Live life together attitude before marriage

@brisk123 (2826)
India
August 12, 2008 9:14am CST
What is your opinion about staying together by couples before they even can married?Do you think it is acceptable by society?Is it alright,anyways,they are going to be married soon?Comment.
1 person likes this
12 responses
• United States
12 Aug 08
Hi, brisk123 ~ I think that the idea of couples living together before marriage is a bad idea. When couples use cohabitation as a pre-marriage trial run, they miss the point of what marriage is all about. Living together says, "I will try you out and see if a relationship with you will work." Marriage says, "I make a commitment to you for making a relationship work." Living together focuses on the individual ("I will see what is best for me"). Marriage focuses on the two in union ("I will work for what is best for both of us"). Do all marriages "work out"? No. People enter marriage thinking more about themself than about the other person. Divorce is a sad reality for many. Living together does not prevent divorces, though. I have read of studies that indicate that living together prior to marriage actually increases the likelihood of divorce. What is best for marriage is for both people to enter the marriage - not with an attitude of "I want to get what is best for me" but with both people having the attitude that "I give myself totally for you; I work the best that I can for you. I am committed to making this work - for better, for worse, etc." Cheers!
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
12 Aug 08
Hi my friend,I am so happy to see your response.I find it interesting and thoughtful.It is food for thought for everyone that which one of the option you will choose for yourself,is it live together before marriage or live together after marriage.But,whatever you choose,be happy and make things work for you everybody.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Aug 08
Hello, brisk123, and thank you for your kind reply. I think everyone tries to make the best choices. I always encourage people to think about the choices that they make, so that hopefully their choices can be the best and work out well for them. Cheers!
@SusanLee (1920)
• United States
15 Aug 08
Hello highlyclever, Just wanted to let you know that you said that beautifully.
1 person likes this
@abhaijith (2838)
• India
13 Aug 08
Here in my area,The society not allows this. Thanks
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
13 Aug 08
Society will not approve such relationships, I am well aware of that, but what about those people whom society doesn't even know?Anyways,thank you for sharing your thoughts.
@balasri (26577)
• India
13 Aug 08
It is a very personal choice I think.The society has nothing to do with it as long as the people are not disturbing the society.And the society can never find out whether the people are living together or staying together ans it is not it's business too.I think that the goodness and faithfulness only cont at last.
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
13 Aug 08
I agree with you completely.Whether to live together or not it should be only couples choice.My only concern is whether they can be faithful to each other since they are not yet married.Few are lucky ones to have later got married and there are few unlucky ones or should I say unfortunate ones who had to break up their relationship and move on in life.This can be painful to some.
@intimate36 (1416)
• Pakistan
13 Aug 08
It depends , on where do they live...society's acceptance depends on that..In western culture , they won't have any problem...If they are in sub continent , a lot of difference..
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
13 Aug 08
This is true,it depends on lot of factors,the most common aspects you have already mentioned.
@izathewzia (5142)
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
I am a catholic. And the church teaches us the sacrament of matrimony. Meaning marriage first before living in. But there are couples who reverse the supposed system. And I respect them. But what the church teaches us, it is the right one for me.
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
12 Aug 08
Well religion has its own saying,I don't disagree with it nor I disrespect couples who are staying together before marriage.It is their decision,how they want to live their life?But,sometimes,this causes lot of painful heartaches for some when they decide to leave each other and marry someone else.
@sk66rc (4264)
• United States
12 Aug 08
I live with my girl friend... I have a daughter from previous relationship but for all that matters, my girl friend is her mother... We already think of ourselves as married... We've been living together for little over 4 years now... I don't see any problem with it as long as the party involved know where their relationship is going...
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
12 Aug 08
hey you are so lucky that you found someone as good and understanding as her.She too is lucky to find someone as you, who is dedicated and committed towards relationship.
• United States
12 Aug 08
In my society, it is the best thing you can do before marriage. It helps you learn about who the person is when you live with them, and perhaps it can help you decide if you made a bad decision. You really don't know someone until you have to live with them haha. I am sure that I will most likely live with my future husband for a year or a few months before I marry him, I just see that as the smartest thing you can do to prepare yourself for that final commitment.
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
12 Aug 08
Sounds good to hear but don't you think it will create a problem later? what if you don't get married to him and marries somebody else.Wouldn't it create a problem for you then?Well,if I am staying together assuming that he will be my future husband and then I realize he is not,it will be difficult for me even to quit the relationship too and what if the guy later with whom I will fall in love does not approve of my previous relationship?I will be shattered.
@SusanLee (1920)
• United States
12 Aug 08
It seems everything is acceptable in society these days with the exception of molesting children...and they're working on that. I think that by living together they're losing some of the fun and newness of married life. If a couple is going to get married anyway, what's wrong with waiting until after the ceremony?
• Philippines
12 Aug 08
Hi there brisk123! It really depends in the society you are in. I personally think that living in before getting married is one practical way of knowing whether the marriage will work out or not. Here in the Philippines, it is generally frowned upon. But I see more and more people doing it anyway.
@chenmeiyi (973)
• China
12 Aug 08
Hi,brisk.nowadays people not only live together before marriage,they even do the 1+1=3 before getting married.it seems people are prone to be more open than before. is it a good situation? i don't know.as for me,i should we girls should learn to protect ourselves and control our emotion so that those regretting things will not happen.if we complete our study career and step into the work career,we can live with the one we love if we consider it is worthwhile to sacrifice something.if it is not a true love,we should not do emotional sloppy decisions.it is acceptable by young people ,but maybe still hard to understand by the elder people,like our grandparents.i think we should make serious and determined efforts to take care of this problem because somethings we cant afford to make a mistake,it has something to do with our lifetime.maybe you will think my thought is very traditional.yes,i am a relatively traditional and serious people about emotion. take care.
@trexhero (103)
12 Aug 08
Many cultures dictate that you get married before having had all that much life experience together whatsoever so I guess its not really all that strange that in Western Cultures it is often seen as perfectly fine to rush through all the early parts of the relationship, move in fast, marry fast then realise oh maybe that was a bit soon. The way I see it is that if your going to marry this person, as in be with them for the rest of your life, then surely waiting a few years isn't going to bother you. Giving you time to save up to make a better day/honeymoon of it, make preperations, keep the family happy that you are making the right decision, ensure to yourselves that your making the right decision and to make sure all loose ends are tied up and that your fully ready for the commitment. I have been with my girl a few years now and on breaks this year we have been doing a sort of mock up living together, its been working well but we both understand its on the basis that marriage happens after living with each other for real working real full time jobs or hopefully in my case running my own business.
@sudalunts (5527)
• United States
12 Aug 08
There is nothing wrong with couples living together without being married. It is also accepted by society. Sometimes couples do not plan to get married when they live together, if they do, that is fine, if not that is also okay. I lived with my husband two and a half years before we got married. I also lived with someone before my husband and we broke up and did not get married. Do whatever makes you comfortable.