Tonight He Told me He Loved Me...But I Am Already Married!!!

friends - an admirer from afar
United States
August 27, 2008 12:36am CST
Oh god why does this keep happening? One of my best friends just wrote to me and told me that he is head over heels in love with me. There is just one major problem with this...I AM MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE. This guy and I met over the internet. We hit it off in terms of movies, music, lyrics, and poetry. Plus, he lives in the same town that I once lived in in Germany. He hooked me up with photos from there and helped find out a lot about some friends i lost touch with over there. He calls me when he needs a shoulder to cry on. I always thought of him as a really good friend. I still do. Now, I don't know what to think. I mean he knows I am married and he is respecting my marriage. He was there for me through the bad patch that my hubby and I went through and I think it made him angry that hubby was being such a jerk. This keeps happening to me. I have a lot of guy friends and I am as real as I can be with them as I can be. I don't flirt. I always tell them right off that I am married and that is not going to change so they need to mind their manners. Next thing I know, I got him crying to me saying that they love me. What the hell is it about me that is so alluring? I don't think I am so interesting. I mean yeah I like a lot of different things. I am open minded but I don't think I am gorgeous or anything. I don't want to lose another friend over this. I am at a loss for words. I don't know what to do. HELP HELP HELP! Liv
6 people like this
18 responses
@schulzie (4064)
• United States
28 Aug 08
Well, I guess you would be flattered that this person told you that he loves you, but you are married. I would tell him that I am married and that my relationship with him is only friends. And if he can't respect that then the relationship has to end. You cannot be friends with a man that is pursuing you romantically if you are already married. You can only be friends, nothing more. He needs to respect your marriage and back away from you romantically, otherwise he is not your friend. We are only human and if you are a nice person and have been there for him then sometimes the result could be to fall in love, but he has to ignore those feelings as you are already married. Friendship is wonderful, but marriage is more important. Have a great day and happy myLotting!!!
• United States
28 Aug 08
I wrote him back and told him that. Thank youo so much. I am just waiting for a reply. Liv
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Aug 08
If I were you I would remind him you are married and that you two are only friends. He should respect that, if he doesn't then I would end the friendship. I don't know why he would tell you that since he knows you're married already.
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
27 Aug 08
Well .. i think you must emphatic for him, you must tell them you belongs to other guy, and nothing can change it ... The probs is you can never get it done if you not reaffirm your position with the guy that you are already married, and what you can do is just being his friend, not more than that, if you can make sure your position for him, i'm pretty sure the probs is done, and if he really your best friend he will accept that no matter how hard he feels ... Just don't be afraid to tell him the truth, i'm sure it will crush his heart, but i'm really sure if he is a good friend he will accept that ... ^_^ Have a nice day ... GO GO GO
• United States
27 Aug 08
Just let him know that no matter what, you can continue to be friends, but nothing more. I had the same thing happen to me and it just got to the point that I could no longer be his friend, because he kept wanting more. Sometimes if it gets to that thats what you got to do. Cause I kept informing him, I am married, I am married. But it never got through to his head. So I eventually couldn't be his friend. Let him know that you are with your husband and you will always be your husband, and if he can't respect that then, you may need to break this friendship off, for the sake of your marriage.
• United States
27 Aug 08
Thanks so much. That is pretty much what I have resigned myself to do. I am just worried about losing a friend...again. But I have to do it as you said for the sake of my marriage which is more important to me. Liv
2 people like this
• Philippines
28 Aug 08
Good day.. Hope that you resolve it and still keep him as a friend. thanks for the BR.
1 person likes this
@quinnkl (1668)
• United States
28 Aug 08
You need to remind him you are married but that you love him as a friend only. Maybe he has a crush, or maybe he just loves the fact that you can communicate so openly. People who are good listeners are often "attractive" to those we listen to.
2 people like this
• United States
28 Aug 08
LOL It's funny you should say that. My husband said the exact same thing. I shared this with my hubby and he kinda laughed at first. He said he had every confidence in me and even if I lose another friend I shouldn't let it change who I am. Liv
1 person likes this
@titagdl (136)
• Mexico
27 Aug 08
You should be honest and direct with him because if he´s got those feelings,I think that you may have led him on in some way because people just don´t fall in love with someone who doesn´t show at least some interest in them, and even more if they are married. Something happened there that led him to believe you might correspond his feelings.
