Do you often argue with your partner?

@Bebs08 (10690)
United States
August 21, 2008 2:21pm CST
I have a friend who said, everyday they have arguments with her hubby. He really can not understand her, that's what she said. When she said something, her husband would have another idea about it and they just can not get along. She even said that, she might die early if she will not have at a vacation to be away from him for a while. Divorce is not yet her option this time.. just a space. What about you? how did you overcome arguments? Still tolerable?
20 responses
@ShellyB (5244)
• United States
22 Aug 08
Right now the person that I have the most arguements with is my daughter, I think that a vacation will be nice but if one confronts the sames issues the same way one will always need a vacation. lol It will be nice if your friend once in a while try to listen also vs arguing right away, it might make a difference, as no one is trying to win, and maybe her husband will also try to be a better listener to her too.(tho some people just love to argue reason or no reason)
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
Both of them want to win the argument. They both think that they are right.. that is hard..
@ShellyB (5244)
• United States
23 Aug 08
I see. And you are right, it is hard to live like that, No one can win an arguement all the time, it will be nice if they could listen to each other. I wish you the best as you seem to be one in the middle.
@sunnflr (2767)
• United States
21 Aug 08
My husband and I hardly ever argue. When we do they can be humdingers, but it doesn't happen much at all. You have to learn to communicate with your spouse. Talking about things when you are not arguing is a great way to fix them. After an argument wait a day or so and then bring the topic up and figure out some common ground so another argument doesn't happen about the same thing. There is nothing better for a relationship than communication!
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@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
21 Aug 08
You are very right!! but what she told me is that, she doesn't like to talk about it because her husband can not understand. I think, she also doesn't give way. She has lots of expectations not meet and she can not give room for considerations. I told her many times that she should also adjust but.. I don't know why she can't.
1 person likes this
@sunnflr (2767)
• United States
21 Aug 08
You are correct. There has to be compromise on both sides for it to work.
@spalladino (17926)
• United States
21 Aug 08
My husband and I have only been together for six years but I was in two long term relationships before that where my exes were not good men. My current husband is a very decent, caring man and so I try to treat him well every day, expecting nothing in return for my efforts. What I noticed early on is that, the nicer I am to him, the nicer he is to me. I feel very badly for your friend because it is possible for her to get along with her husband if she tries being nice to him but I doubt she will try because she has so much anger.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
21 Aug 08
You are absolutely right!!! I like that when you said, the more you are nice to him, the more he is to you. I am not sure what else would happen because she said, she will jut stay until she can endure.
@spalladino (17926)
• United States
21 Aug 08
Well, if she's going to stay she might as well try making her home as peaceful as she can and see if it helps. It's hard to agrue by yourself and even harder to agrue with someone who has a smile on her face and is being pleasant.
• Australia
29 Sep 08
I think all couples argue at some point in their life. But It is all important that both parties sit down and find some common ground. It also important that both people have time away from each other to persue their own interests. And then try to talk to each other as much as possible.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Correct!! I agree with your idea. you are very right....sit down and spend time talking about the common ground.
@jstmarfz (1499)
• United States
7 Sep 08
Hi! I can say I am so lucky coz my hubby and I barely argue. If every we have arguments, it would always be my fault..haha. Being too sensitive sometimes and coz of my temper too. But this argument will just take for an overnight. We never had a huge fight, it was always a misunderstanding. If every we have argument, we let each other cool down first and then discuss about it. Explain each other's side and after things cleared out, we asked forgiveness. Sometimes, I am the one looking for reason for us to argue...haha. It's boring if you two don't argue very often. I considered our relationship lucky though, for not having argument all the time
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@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
7 Sep 08
Oh that's good idea to wait when both of you cool down before you discuss the things you argue about. When bot of you are are hot and have reasons, it's hard to settle the arguments.
@Kemboi (341)
• Eldoret, Kenya
22 Aug 08
It has been said when the two bulls eight the sufferers are the crass. So in this case of argument is nearly common in every family. First to begin with, Personally I have had severall argument with my wife, there is a day we held a seriouse argument in the year 2007 untill she went away for 13days I stayed alone with children. Whenever I call her she could pick or answer my phone call. On her coming back she came with her relatives and called my parents too. To come and try to help us settle the matter, of which it did'nt help at all because when the two of you argue over something, you alone are suppose to settle down your arguments. Again this week my neighbour who is a doctor working in the I C U. Told they had an argument whit his wife for almost the whole night. This when I realise that every family do argue.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
4 Sep 08
Argument is a very common thing to couples. It is just a matter of how both of you deal with it. Deal with the issue not personally.
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
22 Aug 08
[i]Early part of our marriage, I will always start an argument! LOL! I was bored for sure and it seems that I am very sensitive and will always find thing to argue...My husband is a type of person who will just laugh and tease whenever I am acting this way and he knows that it is just because I am very bored and adjusting! So, he won't stop teasing until I will feel good! There are also times when I will email my husband everything I feel so he will know especially if I can't express it all orally! It helps a lot! What they need is only time to talk and discuss whatever differences they have and I am sure both of them will be open enough to listen![/i]
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
I am not sure if open communication would ever happen to them at this moment of their marriage. I just hope they would be able to make it. This argument even happen in the presence of her mother. Which means hard for the mother to accept that her daughter was in a troubled marriage. If they would both listen and understand each other, it might help.
