Do you agree with the statement........

@dpk262006 (53850)
Delhi, India
August 12, 2008 12:41am CST
that - 'a man is controlled by women in his life' say by his mother, wife and daughter. It is the women who control a man since the time he takes birth in this world. Firstly, he is controlled by his mother and when he gets married, his wife controls him and then afterwards he is controlled by his daughter. What are your take on this statement and what are your personal experiences on this statement. Would like you to share those with me. Many thanks in advance.
17 people like this
59 responses
@Sreekala (18782)
• India
21 Jan 09
Hi Deepak, Unfortunately I can find this discussion now only and I felt it is interesting that is why I am replying. First let me ask some questions to you. Does it mean that you controlled by your mother and now controlling by wife. I don't think so. In one of your discussion I have read that you are the first one in the next generation, so there is no chance of any control on you (lol) secondly by reading your responses and the way of dealing with friends (both gender)I can't event think that you are controlled by your wife. (lol). From my personal experience I don't even dare to imagine that I can control my husband and there are no chances with sons also (I agree there are exceptions in sons case). You may interpret the same it as a failure of me (that I don't mind) but I don't think so and I believe that I can give my opinion or guidelines but no controlling because I know it is not possible practically.
4 people like this
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
21 Jan 09
I may clear one thing - The statement made in the discussion is not mine, I have not thought of it, I just read this statement, which was made by an Indian celebrity and thought about starting a discussion. Now to your questions, we were not exactly controlled by our mother (me and my brother) we just obeyed and her and respected her, when we were young. In today's changing world, where nuclear families have started existing rather than joint families, Man is not considered 'head' of the family. Both wife and husband consider themselves as heads of the family........LOL, therefore, me and my better half both '[b]control [/b' ]each other.........LOL! You see, in this statement, two different kind of views have come in, most of the members have not agreed with the statement, while there are some, who have agreed with the statement. You are so nice, so you win your husband through love and affection, not by controlling him..........LOL! Many thanks for sparing your invaluable time and responding to such a old discussion of mine.
3 people like this
@suruchi86 (1873)
• India
28 Jan 09
I'm so sorry for coming in so late. Yes, I agree with this statement. But I think, it is about 90% of the time, man is controlled by women but for 10% of time, when he is away from home and is either studying or working somewhere, where women are not around, he may be his own boss.
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
28 Jan 09
No need to say 'sorry', you are always welcome to respond to my discussions. It is my pleasure to receive your response. You sound interesting. You are in the minority here, as far as opinions on this post are concerned, majority feels that man is not controlled by women. However, I endorse your views. Many thanks for joining us.
2 people like this
@suruchi86 (1873)
• India
29 Jan 09
Thanks. I think, they should give deeper thoughts to it. Women always remain important part of the decision making in the life of a man.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
29 Jan 09
Yes, I agree with you that women play very important part in men' life and it is also said - there is woman behind every man's success. dpk I sent you a request for add, did you get it?
1 person likes this
@Jenaisle (3803)
• Philippines
29 Jan 09
Controlled may not be the appropriate word for it. When you love someone you don't control or be controlled. You usually do things because you want to. it is a joy for you to be "controlled" by them in such a way that you feell happy for this. No one should ever be controlled. Actions should be governed by the genuine love that a man have for his mother, wife and daughter. It is just a matter of perspective. Your reaction will depend a lot on your perception. But I know what you mean. When you love the women in your life, you won't be feeling controlled, you'll be doing it because you love them. All the best.
3 people like this
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
29 Jan 09
I fully agree with you that when we love someone, we do certain things out of respect and honour, it may not be termed as 'control'. Thanks for sharing you side or perception, I am glad to read it.
2 people like this
• India
21 Jan 09
I don't agree with the usage of the word "control".A mother takes care of her child because she loves her baby.She wishes to have a good future for him.So inorder to make him a good boy his mother,as usual may impose reasonable restrictions on him to avert him from bad ways.The term control in your discussion gives the impression of domination.The relation between a husband and wife should be that of mutual respect and love and not a domination or control of one over the other.Even if it is taken in the domination parlance there are an umpteen number of families wherein the wives live like slaves.As for the control by daughters in the Indian context daughters are given marriage and they live in their husband's house.I don't think they will get enough time to reign in their fathers.I have heard that "Behind every man's success there is a woman".
3 people like this
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
22 Jan 09
I find that you have some very balanced and positive views and am impressed to go through your response.Thanks for sharing.
