Leaving kids behind

@dhangski (3194)
Philippines
August 16, 2008 9:39pm CST
[i][b]As my husband's application for provincial nomination in Canada is in process right now. My husband was interviewed yesterday and we've learned that the whole processing will cost us to almost $6,000. He told me, if he will be approved, what if he gets me first so I can help him by working there too but I have to leave my kids behind. Under the supervision of my sister. I'm open to the option that he told me. But I don't know if I can leave my kids. They're too young to be left, to be under someones care. But I want to help my husband too. He hasn't saved much for him to sponsor/petition us when that time comes. I've been having second thoughts, whether I will accept his suggestion and leave our kids here or we'll just wait for the time that he will save enough to charge with all our expenses in going there, (i.e. plane fare, visa's, etc.) If you were in my shoes, what would be your decision? Have you ever felt like this that you have to decide on things and you're still having second thoughts? Everyone's welcome to share. Happy Postings to all. HUGZ![/b][/i]
6 people like this
21 responses
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
17 Aug 08
Is there any way you can remain with the kids while he saves up for the airfares to bring you all over? I know I would not have been able to leave my son in Samoa with family, when we moved over to the US two years ago. My husband went ahead and I waited until our visas were approved (had to fly to NZ for that which meant more money) and then waited another month before we could afford to bring us over to the States. He was able to work and get a months paycheck to help with the airfares, accommodation and sorts. His mother also helped with the airfares too which was a great help and we were able to repay her once we had settled. It's a big move and I know its going to be hard for either of you in whatever you decide. Are there any family members that could help out with the airfares and visas? If not, maybe you and your youngest could go with your hubby and the other two come later when you have enough. Leaving the two older kids might be ok, they have each other as well as their family and it wouldn't be so lonely for either of them. Just another suggestion. I do know how you feel though and best of luck.
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
19 Aug 08
If only we have a choice. But the only way that we can think of is to cut our monthly budget. Which is not really advisable. All our kids are studying and with all the prices of commodities going up weekly, this will not be enough. Anyway, it's still in the process. HUGZ!
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16236)
• United States
19 Aug 08
All the best in whatever you decide. It is hard and not an easy one to make. I hope it works out for you and your family! take care.
@kaezy_kulet (2465)
• Philippines
17 Aug 08
How old are your children? I f i were in your shoes it will be very difficult for me to leave them especially if they are too young to be left behind..I'm sure your kids will miss you and it will break your heart when you see them crying as their bid their farewell to you..Can't you just work here instead? the salary here is not that high but you could still work..being a mom is really hard and i know even if you are in Canada working your mind and heart are always with your kids..you will think of them every time..find another option first..then ask for your husbands opinion too..hope you will find a solution for that..Good luck and God Bless..
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
17 Aug 08
Hi kaezy. My eldest is 10 then 7 and my youngest is 6 years old. The option is still open for me. I don't think I will have peace of mind if I will be away from my kids. It's still in the process, we will be talking about it again. HUGZ!
• Philippines
17 Aug 08
may you have clear mind my dear friend..whatever you decide into i know God will be always there to guide and support you..good luck
@jomom75 (90)
• Canada
17 Aug 08
Oh gosh, I could never! There are many sacrifices a parent has to make along the way for their children, leaving them is one I would never do. My children are 8 1/2 and 10 1/2 and I have only ever been away from them for one night about 3 years ago I let them sleep over at my inlaws house that was about 10 minutes away. My husband and I haven't even had a honeymoon yet and we've been married for over 11 years, we couldn't do it when we got married and since then I won't because I won't leave the kids. I wouldn't want to be away from my husband either, though I did once for a month because he had to go for job training, it was so hard and I never want to do it again. But given the choice as hard as it would be, I would choose to be with my kids and away from my husband, and as hard as it would be for him I know my husband would agree. Children need their parents, and being with one parent is better then being with neither of them.
• Canada
17 Aug 08
Sorry, I hit post too quickly. I wanted to add that I wish you the best of luck in making your decision! I definitely would not want to be in your shoes and have such a big decision to make!
