No Dad Is Better Than a Bad Dad

@roshand8 (1481)
Sri Lanka
August 11, 2008 7:35am CST
Is it selfish for a woman to choose to have a baby without a father? I do believe children should have father figure,even it is their uncle or grand father.There is sometimes even the greatest single mother cannot fill without someone else there.When you have child it is not about ourselves any more,it is about them.Basically a child needs both, a mom and a dad.If you are forced to be a single parent,that is different. But,I also believe that no dad is better than a bad dad.We have seen experiences where there have been troubled marriages that the couple stays together for the sake of the children,which has actually served worst for the children and some fathers paid little to none attention to their children. Do you think being a single mother is selfish? Are you a responsible single parent or do you have a complete happy family?
4 people like this
19 responses
@jonesy123 (3950)
• United States
11 Aug 08
I agree, it's better to take a bad dad out of the picture, especially if abuse is involved. However, a child does indeed need both, a mother and father figure in his/her life. Still, another person can assume the role of the male role model a father would have had. This can be another male relative or friend of the family. It doesn't have to be the actual father. Being a single parent, even by choice, is not selfish, as long as it is ensured that a child will have sufficient access to role models of both genders;)
1 person likes this
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
11 Aug 08
That's right jonesy a child needs that balance,they need that father figure Thank you for sharing,good day and cheers...
@fwangaa (3058)
• China
11 Aug 08
yes,i agree with you. it is serious to have a bad dad,he will lead you to have a crime when you grower that you will become. but ,i wish the bad dad will became better when you grown bigger,and treat you as his son.and he will take good care of you .and he will have a conscious that he must have a responsibility to take good care of you. and you will be ok. i love china.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
11 Aug 08
Thank you very much for sharing fwangaa.I think you are a very good son Good day and cheers...
@sudalunts (5527)
• United States
11 Aug 08
I agree with you. Many people say a child should be raised by both parents, I agree with this. But if one of the parents is not fit to be a good role model for the child, it is best to raise the child alone. Nothing is more unhealthy than for a child to be raised in a dysfunctional home. I raised my son alone from the age of four. My brother who was 13 years younger than I spent a lot of time with my son. He therefore had a male role model in his life. Being a single parent is not selfish, if you are doing it in the best interest of the child.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
11 Aug 08
you are right sudalunts sometimes the father of the child is not a good role model or simply cannot be available for other reasons.I think having an unhealthy relationship with the child's father or yourself is not honoring anyone and is disrespectful to your child.Thank you for sharing.Good day and cheers..
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Definitely, no dad is far better than a bad dad. At least you have male relatives who can give an example to your child. But it would be tough going, especially when you get to the part where the child starts to ask why everyone else at school has a Daddy except him. Or when the two of you go out and he sees other families composed of a mommy, a daddy and a child. So maybe the best thing you can do is be really really wise in choosing the future daddy...
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
13 Aug 08
Yeah like you said every parent should be really really wise when choosing a daddy or mommy for their children Good day and cheers...
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
12 Aug 08
I agree with you. No dad is better than a bad dad, just as no mom is better than a bad mom. I don't think that it's bad to be a single parent - IF you are a single parent because of either of those situations, or you choose to be a single parent because there simply isn't another option with any type of stability and love for you to have kids. This is not to say that single parents do not have stable loving relationships in the future, nor to say that they would never remarry and the child would not end up with two parents. I do not feel that it's selfish to have and raise a child on your own if there's no other way you feel you are able to do it, and being a parent completes you, and you are doing it on your own. There's no law that says that a person or couple has to be wealthy or even well off to have a child, but they should demonstrate they can take care of themselves and a child without one or both of them suffering needlessly. I am married and have 3 kids, well only 2 at home now, but if not for my husband (who saved me from a probable life as single mom), I might have been a single mom. In my opinion it would not have been a selfish decision, and likely there would have eventually been a father figure. Just like I could not see my life ending without ever having been a mom, I don't think I would be alone for years either.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
13 Aug 08
Thank you for sharing mommyboo.. have nice day and cheers..
@maximax8 (27048)
12 Aug 08
Many women a career driven these days and at 25 years old they do not find the right life partner. Perhaps at aged 35 most of their friends have got married and had children but they are still single. Their biological clock is ticking and they decide to have a baby without a father figure around after the birth. I think that this is their choice and whilst it is not ideal if they are a good single mother their child can be happy. Lots of ladies have children with a husband, then the marriage fails so they get divorced. Divorce is difficult, upsetting and challenging for children to understand. They may suffer much emotionally in the two years after their parents split up. However a least once their dad has gone there may be peace again in the house instead of constant arguments. The mother does her best to become a single mother. Yes, I believe no dad is better than a bad dad. I don't think it is selfish to become a single mother. Ladies should not have have to suffer living with a violent partner, one that has extra marital affairs or a man that is unkind to his children.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
13 Aug 08
I agree with you maximax Thank you for sharing.Good day and cheers...
@Galena (9124)
12 Aug 08
I don't think single mothers are selfish. and I don't think a childhood is lacking for not having a father figure, or even a mother figure, providing that the parent the child does have gives them all the support and love they need. both parents are equally capable of this. I do definitely agree though, that one good parent is better for a child than one good and one bad parent.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
13 Aug 08
Thank you very much fir sharing Galena Good day and cheers...
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
I still dont have a family of my own. But I do came from a complete family. I think you are right. It is difficult having a single parent or a broken family. But I think if fightings and hurtings is all that is happeing it is better of being a single parent. But have a man of your family be part of your son or daughters life, like your own father or gradfather. Because having a father figure in your life really helps.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
13 Aug 08
that's right trishasantos Thank you for sharing.Good day and cheers..
