Is this normal?

@taface412 (3177)
United States
August 11, 2008 8:42pm CST
Okay here's a thought. What do you guys think about a woman who is attractive, smart, caring, funny, and most of all real who has never been in a serious relationship? And yes I am talking about myself. I have always been more interested in learning things not focusing on my looks or how popular I was. Even though like everyone deep down when I was younger I wished for it, but I was not part of the "chosen" ones. So I just became a smart one. It was not until I was in college when I began finding out I was not as horrid on the outside as I thought-even though I was on the rather larger side then LOL- when people told me how much I looked like my mother....Okay when my mother was younger she was drop-dead gorgeous....stopped traffic kind. Well, I know I am not exaclty her replica but I began then to see our similarities in features. ANd especially moreso when I lost a lot of weight. But still I held back when men entered my life and I over analyzed everything (that is the fat girl thinker for you!) about the guy and by the time I realized he liked me he was gone, and found another girl. Well, that was almost a decade ago. The fat girl has pretty much been tamed and I have began to love myself and now know I am ready to find someone who is worthwhile. And I was very lucky during those tumultous years. Because the friends I had never took advantage of me, well emotionally yes, but physcially no. And I have a solid foundation. But sometimes I think how sad it is I at this point in my life have never heard a man say "I love you" or "how beautiful you are" and really mean it. But then again I think it's not happened yet because he has not found me yet. Or maybe it is the fat girl lurking in the corner of my subconscious reminding me of who I once was. But don't worry she is on a permanent diet. So how normal or abnormal am I? And any advice would be appreciated as I am overhauling my life as we speak, because it is after all too short to dwell on the past.
1 person likes this
8 responses
• United States
12 Aug 08
I agree with one of the other responses you received about what is normal today?? We are all here doing the best we can with the tools we have accumulated through life. You don't have to have someone else to make you happy. If youu first love yourself and can be comfortable with who you are then you are way ahead of the rest of us. And now that you are ready to have a relationship you will learn even more about yourself. Each person that comes into your life brings something to you and if you let yourself accept their gift you will have a very full life; whether it is pain or happiness. Each gift helps you to grow and become a better person everyday. Good luck with life! You sound like you have a lot going for you.
@taface412 (3177)
• United States
13 Aug 08
Thank you so much for your thoughts on this. And I do know I have to work on letting my guard down. It's a hard thing to do and looking back I realized I lost so much by doing this...but then I didn't realize it. Have a great day anniegirl
• United States
13 Aug 08
Whatever else you do, please don't spend anytime beating yourself up about shoulda, coulda. You exactly where you are supposed to be so enjoy life!
@taface412 (3177)
• United States
14 Aug 08
Yeah I aleady spent too much time doing that and never got me anywhere but down. I think that is why I am able to post these kind of discussions now. I am at a point of realization. And in fact it is helping me combat my writer's block.
• United States
12 Aug 08
You sound like my wife, she's georgeous and she had guys falling all around her but she never seemed to notice. I used to tell her that guys would always fawn over her but she never took any of them serious, she was doing her thing, school, cheerleading, church. She had bigger sites and maybe she didn't think any of the guys before could meet her challenges. When I first saw her I asked a guy who knew who she was what her name was, he said, "That's (:) !) she doesn't date anybody from this church, that's where I met her. Well, apparently she does date and will marry if courted, pursued and loved. To answer your question, if I didn't already, I would think that you just haven't found the person you need to make you feel all the things a woman wants to feel. Another question, where are you shopping for a man? The bookstore?, the market?, church? Or are you waiting for a ring of the phone for a guy who you want to call? Also, being single isn't the end of the world, the pressure to get married shouldn't be from your peers.
@taface412 (3177)
• United States
12 Aug 08
I have always said no matter what I would wait for the right one to come along. Right now I am shopping for a man to date LOL because I have not experienced that much in my life because I was always so busy forming myself as a person, now that I am satisified with trusting my judgements I want to go with the flow. Hard to explain I guess. And I know being single isn't so horrible. Many times I find myself thinking how lucky I am to not deal with what some women do deal with. Who knows, he's out there somewhere. How have you been? I lost my computer for a little while cause of some loser hacker.
• United States
13 Aug 08
I've been good, just writing stuff for the web, I like it, I get paid for a few sites so its not a total loss of time.
@wachit14 (3601)
• United States
12 Aug 08
I honestly don't think there is anything at all wrong with you. We all have our insecurities and, as a former fat girl myself, I completely understand where you are coming from. I also firmly believe that there's someone for everyone. So you haven't met him yet. Take the time to continue your road to self discovery and, in the process, you may very well find the man you were meant to be with. Believe me, when he says "I love you" and "you look beautiful", you will know that he really means it too.
