my father in law

@shymurl (2768)
United States
August 19, 2008 12:59pm CST
I cannot believe he did what he did last night. my husband was cutting the grass. I offered to help a few times but he said no. so I continued to make supper on the grill. my friend and I were sitting down when he pulled up. he immediately got out of his truck and started yelling at me and my friend to get off our a** and cut the grass. I told him I already offered but my husband said no. well he continued to yell at me and say I don't do anything around the house and he stormed into my house saying this house isn't spotless. (now keep in mind I have six kids living in the house, so I do what I can, I am constently cleaning, but it still doesn't seem clean enough). well we started yelling at eachother, and I slammed the door on him, of course he said I better not do that again, well its my house so what did I do, I slammed the door again. told him to leave. I was really upset, and I still am. He was drunk, but it still doesn't give him the right to come in my house yelling around the kids and such right?? well I haven't heard from him today, and I have always respected him, but this has gone way to far. he never apologizes and my husband says to just let it go. what do you think, has this ever happened to anyone?? thank you for letting me vent.
3 people like this
13 responses
• Philippines
20 Aug 08
that just sucks. what right does he have to yell at you? it's not his house. he went way overboard and he was even drunk -_- not a good role model for his grandchildren. there's only so much a person can take and i personally would have done the same thing you did. i say your husband should have a little talk with his father and maybe ask him to apologize. respect goes both ways, after all.
1 person likes this
@shymurl (2768)
• United States
20 Aug 08
yes thank you very much.
• United States
20 Aug 08
You have every right to be angry. My wife would not accept that type of behavior from anyone that came in our house, especially around the kids. We have two toddlers, boys...they are a handful, there is no way the house stays clean unless they are asleep!! Also, I wouldn't expect my wife to be outside cutting the grass anyway! Your husband should at least say something to his dad, he has no right to just walk in your house yelling at how dirty it is. Thats my opinion anyway!
1 person likes this
@shymurl (2768)
• United States
20 Aug 08
I respect your opinion and agree with you. thank you for commenting.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
20 Aug 08
Your father in law has issues. I don't know WHAT possesses people who used to be otherwise normal in a younger age to decide once they become in-laws that they can begin abusing their daughter or son in law! They never have a right to go in and start screaming at you about what you do (or don't do) to say anything about the state or cleanliness of your home (it is none of their business) or to tell you what to do when they are on YOUR property. I would be upset too, and I would have told him to leave. Whether somebody is drunk or not, it doesn't make it okay for them to act inappropriately towards you or on your property. If he wants to be drunk, he can go be drunk at home away from you. I don't put up with sh!t like this, and when I become an in-law, I will NEVER act like this. EVER. I despise people who keep trying to have any control over their grown kids' lives or have anything rude to say about it. I have a 19 year old and I help her out if she asks me and listen to whatever she has to say, but I don't butt in unasked and I never will.
1 person likes this
@shymurl (2768)
• United States
20 Aug 08
I feel the same way. I haven't heard from him since then. which is ok with me. thank you for commenting.
• United States
19 Aug 08
This has never happened to me, but I can understand you feeling the way you did and he had no right telling you what to do in your own home. Drunk or not. Although when someone is drunk they don't remember what went on once they are sober. So does he act like this when he is sober too. Have you spoke to your husband about this and how you feel. You have justification in what you did so I wouldn't worry about it.
1 person likes this
@shymurl (2768)
• United States
19 Aug 08
he acts like this sober or not. I have spoken to my husband and even though he agrees with what I think, he just says to let it go. thank you for commenting.
1 person likes this
@ravinskye (8242)
• United States
19 Aug 08
Wow that sucks! I can't believe he acted like that. My husbands father is a drunk but we thankfully don't see much of him. When we were moving once he showed up and he starting getting out of control. My parents were there helping us move, so my dad and my husband took him outside and made him leave. Why should you have to cut the grass? That is usually the husbands job. Especially if you are keeping after 6 kids. I only have 3 kids and I don't do the yard work lol. And with 3 my house isn't spotless either. I wouldn't let it go either. Your husband should say something especially if your kids were witnessing this behavior. I wish you luck!
1 person likes this
@shymurl (2768)
• United States
19 Aug 08
thank you. the bad thing is that I have cut my own grass, and it was a blessing to have my husband do it for once. I agree with everything you said. thank you for commenting. i'm sure it will work its way out.
