How to forgive people who did bad things to you or your friends?

China
September 1, 2008 10:36pm CST
I find it pretty hard to forgive people when they did bad things to those who I love. I don't know why. It seems very difficult to me. Maybe I am a selfish person or maybe I'm too mean, but I just couldn't help. Every time I see them what they did comes in my mind. I can't just let it go. So I ask you guys, do you have good solutions? Or how do you adjust?
5 people like this
25 responses
@jstmarfz (1499)
• United States
2 Sep 08
it depends with the damage or faults of the person. if that person did bad things behind my back..well it would take years or more! i hate being back bite! i know how to forgive and give chances, they should make sure that they wont do it again coz if they will they should take a hike! hahaha
• United States
2 Sep 08
I agree with you here as well. Just remember that you can always forgive a person yet you don't have to be friends with them or even associate with them. You can forgive someone and still not trust them. Forgiving someone moreso helps you more than it helps that person sometimes because it makes you a better person. Just as long as you take time to get over it, no matter how long it takes.
1 person likes this
3 Sep 08
Just forgive them even though its hard for you to do it.. Remember, IF GOD CAN FORGIVE.. what more can we?? leave them all to God.. God knows all what to do.. hope it helps.. Gbu.. ^^
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Sep 08
I have been betrayed by friends at one point in my life. The worst part was that they made it appear the other way around, and i have become the villain. It was really painful for my part because it also hurt my reputation, and my ego. You see, i did love and care for these friends. But i had no choice but to forgive them, in my heart, because i would hurt all the more if i keep a grudge. However, just like your experience, i still hurt every time i bump into them. Despite the fact that i smile and say hi, they ignore me, like i was the one who wronged them. I was already looking like a silly martyr or something. SO i decided, what the heck, why waste my time trying to forgive. I forgave myself first, by allowing myself to be human enough to feel pain, and even to resent for a while. Then i forgave them too by releasing them and the friendship we had. You see, it hurts the most when you are wronged by the person you love. So you have to let go. Eventually, the "forgetting" (of the pain) part followed after i let go. It was just a matter of time. And with the help of my other group of friends, i was able to completely forgive, and forget. I surrounded myself with people who love and care for me. That i think you should do so you wouldn't be upset when you see them. You remind yourself that you must not waste your time feeling bad about people who don't give a damn about you. There are still so many people who need your time, and your friendship. I hope you will get over it soon.
2 Sep 08
I've tried to forget but you can never forget, I've tried to forgive but you can never forgive, I try to believe one day I'll be free;-)...
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Sep 08
It's hard to forgive and we rarely ever forget. I'm the same way as you are in this situation. If someone has done something bad to someone that I know, I find myself; kind of like, "keeping an eye on them". It seems their actions make me lose faith in them and I never trust them again.
1 person likes this
@TheGiant (81)
• United States
2 Sep 08
I always try to forgive, but it's not easy sometimes. I believe it is important to forgive, but sometimes you just can't forget. When it comes to some people, if you forget and continue the way you were acting towards that person, you will be enabling them to continue the bad behavior. If you continue contact with that person, your own behavior has to change, or else things will continue to be the same. I had someone constantly stabbing me in the back, but I didn't have much choice regarding being around her if I wanted to keep the friends I had. So I had to just stop giving her fuel to use against me, and stop following her when she stormed off, because I was allowing her to continue the behavior. Some still are enabling her, and I do my best to convince them to stop, but there's only so much I can do in that situation. I'm a Catholic, and like I said I try to forgive and forget because it's the right thing to do, but sometimes you just have to be real, and realize it just doesn't always work that way.
• Philippines
2 Sep 08
first, do not live in the past, past is past... everyone needs to learn how to forgive others and most especially yourself. Don't hold it inside you just come to God in prayer because the more you hold on to that unforgivness stage, anger, hatred, selfishness, self centered will soon develope in your life and you will bring it until you die without any remedy... the bible says forgive seventy times seven...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Sep 08
Well if your really a sincere friend, you'll protect your friend no matter what.. You'll be in his/her side in his darkest hours.. You'll lend him your shoulder whenever she/he cries.. So in that case, you must do the revenge as show of sincerity as a friend.. He/she will appreciate it.. Well that's all and happy mylotting mate =)
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Sep 08
I agree. It is definitely hard to forgive people that hurt you or someone close to you. It is normal to feel that way. Time always heals all. You just need to give yourself time to get over the situation and make sure your hate or dislike for that person doesn't consume you because you will end up hurting yourself more if you keep holding on to something like that. Just try to find peace with yourself and with the situation. That's all that you can do.