3 people like this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
12 Feb 09
Deepak!You start very good discussions and I looked at a few of yours to respond. This attracted my attention. .Do you know, in our regional language[tamil]--there is a proverb[because women are supposed to be the docile(of course all ancient stories)helpless creatures always seeking the protection of their menfolk] that a woman is always under the control of a man -first by her father, then by her husband and finally by the son .Here you seem to be saying the opposite thing. This stand ,I guess, is that of the middle-aged modern man[my husband included] and I have also found that these men who talk a lot like this-meaning my husband and he himself agrees] can never be controlled.. I hate this word ‘control’ within the family.My experience is that if someone tries hard to control another person ,be it partner, child or parent, there is a big wrench in relationship.We believe in non-invasion of personal space and are fairly independent , and would never intrude or control.But, as I already pointed out to you,I belong to the old school and so I normally have no problems following my husband's wish.He neither controls me nor can I try.My husband and I would listen to whatever my son says.There is no question ofa daughter but I guess my husband would have willingly listened to a daughter if she were there because he gives predominance to his child's wish. Desire to control would definitely be recipe for disaster in a relationship. I also agree that if the space is given it would be taken by women, because women by nature are survivors and smart.[This is said by the males of my house and research has proven it and I am not saying this to promote my ilk or pat our own backs.]
2 people like this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
12 Feb 09
Incidentally,I want to share a joke with you.A man said, that he was allowed to take all important decisions while his wife took decisions regarding 'minor' issues.When asked to elaborate,he said that he could always have the final say in who was to be elected [whether it was Clinton or the opponent, what would be the credit policy finally be ' etc etc.., But his wife took decisions like the school to put the child in and the like. There is also another one which is slightly unrelated but nevertheles- a man was asked by his neighbour the reason for the habitual loud laughter and merriment in his house.The man replied that it was due to the following reason-'My wife would fling vessels at me.If they hit me she would laugh .If I missed the hit I would laugh'
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
13 Feb 09
Many thanks for the wonderful jokes and I could not stop laughing and laughing..........LOL! I may clear one thing - The statement made in the discussion is not mine, I have not thought of it, I just read this statement, which was made by an Indian celebrity and thought about starting a discussion. I agree with you that when someone 'tries' to 'control' the other partner or someone else in the family, it may not work in the long run. I buy your argument that everyone wants his/her privacy and space to 'work out' and invasion of privacy or space could create friction. As far as you are concerned, you appear to adopt a very practical approach, when you say that you follow your husband's wishes. Though, you have not mentioned, but I strongly feel that if you follow your husband's wishes, he also does the same to you, there may be difference of degree. I think, it is called 'mutual understanding'. Like it is said that if one of the partners is getting 'angry', the other one should listen to him/her.......at that moment, otherwise the situation might flare up. Many thanks for appreciating the post.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11503)
• India
13 Feb 09
I was aware that what you had written were not your views and you rightly said that it isa practical approach-when there are no intrusions the partner, naturally feels less inclined to control.This is what you called 'mutual understanding'.'Each to one's own' is the policy within the house itself.Sometimes even when we disagree, we finally have to say that we agree to disagree because we are different individuals;However, when i told you I broadly obey him because I belong to the old school , what i meant is I do not get aggressive over this equality business and because my husband is a very fair and practical person i feel inclined to agree over some issues even if i initially disagree.Some of my relatives used to make fun of me that I treat my husband's words as God's .I do not agree with this either , but the fact remains that women are more emotional than men [thinking wise]and so I too think from his point of view. I was happy you liked the jokes.Actually in the second one that man would once again say that he would laugh when he was successful in dodging the vessels and giggle 'hehehehe'.This added to the hilariousness of the whole joke and my son and I used to repeat this and have fun , when we recalled it.
1 person likes this
• India
27 Aug 08
I do agree with your statement. Well, a women add spice to a man's life. If there is no woman there is no men. Our existance makes a mans life better and interesting to live. Do I sound like a FCP (same as Male C...Pig)? Jokes Apart.. I would like to say that I don't think women are control freaks. We don't control mostly.. we influence.
2 people like this
@mayka123 (9549)
• India
12 Aug 08
In what way would you mean control? Emotionally or financially? I have been a daughter, wife and a mother and I dont think I was controlling anyone and would not like controlling either. And I do not like the idea of the men or women being controlled.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
I am of the view that 'control' word needs to be seen in its wider terms, it could be both either emotionally or financially or both. So you disagree with the statement, which I believe it due to your own experiences and perceptions in life. Many thanks for taking time to join us and sharing your wonderful views.
@mayka123 (9549)
• India
12 Aug 08
Not exactly my experiences. But even before marriage I had the same ideas of marriage and never wanted a mamma's boy or a hen pecked husband.
