I hate my dad

Philippines
August 16, 2008 4:14am CST
When I was a child, my dad wasn't really a good provider. He always ask my mom to do things for the family. We are just three in the family and he can't even provide for us. In fact, I stayed with my grandmother's cousin for my to finish elementary and high school. And I went on my own to finish my college. I am really upset with my dad. Now that we are working, he is asking many things from us. Before, I sent them money for the sake of my mom, but I was really pissed with him these past few days. I changed my number for them not to track me and I didn't contact them anymore. I miss my mom, but I can't go home because I don't want to see my dad. What should I do?
3 people like this
15 responses
@James72 (26833)
• Australia
16 Aug 08
My relationship with my Father is non-existent and I too have less than positive feelings towards him. But hate is such a strong word! I certainly don't hate my Father; I pity him and I feel sorry that in all his years he has been unable to change for the betterment of himself and others. All I can do really is accept him for what and who he is and live my life ensuring that I do not make the same mistakes. Hate most definitely does not and will not ever come into it.
• Philippines
16 Aug 08
I understand you but hatred has a room for my dad. Can you imagine a father cursing you if you will not send him money? Can you imagine your dad telling you that you will die soon?
1 person likes this
@James72 (26833)
• Australia
16 Aug 08
Unfortunately yes I can! I will not go into details but all you are stating is all very familiar for me also. I have chosen to live my life away from all of this and WITHOUT hate. For me to have hate in my heart would make me just as bad as him! This is my own decision and not necessarily one that is suitable for you also; I am just sharing how I have chosen to handle this is all. I wish you all the best.
• Philippines
16 Aug 08
Thank you. I have to try finding the right reason to forgive him.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27956)
• Malaysia
17 Aug 08
My father has never been closed to us. We children were scared of him as he was very strict and his words were his authority and believe that all what he said was bible truth and no one should go against it. He was a good provider and he managed to send all his 10 children for higher education. Though he is no longer around, I do miss him a lot especially during fathers' day. No matter what happen please do not hate your father. He might not be a good provider but without him you are not in this world. Pacify your feelings with this thought and it will make the relationship more meaningful between a daughter and a father. You are lucky you still have a father to call a father. There are so many unfortunate children who never know who their fathers are.
• Philippines
17 Aug 08
I am lucky to have a father? I think I would rather say, I am lucky not having a father like him.
• China
17 Aug 08
Let bygones be bygones! Let go of your hate, it's both to u and ur family!
• Philippines
17 Aug 08
Would I still call him my family? Why will I?
17 Aug 08
I dont agree with you. We must respect our parents because they have given birth to us.Without them you might not have taken birth and you might not have seen this colourful world. You said that you are sending money for them.It means that u have a love for u r parents(not only your mother)at some corner of u r heart. Hope your dad get's changed soon..... Be happy.
• Philippines
17 Aug 08
How could you respect someone who doesn't give you respect at all. Respect others so others will respect you. I send money for my mom only so to speak. You can only say that because you are not in my situation. I hope you better empathize rather than sympathize. I would rather ask not to live rather than having a dad like him. And besides I did not ask him to give birth on me just to let me suffer.
@insulin (2484)
• Philippines
17 Aug 08
Well I definetly know your situation because my dad is the same just like you.All of our business were bankrupt because he started to have some third parties and been always drunk.:-( the sad thing is I didn't able to take 4 years course in college but thanks God because he gave me talent to sing and I write songs and I am using it now so that I can earn money for my college.Good luck to us
• Netherlands
17 Aug 08
It is a real shame that your father has caused such feelings in you. You can't pick your parents so it isn't that you did anything. I think that it is hard to handle such a situation but for now you do need your time to heal and to learn to somehow forgive at least enough to remove the hate from your heart. I know it is a bad situation as you say, but if you miss your mother then you should find a way to tolerate your father so that you can visit with her. I have a similar feeling about my father but for different reasons. I still want to talk to my mom so I call when he is not home and when I go visit I make it clear that I am visiting her. I hope that you work it out and remember.... You don't want to have any regrets. Because once a person is gone, they are gone and you can not do anything to take anything back. You don't want to regret this in your life so if you can forgive him then your heart will be free of hate. I am not saying to give in to him and give him money, just somehow learn to forgive him. Hate is unhealthy. Good luck to you.