@bugbaby (1788)
• Indonesia
22 Aug 08
Do you often argue with your partner? not often but sometimes if i share about my employee me and my wife always argue, how to make the employee have a good goal with they're job, my wife just give advice.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
oh that's good!! not really an argument but advice.. thanks.
• Philippines
22 Aug 08
i guess couples really come to that situation.it is just a mater of handling it.for me being friends is a very helpful and effective way to make relationships survive and even more enjoyable.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
yes, you are right!! it is good when you start your relationship being friends...
@ari8388 (167)
• India
22 Aug 08
well ya sometimes , its human tendency......... u know 2 different people have different point of view
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
Yes i agree with you...that's why there is argument because of that.
@vimaal (3365)
• India
22 Aug 08
hi bebs, i argue with my partner. Because i love him very much.
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@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
Oh!! that's cute!! you argue because you love him very much? that's rare case!!!
@sumiirajj (1983)
• India
22 Aug 08
Hi friend,I dont argue much with my hub or my hub doesn't do that.Even if we dont agree with the ideas and thoughts of each other we wont argue bcoz that will certainly develop into a big fight.peace and harmony in the family will get spoilt.We do argue also but not all the time ,thats very rare.thanks for sharing.happy mylotting.
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
oh!! that's very good. You are lucky!!!!
@pkraj111 (2459)
• India
22 Aug 08
All the time. I just cannot resist an argument. I will go on and on till we both are tired. She knows that I love to argue and is OK with that
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
that's funny!! on and on arguments? I will get tired of it and maybe retire if it happens to me.. Anyway, it's ok if you bot can overcome it.
• Sweden
22 Aug 08
Me and my husband very often fight maybe not fight only misunderstood.And also my husband dont like fight and also me too.But i do believe that theres always trials in relationship to make it stronger.Relationship is not always happy theres a lot of ingredint to have a strong relationship.
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
You are correct!!! relationship is not all bed of roses,, there are thorns too to make it worth...
• Philippines
22 Aug 08
Arguments are part of a growing relationship. It's normal to have arguments. I and my husband argue a lot. We've been married for 10 months and the arguments are often. What's important is we learn from those arguments.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
yes you are right, I agree with you. If all people would apply what you have suggested, life would be worth to live.
@sonusd (1548)
• India
22 Aug 08
before engaging with any one both should mutully understand each other but this is not the final step to stop arguement with parteners they both have compormise at some cases
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
It is normal to have arguments but not to the extent of ending the relationship because you argue. That is what I told to my friend... I hope she would listen.
• Philippines
22 Aug 08
before, we often agree also even on a very small things, but now we are tired of quarellings, so we just understand each other, if there is an argument, yeah divorce is not a good option, maybe they just lack communication, having a good communication maybe can help them in their arguments tell them that they should just understand their partners, though it is difficult at first, they would just get used to it, im so happy, that we are not arguing that much this time, unlike before, we are also like that..=)
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
I hope they would be able to adjust soon. They were married for about 2 years now.. so, still very short time yet.
@salonga (27985)
• Philippines
22 Aug 08
Oh it is so sad a situation for your friend. I believe of all people, it should be to our spouse we should get along well with. When we married, we became just one flesh with our husband. And we made a vow in front of God. It was a very meaningful vow we had. It is unfortunate that after sometime instead of maintaining the sweetness of the relationship, it turns sour. I believe your friend and his spouse should go through marriage counselling. That will be helpful. Of course to avoid divorce. I pray it will never happen. Well in my own experience, arguments is but a spice of a relationship. Our relationship is not actually perfect because we are not perfect either. But one thing I've learned in my life is to just obey God's command that wife should submit to her husband. While my husband is obeying God's command that Husband should love her husband as Christ loves His church. Out of these commandments, both of us have learned not just to respect and give high regard to each other's feelings and yes to love each other more and more each day.
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
Here again my friend, I would say you are very lucky to have a good Christian husband and both of you are following Biblical principles. I admire you.. Yes, there is no perfect relationship as there is no perfect marriage too but both can do something together to make the marriage work.
• United States
21 Aug 08
My boyfriend and I don't really argue, and I don't think that we can even say that we have argued, because that takes two people, and he has never showed any type of negativity in our relationship. Now I have nagged a little here and there, but he just listens and then we talk about it before it can even become what you speak of, it's really a great relationship, my boyfriend has never ever showed any type of discontent in over a year that I have been with him, I am so very happy. By him not expressing negativity I tend not to because there is no reason to really, things can be fixed by talking things over without fighting about things. It's sad to hear that your friend is so discontent with her relationship, they just need to calm down and handle things with good words and strategy, not threats and abusive words that hurt, that will just lead to a bad ending. Happy mylotting, and good luck to your friend.
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
21 Aug 08
oh yeah, you got the right term. she is DISCONTENTED of her situation and her relationship. They already undergo counseling but still the same until now.
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
22 Aug 08
I think if they care for each other they need to sit down and talk about it
22 Aug 08
it's real sad when people can't get along or care enough to try.my husband is my best friend and we get along so well. i think your friend and her husband should fight constructivly not tear each other down and apart. if your fighting it should be i feel instead of you... i found if you do it with the eye it don't cause an instant fight. they should try and think about the other person's feeling's before they start the screaming match!
1 person likes this
@Bebs08 (10690)
• United States
22 Aug 08
She said that the root of their fight all the time is MONEY. She earns more than her husband does. They always argue with the expenses...