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
But how did you caught this thinking line/pattern that you do not want a Mama's Boy or henpecked husband, what led you to think so?
@mimpi1911 (25455)
• India
12 Aug 08
Deepak I do not really agree to this. Had it been that, a lot of relationships would have been saved. No, I am not talking about men being the only reason of separations but certainly MCPs are there fighting their stands..lol... And of course, I would like to clarify certain things. Like listening to stuffs over shopping, food..etc. do not necessarily tell that the man being controlled by the woman. We should not confuse LOVE with CONTROLLING as well. Love can do wonders, isn't it! And many times men are just being wise by handing themselves over to the ladies. In this way they save a lot of brawls, I tell you. In my view, only a selected few men are there who could be 'controlled' in the true sense by the women and most men are in charge of themselves. Thanks.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
So based on your own experiences in your life, you agree to 'disagree' with the statement.I also think that the acceptance of this statement or otherwise will largely depend upon one's own perceptions and experiences and there may not appear a uniform stand in support of this statement. (Till now, no one appears to be in full agreement with this statement) I am also of the view that 'control' word needs to be seen in its wider terms. It does not mean 'complete control', if a son is dependent on his mother, he would be considered to be controlled by his mother. Is not it? Even if you say that man are wise', just to save any given situation, they hand them over to the women, but if they hand them over to a woman, a woman do think that she is in 'control' of that person. Many thanks for taking time to join us and sharing your wonderful views.
@mimpi1911 (25455)
• India
12 Aug 08
I do not think that is right way to put it. You could be stating one particular case. But generally, that is not the case. I do not think women take it as 'controlling' their husbands.When they do that's not love at all!
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
You are right. It will depend upon person to person.
@apsara60 (6613)
• Israel
12 Aug 08
Hi deepak.......The word control does not sound very right to me here. There are different kind of men in this world. If your statement about controlling was right then we would not say "this is men's world." Men are more strong and more dominating, and who will know this better than we Indians. If man allows his mother, wife or daughter to handle him, it is just because he cares for them and don't want to hurt their feelings. Also same with wife as he loves his wife and also since she gives her children and fulfills his life with happiness and gives meaning to his lonely life, he appreciates her and allows her to control her. But the fact is that Man if really wants,....can make is place right at the top and can control all females and this is happening in many families even today. Man is the head of the family and all have to follow his rules, whether they like it or not. Deepak you remember, you had started a discussion few months ago abut your friend whose father wanted her to get married to bold man.....who she did not like and had no choice but to agree.......so now you understand what exactly I mean. All men are not same. Lucky are those women who have decent men around whom they can control and really unfortunate are those women who are suffering hell in hands of men.......Have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
Quite a wonderful response. I buy your agrument that if a man allows his mother, wife or daughter to handle him, it means he cares for them. But when he hands over him to his mother or wife, does an element of hidden/unseen 'control' becomes effective. However, in today's chaning world, where nuclear families have started existing rather than joint families, Man is not considered 'head' of the family. Both wife and husband consider themselves as heads of the family........LOL! I do remember my that discussion, ultimately the girl had to agree to her father's command, but the irony of the case was that boy's side backed up at the last moment for unknown reasons. I may clear one thing - The statement made in the discussion is not mine, I have not thought of it, I just read this statement, which was made by an Indian celebrity and thought about starting a discussion.Many thanks for sparing your invaluable time and joining us for now turning out to be a fiery discussion.
@cupid74 (11397)
• Pakistan
12 Aug 08
Very well said and i agree to it
1 person likes this
@apsara60 (6613)
• Israel
21 Jan 09
Thanks deepak for BR......and thanks cupid for agreeing.
• United States
12 Aug 08
i agree to a certain degree.. i would like to think that the word "control" is way too serious for this subject just because that seems to emasculate part of him but at the same time i do believe that behind every great man is a great woman and there are quite a few momma's boys so i think for some its true.. i have never heard of this saying though so i find it quite interesting.. and as far as daughter i find it rarer now a days to find a "daddy little girl" since it seems that some fathers dont pay attention to their daughters anymore
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
You have wisely brought out your views. If one is Mama's boy, he is more or less controlled by his mother. I do agree with you that behind a very great man, there is always a great woman (that great woman guides him and controls him). Some of the daughters do get success in fulfilling their desires and wishes through their respective fathers (so in a way again the father (a man) is controlled by a woman. Many thanks for joining and sharing your wonderful views.