@magojordan (3256)
• Philippines
3 Sep 08
I think it's really hard to forgive people who hurt our friends because it's like they have also done tho wrong thing to us. Besides the hurt that your friends have felt what adds to it is that your concern and worry for your friends. For me I think that's the reason why it's hard to forgive those who have hurt our friends.
• United States
2 Sep 08
People have told me that I am the most forgiving person that they know, and I take it as a real compliment. The easiest way for me to get over things is to open my mind and put myself in their shoes and try to understand what they were thinking at the time. Also, they need to be SORRY for what they did or there's no reason to forgive them, ha! So compassion is a big way to forgive other people, and as always, I think about how I am forgiven for terrible terrible things I've done by Jesus and how God's grace has saved me, It would be awful for me to not be able to do the same and try to live in love of God's eyes.
• China
2 Sep 08
you just need to learn catholicity and use your correct actions and behaviors influenced them who make mistakes.i think tolerance is a virtue.do you think so ?
@nazzy24 (64)
• Philippines
2 Sep 08
for me you should be fair in both sides of the story..you have to talk about it..i've been in that situation with you when my frend broke up with his ex and dont know what to do because they are both may friends of course i felt mad to that guy because of what he have than to my bestfriend after that i talk to them seperately and asked their both sides of the story after knowing that i try to resolve that problem but later on they just both decided to be friends only so what can i do if that is the decision of my bestfriend so i respect that and later on we are now ok..so if i were you dont be so mean try to talk to that person and know the problem and try to solve..
@Dhanoe (7)
• Indonesia
2 Sep 08
how to forgive people who did bad things to you or your friends or your lover ? is let it go, don't think about it, just flow like a water. It's hard for the 1st time cause we got confused in the our mind with why and because question. Every time you see them or meet them or passing by, act like nothing happend to you, if they ask you some favor, do it politely with smile on your face, don't show your emotion / anger, don't ever think about revenge to them cause it will dangerous to you in the future and you are not selfish or mean person, also you'll see the changes
@Phelyne (129)
• United States
2 Sep 08
It can be really hard to forgive someone. Mostly you just have to do it every time it crosses your mind, until the injury no longer has power over you.
@rainmark (4307)
2 Sep 08
How to forgeve? sometimes forgiveness is hard to do specially when your friend really did very very bad things to you. that happened to me sometimes, they made me upset and hurt me too much, but i just ignore it, sometimes i talk to them about it and if really worst, just ignore them. and u feel that you are not mad at them after all. cheers!
• China
2 Sep 08
If you want to know why you can not forget the people you love,please find why you love her/him so much.you are not selfish,it just is nature .Don not let you forget the person desirably.
@hiddenwing (3721)
• China
2 Sep 08
Great minds think alike! I find it hard to forgive them too. But sometimes I have to, else I will just be unhappy
@derek_a (10903)
2 Sep 08
The problem is that when you cannot forgive others for wrong-doings it is not them who suffer, but yourself. But there again, you cannot force yourself to forgive. You can only forgive really by keeping that person in around, or in your mind. Then eventually, if you are willing, forgiveness will just occur. I am a therapist and have written an article on my website about forgiveness should anyone be interested.. http://ayrehypnotherapy.com/forgiveness.htm
@jithinsb (520)
• India
2 Sep 08
I know it is quite hard to forgive those who did bad to the ones we love and care for.But we should always keep in our mind that no one in this world is perfect and everyone has there own kind of flaws.So we should try to bear with them and try to forgive them no matter what they have done.By that we also will be forgiven for the bad things we do intentioanlly or unintentionally to others. Another thing which i want to add is that we should not only forgive but forget also.Else there is no point in forgiving..