Should you stop someone from joining the Military

United States
August 26, 2008 11:22am CST
Good Morning, I like to get your opinion. Last night I was talking to my neighbor who is 17 years old. We talked about school, summer vacation and things that he had been doing. Than I happen to ask him what he was going to do after he graduate? He told me that he was going to join the Marines. I told him that was great, and I myself love Marines, they are very polite, and it be a good future for him, if that's what he really wanted to do. He agree and said yes, that he wanted to serve his country and wanted to fight the war. Anyway, my oldest daughter came out and started tell him, that he shouldn't because this war is useless and kept on, on and on. And she also said that if her son wanted to join she would not let him. I told her that she has no say so, when he turns 18 and he could do whatever he wants. My question to you is if your son or daughter wanted to join the Military would you stopped them or would you be there for them?
8 people like this
28 responses
@Anne18 (11036)
26 Aug 08
I would n't stop my son or daughter from joining the army or any forces. I would point out the pit falls and discuss them with them and ensure that they were making the correct disison for themselfs. The children have to choose there own path in life, if they mes up all can do is to be there to stand by them and support them.
4 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 08
I agree with you, as a parent we want what's best for our kids, but of course they never listen, We hope that when they grow up that they do the right thing, even if they don't we have to help along the way. Me, myself I would never tell my daughter not to join. if that is what she wanted to do. I would be there for her every step of the way. thank you for your response
3 people like this
@poona_m (336)
• India
26 Aug 08
Whenever I have a situation where I feel I should be stopping someone from doing something I just try to put myself in the other persons place and think of how I would have felt if someone wanted to stop me from doing something that I always wanted to do. What I believe is that we can surely discuss with them and find out how much it means to them and then decide on whether its worth to put your views in front of them. Even then you should only put your views forward and not try and influence his/her decision. After listening to your views if the other person thinks his/her logic behind doing it is not as good as your logic of why it should not be done then they may choose to not do it. I have always tried my best to do what I felt was right in my conscience. Its very rare that someone could influence me to change my decision. My husband is the only person who manages to do that on a more regular basis. Thats because he is a person who makes decisions with his mind while I let my heart make the decisions for me. And thats the reason why his logic always ends up being more practical than mine.
3 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 08
You should have seen him talking about being a Marine. He eyes lite up and he had the biggest smile ever. I told him that he would be a great person. What surprise me was that he said I was the only person who has agree with what he was doing.If someone is going do to something wrong, yes I would stop my daughter or grandson from doing it. but if it's something they really want, I let do it. thanks poona for your response.
2 people like this
@ellie333 (21029)
26 Aug 08
Hi Kaleegirl, I work at a marine camp myself and I see some of these young lads coming in and after passing out know that in a couple of weeks they may be out in Afghanistan or Iraq and it sometimes breaks my heart as they are younger than my eldest daughter and I just want to mother them rather than see them sent off to war. However saying that I wouldn't stop any of my own children from doing what they wanted to do, I have always encouraged them to be individuals and do go for what their goals and dreams in life are rather that what others would love for them to do and so far out of my three the only one that has mentioned the forces is my small son and he says he wants to work at soldieland like mummy does when he is bigger as wants to fly planes and helipcopters bless but he is only four at the moment so I will see what he would really like to do when he is older. Your daughters attitude is wrong(sorry only my opinion) as at 18 they are free to make their own choices and the more you say to a teenager they can't do something the more they want to do it anyway, but she is young at the moment when she has had children of her own she will see things from a different perspective eh! Intersting discussion question. Huggles. Ellie :D
3 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 08
Good Morning ellie, I agree with you, I also told her that if my grandson wanted to join and that if my daughter told him no, I would help him. We can't control their lifes, and I don't agree with anything she said. When we go to the airshows, there are so many young kids that want to join the military, and this is something they look forward to. I asked my neighbor, how long has he being thinking about joining and he said it's been a couple years. So it is something he wants to do. Not everyone thinks that way. I've also seen these young kids who have join, away from home, I always tell them to be careful and thank them for protecting our country. I've told my daughter she can't stop him from doing what he wants. Just because she gave birth to him don't mean anything. I like your opinion. huggles to you. Rachel
2 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 08
No, I would not stop one from joining the military. I beleive that freedom comes with a price. We live in a world of uncertainty. In a country as great as America ,"land of the free, Home of the brave". It would be correct to say, that every young American between 18 and 25 years of age, be obligated to serve 2 years in the military of their choice. It's manitory when you turn 18 years of age that you have to registor for the draft. So why not, make it manitory to, serve your Country in the military. Whats say you!!!
2 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 08
Hi dbusichio, You may have something there. If it was manditory for kids to serve two years in the military do you think that there be less gangs, less crime and we would have a better country? In Mexico, I don't know if they still do it, but once they graduate they had to serve a couple of years in the military in was manditory.
1 person likes this
@xfahctor (14111)
• Lancaster, New Hampshire
27 Aug 08
Thats pretty common in a lot of countries, military service for anywhere from 2 to 4 years depending where you live. In some countries, like Israel, it's even manditory for women.
1 person likes this
@Laura84 (191)
27 Aug 08
Yes I believe Sweden or Switzerland do it (correct me if I'm wrong).
1 person likes this
@leenie50 (3992)
• United States
26 Aug 08
Thanks sweetie for your concern for mr and my son. I adopted him at birth and would not trade a moment of our life for anything. He still lives in California and I'm back in Florida. Long story, maybe I'll tell you sometime. Anyway, I completely agree with you about letting people live their own lives. that is how we learn to be who we are meant to be. All the struggles in my life have made me a better person and I would do it all again to make sure that I learned everything I was suppose to learn. xoxoxo leenie
2 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 08
You're a good mom, not many people will adopted babies with illness.He was born to be with you. I know we are all here for a reason. We struggle and all we want is for our kids to have the best. whenever you have time to tell me your story,I will look forward to reading it. xoxo back at you
1 person likes this
@Laura84 (191)
26 Aug 08
Coming from a military family I know what it is like to have a loved one away from home a lot. In addition my fiancee is serving away at the moment. But when I see the pride their their eyes in what they do it makes me feel so proud of them. I would never stop anyone from doing what they truly want to do. I would ensure that they have seriously thought it through as it is a huge commitment to themselves and everyone around them.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 08
Hi Laura when a child starts thinking about be a soldier at a young age, they are already know what they want. to me it would be sad from keeping my child from doing something they dreamt of all their life. The boy next door, his eyes were lighting up when I talked to him about be a Marine. I had bought this glass figurenie and inside it has the emble of the Marines. I gave it to him, he was so happy. I told him to let me know when he does go and when he graduate from boot camp, I would love to go see him. He's such a nice guy, always in school, doesn't get into trouble, considering where we live, gangs and all, he's one of a few that didn't get involved with the wrong crowd. Laura tell your husband thank you for protecting the U.S. With them I don't know where we would be at. thank God for our military.
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16072)
• United States
26 Aug 08
[i]Hi kaleegirl, As much as I appreciate this type of dedication to the Country and people but when I have a kids who will be interested, maybe I am one of those who will talk to them not to continue their plan.. I will be for sure restless and worried each day of my life as they will be there![/i]
2 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 08
Hi checapricorn, I have always been the type of parent that if my daughter wanted to join the military I would there for her. of course I would worry that something could happen to her and would not relax until the day she was home. As parents we need to support our kids in the discsion that they make. but if you talk them into not going, one day they will look back and blame you for something they wanted. My brother who serve in vietnam, wanted so much to be a gunner, he was the only male child and by law he was not to go to the front line to fight. My mother sign a form stating that he was not allowed to fight or tranfered to any another place where shooting was involved. When my brother ask to be transfer, they denied him. he asked why and they told him, your mother sign a form, where you are not allow to go into combat, he was very upset and felt he didn't serve his country. He told me he didn't feel like that man he should have been. To this day, he resents my mother signing that form.
1 person likes this
@TheCatLady (4696)
• Israel
27 Aug 08
I live in a country with mandatory military. All noral able-bodied people are supposed to serve. A lot manage to get exempt, and some should be, but morally most should serve in some form. I'm all for the military. I don't have kids, but I think everyone should serve their country, whatever country they live in. I would die of embarrassment if my kids didn't want to serve. If no one does, we might as well just hand over the key to our enemies. I was way to old (and disabled)for the army when I moved here. They don't want middle aged women anyway. But I joined the local civilian police guard. I helped patrol my town for about 5 years until I got to weak to carry the carbine rifle for very long. If I had moved here at 18 as I wanted to, I would have wanted to do army like every other 18 year old girl. I don't know if they would have taken me due to health issues, but I would have tried.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 08
Hi ThecatLady, What country do you live in? I agree with you. Especially kids that are getting into trouble, for a stupid mistake, first time offenders, like stealing, getting caught spraying the freeways with paint, thing like these, they should make them join the military, teach them a couple of things. Teach to have respect for others. Remember vietnam war, everyone was getting married, getting the girlsfriend pregnant, and moving into other countries so that they didn't have to go to war. How sad is that. I feel that same way you did. I was not able to join. Thank you for posting.
• Israel
27 Aug 08
I live in Israel. You hope when it's your kid's time to serve there won't be a hot war going on, or at least that they will have a safe assignment, but someones kid will get the dangerous assignments. There is no choice if we want to continue to live in a free country.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Aug 08
I hope for the best and I also wish that this war would hurry and end. We need to bring our troops. I don't see my daughter joining any time soon. Take care and thank you again for posting.
@xfahctor (14111)
• Lancaster, New Hampshire
26 Aug 08
I think you should encourage him to examine his options carefully and encourage him to ask a lot of questions. In addition, make sure he understands that joining the military these days in all likelyhood means one will see combat. I hear too many who join and then are shocked when they have to go and do what they signed up to do. It's like bieng hired for a job and then being suprised when they expect you to show up for work. Also, make sure he joins for the right reasons. Not for glory or the education or the travel, but because he wants to serve his country in the most unselfish and patroitic way he can and represent his nation proudly.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 08
I can't do that, since he's not my son, he's my next door neighbor. the only thing is I don't think that they will send him to fight the war, since he is an only child. Unless that has changed. I know both recruits talked to his mom and i haven't had the chance to ask her about it. so i really can't tell why he decide to join. Maybe he is tried of living here and wants out of the neighbor. We all have different reasons for different thing. thanks for your respond.
@xfahctor (14111)
• Lancaster, New Hampshire
27 Aug 08
well, they won't send him at 17, but once he's 18, you can almost count on it. anyway, good luck.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Apr 09
He'll be graduating this June and he is so ready to go.
• United States
27 Aug 08
I have a lot of mixed feelings about this and have for many years. I'm a military brat and my father served in the Navy. He served several terms in Nam and when he came out he wasn't the best person all the time, often moody and violent. I had to sever my relationship with him a decade ago and while it is sad I don't regret it for a moment. I know my oldest child can't join because of medical problems but my next to oldest could and has expressed a desire to do so from time to time. I'm really torn about it because while I would never stop him from joining if that is what he really wanted to do I have a very negative opinion about the Iraq War and Bush's roll in the whole thing. I will not disrespect our military because they are doing what they have to do but I don't want my child involved with it as far as Iraq goes. Hopefully by time my son turns 18 (he turned 15 in May) the Iraq war will be over and our men and women will be home, or at the very least not there the way they are now.
• United States
27 Aug 08
Hi my my brother came back the same way, actually he was a wife beater,drank, and could care less about the people around him. I also hope that my the time my neighbor goes the war will come to end. He leave next June, it's seem like a long time, but now a day time flys, and before you know that date is here. I'm so sorry to hear about your son. And maybe your youngest will think different in a couple of years. My daughter did, she wanted to join, we even went to the recruits office to get information, she was very excited, now she wants to be a writer. This was is something that should have ended a long time ago. This war should have never happen. thank you for your response.
• United States
27 Aug 08
Oh yeah, he beat my mom and step mom both mercilessly. They have a codependent relationship, him and my step. Both drunks, both abuser/abusee. Too much drama.
1 person likes this
@missybal (4492)
• United States
27 Aug 08
My husband is in the military although he didn't enlist until he was 23 but his father and his father's father before him signed up at age 18. Even know my husband was older when he signed up he still really grew in the military. It has given him so much confidence. He's planning to become an officer. Really I think that the people today at least know more what they are getting themselves into. It's not like the people who signed up before 9/11 and didn't expect to be in the middle of all this fighting for the freedom of another country. It's a great life, hard but rewarding. You were right to say what you did. If that is what he wants then he is an old enough to make his own decisions. If my son or daughter wanted to enlist I would be very proud... worried but proud. Of course a great deal of the risk is what career field they plan to go into... not all military see war even today. My husband hasn't had to deal with much more than a couple of bomb threats. Seriously it may sound like a big deal to you but we're quite use to it now.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 08
Hi missybal, what do you mean your quite use to it? I think after 9/11 everyone wanted to join. And you're right not all branches are invovled in the war zone. Navy is one that has nothing to do with the war on the ground, but they handle all rocket from the ship. So each branch does something different and it all depends on which branch they join. Some actually look forward to going to the front line. Take care and thank you for posting.
@missybal (4492)
• United States
27 Aug 08
What I mean is that when you are in the military you become numb to things like bomb threats and only think about the things you can do something about. The risk just doesn't seem as extreme as it did in the beginning, and you are forced to look at it as a career... a job that must be done. Not just in service to your country but in service to family.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Aug 08
I feel that you can do your best to stop someone from joining the military, but it never works. If someone really wants something, and they want it badly, then there is nothing that anyone can do to stop them.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Aug 08
Hi rogue You're right, if someone is trying to stop someone from joining, don't you think that person is going to feel bad? Why is it that some people look at the military as something so bad. So join to better themselves, they can be getting into trouble all the time and need someone to be setting them straight. I have a friend, that made a career of the Army, and he couldn't do anything because he needed someone to tell him what need to be done. He didn't like the civilian life. Now he is retire and trying to deal with the outside world. thanks for psoting
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Aug 08
Have you seen the WAR that we are in lately? Why would anyone want to be in the military knowing that their chances of winning the war and staying alive are slim? I thought about the military, but since I am the only child alive in my family now, I cannot possibly join knowing that I might not come back, that, and I am in bad physical health.
@mikinikih (201)
• United States
27 Aug 08
I don't think you can tell someone they "can't" join the military. You can help make them aware of its negative aspects, but especially if it's your child, no isn't truly an option. I think telling a child no just makes him/her want whatever it is even more. In the end our children need to know they are loved and supported, even when we don't agree with their decisions.
• United States
27 Aug 08
Hi mikinikih, Your right, the more you tell not too, the more they want it. I say just let them do what they want. it's their lives, we can only mother them so much. Give them a chance to discover what is out there. thank you for posting.
@sweetyethot (1738)
• China
27 Aug 08
im not a mom yet.my mom often says that she woulndt let my younger brother join the military,while i think joining army and being a soldier is something cool.i should make it clear that im a girl and it's not popular for girls to join the military here.it's believed that life in the military is very tough.in my opinion,it's an honor to serve your country,and also tough life is good for your growth.you can learn a lot from it.so ,if my son or daughter be chosen to serve the country,i will encourage him or her to do a good job in the military.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 08
Hi sweetyethot, What country are you from? I think they should let both men and women join i they want to. One can learn so much from an experience like this. It's just sad the there always has to be a war. I'm proud to be an American, where I have can chose if I want to join or not. And of course I would join. thanks for posting.
@haarvik (12)
• United States
27 Aug 08
Let me share something with you. When I was young, I was totally against the military. In fact, I was so against it that were a draft instituted when I was eligible, I was already prepared to go to Canada. When I was 17, I was facing some issues and needed to make a choice for my future. After talking with several family friends, I decided to enlist in the Navy. I spent 3 years on active duty. The experience changed my life. I had gained new found respect not only for those who serve, but for my country and forefathers. In our modern, easily offended society, I think it is admirable that this young man wants to serve his country. This is one of the things that makes our country great. Not everyone shares the same beliefs. However, people should not try and force their beliefs on others. When young adults make decisions of this magnitude, it is admirable. Those of us who are older should support their decisions no matter our beliefs. We cannot live their life, and to not be supportive shows a great deal of selfishness on our part. Tom Johnson www.pixelbliss.com
• United States
27 Aug 08
hi haarvik, I enjoy reading your post. My neighbor is not my son, but I feel so proud that he doing what he wants. "He kept telling his mom, you mom some here is supporting me." All he wants is for his friends and family to support him, if my daugther give him negative ideas, this is going to bust his bubble. If it was not for all the men and women who have server our country, we be in deep sh*&. We alerady lived our lifes, so why not let them do live there own. Tom, I truely enjoy reading your post. I'm happy that your family helped out with your descison. thank you for posting
@palonghorn (5490)
• United States
27 Aug 08
If either of my daughters had wanted to join the armed services, I would have been there for them, giving them my support. It sounds like your daughter doesn't have a full view of the armed services. Yes, there is a chance that he would get through basics and be deployed overseas. However, he would also have living expenses covered, college paid for, there are a lot of advantages to joining the military. And I agree with you, she wouldn't have any say so, at 18 they can do what they want even if it is something that you don't like. My son-in-law is an Army Sergeant, so my daughter didn't join the Army, she married it, almost the same thing lol. He has been deployed to Iraq 3 times, and possibly going again. Luckily he has come home from each deployment, on his last deployment he re-enlisted on July 4th. So my family supports our troops. You might not support the war, but we can all support our troops.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 08
Hi palong, I agree with you, all we can do is support our kids and their decisions. I've told my youngest, you have everything there. If you join the Navy, you travel, you get to go a the ships, I was more excited that her. but my time is long gone pass and never joined. So now if she does join, I'll be there for her. I always wanted to marry a military man, that never happen either. it's true, she part of the Army. I wish your son-in-law the best and for him to come home safe whenever he gets deployed. You're daughter must be a very strong person. I think the world of our troops, and I also support them. I don't think any of us support the war, and I hope that all of us will support our troops. thank you for your posting.
• China
27 Aug 08
yes i think a young should go to army to fight for his country .but that is only for that the world need peace from war
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 08
hi iam, I think that the person that really want to join should, and if there is a draft again, so will go even if they don't want to. These men and women do so much for our country that they desever more. thank you for your posting.
@bestcj (278)
• Philippines
27 Aug 08
Well this a good question actually. I know it's hard being a military especially if your love one is the joining the corps. But stopping someone joining the military is like stopping a man to reach his dream. It's ok to give some advice or inform the guy about what it takes to be a military man. But still it's his own decision to make.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 08
hi bestcj, I like the way you put it, "stopping a man from reaching his dream" you're right give advice, but don't put the military down. I'm surprise how some go in as kids and after boot camp they are men. And so proud of themself that they accomplish something. All I told my neighbor was that i was there to support him and I wish him the best. thanks for respond.
@hiddenwing (3721)
• China
27 Aug 08
I can imagine. I won't. Now, it is my mom's business!
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 08
Hi hiddenwing, It's hard to imagine something like this. We can talk about it and give our opinions but when the time comes to where a family member wants to join, it is totally different. I would support my daughter, as matter fact she had her mind set up, and she wanted to work with the BlueAngels. I did tell her if that what she wanted to she should do it. This was about 2 years ago, now she has other plans. thank you for responding.
@airl1527 (355)
• China
27 Aug 08
I won't, i think.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Aug 08
Hi airl, it's okay, I was just asking for everyone opinion. take care and have a good day.