1 person likes this
@roanne05 (1292)
• Oman
12 Aug 08
i also think so that a man is a little bit control by woman in a away...they do things for their woman right???if she doesn't like it..it is most probably that he will abide to the woman in the end. i also disagree with you about daddy's girl...i admit, i am a bit daddy's girl..even when we are little..i would go to my dad to ask something than to may mom...at first he will not agree but when he see me cry..then he will be saying yes..i am bit drama queen even at may age for i am now 30. single and happy...still getting my ways with my dad...hehehe!
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
Roanne - Thanks for sharing your views, as well.
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Hi dpk262006! Oh this is kinda complicated my friend. haha..I grew up in a family where my mother does not have a controlling nature. She has always respected our own individuality and have always been encouraging us to go out of our shells. She have disagreed with my father from time to time yet the disagreement is done with respect and always been discussed in gentle words. because of my mother, my father will always see the two sides of the coin. And when he still is firm with what he wants to do, my mother will respect his decision but my father will always respect that my mother does not conform to it. My mother wouldn't control my father and my father would not control her just the same. I think they respect each others' minds and hearts that they always see each others' point of view although they do not conform to the others' own ideas. I guess, because of that I don't control my husband. My husband on the other hand grew with a mother that has a very controlling nature. He is a very controlling man himself. He tried so hard not to control me as he can see that I am not to be controlled nor will I control him. Through the years, we have struggled to retain our own individuality and we both learned to compromise, to meet halfway and later on, we learn to accept each others' individuality. I wouldn't want my husband's spirit to die inside and I want it to soar free and high and I wish the same thing be accorded to me by my husband. I want us to live fully and not just exist for each others' demands and wants. Just my two cents dear friend. Take care always..God Bless!
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
13 Aug 08
Your reply sounds quite logical and it appears to be based on your personal experiences. I agree with you that it is just love, respect and other such aspect, which keeps a relation going. Many thanks for joining us in the discussion and sharing your views. I could not get it - when you said - 'Just my two cents dear friend'........what do you mean by it.......... Deepak P.S. - I am really wondering that no body (no respondent) is in agreement with the statement........LOL!
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
13 Aug 08
Hi deepak! haha..I think that somehow I have agreed that there are other people who can be so controlling and that they do try to control their husbands or their sons one way or the other but if they know what is good for the relationship, they should somehow change their ways. haha.. With regards to the "My two cents"..here is the meaning from Wikipedia: "My two cents" and its longer version "put my two cents in" is an American idiomatic expression, taken from the original British idiom expression: to put in "my two pennies worth" or "my tuppence worth". It used to preface the stating of one’s opinion. By deprecating the opinion to follow — suggesting its value is only two cents, a very small amount — the user of the phrase hopes to lessen the impact of a possibly contentious statement, showing politeness and humility. lovelots..faith210
@naseeha (1385)
• India
12 Aug 08
Hey i have heard of this statement the other way round.. A girls life is first controlled by her father, then her husband and then her sons.... I dont know which one of these is true... I think it depends on the individual...and his family... I feel nobody should control anybody.. Each should have his own wish and will to live..
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
I apprefiate your other point of view and I agree with you that no one should control the other fellow. Many thanks for joining us and sharing your views.
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
Pl. read 'appreciate' in the first line.
@pehpot (4762)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
On the other side (say I am a radical feminist) I would be angered by the statement. It seems to me that the statement is saying that the role of the woman is to take care of men. Ok so you used the word control but take a look closely and you'll know what I mean. Ok now back to my old self. No it's not true. And I don't believe it. How about the father who took care of the mother that took care the son? or how about the man who have a share of his sperm cell to conceive the child? or how about the brother who took care of her sibling sisters? I am saying this because I maybe a full time mother for my kids but my husband is the one providing us food, money and security.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
I quite agree with your radical views and apparently your views are based on your own experiences in your life. I buy your argument that sometimes it is the other way round that father or a brother takes care of his entire family. Many thanks for joining and sharing your views.
@pehpot (4762)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
what i was trying to tell is it is a give and take relationship.
@SViswan (12095)
• India
12 Aug 08
hmmm...I'm not sure if that is true or maybe most of the men I've been associated with (father, uncles,friend, husband) are the minority who do not fall in that category. In fact, I find that most men (especially Indian ones)are taught early on that they cannot be controlled by anyone and they need to have a mind of their own. My father's actions are definitely not controlled by my mother, his mother or me. And the same is applicable to the ladies of the family too. We discuss opinions and take a decision based on practicality. I don't think anyone can be controlled by anyone else...and if that's the case, it's not right.
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25455)
• India
12 Aug 08
Exactly my thoughts...
