philippines
August 7, 2008 9:58pm CST
I just recently resigned from my job because my kid needs me and his yaya (caregiver) can't attend to him the way that I do. Besides, the salary I'm receiving just goes to the yaya, fare and meals at work. I believe that we could shape up a child as long as he is young and I could not do that while I'm having a regular job. Right now we are into financial difficulty and my husband can't really give us what we need. The tuition fees of my kid is being paid for by my mother-in-law. The in-laws also are forcing me to find a job now. If you were in my situation, what would you do? I'm thinking of living the place as my husband tends to be over confident his parents are just there to help us. We live in a compound where his parents also live.
3 responses
@khatri_50 (225)
• India
8 Aug 08
Of course it is very diffcult to do both things.
@kate635 (127)
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
Yes. And I really appreciate those who could do both with ease.
• India
8 Aug 08
to bemother isGOD GIFT.it ismother who lives for herkids.mother is2nd togod . it isanothernameofsacrifice.mohterroleis more imporant thanfather.it ismother who shape destinyof child.shehelps her children tosit,stand walk according to circumtances inother words motheris thesymbol of future. why itissaid'mother isnext to god.the worship ofher is worship of Almightya
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
I'm a working mom too. I got married at 21. During that time, my husband was in his last year in college while I got a job as an English tutor for Korean students just before I graduated. I never wanted to live with my parents nor with my in-laws so we lived all by ourselves. My husband takes care of our son all the way up to the present. We think that if he would try to find a job and earn just enough for the baby sitter, he'd rather not work. At least we can make sure that our son is well taken cared of. I wish I could be there for my son but I just can't give my job up. I know that even if I don't work now, I would be needed to get a job to get through with our financial needs. Talk it over with your husband. Live within your capacity. I guess you can manage what he can make. It's different when you are on your own. Good luck!
@kate635 (127)
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
Thanks. It's really different when one of the parent is taking care of the kid, we have peace of mind. It's good your husband agreed with your set-up. I should have done that years ago when my career was at its peak. Since I gave birth 7 years ago I stopped working and when I did just this year it really was a different thing, I was always longing to be there for my child. The finances got really bad when my husband stopped giving me his salary to budget. I can no longer remember the time when he last gave me his salary in full. Anyway, I'm trying to work it out. I don't want to talk to him anymore as there's no point to argue. I just want to make out my own money for me and my kid. Hope it will work out for the better.
@mykmari_08 (2466)
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
I can say that we are quite similar in a lot of ways. I believe that like me, you're also a Filipina because you mentioned and translated nanny into our own language. I'm also a mother now and a working mom at that. She's turning three this month but unfortunately, I'm not sure if we could celebrate it with a lot of party foods. We're also in a financial crisis because of many reasons. A large part of it is because of our substantial outstanding monetary obligation with credit card companies and with government and loan agencies. I know you're familiar with SSS and Pag-ibig loan facilities. I have already availed of these earlier and I'm still in the process of paying our loans. My husband stopped work for more than a year because he concentrated on his father's farm last year. Unfortunately, the additional income we were expecting from tilling the land and the produce from it only went to his vices and overspending, which he later confessed to me and admitted that he was sorry for it. Though I really hated him for this, I guess any wife couldn't just throw his husband away because of his shortcomings; especially if they have a child or children. Anyway, we talked about it and we came to a decision that he has to personally take care of our daughter (and only child) in the meantime that he's out of work; we have no funds to pay the services of the nanny admittedly. But just a week ago, he started work with one of his uncle's silkscreen printing business. We have no choice but to leave our daughter with my parents for the time being. However, we do plan to fetch her there before her birthday comes. Like you, I also believe that it's still best if a mother could personally oversee and take care of the kids. I also find it revolting, in my own point of view, to rely on the services of our parents; may it be your own parents or your husband's. But sometimes, we really couldn't avoid it; just like in our case. I would suggest you to leave your job as you did, if you feel that your husband could financially support everything you need. But even if your husband's pay isn't enough but it is really your heart's desire to be with your kid to take care of him (or her or them); I guess you have to do double time. What I mean is, you could engage yourself in buy and sell business or marketing; like be an Avon dealer, or put up a small business like sari-sari store. This way, you could gain additional income to make ends meet and still be with your kids daily. In my case, I want to be with our daughter day in and day out but I couldn't possibly do this at present. Though my husband is working now, he has just started and it isn't a stable one. Aside from this, he is just earning below the minimum wage; no work no pay policy, too. We still have no savings for our daughter future education so I guess we definitely have to work double overtime, if you know what I mean. Personally, I do plan to quit my job just before she starts schooling which is about less than a couple of years from now. I've already consulted my husband with this and he agreed to it. It's really hard to decide on things particularly issues concerning the kids but I do hope you will be able to reconcile all of these matters in the soonest possible time. Good luck and God bless.
@kate635 (127)
• Philippines
8 Aug 08
You're right in saying "we can't just throw away our husbands." Because if it's only possible, I have already done so. :D. Anyway, thanks for the post. It's good to know I am not alone in this situation and there are people who could relate and give inputs. I've decided to stick with my kid, to take care of him while he is still young. I know we could manage to go through all these hardships, we only have to persevere. I'll find means while staying at home to earn extra money so I won't be depending on anybody, I really hate it when my husband do it. I'm not good in sales and don't have contacts, so I guess, for now, I'll search the net for some prospects. God bless you too!