I am up under a lot of stress right now!

@marciascott (25554)
United States
August 26, 2008 8:49am CST
Sometimes I dying! I know I should say this or feel like this. My daughter is having a lot of problems and now she wants to get me involed. She is a grown woman with 9 children. she is going through some rough times, and I can't help her. she wants to make me feel guilty because of her promblems. I love my daughter but I can't keep helping her. and it is stressing me out! She has to do better and she won't I am writing my feelings down. all my friends if you want to come and chat with me about the situation please do. She told one of my Grandchildren yesterday, Tell my Mom to kiss my A$$! I thought that was so disrespectful. the girl really has a problem, and I am begining to see it. I told her yesterday, I think you need to go see a Counselor, she is in denial that she has a problem. I really don't know what to do. While she is disrespectful to me so are her children. I never raised my daughter to be like that. Ok, I had to VENT again! Thanks for listening. What do you do in this case? I want to just Be away from her from now on! She doesn't appreciate me! When I am gone she's going to miss me. I have done so much for her and her Kids.
4 people like this
19 responses
@gemini_rose (16194)
26 Aug 08
I am really sorry to hear that you are being treated like this by your daughter, it is really sad to hear. Yes it was very disrespectful of your daughter to tell her child to tell you that, in fact I would say it was more than disrespectful it is disgraceful involving her children like that. If you think that she has a problem and she is not facing up to it then there is not much more you can do for her. I am not a very tolerant person, I am patient but not tolerant, and I know if it was me and it was my daughter I would do what I could to help and if it was not appreciated or she treated me like that then I would just say "right knickers to you". Then I would back off and leave her to it, she may come to her senses when she realises you are not going to be there for her to insult and upset, you should not have to put up with that off your own kids.
3 people like this
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Thank you for you support I will back off. I will just pray foir her, that is all I can do. It just seems like the more I pray for her the worster she gets.
@nicholejade (2430)
• Canada
26 Aug 08
You need to back away from this. Yes she is your daughter and they are your grandchildren. But that is no need for her or her kids to treat you like a piece of meat. That is not right and you don't deserve it. She is a grown woman and needs to start taking care of herself. She has 9 kids. My god. Maybe if she didn't have all those kids things would be different. I am not saying that it is a bad thing. But come on 9 kids in this day and age is really not heard of. It also sounds like she needs to go and get some help. Not something like once a week type deal but a couple times a week. Is she married or is the father of the babies around? What is up with that?
2 people like this
@palonghorn (5485)
• United States
26 Aug 08
I was reading through the other responses before I responded to this, and I was beginning to wonder why noone else had said anything about her having 9 kids, until I read the last response. So, first question is, she doesn't know what causes that? Nobody has that many kids these days. Secondly, I'm not going to pour out more sympathy, reason........like Ann Landers said, 'you can't be a doormat for someone unless you agree to be'. I have two daughters and I'm guessing that your daughter is about the same age as my oldest. I believe you actually answered your own question here, 'she's going to miss me when I'm gone'. So, let her miss you for a while, don't answer her phone calls, don't go over there, just stay away from her for a while or until she can figure things out on her own. She may be going through some rough times, and like any mom, you want to be there for your child, but with some you have to just walk away for a while. She is obviously like so many others these days, something I taught my girls not to be, she wants to blame anybody else for her problems besides herself. You also stated the fact, 'she is a grown woman', so let her be just that, let her grow up and handle things herself, let her take responsibility for her actions or lack there of. Believe me, I know that 'tough love' can be rough on the parent, but in some cases that is exactly what it takes. Good luck
2 people like this
@Polly1 (12648)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Oh Marcie honey, I am so sorry. Our kids can be so rotten to us sometimes. My son has told me before that I failed him all his life. His memory is so different then mine. They say those mean things because they want to control us. Some one once told me, big kids-big hurts, little kids-little hurts. I just don't understand sometimes. I have always showed my mom proper respect, specially since I hav been grown. I was a normal teenager and got mouthy at times. My son blames me for stuff that goes wrong with his life. I call my mom and tell her its all her fault. I pass it down the line she knows I am joking with her. My sisters act like they had it so tough. I guess in our society its always easier to blame someone else for our problems instead of taking responsibility for ourselves. Good luck Marcie, you have my email and phone number if you ever need to talk.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Hey Vicky, one of my closest friends here. I think my daughter is losing her mind. She always takes it out on me when she has problems. all I can do is pray! Thanks for your support Vicky. Yes I will give you a call I hae your phone number programmed in my cellphone, thaks for the humorous emails they were funny. I don't think I laughed or smiled today, and as always you make me smile. Have a good week!