1 person likes this
• United States
19 Aug 08
I don't have a father in law... yet... but if anyone came into my house yelling in front of my children, chastising me in front of my friends, belittling me like that -- I would have slammed the door in his face, too. I would also have a few words to say to that husband of mine, if all he did was say 'let it go'. Where was he in all of this anyway? I think he should have stepped up and been at your side, defending you and helping you ward off his father, especially if he was intoxicated... I would never allow that around my children. I don't think you should feel bad. I think you should discuss your feelings with your husband, making him aware of the safety of the kids and your feelings toward your father in law. Also, wait for him to apologize. This should be his move.
1 person likes this
@candymarie (1368)
• Canada
19 Aug 08
wow.....just wow...you're lucky that is all you managed to do. I have no idea how I would have reacted...in fact I think I'd be stunned into silence, but definately would have flipped out if I saw him scaring the children. If he does come over your house again, drunk or not, just stand in his way when he comes to the door, and he asks what's up, demand an apology, tell him his behavior was appalling and he is not welcome into the house ever again until he apologizes to you, your husband and the kids. Plain and simple. I actually did that to a kid who was picking on my cousin an awful lot, yet still came over to play. I told him, excuse me? I don't think I like you at this house anymore if you're going to treat him this way.
@itshalom (355)
• Singapore
19 Aug 08
Yes, its great that you have released your tension at that moment to seek understanding by telling him off. I was like you to show my true self inorder that people will know where my boundaries are. Drinking caused him to misbehave...so i would suggest you make a call on him to make peace, afterall we should honor our parents and let them know we are not upset but forgiving afterall who dont make mistakes.
1 person likes this
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
20 Aug 08
No that exact thing hasn't happened to me but I have a rotten FIL...luckily he refuses to speak to me at all, which is funny since we live in the same house (but not for much longer! ). The closest story I can think of is from last winter (believe me I have plenty of other stories though!). I was sick and laying on the couch in the living room...we didn't have our bedroom fixed yet. It was only 9 am and MIL was getting breakfast. He suddenly decided that the living room carpet wasn't clean enough and if the 2 of us were too lazy to get off our @sses and do it (MIL was actually sick at the time too), he guessed he'd have to. Next thing I know he's kicking the couch (that I'm laying on) acroos the room out of his way. I was sick enough I could barely stand up yet this man expected me to vacuum and then acted that way when I didn't! If my FIL ever did anything like what yours did, I would be on the phone with the police whether he liked it or not. I would have that man charged with harassment, trespassing, child endangerment and whatever else I could throw at him and I'd take out a restraining order.
@shymurl (2768)
• United States
21 Aug 08
I have lots of stories too, but this one topped it all. I would be upset if my FIL did that to me. believe me the thought of calling the police crossed my mind. I hope there is not a next time but the next time i'm pulling out all the ammo. thank you for commenting.
@tina2696 (127)
• United States
20 Aug 08
One of my father in laws(my husbands step/adopted dad) is no longer allowed in my house. If my husband wants to maintain a relationship with him, he can do it elsewhere. We've had a few run ins, similar to yours, he has no respect for women in general. I ended up telling him to get out and to never come back. and he hasn't!
@shymurl (2768)
• United States
20 Aug 08
yep thats the way mine is. thank you for commenting.
@calvin222 (1607)
• India
28 May 09
Inlaws can be very frustrating and antagonising. I face a similaar situation where they are basically running my family life. and feel they have the right to make all decisions regarding my stepdaughters. when i try to saysomething to my wife about it she takes off on this my parents MY parents rant. recently my wife was away for 2 months and i was looking after our younger daughter and the house. when suddenly out of the blue the inlaws landed up,, to help. now this was inspite of my having told them just the night before that I was managing fine and did not require any help. so I said fine if you are here so then I am leaving. which ofcourse led to lot of words and my wife ultimately telling me that I was forcing her to choose, how could I do this to her parents?!!!!!!!so I called up to apologise to SAVE MY MARRIAGE and and that is something I will regret for the rest of my life because of the sh*it I was forced to listen to. So it is back to square one and the inlaws rule the roost again. Now I am really sick of this situation and cant live with it but dont want to live without my wife either. so I am in a quandary of what to do. I love my step kids. but that is not reciprocated. I am not the No. one priority in my wife's life. the inlaws take all decisions with regards to my children. Now this sounds very wimpish but I have kept silent for many years, and wanted to make my marriage work. so what am I doing here
25 Aug 08
I think what you did was right, you put him in his place, he night be your father in law but he has no right to disrespect you. Your husband is right just let it go. Dont let his action cause an arguement between you and your husband. Action is always made with an intention in mind. and he probably want the two of you arguing for what he did and for your response. Don't give him the satisfaction of winning on this.
• Brazil
19 Aug 08
I'm really really sorry for you.