A teacher's insult against me..

@cream97 (29166)
United States
September 7, 2008 2:51pm CST
My son has been having some difficulty learning in school lately. Well he just started this class for his first week at the school that he is now going to. His teacher ended up speaking to me about his learning ability one afternoon. She was talking to me about what he has a hard time learning. Well, she asked me if I really help him at home. I told her sometimes... Ouch!!! I know that this sounds crazy.. But, it came out the wrong way with me.. When I said sometimes, I meant, that I am not always able to help him out like I desire because, I have two other children in the household.. But, I did not tell her this.. So, when I told her that I sometimes help him. She began to insult me saying, that I had him all these years and that I should be helping him more than I do. I did not appreciate her insulting me like this at all. Tomorrow, I had plans to see the Principal in this school to let her know of this treatment, that the teacher has caused against me. I did not at all like her statement. It was not the right thing to say to a parent. I felt that she could have rephrased her words much better than she did. I am very fed up with teachers talking to me as if I am a child. I would like to handle situations like this, without telling the main authority, but they leave me no choice. I have the right to be treated with respect. And I dislike anyone making me feel like they don't want to take the time out to teach my son. She makes me feel like I am not doing anything with him. But, at home, I do. I try really hard, she just may not see it in class... I am trying to figure out the best way to deal with this, without getting her into trouble. But, on the other hand I do not want my story to be taken lightly. I want something to be done about this type of behavior. I am tired of being walked on and insulted by people whom have no right to judge me. What should I do..? I know that there is this lady at the school whom deals with these type of issues. But, I have seeked her advice before, and she never gave me a chance to express my opinions. All she did was talk the entire time, without hardly letting me get a word in. When I tried to say something, she always interrupted me and cut me off.. So from this, I feel that this time, I need to speak to the principal, so that my voice can be heard.. If my son needs to move to another teacher's class just because of this, than so be it.. I would like to see a teacher whom will not become easily frustrated with my child.. I know that it is my job to help him at home, and I have been doing so. But, I will admit that I have not been dedicating the time like I should. All because of having so much things to do. I have a 2 year old and a 1 year old at home. It gets very hard on me at times. I do the very best that I can, whether the teacher wants to admit it or not. But, if she had a problem with my statement, she should have asked me to explain what I meant, instead of jumping down my throat like she did.. I as a parent will not tolerate this type of attitude when it comes to my child, no parent should.. Something has to be done about this, so that these type of issues never happen again.
8 people like this
28 responses
• United States
7 Sep 08
Hmm let me see, she is the teacher, right? She gets paid, to teach children, right? I would be sure to point out exactly who is the person at flaw here, and it is not you. Yes you should help your child as much as you can. But frankly, teachers put more and more responsibility on parents, rather than being accountable for their own misfailings. I most certainly would not tolerate this, and you are right to pay a visit to the principal.
3 people like this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
7 Sep 08
Yes, and that is what I plan to do.. I don't want this teacher to think that she can just walk all over me and talk to me like I am a nobody.. I respected her, and she should have done the same to me.. It is not fair, that she should talk to me in this manner, without expecting me not to have anything to say about it.. To be honest with you, I think she does not want to take the time out to help my son as his teacher.. And that is what I have a problem with... I will do my part, but, I will not tolerate the insults..
2 people like this
• United States
8 Sep 08
Not to start an argument but you are right. It is a teachers responsibility to teach and in a perfect world parents wouldn't have to worry about making sure their kids are being well educated. Unfortunately we live in a not so perfect world where budgets are tight and teachers get stuck with thirty or forty kids in a classroom. I understand that she has a 1 and 2 year old and things can get hectic. That's why I recommended emailing the teacher so she could explain herself and ask the right questions. If you're child has a learning disability it's going to take a lot more than a teacher to help out. I think you are being a little hard on the teacher. I know that she was rude and disrespectful but you have to remember she deals with kids all day. You never know what could have happened during her day. I still recommend the email and if she's still rude then go to the principal.
@ShellyB (5244)
• United States
7 Sep 08
I feel that you should have tell her that your son is not the only child at home and that you help when you can as you have other responsibilities. I am sure it is parents job to help at home, but just how much help without doing their homework is not clear to me.
3 people like this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
7 Sep 08
Yes, it is very unclear to me as well.. We as parents whom love our child does the best thing that we can.. It does not make sense for them to jump down our throats like they do.
3 people like this
@djoyce71 (2512)
• Philippines
7 Sep 08
I guess there was a misunderstanding between you and the teacher. If you feel that you really need to go to the principal, then you can go and air everything. It's the parents' right. Or, if you're not happy and contented with the teacher and the school, there are a lot of schools out there where teachers could focus on your son. