Should i tell my parents that i have a boyfriend?

@mellyy (24)
United States
September 6, 2008 7:59am CST
i was just wondering if i should tell my 'rents that i have a boyfriend? and by the way im not allowed to have one. but i just feel guilty and i dont like going behind my parents backs especially my mums cos we have a close relationship and if she finds out from someone else then that relationship will be ruined. But if i do tell her i think that will also ruin the relationship with both of them. what should i do? PLEASE HELP! thanks so much
4 people like this
46 responses
@jinxky (2251)
• Philippines
6 Sep 08
having boyfriend/girlfriend is normal, why don't you tell your parents that you are now grown up i mean you already have boyfriend, i'm sure they will understand that coz it's normal..
@MissGia (955)
• United States
6 Sep 08
If you really really love the person your with and your parents, yes is say tell your parents. make them understand that you are a responsible person and you can handle dating. If this person you are with is just another silly high school relationship, i honestly don't think it's worth ruining your relationship with your parents. Odds are if your dating someone in high school, your not going to be with them for the rest of your life (although we would all love to have an "i married my high school sweetheart" story). I feel that dating is an important part of a persons growth and i don't think your parents feel the same way, this is what you need to focus on getting through to them. Best of Luck.
1 person likes this
@mssaranya (193)
• India
7 Sep 08
Hey itz childish yar...u must tell your parents because they are the one who gave you life na?Its your duty to make them understand.You must have your parents support and blessings through your Life .you Life becomes succesful only with their blessings.You please yourself dont envisage something and hesitate to tell your parents.Be frank to them they will surely support you.All the Best!
@chiyosan (30205)
• Philippines
7 Sep 08
i was in your position too. :) well my mom knew i was hiding something and was just waiting for me to accept it. im glad when i told her and promised her that i will not do anything silly, she began to accept it with her heart and even accepted my bf at our home.
• Philippines
7 Sep 08
You should definitely tell them, you should respect your parents enough to at least let them know about your relationship
@just76 (1)
• Indonesia
7 Sep 08
I think you have to let your parent know about your relationship, but for the first, i think you can just introduce your boyfriend as a friend, just friend not your boy friend
• India
7 Sep 08
hi So you know that either way you go, your relationship with your boyfriend is going to be ruined. But if your mom knows about this relation from you, that'll help to maintain her trust on you and she'll not be so shocked. Advantage: you can put forward your points before her. If she finds you are doing right thing, she'll guide you to build up a better relation with your boy friend. If I would be in your position, i would surrender to my mom, rather than behaving behind her back.
@akhi_div (65)
• India
7 Sep 08
u must ... u must tel tht to ur parents... if she gav you a positive respond then u will b safe , i think ...
• Sweden
7 Sep 08
I think you should tell them that you have boyfriend,cause it would not be nice if you lied to them. i know theres a lots of teenager out there that they dont tell that they have boyfriend,and sometimes its end up with problems.So its better you telll your parent even they dont like it.I know they will accpet it soon.
@lucky38 (72)
• Malaysia
7 Sep 08
They not allowed does not mean that u can't have boyfriend. Just try to tell them by implying them see wheather they can accept or not .
• Philippines
7 Sep 08
Relationships (in your case, with your boyfriend and your mum) are made or broken by HONESTY AND TRUST. Right now, it's the relationship on your mom's side that needs more opening from you. I don't know how much you appreciate an advise from a guy's perspective, but I guess you should be honest with your mom about it. That way, you are showing her that you lover and you also love your boyfriend because you are brave enough to tell her the truth and say that you love him. You're mom's initial reaction will be out of your control but at leat you have strengthened her trust by not keeping the situation from her. Just hope and pray for the best and may she understand you.
@magna86 (1787)
• India
7 Sep 08
feelin guilty is something that eats you up from the inside!! i hate to hide anything for which i would feel guilty later!! plz tell your parents about it.. but make the situation pleasant for them to understand!! why you had a bf and then try convincing them!!