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12648)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I like making you smile, your special to me Marcie.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 08
My favorite is when they are little they step on your feet, when they get big they syep on your heart. It is so true. Blessings Marilyn
1 person likes this
@grammasnook (1877)
• United States
26 Aug 08
Marcia, I have been there and done that.. The truth to the matter is our children tend to hurt the ones they love the most (moms) because we have an unconditional love and shall always forgive them. ( This is what my son told me as an adult) No matter how hard you push her to get help it will not happen if she doesn't want it. If you have helped her so much in the past she has become reliant on you. Stop it now and stop enabling her. This is the toughest thing a mom would have to do. Give her advice when she calls and says she needs food give her the address to a local food pantry. If she calls and disrespects you hang up the phone. If she calls you back tell her you refuse to be ABUSED by her and hang up again. She has to learn to stand on her own two feet! tough love is really hard but trust me in the long run she will appreciate it and begin to respect herself again. I mean really How dare she try to make you feel guilty. Darlin I will prey for you and the best for your family! Take Care Be Strong!
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
27 Aug 08
You are so right thanks for your advice, You can sure get support here at Mylot and I appreciate you everyone that came by to give me support. She has to do better. I will stay away for a while.
@Humbug25 (12551)
26 Aug 08
Hi there marciascott Aww you poor thing it is so hard when it is your own flesh and blood giving you problems. What I would do is stay well clear of her for a while, literally stay out of her life for a bit. Hopefully she will come to her senses and realise how she has treated you and how much she relies on you that she will then start to treat you with the respect you deserve. I fell out with my brother a short while ago and couldn't bare to answer the phone to him so I left it for a couple of weeks and when I had calmed down and had time to reflect on things I then answered his call only to hear him oppologise for how he had spoken to me! I think she needs some time to reflect! Good luck! PS Any news on the Avon perfume? X
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I will check it out, I really forgot. email me and give me your Email address mind is my name sbcglobal.net (My whole name) M.S.
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Thanks for your support!
@Willowlady (10666)
• United States
29 Aug 08
Not sure what to tell you however sometimes tough love is in order. There is also toxic relationship and do no one any good. So I wish you much luck in dealing with your loved one. Hopefully you can keep in contact with the kids and if in time things work out they and you can have a relationship in a healthy manner. Do not envy you and hope we friends here at Mylot can fill in the gap til she gets her life back together and then you two can be family again.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
29 Aug 08
Thanks for your support Willowlady, it is good to see you here in discussion, I wish it was a better topic. but when I have problems I write down my feelings, and I get a lot of support here from friends, it is kind of like therapy. thanks for your support too! I think it will be alright I had a chat with the Lord, and I told him I was putting it in his hands, that is all I can do. I am going to do way ever he tells me to do. if I do something it is because of God. Thanks again.
• China
28 Aug 08
I think your daughter is not a sensible women. I hve no hostility. She is a MUM. She should know being a mother is not an easy thing. You have done so much things for her. It was thanks to you that she can live in this world and enjoy the life.
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
28 Aug 08
She is having a lot of issues. And I can't help her. Thanks for ou support! Have a great day!
@cher8558 (425)
• Canada
28 Aug 08
Hi friends, I don't mean to sound harsh. I have three children of my own. They would never disrespect me like that. So she does not deserve your time or your sympathy. You were not the one who decided to have nine children. She did. As my mom used to say, she made her bed, now she can lie in it. Sorry, that's just the way I feel. Cheers, Cheryl
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
28 Aug 08
You are so right! You got that right!
