If you had an affair, would you tell?

@leedug (920)
United States
November 4, 2006 11:18pm CST
I have personally never cheated or had an affair on my husband. However, a good friend of mine (going on 12 years of friendship), has recently cheated on her husband. How many of you have ( guys and girls) have been in that situation. If so what did you do? If not, what would you tell a friend to do? Fess up and get it out in the open (risking the marriage), or keep it buried and hidden?
3 people like this
13 responses
@mirage108 (3403)
• United States
5 Nov 06
I have never had an affair, nor would I want to. I would not want to bring something home to my lovely wife. If I did and it was not intended, I would confess all and details as to what had brought it on. I think Honesty is the best policy no matter what the outcome
1 person likes this
@leedug (920)
• United States
5 Nov 06
That's great! I wish all men had that attitude. You have a lucky wife.
1 person likes this
@msqtech (15226)
• United States
6 Dec 06
I commend you for your honesty but what if you would only hurt her if you told?
• Singapore
5 Nov 06
i hate affairs and I dont like it at all, though i'm still single, I would never dream to betray my bf that way. However, if I'm stuck in that situation, i would probably kept it buried and hidden.
1 person likes this
@leedug (920)
• United States
5 Nov 06
I think I am with you on this one, as long as it is over and won't happen again, no need to hurt the other one. However, I say that now, but may react different in the situation. Ugh, cheating is horrible.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Nov 06
I've been in your situation before... I had a friend that Cheated on her Husband of 14 years... And I ended up losing that Friendship because I didn't agree with it. I ended up telling her husband that he needed to pay closer attention to things... And once that took place, he found out exactly what was going on... I mean it was NONE of my business to tell him EXACTLY what was taking place, I just told him to pay closer attention.... I have never cheated or had an affair, but I just don't see how a person that has, can keep it a secret... You would think it would EAT AND EAT at them... How do you keep a secret like that?????
1 person likes this
@leedug (920)
• United States
5 Nov 06
Oh wow! I don't know if I would have the courage to tell the hubby myself. I mean I could, but I would want to leave that up to her. I bet the hubby already kind of knew if you told him to just pay closer attention. I've never cheated, but at the same time I wonder if my friend would be better off NOT telling so that he won't be hurt, since she is done with the other person. I think the guilt would get to me too.
1 person likes this
@sweetie88 (4559)
• Pakistan
5 Nov 06
I'll try my best for hiding it bcuz friends hoot.
@michele609 (1687)
• United States
11 Dec 06
IN THE FIRST PLACE I WOULD NOT WANNA TELL BECAUSE I WOULD BE TO SCARED OF WHAT MY HUSBAND MIGHT DO AND IF I DONT TELL IT WILL EAT ME IP INSIDE, THATS WHY I WOULD NEVER CHEAT! AND ALSO BECAUSE I LOVE HIM VERY MUCH!
@leedug (920)
• United States
12 Dec 06
Good response! That's what marriage is all about. Respecting the other one and loving the other enough not to hurt them.
@metong (655)
• Philippines
7 Dec 06
maybe i will tell to my friend but not to my spouse if ever.
@leedug (920)
• United States
7 Dec 06
The more I think about it the more I agree.
@akotalagato (1335)
• Philippines
12 Dec 06
i havent had an affair. but it is very common nowadays. i know lots of people who have affairs and most of them keep it secret. but more often than not, the secret always comes out and the couples have a humungous fight. some of them get back together but some just part ways permanently. its very hard. i wouldnt want to get involved in that mess. i might break up my family and im hoping that my husband will share the same sentiment.
• India
12 Dec 06
First aof all i dont think i can give u agood answer for ur discussion but in my case .. i am only 21 years old and i aint married .. i had had affairs with three four girls but i found them o cheating nature and i cheated dem first bfor they doin it .. lol... and now i ahve one affair and i really luv her alot .. and have told each and everything that happened and which are happening in my life and i luv doin that .. i been a a bit bad guy and been into some really bad gangs and all .. even now i stopped it .. i prefered to tell those kind of things to my luv .. i think pple shud be open to their partners.. i am sure be honest wont hurt us too much !
@srhelmer (6930)
• Beaver Dam, Wisconsin
11 Dec 06
I would never have an affair on my wife, so it's really a mute point. But, if I did, I think she would find out one way or another.
• United States
11 Dec 06
I'm not married, but I know a guy who was the "other guy" who fell in love with a married woman whose husband was treating her badly and was having all sorts of affairs (online and off). She never fessed up to the tryst she had, but she was keenly aware of his dalliances, and this must have been a factor in the downward spiral her marriage later took. As for my friend, he didn't exactly recover from his own participation in the affair. He really thought she loved him, but now he is not so sure if this was so, and he has lost a lot of his self-esteem and self-respect. Whether one should fess up or not depends on the situation. If it was a mistake brought on by, say, a night of drinking and whatnot, you can probably keep it to yourself, provided it meant nothing. If you think your spouse will forgive you in the long run, by all means, get it out in the opem...but if he/she is a jealous and insecure mate...don't.
• United States
7 Dec 06
It really depends on the people. Are they open minded? Would anything good come of confessing up? Was it a one night stand, and never happen again? Are they in love with their mates? Too many questions to beable to give a cut and dry answer. Sorry.
• United States
7 Dec 06
One should never have an affair unless you don't care about how it can hurt the person who you are cheating on. If a person feels the need to be with another person they should end the relationship they are currently in. How fair is it to the person that they are with? I have a friend who told me all the lurid details of every affair she had while she was married to her husband. It was so hard to sit in their home and visit with them both knowing all she told me about her lovers. Her husband passed away a few years ago and she tells me how much she misses him. She is completely alone now, except for the occasional user loser that comes in and leaves quickly, once they have used her like a piece of meat.
@msqtech (15226)
• United States
6 Dec 06
not if it would only hurt // but I would not have an affair // I think it is valuable to have a trusting relationship. No matter what you should break it off with the one you are with before getting involved again.