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@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
So based on your own experiences in your life, the said statement does not appear true to you. I also think that the acceptance of this statement or otherwise will largely depend upon one's own perceptions and experiences and there may not appear a uniform stand in support of this statement. I am also of the view that 'control' does not mean 'complete control', if a man is made to do half of the things through any of the women mentioned the discusion, I think, it will be considered as 'control'. Many thanks for joining and sharing your views. How are you? How is life? Have a great day! Deepak
@lynboobsy11 (11347)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Hmmmm Hi friend.... For me in your statement I think I'm favorable in mother but in wife and daughter it depends. If the man wants to be control by his wife it depends on him as long as he knows what he's doing and if it is the right for him to do, why he must be controlled by his wife.... and also for his daughter. I think no man is to control by a woman if the man is not allowing his woman to be controlled by her.
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
So yuo partially agree with the statement (BTW, it is not my own statement...)Yes, till a man wants to be controlled, no woman is going to control him, I completely buy your this arguement. Many thanks for joining and sharing your views.
@alokn99 (5718)
• India
12 Aug 08
Dpk, I'm not sure I fully agree with this. Yes, there are certain times in our lives it may be true, but more than often not. The mother and son is a unique relationship. Yes, there will be a control factor here till the mother is convinced that we are able to stand on our own. After that it's our own shall I say low self esteem and lack of self confidence which determines this. When it comes to our relationships the real measure of us has nothing to do with control, but is love respect and compassion, which may be misinterpretted as control. It's only our insecurities which can lead to the issue of control. Atleast this is what I've learnt from my personal experiences.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
So based on your own experiences in your life, the said statement does not appear entirely 'true' to you. I also think that the acceptance of this statement or otherwise will largely depend upon one's own perceptions and experiences and there may not appear a uniform stand in support of this statement. (Till now, no one appears to be in full agreement with this statement) I am also of the view that 'control' word needs to be seen in its wider terms. It does not mean 'complete control', if a son is dependent on his mother, he would be controlled by his mother. To some extent you can say that lack of self esteem or self confidence or insecurities lead us to be controlled by someone. Many thanks for joining and sharing your wonderful views.
• India
12 Aug 08
I can agree with you to some extent, but it is not the case all the time. Like can we controll our teenage sons? a more mature husband? . In my case I feared my father a lot, later on met with a very dominating husband( eventhough my husband says that I am more dominating!! it all depends on who is the decisive factor in family). I don't see in future my kids would ever listen to me , so there is no question of contolling them, can give them free advice if they are willing to listen to me!!! I think what a mother does is purely out of love ,but as wives we tend to get over protective of our husbands. if we are submissive in nature we tend to be a good listener and let ourselves controlled by wives, else you will be in a controlling position. same with kids , love blinds us and we dance to their tunes.
@dpk262006 (53850)
• Delhi, India
12 Aug 08
So based on your own experiences in your life, the said statement does not appear entirely 'true' to you. I also think that the acceptance of this statement or otherwise will largely depend upon one's own perceptions and experiences and there may not appear a uniform stand in support of this statement. I am also of the view that 'control' word needs to be seen in its wider terms. It does not mean 'complete control', if a man is made to do half of the things through any of the women mentioned the discusion, I think, it will be considered as 'control', it may not appear to you that your teenage sons are under your control, but can they run their life without you (or say mother). To my mind, they remain dependent upon their mothers for some of their issues. And if one is dependent, he can be controlled to an extent. Do you feel that your husband is not dependent on you upto some extent? Many thanks for joining and sharing your wonderful views.
@getnbuy (1315)
• United States
13 Aug 08
I only agree with the part about mothers controlling their children (girls included). A man who is controlled by his wife is letting her do so. There are a few men who would rather take the easy road and not take responsibility and act like a man. These men can be taken over by their spouse. Some men would rather let their wives take over everything than to take responsibility for the family.So, if they are controlled it is their own fault. No one can be controlled if he doesn't want to be. As for daughters, I have never seen a daughter control her father.
1 person likes this
@misshoney (973)
• Philippines
13 Aug 08
Hello dkp. Wow you have a started a very controversial and I can say an intelligent discussion. Well your thoughts remind me of one of my favorite books. You can check it out if you want so you can gain insight about the matter. The novel is written by John Irving and the title is, The World According to Garp. It is about a guy named T.S. Garp whose whole life is controlled by the women in his life. It is really an extraordinary book and is quite feminist I think. The surprising thing is that it was written by a male so I guess your theory is quite correct. Women rules! But don’t get me wrong... I still prefer gender equality.
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@reckon21 (3487)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Really, I don't think controlled is the appropriate words to describe it. It is better to call it influenced by the women in their lives. It rings a truth in it.