I just can not!

@raydene (9875)
United States
August 15, 2008 1:25pm CST
I have thought I might want to start dating because I've had a couple of offers to go places but I just don't think I have the energy to start anything new! Friends tell me the truth..am I being lazy? I've always been the type to love to meet new people and start new adventures! And sh*t I'll never take my x back and it's been a year so what to hel! is wrong with me? Thanks for any insight you may give me. xoxoxoxo
10 people like this
24 responses
• Canada
16 Aug 08
Raydene. Don't look to START dating. My husband and I met by accident on a witing board. He was done with marriage after three diores, and I didn't really want to start (I'd never been marieed beore) after watching my amily unravel like a soap opera. LOL Our love happened very spontaniously and harmoniously. It was wonderul becaue neither of us had the goal to fall in love. That' what made it so wonderful. Just make fiends, and if one of those friends should turn into a soul mate. good. If not. you've still gained a friend.
5 people like this
• United States
15 Aug 08
You are probably a bit shell shocked at your ex. Just take your time to recover as you do not want to end up getting involved with someone on the the rebound. When you are ready for romance again you will know.
3 people like this
@newtondak (3952)
• United States
15 Aug 08
Just look at it as going out for an evening with a friend or acquaintance to begin with - doesn't really have to qualify as a "date" and might not go any further, but is still a good way to socialize.
@ellie333 (21030)
15 Aug 08
Hi Raydene, It has been a year but what a year you have had all sorts to deal with so a year isn't that long really, maybe a little bit of fear somewhere inside of not wanting to be hurt again holds you back also but I believe you are a very strong person so would adventure out again but in your own time not when others persuade you that you should. Once you actually make that first step and go back out there you will thoroguhly enjoy but it is the intial first time that is the hardest, once you have overcome that you'll wonder why you didn't start going back out and perhaps even dating months ago. Good luck, but only do what feels right for you yeah. Huggles. Ellie :D
• Philippines
16 Aug 08
if you want start something new make sure that your ready to face to consequence of your doing...... because sometimes we can say to our self that we're ready but were not.... cause there is a part of our self thats havent bloom....... maybe its not your time yet just like a flower in the field.... some are totally bloom and some are still shots.....
2 people like this
@rockkk (71)
16 Aug 08
well i don think tat u r lazy nall its jus the nervousness of being into anything for the first time tats it nothin to wory abt it. u jus try to go out with some one for first time then all ll be k n u can go out frequently with anyone. so don be afraid of it. so try to overcom the fear n go out.
2 people like this
@fearie (153)
• Philippines
16 Aug 08
You have to ask yourself first. nobody can decide for you. It either you need some more time for yourself or your scared to have someone new. (which i dont think you are).
2 people like this
@makingpots (11928)
• United States
16 Aug 08
Lazy? Not at all. You will know when the time is right. It is probably not energy you are lacking. It's more likely that deep down you know it's not right for you yet.
2 people like this
@guybrush (4665)
• Australia
16 Aug 08
Raydene, you sound tired, not lazy. It's been a while since you've dated, and it's normal to feel apprehensive. Once you make the effort though, you'll get back into the swing of things and will probably have a wonderful time! You'll never know until you go - so give these men a chance, and you might meet your soulmate.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31029)
• United States
16 Aug 08
I took time off from dating after leaving my daughter's dad 9 years ago. I deliberately took the time in order to get my life, my head, heart etc back on track. I meant to take a few months but even tho I got offers, I ended up taking over a year off. I began dating again becuz i felt i "should". It was then that I realized how much I hated feeling "responsible" for another person's feelings, the drama involved with dating....jealousy etc. I'm a single parent and I guess I came to be ok with being on my own...more than ok...i love it. What I've found in dating is that most guys want to "help" me...I don't want to "help" them or to be "helped". If they don't want to come in and be my hero, then they tend to be needy and I don't want that either. I do still date if someone catches my attention but to be honest, I'm not willing to tangle up my life into someone elses and have it all go wrong again. the detangling process is horrible. There was a time when i'd have done just about anything to make a relationship work. I lost myself in the process and I don't want to go there again. I don't cheat when I'm dating someone and I do what I can to fit them in. My motto is "no expectations...no disappointments." Now if I could find a guy that thought like that, we'd be golden forever!
2 people like this
@MH4444 (2163)
• United States
16 Aug 08
No, not at all. Dating and relationships in general are a lot of work. It takes time, money and caring to be in a relationship. Finding one is even more work. You have to feel it first; then go for it. Best wishes, either way.