2 people like this
• United States
27 Aug 08
If there was anything that I did to lead him on, I am totally unaware of it. As I said, he has been nothing but a friend to me. From the beginning, i told him that i was married and while we had problems I still am emphatically in love with him. He even knows that my hubby and I are trying to have another baby. Liv
1 person likes this
• India
27 Aug 08
maybe you are so good and simple that the guys got crush on you so by my point of view you should tell him straitly that this is not possible im married to someone else before and we are friends and will be frnds forever but the relation you want from me its not possible also tell him that you please try to understand me tell him that just think that if you were my husband and you came to know that i one of my friend propose me and i also accept his proposal what will you thght then ... best of luck
2 people like this
• United States
27 Aug 08
I think you are right. I think everyone is right. I need to again tell him that I am married and just be honest with him. I cannot be what he wants and if he cannot control himself, then our friendship must end. Thank you for your advice. Liv
1 person likes this
@xujinjie (41)
• China
28 Aug 08
sometimes we know what we are doing.We all know what will happen.IF you can take a positive attitude to deal with your problem. you can get a good solution.
• China
27 Aug 08
Hi kpendragon77 I regreted for your experience. Losing friends is such a awfull feeling that you were at a loss. Mybe time is the best healer. Perhaps someday when his ardor disapearing, you are still good friends. I thougth you'd better keep distance from him. It's just an advice. Wish you a happy end, my friend.
2 people like this
@Verity (851)
28 Aug 08
You only met this guy in the internet whose personal identity is unknown enough or even if he is just living in your neighborhood yet, it will not suffice that you would confine all his sweet words because you are just leading yourself to infidelity that would result to betrayal of your marital relationship. You may try to respect your marriage if you have a healthy and harmonious marriage with your husband.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Aug 08
Uh no actually we have met in person before. He came down for a conference and he went to dinner with my husband and I. Then he returned home to Germany. I am not worried about infidelity. I have every respect for my husband and my marriage. My concern at the time was losing another friends to something rather trivial. Now, I am over it. I have so much more going for me that is more important. Liv
1 person likes this
@fifileigh (3619)
• United States
28 Aug 08
u r being too gullible...no one can falls in love over the internet. many internet people are lonely and desperate for someone. i have met similar people like that all over the world on the internet. i told them i dont date internet people, just chatting for fun as pen pals with strangers. lots of married internet people are not happily married. maybe he assumed u r having marriage problems and are willing to dump ur husband for him. i met people like that too--married people who are separated and not happy with their marriage. just telling him u r happily married, and u r happy to be his internet pen pal friend and hang out with him on the internet as friends. that's it. he will probably eventually give up, leave u alone, and go after another woman who is desperate for a relationship on the internet. i think keep on telling him u r happily married so he can get the message. but tell him u r just friends.
1 person likes this
@quinnkl (1668)
• United States
28 Aug 08
Maybe he loves the fact that your are such a good friend and is confusing the two (or has a crush). I think most people love having someone they can relate to and talk to openly. You need to remind him that you are married, and then move on from there and hope that he respects that!
1 person likes this
@GIPILKO (51)
• Philippines
28 Aug 08
I can relate to you girl...But remember that "good friends can be lovers but previous lovers cant be good friends.. So be careful on whatever your decision is and you have to stand up for the consequences.. GOODLUCK
• Philippines
27 Aug 08
Good day... I think you should re-iterate your situation as a married woman, that you are a wife to a husband. I think if you impress it to him even harder, I think he'll got the message.
1 person likes this
@APPCHEM (113)
• Pakistan
27 Aug 08
let him know that this kind of relationship is not possible & you are in love with your hubby...so its no use accepting this proposal. if he continues to pressurize yoy for this tell him that it will only jeopardize the frienship between you two. i hope he will understand your feelings....best of luck
1 person likes this
27 Aug 08
man that a touching story
1 person likes this
@magna86 (1787)
• India
27 Aug 08
well i think you are in an awful situation right now!!! but what have you planned to do??/ you are not going to accept his proposal for sure!! so try making him understand the value of friendship and its limits!!!.. make him realize what he is doing is wrong!! ... and he has got a loads of things better than this to do in his life!!! have a nice day!!
@MOMMASAM (1004)
• United States
28 Aug 08
this has happened to me, too. but, i'm not married. and i still don't "bite" when they say it. first, i think just because he loves you doesn't mean that you have to love him "in that way". yes, you are attractive, but perhaps it has nothing to do with looks. it's being REAL. it's being attentive. it's being yourself. it's chemistry that you can't hide so, the big question is, if this has happened to you before, what did you learn from this? also, can your friendship survive if you tell him, thanks, i'm so complimented, but no. ???