why is it so very very important that all women should know how to cook?

@Hatley (164654)
Garden Grove, California
August 30, 2008 8:55pm CST
I was reading a discussion that claimed all women who get 'married must have to cook, and in the vein that that was the main reason for marrying them so as to have a free built in cook and housekeeper, nothing said about love in it at all. maybe its the cultural difference that offended me' but my lotters must all women be Julia Childs in the kitchen in order to be thought of as worthy to marry? I have always known how to cook as I learned alongside my mom. what is your take on this mylotters?
13 people like this
56 responses
• United States
31 Aug 08
Unless you plan to "eat out" all of your life, someone needs to know some basic cooking skills. This seems to have always been designated to the woman, but... times have changed. Some men don't know how to do their own laundry either. The way I see it is, I didn't take anyone to raise when I got married. If you can't take care of yourself, don't expect me to nurse maid a grown man.
3 people like this
@jerzgirl (8013)
• Gloucester City, New Jersey
31 Aug 08
AMEN - if they want to have babies, they need to stop being one themselves!
2 people like this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 08
yes someone sure needs to know how to cook the bassics and usually the womam and man both can do this and its so nice to see a man cook.love it.
@gabs8513 (48716)
• United Kingdom
31 Aug 08
I relly don't know why But I do know some Women that can not cook and I have to say that I am not brilliant at cooking lol I just do the basics and thats it sometimes I try things but not often
3 people like this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 08
hi gabs me too but now I am a widow I have experimented a little also.
• India
31 Aug 08
hii frndzz,this is the thing that really tease me everytime when i think about it it's really irritating yaar, why the hell girls ve 2 learn cooking .we are the decider of our life n know very well wot 2 learn n wot not .
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 08
hi yes its sort of abummer to think that you are only good'for babes and cooking and cleaning house, dont expect us to have brain one in our heads.
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
31 Aug 08
I think it is a good idea to know how to cook...I don't like to cook..I will if I have too...I don't think that you have to be Julia Childs or any other "chef person" in order to be worthy of marriage...Back in the day when women stayed at home and the husband worked then it was okay...but now adays it is so very different..It is good to know but I don't think you should have to go to culinary school to please your family...
2 people like this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Sep 08
I think all sexes should know basic cooking and help each other, no more all the work in the house is for a woman, two incomes two people sharing the housework
@Feona1962 (7527)
• United States
8 Sep 08
My husband and I share all the things that need to be done..We like it that way..We have been together for 25 years now..He likes to cook... I agree that both should help each other....
@relundad (2311)
• United States
31 Aug 08
Let's just say that if thats the main reason for marrying a woman, then he has a long hard road ahead of him. I see nothing wrong with that being one of the many qualities that you would look for in a woman, however it definitely would not be on the top of my list for priorities. He could always find a meal even if he had to buy it from a restuarant. But some of the qualities that he should be mainly concerned with are the one's that money can't buy or that a stranger could not offer him. Like kindness, compassion, intelligence, love and affection etc.
• Slovenia
1 Sep 08
Well, I really like what you say!! :) So true :)
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 08
wow you two put what i wanted to say and didnt make clear 'into words.thanks both of you. those emotions are so needed and not always there either.
• United States
1 Sep 08
Wow, thats a bit offending, i mean yeah i know how to cook but my husband also know's how to cook, maybe even better than me at certain dishes, but really if that person thinks that way then that's a marriage going down the drain esp if that woman is supposed to cook and clean up after the man all the time, i really don't think thats right, not all women need to know how to cook, i learned from my mom as well and from my dad, and my father in law, so im pretty knowledgable in the art of cooking, but still the fact that women should know how to cook when they enter into a marriage....idunno i don't think thats right, but thats just me personally
2 people like this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Sep 08
in our modern two income families both men and women should share the coo king a nd the housework too.
@icegermany (2524)
• India
31 Aug 08
in one way i think its necessary that a girl should learn cooking. if a girl learn cooking its good and can benefit her after she gets married. i feel that its safer to learn cooking as when you get married and if your husbands place have a cook then its absolutely no need for you to cook but if there is no cook and if you have to cook then what you had learned cooking will be very useful and if you have not learned cooking it really becomes difficult for you to face the situiation. there are some girls who dont like cooking like me and then later after getting married they suffer till they learn. when i got married i was really lazy and dont like cooking and hence after my marriage i have to cook and i was not knowing to cook. later i just use to write the recipes from my mom and then cook at my inlaws place and it was really difficult and now i keep trying one or the other thing. i think its necessary for girls to learn cooking, if you dont cook for others is also fine but when you have babies you need to cook for them atleast. so its safer to learn cooking.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Sep 08
hi I grew up learning to cook at a veryearly age by mymom teaching me
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
31 Aug 08
I found myself wanting to learn how to cook because I want to cook for the people I love and see them enjoy the "fruits of my labor". It's not because I want/need someone to marry me. It might be a cultural difference but as a woman, it bothers me that we are expected to bear most of the household tasks as if we were born to do so. A lot of married women nowadays are working full-time too and to expect them to come home and cook for the family every single day gets me all riled up. If that's what some men think going into a marriage, then their potential wives should ask for payment for this second job at home.
