Whom do you agree husband's mother or wife?

China
August 15, 2008 9:26pm CST
everyday life ,when disagreements things occur between wife and husband's mother. what should you do/ ? I usually favor my mother and then try my best to convince my wife agree my opinion. What about you think?
2 people like this
5 responses
@penny64 (1106)
• Australia
16 Aug 08
I would hope that my husband would side with the person who he believes to be right. Of course, I'm ALWAYS right, so there is no problem ... LOL!! Seriously though, sometimes he agrees with me, and sometimes with his mother. That is fine by me. Sometimes he disagrees with both of us ... then he is in trouble :)
1 person likes this
• China
17 Aug 08
oh, it's sounds like good. In fact, our daily life ,many things could not be just treated only as right or wrong? What should I do? I must have a choice.
1 person likes this
@penny64 (1106)
• Australia
17 Aug 08
That is very difficult to answer because I think it is dependent on culture. In my country, it is more acceptable to take the side of your wife or husband than that of your parents. Parents are expected to understand that loyalty to one's partner is a good thing, and a man or woman who sides too often with a parent will often have trouble in his or her marriage. I do know, however, that in other countries the older generation retains authority over children even when they grow, marry and have children of their own. I think the most helpful responses you receive to this will be from people from a similar background to yourself, as they will best know how to deal with your customs and expectations of your society.
• China
18 Aug 08
that's true! Thank you reminder.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
16 Aug 08
i know my husband for 14 years before he married me .. He did not marry me because his mother told him i was not fit to be his wife.. She said i had used black magic to influence her son .. Finally last year the back bone grew, so he married me. My husband is good looking for my eyes, i was his first girl friend at this age of 31 years old (14 years ago). He worked a normal job. He does not have any money, until now no savings ... We are staying in my house. If i had known the trait of black magic .. i would have found my self a millionair and not this man .... Until now .. i am so calm and queit ... I am a manager at a private company, people come to me for advise. She treats me like i cant peel an onion. She treats me like I cant boil egg ..sometimes like i cant boil water Yes she is old but what gives her the right to treat another womans daughter like stupid, are you trying to imply that our mothers do not know how to raise children? only she raised her son well? I am writing the above just as an argument sake, as i am frustrated when man claim their mother as gems even if what they did is wrong I was raised by a good woman, i will never show this emotion to my mother is law as you said i respect her age but remember .. your wife has only you to depend on once she marries you
1 person likes this
• China
17 Aug 08
Glad to know about your happy new life. yes, as you said, it's unfair! why not favor mother? sure, perhaps, as an older, always have a traditional ideas, esp. force to you fit. maybe you are very excellent, in some extant, "jealous" is a problem. so no matter what, we should pardon more and try our best to happy in everyday. after all one family is subject. don't you think so?
• China
18 Aug 08
I agree with you. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Best wishes for you and your family.
@metalhalo (601)
• United States
16 Aug 08
If you're married then that means you should be dedicated to your wife and stand by her side. Mother's opinion really shouldn't matter anymore. She can certainly have one and share it if she likes but in the end it's you and your wife who should be in final agreement. Your wife is the one who you've made vows with, she's the one you lay down to each night. If you're constantly siding with your mother, sooner or later your wife will feel defeated, unloved, unappreciated and anything that is important to her is completely worthless. That isn't a healthy marriage. Good luck to you.
• China
16 Aug 08
you said is true. In fact, mother's thinking is not fit to modern time and things. and I just hope my mother always happy and smile. Now my new family (wife,son,I) are very happy and I should do for my mother as more as possible.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Aug 08
You should never base which side you take on the person who is on that side - which I'm not saying you do. Side with the person you truly believe is right on the important stuff. If it's something trivial, though, you should try to take your wife's side - if she finds you're always siding against her, it will cause problems in the relationship. I've been through it, and it absolutely caused problems for my husband to side with his parents over me. Your mother should be trying to stay out of things, though - you're married now, and what you and your wife do or don't do or what you think isn't really up to her anymore. You need to start relying on your mother less and less and your wife more and more.
• China
16 Aug 08
thanks for advices. my wife is very important to me. I think mother is older and try our best not anger her.of course ,I cannot have a prejudice on any side. I love my family and my wife.
1 person likes this
@sharay (2776)
• India
16 Aug 08
My hubby tries to convince both of us actually, and mainly with the person who is right, whether its me or her and also, we (me and my mother-in-law) dont get into much arguments since we dont talk much at all, but inside of her, i know she is a very loving person...so we both (rather than us, my hubby) tries to avoid situations which could create any misunderstandings between us and i love him for that....even when it gets our of control, i ask him to always take his mother's side since i know her heart and later, we can make it up
• China
17 Aug 08
A wise women. Good lucky everyday!