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
18 Aug 08
Thanks for sharing jomom. I know this will be a tough decision for me. I haven't been away from my kids for so long. The longest that I've had was 1 week when I have to go on my on-the-job training for my caregiver training course.
@neildc (17254)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
19 Aug 08
i know some people very close to me and my wife. she started working in canada alone leaving her children in the care of her brother. this may not apply to your situation for her kids were already grown-ups though still minors. when he saved enough money to bring her kids there, it took her a couple of years, but one by one, her kids are now with her. i just thought that if you can, don't leave the kids at their very young age. maybe, they can be left a little more than five years from now. but if you leave them now, your thoughts will not be stable, always thinks of them. i hope you will find a very good decision before processing your papers so you will not lose time and money. (neildc @ red/89/1624)
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
19 Aug 08
I know that best. Actually, I talked with my kids yesterday. I asked them if ever their dad would get me first so we can save enough for us to get them, they wouldn't allow me. They will only allow me if they will be with my sister here in our place. The option was to leave them with my mom-in-law. They told me, they don't want coz they are not close to them and they know how my in-laws would treat them. Anyway best, it's still in the process. I'll think about this when the time comes. Keep posting best. HUGZ!
@lyzabelle (1668)
• Philippines
17 Aug 08
Hello Dahngski... My advice for you is to never leave the kids. I understand that you just want to help your husband but leaving the kids behind is not the best solution. Don't worry God will provide the rest of your financial needs in his time. Just pray hard for his mercy. Good luck.
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
19 Aug 08
Thanks for the advice lyzabelle. I believe that God will provide if it is His will. HUGZ!
@vanities (11343)
• Davao, Philippines
17 Aug 08
that is rather a difficult situation you got in there my friend..to choose between your husband and your children as well..and it needs a lot of thinking and weighing thing to do...but if im in your shoes if i think my children can be put in trust with my sister thinking they were in good hands maybe ill gamble to go without them,,, ill be more practical on this i guess...what about your mom? i guess leaving the children on the care of your mom is much better than the sister especially if that sister's of yours are already married...and have children as well..i think you know what i mean..the focus of attention will be divided among her children too and the likes..much better i guess with grandparents and of course a yaya for them will dot the trick as well..
17 Aug 08
Hi dhangski, If I were you I will stay with the children as they need to be stable and have their mom with them, I could leave them as they are too young and needs their mom around. I wouldn't leave them. Love HUGZ Tamara
@dhangski (3194)
• Philippines
18 Aug 08
That's what I've been thinking. But my husband told me that If I will be joining him there, we can save money so we can get the kids sooner.
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
21 Aug 08
Leaving your kids behind is not a good idea.. NO matter how tough and hard life is at the moment or for the good of future, one should never leave the kids behind.. Because they are too young to understand things, plus, that's the bonding time for them with their parents.. Leaving them at a young age, will only make them distant from u and your husband when u 2 finally can bring them over.. Thus, it's better to stay and work to save up the money b4 the 3 of u, together, join him in canada ^_^
@salonga (28007)
• Philippines
19 Aug 08
Ohhhh! That is a tough situation my friend. I can understand you. But indeed I believe you have no choice but to leave your kids and join your husband. Anyway, the idea is great, if you can work there then the two of you will earn more to be able to get your kids with you. I understand that leaving behind the kids would be so difficult emotionally but just bear in mind that you will be doing this great sacrifice also because of their future. The good thing is that you are leaving them to your sister and I believe they are in very good hands. So if I were you, if there is really not enough finances for all of you to go together. Then do sacrifice. Have a nice day!
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
18 Aug 08
I don't think so. I wouldn't want to be separated from my husband either though, and were he in a situation like the military, I would state that if I didn't get to go where he went, he wouldn't be going. My youngest is four, other than my best friend - who has 3 kids of her own - there is nobody here that I would trust completely to leave her with. I would hate to do that because sometimes her kids are HARD, and my daughter is the same age as her daughter. I would not feel right doing that unless it was less than a week. I don't know that I can really help you in posting, I wouldn't be able to be apart from my husband or my kids and I would do everything in my power or influence others who had more power than I to make sure I didn't have to.
