are you able to work???

@4ofmyown (1120)
United States
August 31, 2008 12:57pm CST
I worked all through high school and after I graduated. The only time I ever took time off was when I had my kids, for 4 years. I went back to work when they were all in school for about 5 years....then..the depression and anxiety hit. I took a year off of work and loved it. I was a wife, a mom and homemaker. I could help at school and always have a clean house and dinners made. 2 weeks ago I went back to work...I am miserable! For the past 2 days I did not want to even get out of bed. I feel completely overwhelmed and I miss being home and doing things at my own pace. I feel like my house is a mess and I don't know where to begin. My husband has been helping ALOT and I know he is glad that I am working just because of the extra money coming in but I just don't think I can do it. What would you do??? I really want to tell my husband but I don't want him to think I just gave up and put all the stress back on him. HELP!!!!
7 people like this
14 responses
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
31 Aug 08
i think u should tell him how u feel. the extra money is nice i know but not worth u being sick over. maybe if u tried a different job, at home even it would help. i hope u feel better. tell him!!
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
31 Aug 08
Thank you!!! I know once I talk to him that is exactly what he will say but I am afraid I will feel like I let him down. I think feeling that way is worse than the work..you know? Thanks again
@ANTIQUELADY (36491)
• United States
31 Aug 08
u shouldn't feel that way at all. i found out a long time ago the hard way if u don't look after yourself noone else will. if he doesn't know how u feel, how can he help u. please talk to him & look after yourself. i'm not trying to be bossy or nosey or whatever u might think. i'm really concerned about u. u are lucky u have a ubderstanding husband, i didn't .
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
31 Aug 08
Thank you so much. You are so nice...thanks for caring. I will talk to him, tonight. I will let you know how everything turns out. I just think I would be better off here...everyone would be better off. Thanks again.
• United States
31 Aug 08
I have just went through this same thing and I know exactly how you feel. I have been a house wife for the last 6 years after working most of my life and being a workaholic. Times were getting hard and I decided to go back to work. I had been working here and there through temps when they had the work available but those jobs are getting few and far between here. One temp agency sent me to a place where I could go full time after so many months on the job. I hated it. I hated the way people would stand around and talk knowing that we would have to work late to get the job finished. I hated the atmosphere, the work, and the conditions there. Being a house wife I was used to working my way and before that I was a lead so I was still used to working my way. I am not in any way afraid of hard work but that job as awful. I got called to jury selection and prayed I would be selected because I was told I would be replaced if it lasted more than a day. Being a temp employee they could do that. to make a long story short. When I got home that evening my husband asked me if I had called to let work know that I would be back to work. I told him no that I kind of did not want to go back. I told him I missed being here for the children and getting up in the mornings to take care of him. I missed having a clean house and having dinner at a decent hour. He told me that he would rather me stay home any way that he didn't like having to help around the house. That he liked being took care of. It might be a good idea just to talk to your husband he might feel the same way you do. I do feel bad for him having all the stress of supporting this family. I have also found a way to help out some. If you can type fairly fast and accurate and are good at finding information quickly on the web I might be able to help you out. Let me know if you are interested and I will pm you the information. talk to him you might be surprised.
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
31 Aug 08
Thanks for sharing your story with me (and everyone else). The whole time I wasn't working my husband used to tell me that he loved me being home. He, too, loved being taken care of and I loved doing it. I know I need to talk to him, I just don't want him to think I bailed on him. That would be great if you could send me some info. Thanks, alot!
• United States
31 Aug 08
I will send you a pm right now. Once you talk to him you will feel better.
@carl1105 (114)
• China
1 Sep 08
it is a hard time for you ,but only temporary .you feel tired just because you have stayed home for long time. i think you should insist,don't give up,everyting wil become fluent,time can change all,believe yourself.
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
1 Sep 08
Thank you for the very positive message. I hope so...that is why I don't just want to give up but I also don't want to be freaked out either. I hoping that it starts to become easier. Thanks again.
• Nepal
1 Sep 08
Well this is good thing if you trying to make the extra money and good luck for the married life. I am also trying to make extra money. I have planned to make the post 500 today. so I am working hard today.
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
1 Sep 08
I thought of that too. I know some people make some extra money on mylot. Good luck on your postings!
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
1 Sep 08
i don't have a child yet... so working full time for me is no problem yet at the moment... but when i have a child in the future, i might not be able to work as well... so i fully understand completely how you feel... because i feel so tired as well everyday after work even though i don't have to look after a child yet... but i still have to do the household chores and cook everyday... anyway, i wish you all the best and explain your feelings to your hubby... hopefully he will be able to understand... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
1 Sep 08
Thank you for your comment and best wishes. So should be having your husband help you with all of that now because it will be very hard when you have a child!!! Good luck to you also.
• China
1 Sep 08
Maybe you can talk that with your husband.To ask him help you some house work,or you can change to an easy job.Don't make yourself too tired,hope everything can go in your way soon.