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Sep 08
hi saint anne today we are all working just to make ends meet we should all cook, and clean and help each other
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
31 Aug 08
I am married, and neither I nor my husband really know how to cook. We know how to make a few things, and I can prep stuff, but actual cooking is, well, just unknown for us. I think it's a funny idea to have cooking be a necessary attribute in your partner for life; I can however, see it being an advantage.
2 people like this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Sep 08
hi I think in todays wo rld with everyone working, everyone should learn basic cooking skills just to survive
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
31 Aug 08
[i]Hi Hatley, I am not good in the kitchen and I admit most of the time, it's my hubby who cook for us..But, it was never be a problem!Anyway, I am trying to learn though..LOL! I guess the perception about this was handed to us since before where most of the wives are full time housewife, they don't work outside the house and they are expected to take care of the family! Today, some wives are working already and some of their partners/husbands are the one who stay home so, we have a lot of women who aren't good in cooking! But, still It's wonderful as a woman to know how to cook![/i]
2 people like this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 08
hi checapricorn yes its great when we do know how to cook, and when our guys do too.
@jerzgirl (8013)
• Gloucester City, New Jersey
31 Aug 08
That's how my ex was - he would criticize me, telling me I wasn't a "real woman" like his mother because I couldn't cook like her (but took offense when I called him a mama's boy), would spit his food out if it wasn't to his liking back into the serving dish (because if he wouldn't eat it, no one else was allowed to either), and once threw a fried egg across the room where I left it for the rest of the time I was with him because I wasn't about to clean it off the wall from his temper tantrum like a child. Yes - some of it is cultural and some of it is just plain mean, nasty, and abusive, meant to control someone they will never respect. I do cook more and am more comfortable with it than I was then (of course, the tension involved didn't help matters), but if I had to cook a full dinner every day of the week, I'd probably go mad! If I were to have a partner again in the future, I would want him to also be comfortable in the kitchen so that we could share the chore (and sometimes it is just that). I would feel that we were equals in the kitchen as well as other areas. I can hold my own mechanically as well (thanks to a father who wanted a son, not a daughter), but would prefer someone who knew more than me and enjoyed it more than I do). But, I'm not looking and don't care if I never find someone on a permanent basis. The connection I currently have is sufficient. He stays in his place and I stay in mine and once in a while he cooks dinner for me to come over and share. (Or did before I became Mom's caretaker.) I can totally appreciate that. But, both genders should know their way around a kitchen - but cooking is a skill like any other - women are not born with it any more than men are born knowing how to build houses or fix cars.
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 08
hi jerzgirl tell me about it my hubby knew jacks**t about cars'and was an excellent cook. I like to experimentat times.
@jelamar (44)
• Philippines
31 Aug 08
Actually learning how to cook doesn't only mean saving the marriage or "its all about marriage thing", there is a saying that the easiest way to get your hubby's heart is through his stomach ^_^ and cooking food for your hubs is one way of showing your love for him....
2 people like this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 08
hi jelamar how about a way to a womans heart is through her'stomach and myhubby was a wonderful cook.lol
@youless (91498)
• Guangzhou, China
31 Aug 08
That's because people always think that woman shall do more housework. This is her main role for a family. Here we have a saying. If you want to catch your husband's heart, then at first you have to catch his stomach:) I love China
2 people like this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 08
hi youless yes its a nice role but being a helping breadwinner here in the US is also a nice role, if hubby loses job mom can still work too
• United States
31 Aug 08
Great to hear from you again, Hatley! Doesn't it seem strange that many of the same people who claim cooking is something every woman must do insist that only men can be great chefs? In some cultures, there are certain criteria for wives, including cooking, and that's all that matters. People not only aren't necessarily in love when they marry; they've often not even met! Marriage is arranged for political and financial reasons, in order to benefit the families of the bride and groom. I can't imagine how this is still the case in this day and age, but I guess it's very much a cultural difference. My mother was a terrible cook, so my sister and my brothree and I taught ourselves when we were very young. We've all taught gourmet cooking classes, and we're really outstanding at it. None of us married people who care whether we can or not -- our good cooking is just a little more icing on the cake!
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
31 Aug 08
hi cobrateacher I learned how to cook when I was just a little girl by helping my mom, she taught me well so always knew how and I married a man who was a cook by proffession so was very lucky also he helped me with the housework but would not wash a dish. lol.
1 person likes this
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
31 Aug 08
I have been married twice. The first time I did ask my wife to be if she could cook spaghetti as I really love it. She made me a big pot of it I do not think cooking is a good reason to get married, Love is the only reason If you marry someone and they cannot cook and you cannot cook, then you have lots of time for one of you to learn how.