@taface412 (3177)
• United States
13 Aug 08
There really is a mental connection with being overweight and a person's picture of themselves....and not like the "Oh I'm so fat" kind of thoughts. More like the I still wonder how I really look and you get used to thinking a certain way for a long time it's hard to break. So it is nice to know that others understand the process of losing weight besides the numbers. Thanks for responding wachit.
@Elixiress (3893)
12 Aug 08
There is no such thing as normal, so you are not normal, but you are not abnormal either. Many people choose their careers and stuff over serious relationships and families etc and there is nothing wrong with that, personally I am not too into the family thing, while I am into relationships and my education / career. You will find someone, you just have to let your guard down a bit and stop listening to the pessimists and feminists that think that everything a guy says is a lie. In my experience, they do actually tell the truth some of the time lol.
@taface412 (3177)
• United States
12 Aug 08
Yeah I hate feminists...they give us women a bad name. I do need to let my guard down a lot. So thanks for that heads up.
@subha12 (18463)
• India
12 Aug 08
don't be sad. i think the society is culprit my making the notion that aperson who is single or not into any relationship is sad and miserable. i do not know why, its everywhere. but in our country, many single women are finding their own society to hang on and its new way of life, just enjoy what you have achieved.
@taface412 (3177)
• United States
12 Aug 08
Oh I am not sad, just too analytical. So I am gonna chill abit on that...at least when it comes me and my life. Have a great day.
• United States
12 Aug 08
Well it happens to many of us excluding me. I never even have an opportunity like you did. To me it doesn't matter anymore. I see love as a risk. If you find the right one you will feel better than you did when you were alone. If you find a mate and that mate ends up hurting you then you will feel worse then you did when you were alone. I just live one day at a time. I don't know what exactly is normal but I do know what is common. You should only pursue or be in a relationship when you are ready and comfortable with yourself. The choice is ours.
@taface412 (3177)
• United States
12 Aug 08
these are the thoughts I have sometimes that disturb me most seeing love as a risk, feeling worse if it doesn't work out. But I have to remind myself of one thing. True love is not a risk. True love will not be left. Love in general, or by today's standards, is a risk because everyone uses it so loosely. But in my family there is proof to me that true love exists...hard to find. There has only been one divorce in my family, my grandparents. And they never remarried, in fact they always acted as if they were still married. And my parents have known each other since childhood and been together as a couple since their early 20's. so maybe I am doomed because I want something more real than the quick "let's move in together and rush into the future" kind of love that is out there. I beginning to realize that true love is a quest that costs a lot but is always priceless. Or maybe I am just fooling myself. LOL Time will tell. Hey you're younger than me....so hang in there. The 20's is a highly emotional time of anyone's life. I love being in my 30's and proud to admit it.
• United States
12 Aug 08
Some people have it set in their minds that things are just going to happen. Let me tell you from personal experience if you want something to happen you have to make it happen or at least believe it will happen. I am thinking no one has told you they loved you or that you are beautiful because you haven't let them. Just by your story I think I can tell that you really are beautiful even if not outside very much in. Need to go to different places, meet different people, and put yourself out there. I am sure there is a guy out there that feels the same exact way about himself. I think everyone deserves to be happy, but you have to be willing to work for it. At least when you find love or happiness you won't take it for granted like so many people do. I hope you find what you are looking for. I hope someone see you just the way you want to be seen.
@taface412 (3177)
• United States
12 Aug 08
I completely understand, and yes I am in total agreement. Because I have always said you are responsible for your own actions and outcomes-well, for the most part. And that is what I am doing now. And it is a little refreshing and relieving to think maybe the guys go through these things themselves....LOL Have a great day.
@yrayne (76)
12 Aug 08
..hey.. you're just normal.. your time is just isn't here yet.. just wait.. maybe, it would be better for you to have your vacations to different places.. communicate with different kinds of people.. and maybe you need to lessen being hyper active.. I mean, maybe people think, you're too smart that they can't reach you.. although, of course for you, you're not that type of person.. anyhow, just be shy a little bit.. Don't be so much exposed.. and be simple.. just continue to be good to people..
@taface412 (3177)
• United States
12 Aug 08
See you have a really valid point here yrayne. I have been told I can be intimidating (not in a scary way) and I know I am very opinionated. So I will definitely keep myself in check in this area. I do think too much at times. LOL Thanks for the insight.