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
1 Sep 08
Thank you.. my husband is very helpful. I think it is the shock of being not working for so many years. Hopefully I will adjust soon and things will get easier.
@nice030481 (1108)
• Philippines
1 Sep 08
there are time that i have the same feeling as you are, im now going to be mother of two, this month is my due date for my second baby, i really dont want to work after i give birth to my baby, but theres nothing i could do, my husband income cannot support our family, so i have to work. i will give birth maybe tis Sept 8, but i still working until now. it is not because i like to work but because i have to do it. for my family. in your situation, if you really dont want your current job, you can find another one that fit you most. it is better that you and your husband have work to support your family.
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
1 Sep 08
I agree...I am going to try and find something that I will feel more comfortable doing. Thanks
@rsa101 (13337)
• Philippines
1 Sep 08
Well I guess you are just overwhelmed by the work that was added to you. Maybe its time for you and your husband to talk it over. If your husband can carry everything then maybe you should consider staying at home. But if its really hard to make things meet at the end of each month then you really have to help him on money matters. I guess you just need to adjust on how things go out in the real world. I guess you have established yourself in your house and now that you've come out of your comfort zone you felt the fear going out but then you can go for it if you really want it to happen.
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
1 Sep 08
I think you are kind of right. I definitely have a comfort zone at home. I am my own boss and things are done when and how I want them to be done. The only schedule I have is to drop of and pick up the kids from school and then any sports they have. The worst part is that even with my paycheck that I would be making we would still be struggling...so to me it seems like a lose-lose situation. Thanks for your comment.
@cripfemme (7719)
• United States
1 Sep 08
Yes, I am able to work. But unlike you I don't have kids. Balancing kids and work is the modern woman's hardest task, or so I hear. If you really want to be a housewife try selling Avon or having home parties where you sell tupperware. Women do this and are able to be homemakers while still earning money. Just my suggestion.
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
1 Sep 08
Thanks...that is not a bad idea. I actually know a few people that sell Mary Kay and things like that. I am sure if I looked hard enough there must be something that would interest me enough to do. Thanks for the suggestion.
@Cannonball (3639)
• France
1 Sep 08
I don't think its necessary to go to work just to bring extra money and actually ruining your health at the same time. I stopped going out from home for a long time now since everything and everybody are just f*cked up outside and since I need time to adjust myself again with the help of my therapist.So I'm not able to work and I'm not gonna waste my short life just because things has to be like dat. If your husband really love you he could tolerate you need a rest
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
1 Sep 08
My husband has told me right along that if I really don't want to work then I should stay home. But the guilt I feel for not working is awful sometimes. I know I shouldn't feel that way because everyone seems alot happier when I am home but I don't know. I did tell him I don't want to work anymore and he said he would rather have me stay home than feel the way I do. Can I please have winning lottery ticket??? That might help. Thanks for your comment, I appreciate it.
• United States
31 Aug 08
unfortunately im stuck in that right now.. my health took a crap on me and i havent been able to work in the last 3 years and i have always loved working.. i hate hate hate that my hubby is having to be the bread winner but i cant do anything about it and he understands that.. you just got to figure out if its something you can get over or if its a serious sign you need to not work..
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
1 Sep 08
See, that is the same with me!!! I never had a problem working and I don't like my husband being stressed either. The thought of having a little extra income seems SOOO nice, I would like to think that would trump the feelings I am having. Thanks for your comment!
@katsmeow1213 (28715)
• United States
31 Aug 08
I currently don't work because I have 5 kids and can't afford child care. The oldest of my kids is 11, and the youngest is 7 months. I will be at home for at least another 4 years until the little one is in preschool. I don't always like being a stay at home mom, and a few times I went out to get a part time job, but felt like you, overwhelmed. It's difficult to juggle work and family. If I were you I would try to only work part time for now, a couple days a week. That way you can stay on top of your housework and still bring in some money. If that doesn't do it for you, perhaps you could watch a couple children during the day so you're bringing in income, but still at home to get chores done.
@4ofmyown (1120)
• United States
1 Sep 08
Thank you for the suggestion...maybe working only 2 -3 days won't be so bad. I am like you, together we have 6 kids and I have plenty to do here at home. As much as my husband helps out it still seems like I am always trying to catch up if I don't do something everyday. Thank you for your support.
@besthope44 (12146)
• India
9 Oct 10
Most time, its my work..with ontime deliveries and work loads. I try to divert mind on music and i feel better. We need to manage depression, as it is part of life in busy world. But if we concentrate, we can manage it. I does it through my yoga, listening music and going out on vacation.
@mflower2053 (3227)
• United States
30 Oct 08
Sorry to hear you are having trouble and this email is pretty old so by now I'm sure you figured out something. Right now my kids are still little so I don't plan on going back to work for a while but I think once I do have to go back to work I will be really use to being on my own time. Maybe you should look into getting a part time job so you can still have some money coming in or even getting a job at the school so you can still have time to do things around your house.