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
28 Aug 08
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. It sounds like your daughter is taking you for granted. I believe that it is time for a little tough love. You need to cut her out of your life completely. Even if it means changing your phone number. It is never alright for a mother to encourage/teach their children to disrespect their grandmother. I know that it will hurt, but it is for the best. Tell her that you want her to go into therapy immediately and if she does not, then you do not want to deal with her any more on any level. If you continue to let her get away with such behavior, she will never change.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
28 Aug 08
Rozie thanks for you support. Yes she really has a problem, and she is in denial. I will let her be. How are you? I hope you are good!
• Philippines
27 Aug 08
Stress is a part of life but you should manage it correctly. You are the only ones who knows the real situation that you are in right now. whatever you want to tell your daughter then go ahead and tell her. good luck and hope you will have that situation settled.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Yes, I know that stress is part of life. Thank you for your support. I just needed to cry out, this is a good place to do it.
• United States
27 Aug 08
Marcia there comes a time when we have to let go and let our children sink or swim. I think all parents have been in your shoes at one time or another, and the best gift you can give your daughter is independence. Let her be for awhile, don't come to her rescue, she will have to think through her problems and come to a resolution on her own. It will be good for her and her children. You hang in there, and pray for God to give her the strength she needs to make it through, on her own. Blessings Marilyn
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Thank you for your support. I Know what you are saying but she is my only daughter. I keep saying I don't want nothing to do with hr but she really has a problem. I will just keep praying. Thanks again.
• India
27 Aug 08
Even after doing too much for your daughter and her kids she is not satisfied and grudging you I think she does not ow any more sympathy or favour from your side.But we have to live in the society and think for it. Just do not do any thing and quit for some time some where and try the forget the happenings clear your air and rest.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Yes this is what I need to getaway, and I did. I feel alot better discussioning the situation with you guys. Thanks for your support Have a great day!
@riyasam (16574)
• India
27 Aug 08
i really really understand what you are going through.life is not smooth for ne too.although i have not reached your stage,i also sometimes feel it is better for me to die.but i can really say through my experiences that HE IS REALLY FAITH FUL and thatHE WILL CARRY YOU THROUGH.when in problem ,i pour my heart outTO HIM and beleive me,it really helps.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Yes, Becky I believe it! God will carry me through this.
@mrsjbelle (1641)
• United States
26 Aug 08
Oh my gosh Marcia wow that would be alot to deal with. How old is your daughter? She herself is under a great deal of stress so she is taking it out on you. Hopefully she doesnt really mean what she says. But she must realize she is the one that had 9 kids not you and you are not there to bail her out. Ill keep you in my thoughts and hope for the best.
1 person likes this
@marciascott (25554)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I am sorry for mistakes, when I was typing this I was in a hurry but you knew what I meant. thanks for your support too! I haven't seen you here in a while I hope all is well!
• Nigeria
26 Aug 08
your daughter is under going traumatic stress. Some how it's not her fault, so yuo have to understand, but you can aslo help her and not turn your back on her. she needs to develop a firm mind power to control her emotions and achieve what shw wants. A firm mind power will also help take care of the stress, you also need that too cos it has got to you and with time you will get depressed if you do not fight it now. www.amazingtouch.blogspot.com
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Aug 08
i believe im not in a position to speak of this, cause i dont belong to the same age group with the same level of difficulty in life that you are having right now.. just that i want u to know that the beginning of the independent life of your daughter would not sprout from anyone else but urs. im not saying this is karma or so, just that since u help make it.. no one else can help her solve it but u.. talk it over... and find resolution rather than dwell on each others' mistakes.
1 person likes this
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
9 Oct 10
Most time, its my work..with ontime deliveries and work loads. I try to divert mind on music and i feel better. We need to manage depression, as it is part of life in busy world. But if we concentrate, we can manage it. I does it through my yoga, listening music and going out on vacation.
• India
1 Sep 08
I think you are yet near the half of your life and you involved your self in the gloomy life in the affairs of your daughter. Be happy with the will of the god and pull our your life from these gloomy affairs and involve your self in some positive projects Believe it the life will come out. Let your daughter for some time to think of her own affairs and do not indulge. Let her live her own life and look after her kids. The day out and day in forget about her for quite a time she will repent and will make efforts to find you out where u are. As much as you will involve your self you will be loosing your life too and on the one fine morning you will perish. Try to cherish make an effort.