Dating: To Meet The Parents or Not

my daughter - my daughter who is now dating
@wachit14 (3600)
United States
August 12, 2008 2:14pm CST
My sixteen year old daughter just began dating a boy she met in camp. He came over our house this weekend. He was very nice, well-mannered, well-spoken and respectful. Today, he asked her over his house. I wouldn't have let her go, except both his parents were home. His dad is now retired and his mom works from home. When I dropped her off, he came out to meet us and spoke with me for a few minutes. I just re-confirmed with him that both his parents were home and I called my daughter a little after I dropped her off just to make sure that he was being truthful, which he was. I'm wondering if I shouldn't have offered to meet them when I dropped her off, but I didn't want to risk mortifying her. What would you have done in my situation?
4 people like this
17 responses
@cbreeze (1207)
• United States
12 Aug 08
I think you handled it fine being that the father came out and you were able to speak with him. But I would much rather err in favor of my daughters safety than worry about embarassing her. Her safety is my first concern. If she becomes embarassed, she will get over it. She may even thank you for it when she grows up. My daughters have. They have actually come to me and thanked me for being over protective at times, now that they are adults and some of their friends and/or people they have met have told them horror stories of things that happened to them while they were growing up.
5 people like this
• Canada
12 Aug 08
As a former 16 year old myself, I opted not to start dating till I was in my 20s, and out of the house! :) Worked great for me. I met the love of my life, and married at 25. I don't think you would have been out of line to request to meet the guy's parents. Just a hi, introduction, handshake, and be gone. Nothing out of line about that AT ALL!!!!
3 people like this
@skenthal (1022)
• Turkey
12 Aug 08
i am 20 year old boy and i must say that if she is inviting him to meet with her parents she must be really serious about being with her actually i always think that its not too important to meet with parents so i never invited my girlfriend to meet with my parents however some people think like that and all i can say is you have to be really careful and cautious if she invited him to meet with you she really have to be in love with him you better talk and solve this issue before it gets more larger
2 people like this
• Lubbock, Texas
12 Aug 08
For a twenty year old, yes meeting the parents can be seen as a step to a very serious relationship, but for teenagers I don't agree. I think the parents need to know who their kids are hanging out with whether they're boys or girls.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
13 Aug 08
For me, you are doing the right thing as parent should. I can tell through your tone that you like the guy for your daughter. He is sincere in his intention but they are still young to be serious in a relationship. But that is a good indication that he is a good guy and he respected you. Just be supportive and give piece of advice ti both of them all the time.
• Lubbock, Texas
12 Aug 08
A sixteen year old in this day and age may be mortified that her parent(s) would insist on meeting her boyfriend before she's allowed to go out with him, and that his parents must be home if she visits him, but I think the old fashioned rules need to apply even more in this day and age than they did in mine. You can't be too careful about your teens' safety. Besides you might meet a new friend that way too.
@jammyt (2824)
• Philippines
13 Aug 08
You did just the right thing. And it's good that the boy talks to you. Just goes to sow his intentions are god and that he is trying to get your trust. Also, make sure your daughter knows that you are just after her welfare. Maybe it should have been great if you met his parents too. The time will come, I guess. In the meantime, if they go to each other's house, I think that's great. At least they are not out somewhere doing God knows what.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
13 Aug 08
hahaha, just let it be. think of yr childhood and you wil understand.
1 person likes this
@austere (2816)
• Philippines
13 Aug 08
well, you need to know that young guy better..you should know his background and how he was brought up. i mean, trusting people is getting harder everytime. for me, it should have been better and i would be more at peace to see one of the guy's parent..but if you say that your daughter said that the guy's parents are home when you asked her then, that's good..at least we know that he is truthful and we know that the guy's parents are there to look after your daughter and their son. it's just hard to trust people these days..
• Canada
13 Aug 08
i think its needed now adays to meet the parents or at least have a phone conversation with at least one of the parents. maybe not the first date or two. but if its gonna be something will get more serious it might be a good idea. or if they are going to be spending lots of time at each others it might be a good idea.
@tlb0822 (1412)
• United States
13 Aug 08
I think that you did everything fine. Its good that you have established some type of relationship with his parents. Its better to have that peace of mind, that you know that your daughter is in good hands. I think when my daughter is old enough I will do the same.
@SHAMRACK (8446)
• India
13 Aug 08
Dear friends. I hope it would be better to date at much mature time and when they both get mature enough. Other than that they tend to experiment lots and take risk which they may later lack to face the consequences or take up the responsibilities. Hence I feel it might be well to give a better advice to both so as they both could be friends until they become mature enough to take better decisions. I may at present advice and try to give a relationship that is much of friendly type and letting a girl alone with another boy that too to his house even if parents are there may or may not tend later to go alone. Hence I may avoid that too.
13 Aug 08
You did the right thing- you made sure she was safe without making her feel embarrassed. If she goes round again perhaps you could meet the parents? I woul discuss it with your daughter and do what is comfortable for the both of you.
• United States
13 Aug 08
I think you did the right thing. I would plan on meeting his parents at some point. When I was younger and dating my parents would meet the family of the people I dated. Its good to know the standards at the house where your kids are especialy when they are dating.
• India
13 Aug 08
Since you were not invited, there was no question of you meeting them up while dropping your daughter. You would have intruded on both their and your daughter’s privacy. Next time round, she may no longer be so frank with you, if she feel threatened or stifled or mortified by your presence. And this incident makes me feel so nice for you, to have a daughter who trusts you so much and also the fact that she has met a boy who wanted to introduce her to his parents. Most children these days do with everything and the parents are the last to know… Nurture the bond you share with your daughter.
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
13 Aug 08
I can understand why you didn't meet them right then...She probably would have been mortified....I think you handled it just right...Maybe next time you can meet them...
• United States
13 Aug 08
I wouldn't worry too much now about meeting his parents. After all your daughter is only sixteen. I think in time it will come. For now he is being respectful towards you and that is all that matters. If it makes you feel more comfortable ask for his parents number in case of emergencies. This way you can check on her without mortifying her. She will never know and you will get to know his parents which will make you more comfortable. Now that I am older I appreciate that my mother did these things. At the time I was upset, but now I thank her for being so attentive.
@magojordan (3254)
• Philippines
13 Aug 08
It was nice that the guy actually went to your house to meet both of you. Most guys wouldn't bother to do this because they think that it should only be done if things get serious between them. My impression of what the guy did was he is serious with your daughter. What you did was correct especially nowadays that the youth easily give in to things like that. Just make sure that you don't check out every hour on them because your daughter might think that you're not trusting her. If you're really worried talk to both of them about this problem.