I am SO stressed I can't even feel anymore!

@kaysue4 (951)
United States
August 21, 2008 12:17pm CST
I am SO stress over dealing with all of my kids' mental health issues that I can't even feel anymore. I feel like they have ripped my heart and sole out and never replaced it. I have dealth with a lot of the mental issues of bi-polar for two of my boys, one of them has Explosive Disorder, Anger Disorder, and Conduct Disorder. All four of my boys have either ADD or ADHD. I am dealing with my oldest one getting involved with an evil girl and now he will be going to prison for two years. My youngest middle son is off of his meds and now he was teasing this other boy about his 4-wheeler and the mom pressed charges for theft and he only moved it ten feet, so that is a felony, he is already on probation because of his unruliness behavior. He and the oldest one got into a REALLY REALLY bad fight yesterday when I was not home, and my youngest called 911 because he thought that they were going to kill each other. Well, the 16 year old picked up my 19 year old and slammed him down on the concrete driveway. So, the cops are pressing Domestic Violance Charges on him. He lies SO much that I don't know when he is telling the truth or lying. He stopped taking his meds and he is so out of line and I have had him in counceling, I had him in a respit group, many many times in the hospital for meds adjustments most of his life. I have four teens. I have been through so much with them over SO SO many years. He is my son and I love all of them, but I can't catch a break. Everyday it is SOMETHING, non-stop stress. I know, two are adults but the one still has two more years of high school and wants to make something of his life. The youngest still has hope to settle and not get into trouble. I am going to school him with an online school. Why, why can't I just feel anything besides just exsisting. Like no matter what I have tried for them, all of the help I have tried all over the years. I just feel like I have failed my family. I don't really have a support system either. I just have me. I go to counseling, but because of the new rules that they have there, I can only go 10 times a year! Thanks for letting me vent. I am SO lost in this unexplainable crap. My oldest will be put in prison in 4 to 6 weeks, so I don't have much time left with him either. I just don't know what to do. I feel like crawling into a hole and just go away. I can't please ANYONE, and I am always doing something wrong that causes a arguement between the boys or I am told I am taking sides. I can't say or do anything to make anyone happy or just a little smile. I have failed. Now, my 16 year old, the youngest middle child has run away
1 person likes this
2 responses
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
21 Aug 08
My Lord, you certainly have your hands full. I can imagine how stressful life for you is. Are there any male family members that can intevene with the boys. Do they not realize what they are putting you through? I feel for you, and sorry that I have nothing in advice to offer you. Maybe when the younger ones, see how much trouble their older brothers create for themselves, they may want to straighten up, so that the same things will not happen to them. I pray for you and your boys.
1 person likes this
@kaysue4 (951)
• United States
22 Aug 08
Thanks for your prayers. No, there is no GOOD men for them to take advice from. The older two, 18 and 19, thier dad told them many years ago NEVER to listen to me or anyone that I ever get with. I lost control a LONG time ago, but he can't have them live with him because his WIFE would let them come to that house for more than an hour. He never took them when they were younger either. The other father doesn't have much to do with my younger two either. They are 16 and 13. But my 16 year old did talk to me and I seen him today and we are going to meet tomorrow and he wants to see his one case manager from a couple of years ago and have help to be put in the hospital.
• United States
22 Aug 08
I fully understand your frustration and that feeling of crawling into a hole to hide away. The unfortunate thing about raising kids is that we raise them one way and they choose another. Even if they take a small step in the wrong direction it is not because we encouraged them to do so. Remember to take deep breaths, stand and turn your face to the sun. Smile even if it hurts. Time heals.