parenting style.

@adoremay (2069)
Philippines
September 1, 2008 7:36am CST
I am planning to treat my children (when I will have them in the future) in a friendlier way. I don't intend to let them experience a boy scout system or worst into a military way. I grew up fearing father all the time, he was so strict that anything you say and do would definitely harm you in return. I was so afraid that of him that when at home I don't talk and move that much when I was young. However, when my niece grew up, I noticed that treating children in a friend to friend basis has also a disadvantage. It seems that when raising a child there is no system that should really be followed in order to be effective. Or is there? How do you raise your child? What is your parenting style?
3 people like this
5 responses
• India
1 Sep 08
yes it depends on u how u handle your children....you should be telling them what s wrong an what is right ....but u should not be that much strict as your father was. I m sorry i am getting bit negative about your father but what i can make out about him it reveals that he acted as an military dictator for his children which defintly created a terror in his children which was not right on his part .....so please u should be telling your child what s wrong in life in a bit strict manner ( i hope u understand it doesn't means u should be harsh on him or her like your father was but at the same time u should be very loving to him or her because that will only make him or her grow personnaly or professionaly in life.. an u must tell them what s wrong but if they don't understand please be strict ....obviously u r getting strict for their bright future only but it should not be that much strict to creat a terror in them....i hope u understand what i mean to say ........
@adoremay (2069)
• Philippines
2 Sep 08
I don't want to implement to much strictness indeed. It is not good, based on my experience, so I don't want to pass it down.
• India
2 Sep 08
well i have clearly mentioned u should not be too much strict wid ur child ....be too much loving an caring but it should not be that u give them too much liberty at the cost of their future in fact u r the best judge in this regard....please dont take it otherwise....
@adoremay (2069)
• Philippines
2 Sep 08
I think father is just strict, but he do love us.
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
2 Sep 08
I think I was fortunate that my mother was a teacher. She wasn't such a good mother, but I thought that a teacher/student type of relationship with a child is a good way to raise them. Children are like little sponges, just waiting to soak up information. If you supply that information, they will retain it forever. I taught my children everything they wanted to learn or, if I didn't know a particular thing, I would help them to find a way to learn. I let them know that I was always there for them; to guide them, to assist them, to listen to them. Children need to know that they have a parent who will always be there for whatever their needs may be. Being consistent is MAJOR! Children need consistency and limits. They will test their limits simply because it is instinctive to see where their borders are. You have to stand firm and always explain WHY the limits are there. Explaining things to children is also very important. They need rules and limits, but they also need to understand WHY they are there. I let my children know, from an early age, that if they believed I was wrong about something, they could tell me and we would sit down and discuss it. They would tell me why they thought it was wrong and I would explain why I thought it was right. Parents are also human and capable of making mistakes. Getting angry at a child never works. Forcing them to behave in a very rigid way doesn't work, either. Children need to grow and expand. They need to be allowed to make decisions and then learn from their own mistakes. Teach them, guide them, allow them room to expand but let them know that you are always there for them. A good, strong, solid foundation leads to a very stable and secure adult. My children are now grown and are very capable and confident. They still call me if they need advice or reassurance. We are still very close because they know I love them and have always done my best for them.
@adoremay (2069)
• Philippines
2 Sep 08
Most parents say don't do this and do that with out explaining the reason why. I think children are curious about anything with that they wanted to know the reason behind such do's and dont's. Explaining it to them would definitely help them learn and accept things. a teacher student type of relationship is a good way to raise a child, but somehow most teacher parents expect too much with their children with regards to academics. I am pretty sure that your children were thankful to have you as a mother.
@mentalward (14695)
• United States
2 Sep 08
Well, I wouldn't place emphasis on 'good grades' with my children. I was referring more to the teaching of life than academics. As far as grades go, I always told my children to do the best they could. If they didn't get an "A" in something, it didn't matter as long as they did their best. I also explained that not everyone excels in everything but, if they do their very best, they can be proud of themselves even if they get a "C" or "D". Yes, if you tell a child, "Don't do that!" with no explanation as to why, they'll be even more curious about it and will most likely do it. If you explain why, such as "It's dangerous" or "You could cut yourself", they'll understand and can make their own decision based on that information. "Because I said so" is never a valid explanation! (My ex husband was like that. It's one of many reasons that he's my "ex".)
@adoremay (2069)
• Philippines
6 Sep 08
I was thinking of your mother when I mentioned the academic standard ( since you replied to my other discussion: good grades ) and my father as well ( he is a college retired college professor ). I will always put into mind the MAJOR Thing...
@underdogtoo (9599)
• Philippines
6 Sep 08
I have children and I treat them as adults meaning I don't look down on them or treat them childishly. I respect their opinions and I always explain why I do things. There is no perfect way to raise children but I just do my best and give them all the love they need along with guidance. Cheers!!
@adoremay (2069)
• Philippines
6 Sep 08
I think so too, No perfect way, it really differs from child to child, or from the environment or any possible factors.
@roshand8 (1481)
• Sri Lanka
6 Sep 08
I think when attempting to be a friend for your child it is important to understand the nature of the friendship.Children desire friends who can be trusted,to share their thoughts and feeling sensitively,and they demand loyalty from them.They also expect that friends will not criticize them,well this the hardest part.
@adoremay (2069)
• Philippines
6 Sep 08
A parent can do that. I think a parent wishes nothing but the best for her children.
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
1 Sep 08
You can't raise a child being their 'friend', if you do they will not listen to you when you do reprimand them for something. You also can't be too strict, many times this causes rebellion when they get to be teenagers, and they get into more trouble because of it. I was somewhat strict with my daughters, I did set limits, and it is okay to tell a child 'no'. I allowed them certain priviledges at different ages, and I trusted them, if or until, they ever gave me a reason not too, then they had to gain that trust back. It does not hurt a child, and is not child abuse to swat their behind when they are young. Just keep in mind that you are the parent, at whatever age the child is, and you have the final say so. And keep in mind too that no means no, if you give in, the child will know that and they will learn they can get their way every time. My daughters are now 26 and 19 and we are friends, they can talk to me about anything, and they know that. That is important, always keep the lines of communication open, let them know it is okay to discuss things with you, no matter what it is. I now live 1600 miles from my youngest and 300 miles from my oldest, but we talk on the phone 2-3 times a week.
@adoremay (2069)
• Philippines
2 Sep 08
Disciplining a child really does vary from it's age, gender, and personality. It's nice to know that you maintain a good relationship with your children.