The othe woman, the other man

@relundad (2311)
United States
August 9, 2008 6:55am CST
In participating in another discussion, I thought about this... The discussion was about the discovery of Senator Edwards being in an affair, while his wife was battling cancer. My take was that this happens all day, every day with regular normal people and the only difference is that he is in the media spotlight. I don't condone the the affair or infidelity, but am often wonder why we are so surprised that this happens. Its been going on since the beginning of time and will continue, as long as you have people that don't value their relationships or the sacredness of marriage. My reason for this discussion is to ask, what about the other woman or other man? Why do we consider that person as also a victim? Don't they bare some responsibility for participating in the relationship? In the case with Edwards, the woman in my opinion also cheated on his sick wife. As we all knew his story, so did she! But for some reason she decided to entertain this relationship. She was aware that she was dealing with a man that had a wife and family. Relationships of this nature can only occur with 2 willing parties. Some relationships of this nature go on for years, because the other woman or man are in agreement with the infidelity. And obviously as long as things work on their terms then all seems to be well. Though the person that you are married to has violated your relationship, so has the other person if they knowingly enter a relationship knowing the other persons status. My question is do both parties of the affair bear responsibilty of betrayal? I'd appreciate more than just a yes or no answer. So whatever your opinion is please elaborate as to why that is your opinion.
6 responses
@sunshinecup (7881)
9 Aug 08
Yes in this case, she is just as much at fault as he is. It always takes two to have an affair. However in many cases the other woman/man may not know they are the other woman/man. So it's much easier to stay focused on the one that was caught or married than on them both.
1 person likes this
@relundad (2311)
• United States
9 Aug 08
I don't buy the fact that you don't know about his/other marriage. Maybe initially, but there are always tell signs that we ignore for our own benefit. I mean if you can never visit this persons home or everything has to be planned for specific places, times etc. then your bells should go off. Most people know and just continue the relationship based off of there emotions. But it doesn't make you any different than the person that has violated his relationship.
9 Aug 08
On the contrary, I met and fell in love with a guy that moved in with me. Then a few weeks later, he informed me he was married and was going back to his wife!! I had no clue. I was just blown away by it. So ideally one would think there should be signs, but not always. If the person is really wanting to hide it, they can. Just look at the news stories of men that were married to more than one woman at a time and neither knew of the other one. These guys had two separate homes and families and kept each one of them from knowing for years.
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@relundad (2311)
• United States
11 Aug 08
You are right it does happen, however that is definitely the exception to the rule and the minority by far.
@ZephyrSun (7385)
• United States
9 Aug 08
Both people involved in the affair are responsible for the affair, except of course when the other party has no idea when the person is married. There are some cases when the married person is very good at covering up the marriage and honestly until the internet it was much easier for cheaters to not get caught. I went out with a man a couple of times and after a few dates found out from one of his co-workers that he was married. Of course he didn't wear a ring and there was not a tan line but as soon as I found out I called him and told him that if he ever contacted me again I would call his wife and tell her.
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@relundad (2311)
• United States
11 Aug 08
Good for you! I know that early on it can sometimes be hard to tell. But I have heard of people that have been in affairs years before and claim they didn't know. I know that it happens but that is an exception to the rule. I mean you would probally start getting all of these restrictions for the relationship, like you can only call at certain times, he will only answer at certain times. You can never go to his house, no over nights. His world consists of just you and him, no family, no friends etc.
@ZephyrSun (7385)
• United States
16 Aug 08
Thanks for the best response.
@dawnald (84147)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Aug 08
She is not responsible for his actions. Only for her own. If she is doing something in the marriage that is bothering him and he goes and looks outside the marriage instead of trying to work it out with her, that is his choice.
1 person likes this
@relundad (2311)
• United States
21 Aug 08
I hear your view, however most times in cases of infidelity its not because of what the partner is doing or not doing for that matter, but simply a case of greed in my opinion.
1 person likes this
@shell1986 (405)
• United States
9 Aug 08
I have been in the other womans position before and trust me, I feel very guilty about it to this day. It happened 2 years ago and I still think about how that woman's feelings were completely shattered. I've also been in the position of having my significant other cheat on me. I don't consider myself a victim when I was the other woman, I took her feelings into consideration after the fact, not beforehand and that made me inconsiderate and a bad person in that particular instance.
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@relundad (2311)
• United States
11 Aug 08
It happens all the time. We make bad judgement calls and mistakes but that doesn't make us a bad person. I think we have recognize our mistake or issue and try to correct and forgive yourself.
@1grnthmb (2063)
• United States
10 Aug 08
I agree that both parties bear the responsability. Neither of them could say that they are inocent because it took both of them to have the affair. The only time I would consider the second person as to not being guilty is if she is deceived that there is no wife like Scott Peterson did with his girlfriend before he killed Lacey. Then she was inocent because she thought he was all ready devorced. But in any other curcumstance both of them are equally quilty.
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@focjop20 (233)
• Puerto Rico
10 Aug 08
¿Why getting married is for? So don't get married; or you will lose other girly little things. Just been together you can do the same things.¿Why Marry to go around like a ferries wheel?
@relundad (2311)
• United States
11 Aug 08
I have no idea what your comment means. But thanks for responding.
@focjop20 (233)
• Puerto Rico
11 Aug 08
What I mean was, why get married, and then go out with others ladies, to fool around. This easy, he should stay single.