@teamloud (91)
• New Zealand
7 Sep 08
Heya Melly, GO WITH YOUR HEART GIRL! If you are indeed 18 then follow your heart,however HONESTY they say is the best policy, so sit your parents down and TALK to them! I dont know how things will go, I DO know though that if my now 10 year old daughter came to me with the same problem at the age of 18, I'd be there for her in a flash! At 11,10 and 7 I know my 3 kids love the hell outta me,I know also that they will come to me should they have a problem, or should they need help..AND I'M THE DAD! NO MATTER what the problem is, NO MATTER how difficult, WE as a family will get past whatever problem is before us. YOUR OWN Family should be the same, and I hope for your sake that they are! GoodLuck My Friend
@corngrass (727)
• Malaysia
7 Sep 08
Hi, i guess you already read the suggestion all of us giving u here. How long has you been together? I think you can tell your mum about your relationship when your relationship is stable enough. It's better to tell when you have a stable relationship because i don't think you want to tell your mum you are on a relationship today and tell her you're off the next week (sorry, I'm not cursing) You can start to tell your mum about this guy more and slowly tell her you and him might be something more than close friend. You can see from your mum respond if she like the way you're now or not. (",)
• China
7 Sep 08
how are you !i am a new user in mylot, i am a chinese ,my english is poor,but i also want to give you some advices, if you can not understand my advices or my writing or words are amiss, i hope you can pardon me ! as to your questions and your condition ,i thought you ought to tell your parents, because it is very normal for a girl to make a boyfriend, even if you do not try to tell them now ,they will now your relationship someday. of course, you ought to know why your parents did not hope you to make a boyfriend firstly. if there are something wrong about you current boyfriend or your parents hope you to study by all your heart. in a word, i hope you can keep good relationship with you parents .
@johnkhoo (30)
• Malaysia
7 Sep 08
I think it will be good to tell your parent and explain to them why you need one. If they know it later and disagree with it. Not only the relationship will be ruined, i predict the situation maybe more complicated than what you can imagine now. Choose a right time and right place, especially when the parent and in good mood and free. Talk to them and this may help.
@mimingsi (152)
• Philippines
7 Sep 08
It's really your choice you know. If you tell your parents- (+) you're just being honest to yourself and to them (+) you're transparent (+) you're brave (-) you'd risk whether they'd approve of it or not If you don't tell them- (+/-) they wouldn't know if no one would tell them.. (-) you'd go behind their backs So you should weigh the consequences of your decisions. And remember RIGHT TIMING.
@mimico (3619)
• Philippines
7 Sep 08
Maybe you can start by revealing bits of information about your guy. Don't tell her his your boyfriend yet but slowly introduce him as a good friend. That way they may accept him even though you're not really allowed to have a boyfriend. I have a lot of friends who have been in the same situation and it worked out in the end. After meeting the guy, the parents learned to like him. The fact that you always hang out also gives parents an idea that he may become your boyfriend (even if he already is).
@sharra1 (6342)
• Australia
7 Sep 08
Well if you are over 16 I think you are legally allowed to have a boyfriend. Why do your parents forbid you to have one? That is the first point. It is always difficult to go behind your parents back and you would not be the first girl to do so but it is usually wise to let people know what you are doing. I know it might sound odd but what if something happened to you and no one knew you were seeing this boy so they did not know where to start looking. So you should tell someone. Also you will find the guilt of trying to keep it a secret will be a problem that will get worse over time. I remember when I first started dating boys and my parents did not like it I simply talked it out with them and made them accept that it was happening. They could not give me a good reason why I shouldn't.
• Canada
7 Sep 08
I think it woudl be best if you told them you had a boyfriend if you want to keep the close relationship with your mom then going behind her back will be a sure way to cause problems if she were to find out from someone else . How old are you and why is it that your parents don't want you to have a boyfriend ? If you are still really young then it would be because they want to protect you and the truth is that if this guy really cares for you then he would be willing to wait until you were older and be able to go out with him . If you are 18 , your parents are just going to have to realize that at sometime you have to grow up and if they feel they did a good job in raising you then they need to trust you enough to allow you to be yourself and you would definitely be old enough for a boyfriend and they would just have to learn that if they didn't respect you enough to trust your judgement then they would end up losing you as a daughter . My best advice would be to sit down and talk to your parents , tell them the truth and ask them why they feel you are not old enough to have a boyfriend , maybe they feel you are not mature enough and maybe they are scared to see their baby girl growing up so fast but either way they love you and want what is best for you so give them a chance to show you this . Best of Luck