• United States
31 Aug 08
Why not both?
1 person likes this
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
31 Aug 08
Because with the second one I didn't really care if she could cook spaghetti, I suppose. The first one had actually asked me what kind of foods I liked, so I mentioned spaghetti and asking her if she could cook was really a joke. I know how to cook so I wasn't worried about starving With the second, I was just happy to have someone come into my life Amazing how things change between the age of 22 and 50
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
31 Aug 08
hi fwidman its so great when both of you can cook, more fun 'that way, my husband, I am now widowed, was a great cook.
@mummymo (23707)
2 Sep 08
And what century was the person who posted that from Hatley? I will make sure that my daughter can cook, do laundry etc BUT I will also be doing that for my son too. Not because I think they have to be responsible for their spouse but because I think they need to know how to look after themselves and be independant. In fact my son has been ironing his own clothes since just before he was 14! xxx
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Sep 08
mummymo hi he was an Asisan I believe anyway I and my husband both cooked, and I taught my son to cook and do laundry too.
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23707)
5 Sep 08
i guess different cultures as well as individuals do have different expectations but i do believe that boys should be taught to look after themselves the same way as girls are - glad you did the same! xxx
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 08
hi my son is really a great cook
• United States
1 Sep 08
I am offended but only because it brings back sad AND bad memories. Sad? Because I realized too late how much fun I could have had cooking with my mom...and now that she's gone, I can't. Bad? Because of my lack of skills, my ex (who didn't want my friends or family around), and that everyones got their own lives, I'm afraid to invite anyone over. Plus, why am I going to cook an elaborate meal for just one?
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Sep 08
scorpiobabes its easy to learn to cook and it doesnt have o be a gourmet meal. dont be so down on yourself you are someone, love yourself, learn to cook yourself a fantastic meal, you deserve it then maybe invite a friend. be proud of you
• United States
5 Sep 08
barley, thank you for believing in me! I've actually been cooking for 25 years, but have only attempted a few meals (one a dinner for my dad's birthday that he liked--and he doesn't like poultry! I'm not good at creating meals for one--I'll have to look for some books or websites and make some meals that I like! Thanks for cheering me up!
• Singapore
31 Aug 08
Hi Patsie, I think it is a traditional view that all women must know how to cook. In the traditional societies, men hold the fore outside by being the main breadwinner. Women on the other hand muster the nest at home and since dining out and takeaways (or home delivery for that matter) are not wholly common in those times, knowing how to cook (and cook well) is a very distinctive barometer of how capable a wife is. If you can't cook, what is your husband and children going to eat? If you cook bad and they suffer from malnutrition, boredom or constant vomiting from unpalatable food, can you claim to be a fine wife and mother? So it was (past tense) very important that women should know how to cook, and well at that. Times have changed, or move "forward" as some might insist. Women have become more important (they always were important but they are now more in the limelight in more nontraditional arenas - can you imagine the US president being female say 50 years ago?). Now we often see the woman out at work together with her man. It is not unheard of for women to be the breadwinners while their men stay at home to be househusbands. Yet despite what I just said, I feel that knowing how to cook give you an extra edge. It is another way you can show you love your husband and children (the flip side is also true - a man can always learn to cook to please his wife and children). So insist now whether a woman should learn how to cook. If you love your husband and children, pick up cooking and learn to cook really well. It used to be said that the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach. It may not be absolutely true now since there are so many varieties of nice food "outside" that it is impossible to learn them all and well. Nevertheless, if you can whip up an occasional, delicious home-cooked meal for your family, I am sure they would all the more love you for it. Cheers Patsie.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Sep 08
hi I do think all people men and women should have been taught to cook in their youth just for basic survival, and I like coookingfor my family but I am now a widow. we both did cook.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
5 Sep 08
Thanks for the BR, sweetie Patsie.
1 person likes this
@eztuner (451)
• United States
9 Sep 08
As you mentioned cultural factors play an important role. When I got married I did not know how to cook at all. First because I live in a country where we have maids that perform the task. My mother always worked out of the house and she almost never cooked. Later in our life the family business was a Restaurant. Personally I don't like to cook. When I married beside all the above, my wonderful husband enjoys cooking and he KNOWS how to cook with the perfection of an International Chef, been the French my preferred cuisine. Over the years I have learned because when my husband cooks Iam around, Iam the assistant! I have learned my way in the kitchen, but what I really enjoy is Baking all types of desserts, cakes, cookies etc. In that without modesty Iam very Good! But in my opinion there is no obligation to be Ms. Julia Childs. TV dinners, Pizza hut, and any Take out can help you while you become Emeryl.
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 08
hi I firemly feel all people should knowhow to cook.
6 Sep 08
That is the promises that you have made when marry him / her..
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164654)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 08
I beg to differ here in the US we do not promise to be acook at alll we promise to love honor and obey not cook slave and die young while the guy wears out more wives