@longbangod (1791)
• Philippines
18 Aug 08
I find this situation hard. We need to think it over and over again before we decide to go for it or not. But for practical reasons, you could go there first,I'm sure it wont be too long before you could save enough money to bring your kids there, considering that you will be helping your husband this time. Leaving your kids wont be that easy, but doing it would give them assurance that you would be together soon as one whole family. I'm happy for you for the opportunities, I hope mine will come soon... God bless!
@checapricorn (16069)
• United States
17 Aug 08
HI dhangski, hmm..I am reading this and started to feel sad..I have no kids but I know how tough is that..If you are decided about this, talk to your kids heart to heart and let them understand the situation as well as learn from their reaction..If they are open and close to your sister, that is a great sign, I know sister will take good care and if 2 of you are working, it will not take longer to save such amount!
@allurejan (197)
• United States
17 Aug 08
My former boss from a computer school have had applied for a job in Canada. The application and processing took four years because he wanted to go there with his family. With patience and God's grace, he and his family are in Canada already. The decision of leaving your kids to your sister's care is difficult. Especially if they are still young. Kids are precious but their future is also important, right? Is the job offer in Canada a sure thing? If you trust your sister to care for your kids, well, go with the plans.
• Philippines
17 Aug 08
Im still a teenager, I can't really place myself into your position but I can tell you what I may feel if I were your child. I would really be disappointed. My father had a same dilemma before. But he chose to stay here with us. He opted not to fly abroad and earn less but be with us. I may not know what comes out if he chose the other path. But for sure, I am very happy he stayed with us. Still, the decision is yours to make. Think a hundred times. It's good to dream for a greener pasture but also consider its effects to your children. Pray and ask for God's guidance. God Bless.
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
17 Aug 08
If it was me I wouldn't leave my kids I would wait until they could go with me. I wish you the best of luck.
@Saphiax (10)
• Uruguay
17 Aug 08
It's your decision. If I will in that situation never think about leave my kids. But all persons are diferent. Think about what i more important for you... Kids or husband? Maybe you can get a solution that not force you to leave your kids and stay with your husband. I hope that helps you. My best wishes. And luck to you.
@shana123 (2096)
• India
17 Aug 08
Being a mom you cannot leave your little kids just like that even if the care taker is going to be your blood relation .If it was me then i should be obeying my hubby's word but then when the childeren are too young i will make him understand that they are our offsprings and we are just earning for them so its not good to leave them just like that and go so i will wait till i make the money and go forward..
@SViswan (12072)
• India
17 Aug 08
Though I've seen many cases like the one your husband suggested of leaving the kids behind, I personally will not be able to do it. I grew up in the Middle East and have come across many women who came to live with their husbands or to take up a job to supplement their income but couldn't afford to get the kids just then. Some of them got their kids there a couple of months/years later.....but some never could. And I always wondered how the women felt about it. Even my husband was left in the care of his grandparents and 2 unmarried aunts since he was one year old and his parents (my in-laws) were just in a different state and not even a different country!! His two sisters (my sisters-in-law) lived with their parents after they were born but my husband grew up at his ancestoral home. When my older son was born, my in-laws suggested that we leave him with my parents since they lived in another country and were well off. My husband and I refused because we couldn't stand being away from our child no matter what the financial situation.
@littleone3 (2065)
17 Aug 08
What a hugh decision you have to make it must be very hard. If that was me i would try to sit down as a family and discuss it. How do you children feel about it are they happy to be left in the care of your sister?. I know if that was me i would miss my children terribly. But in the long run you have to do what ever is best for you and your family. Good luck. I hope it all works out for you.
• Philippines
17 Aug 08
Why don't you try asking for a package deal? Some companies allow their newly acquired personnels to bring their families with them.