• United States
12 Aug 08
i dont feel its selfish to raise a child without a father, if the father is nothing but trouble and a bad example. I grew up without a father, and in my case, it wasnt because he was a bad father, my mom just chose not to tell me who he was, nor put him on the birth certificate. I grew up just fine. I agree with no dad is better than a bad dad.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
13 Aug 08
Thank you for sharing faln angel Good day and cheers...
@salonga (28057)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
I have a complete family and I thank God for that. Well I believe what you said. Better to have no Dad in a family than have a bad Dad. A bad Dad will only give heartaches to her wife and children so what is the use if he does not serve the real purpose of being a father. A father should head the family. He therefore must be a man with sense of responsibility. He must love his children and show good examples to then so that his children will be grow up to be good persons and citizens as well. He must also be a loving and faithful husband to her wife so that his children will grow up to be happy and secure children. And he must also be a father who can provide for his family and not a slothful one who depends on his wife or other people on the family's need. So if a Dad is the opposite of all the given requirements what is the use of him being part of the family. Well indeed, it is so sad for a child to have no Dad in the home but if he could not see a good Dad in the house better for him to know no Dad at all for the rest of his life. And for us women, we better see to it that the man we are having relationship with is a dignified person who knows his responsibility. Let us not just look at the outside appearance. Not because a man is handsome, he will also be a good Dad. Let us be careful in choosing a Dad for our children.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
13 Aug 08
Thank you for sharing salonga Have nice day and cheers..
@irishidid (8523)
• United States
11 Aug 08
I agree. I often say if I had to do it over again I would have still had the kids without the man. My kids would have been better off.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
13 Aug 08
Thank you for sharing irishidid Good day and cheers..
• United States
11 Aug 08
It is better for a child to be raised without a father then to be raised by a bad father. It could scar the child emotionally if raised by a bad father. I heard stories where one person did ok without a father and another story where the other person still has a grudge against her father for what he did to her.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
12 Aug 08
That's true.Thank you for sharing spiderlizard Good day and cheers...
@3cardmonte (5099)
11 Aug 08
Its not selfish at all,it would be selfish if the mother were to stay with the father when there was a possibility that he could prove a negative influence on the child.The child needs to be protected and if this means having no father then thats the way it needs to be done,it would be the same if the mother was unfit
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
12 Aug 08
Than you for sharing 3cardmonte good day and cheers...
@samijo719 (1054)
• United States
11 Aug 08
I agree that it is good for children to have both parents. but I by no means think being a single mother is selfish. I think it is honrable for a woman to rasie a child on her if that is the situation she has been dealt. And yes there is obviously the father figure void that cannot be filled by the mother but I think if she loves the child and raises them with love and care then that is far from selfish. And I think a close uncle or grandpa is a good way to help with the father figure in a childs life.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
12 Aug 08
That's true.Thank you for sharing samijo Good day and cheers..
@tlb0822 (1414)
• United States
11 Aug 08
I think that a family is a mother, father, and child. I mean there are some people who don't have a choice. I personally have a complete family. My fiance and I are raising our daughter in a happy home. We have already discussed that if it happened we would ever slit up, we would both be in her life equally. I think all children need both parents. Although there are some parents who don't deserve to have children, because they don't take care of them. I give prompts to those who are single parents, because i know it can't be easy.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
12 Aug 08
Thank you for sharing tlb yes you are right a child needs that balance Good day and cheers...
@checapricorn (16072)
• United States
11 Aug 08
Hi roshand, [i]I am very lucky to have a complete,supportive and happy family...My husband and I are planning to have kids in the future and I know we will give him a complete and happy family too! I have an aunt who was a single parent and everyone in the family made the child feel to be happy, he is calling every guy in the family as "papa" means father! But, when my aunt got married, sad to say that the guy wasn't very good to him so he has to stay with grandma![/i]
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
12 Aug 08
I am very happy for you checapricorn and I wish all your dreams come true I feel very sorry about your aunt's child he must be missing both mum and dad Now I think this is very selfish to bring a child into this world and making him unhappy.It's not about only ourselves when we have kids,it's all about them.It annoys me when parents consider the family in their decision making.I hope this boy will be happy very very soon and I'm wishing him to have a great future!
@cjgrooms (4457)
• United States
11 Aug 08
I was raised in a family where the parents stayed in a rotten marriage for "the kids". One thing i found out was that i would never stay in a marriage for the kids because not only would i be miserable but so would they.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
12 Aug 08
We can never force a man to be a good father and a husband it is not in your control.It is only him,so sometime it is better to be a single responsible mother rather making life so miserable.Thank you for sharing cj Good day and cheers...
• Philippines
11 Aug 08
Good day... I believe that no dad is better than a bad dad. With the former the child can experience absence and loneliness and that all while the latter, the child could experience both with the addition of agony, pain and trauma which is way worse if you ask me. A mother is not selfish if she so chooses to be a single parent than letting her child feel what a bad dad could be.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
11 Aug 08
Thank you very much for sharing blackmantra and Good day to you cheers..
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
11 Aug 08
I would agree that in some cases no father is better than one who cannot be counted on or is negligent. Remember that it doesn't always have to be a biological parent to be a good role model. There are a lot of people who have stepchildren that they treat as if they were their own. Yes, a child does need both parents however if there is only a single parent available it still can make a big difference to the child if the parent is a good role model. I don't thing that being a single mother is selfish at all. As long as you teach your kids a good lesson in life and values. I feel that I am a responsible parent and I have a complete family and I know I try my best to bring my son up the right way.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
11 Aug 08
Thank you for sharing bamamkelly your are a wonderful mom! Enjoy your life with your family Good day and cheers..