@sanzi1201 (645)
• China
17 Aug 08
I believe that he did many bad things for your family,or a child wouldn't hate her/his father.But,you should think of some good ways about him.And as his child ,you should study to forgive him,although it is very hard for you ,I think.After all,as the time gose on,he start to change older gradually.So,good luck for your family members and happy everyday.
• Indonesia
17 Aug 08
wow.. what a hard live.. But its okay.. I think you have to visit your mom.. avoid talking too much to your dad.. Show him that you go home is just for meet your lovely mom..
• United States
17 Aug 08
If you don't want to deal with your dad then you must not contact your mom or other family members. You can write a letter to your mom but do not leave a return address on it. If that doesn't work then just don't speak to them anymore. After all you don't want your dad to sponge off of you. I know its hard but you will have to deal with it if you don't want to make any contact with your dad. It is your money not his.
@Sanora (23)
• Canada
17 Aug 08
I agree with grammasnook. You miss you mom; so for her sake only, go and pay her a visit. You, of course, will expect that your father will find a way to upset you during this visit, and you probably will come back from it even more angry with him. But try, as much as possible, to keep your mother in mind. You're enduring him, because you love her that much. I can't say that I can relate to your situation, but I can sympathize, in light of my own relationship with my father. Oh, he has done some terrible things, for which, i don't think i'll ever forgive him. Nonetheless, he was the best father that he thought he could be; he maintained a relationship with his three daughters; and for that I love him unconditionnally. So try bear your father, and make a mother's heart happy.
@rockkk (71)
17 Aug 08
well it is all prerogative to have some duty towards ur parents so u must go n watch them or else they ll feel hurt through out the life and it ll have a bad feeling in you and your parents too. so i would recommend u to go n va a visit n see then decide any action further.
@grammasnook (1877)
• United States
17 Aug 08
From the sounds of it your father does not deserve the energy it takes to hate someone. You can use that energy for something so positive. If you miss your mom call her and tell her. Maybe your mom will meet you somewhere so you can spend some time together.
@lixiaos77 (1023)
• Shijiazhuang, China
17 Aug 08
I don't like the way me father love me. But I do know he love me. But I don't think we can hate our father for what he did. I ever said to someone that I will filial even if my father try to stab me with a knife. He give me life, any way. I think you should do something to show you filial to you parents. If you don't want to contact, you should watch if they really need help. When man get older, they become miss their child more and more. It man's nature. I hope your father will change his way and you can find he always love you deep in his heart.
• United States
16 Aug 08
The sad truth is that many people go through this. Is it really as bad as it could be? I'm not for sure, I'm not in your situation. Hatred I think would be best reserved for the dad that molests and beats his family members. I believe you made the right decision by choosing to not enable his behavior though. If he can't provide for your mother, it's not your place to. You are their child not their scape-goat. I would feel disdain for my father if he was that way but I also believe that you should dislike a person's way and not them as a person. A lot of people have difficult personality's and we're all annoying, irritating and disruptive at times so patience should be used. Have a relationship with them if you can, but also make it known that you can't and wont enable his behavior but you will be a son to him and offer advice and love.
@jaffna (778)
• India
16 Aug 08
it's a real pity thing on you and so sad situation..this is the first time ever am hearing these words "i hate my dad"...i can understand how much pains you would have undergone to say such words..but anyway you be his best son ever and forgive him..he may not be the good one for you yet you prove him of your reality in relationships by forgiving him..i think that would try to recognize you and understand his faults..