2 people like this
@anniepa (25242)
• United States
16 Aug 08
My dear, nothing is wrong with you! If you're a big "lazy" when it comes to starting a new relationship right now, what's wrong with that? You've been through a lot and thankfully it seems like you're bouncing back quite nicely. I think when it comes to these things you'll just know when the time is right. You're a bit timid right now, I'd say that's probable even if you don't realize it, but one day you'll get one of these offers and it will be "THE offer you can't refuse", or one you can't find an excuse that will be suitable, anyway. Just be yourself, do things you enjoy and it will happen. I'm glad to see that you're baaaaccccckkkkk! Annie
2 people like this
@cjmobxnc (140)
• United States
15 Aug 08
Raydene, it sounds to me like you might be suffering with a bout of clinical depression. I had the same problem after my ex-boyfriend split up with me. I ended up to to our local mental health clinic and seeing a therapist, she was able to give me a lot of help and get me in to see a doctor who gave me a VERY low dose of an antidepressant.
2 people like this
• United States
15 Aug 08
Yes you are being lazy.. Thats how i was for a while after i broke it off with my ex of three years... I told myself that i wouldn't date anyone else for a long time cause i couldn't trust any guy... It really not being lazy it jsut being patient until the right one comes along... you don't want to rush things with another person when your one and only is right around the corner.. I was like that for 5 months until my husband came along.. I didn't want to date anyone cause i couldn't trust them and i was also scared of men at that point in time because i just got out of a bad relationship of three years where the guy was abusive and conrtollin.. I think its about time for you to start putting yourslef out there what do you got to loose... You don't want to be lonely for the rest of you life do you??? Its time for you do start going out and enjoying yourself, thats don't mean to worry about guys... Let the guys come to you and when you have the right one you will know... thats how it happened with my husband and i.. I never through in a million years that i would meet my future husbnad on the the internet... GO GET OUT HAVE SOME FUN ITS TIME... Its been a year now...
@GardenGerty (81547)
• Marion, Kansas
15 Aug 08
You are scared, and do not want to be hurt again. Or you are having health issues. Only you can judge about that. I think you are still mourning all the other losses you have had this year as well. You may have to make yourself get out. It does help.
@Polly1 (12652)
• United States
15 Aug 08
Your just not ready yet, maybe someday you will meet someone special, maybe not. If its going to happen it will and it will happen when you least expect it. Its been 2 1/2 years for me, and I don't feel I am ready yet neither. Even though it does get lonely sometimes. If I ever do get to do "it" again, I hope so, hehe. It will be so scary, it will be like my first time all over again. Its been close to 30 years since I have been around a man without clothes on, thats frightening, terrifying and scary all at once.
2 people like this
• China
16 Aug 08
I think you are still waitting for someone special for you and maybe recently you have been used to this state. These offer don't have enough spell to pull you into dating them. But anyway, it is good for you to have fun with them and also do some adjustment to yourself. Just give it a shot and see if one of them fits you, lol.
1 person likes this
@abbey19 (3129)
• Gold Coast, Australia
16 Aug 08
I think when we have been in a relationship for a lot of years and it comes to an end, we are so devastated, and eventually when we start getting asked out again, we don't want to go down that road of having to explain our lives and open up to another person again. It just seems too hard, and you resent having to do it. However, if you want to put the past behind you Raydene, this is what you are going to have to do. Be kind to yourself and just take it slow - don't make a big deal of going out with someone for the first time; just let it flow and if you have this kind of attitude, you will find it easier to communicate and relax with them. If you never take a chance at something, how will you know?
@roanne05 (1294)
• Oman
16 Aug 08
i can say you are just cautious with relationship right now...your guards are up with the new people you meet...but lazy???definitely not!
1 person likes this
@sirrob (4112)
• Philippines
16 Aug 08
you are mature enough to decide what is best for you and that's why i could not agree with you that you are lazy at all. i believe that you are just had so many apprehensions inside you about having another relationship, perhaps your past has something to do with it. as i have written in one of my poem (here's an excerpt on it), i can't wait to live my life again it's been stagnant since you left me hangin', not because i wasn't able to let go and move on. it's just i don't know where to start. there are so many apprehensions, too cautious to move and make decisions, too afraid of what will happen if it fail yet, so hard to give up what you love the most but i've been so much of distrust
1 person likes this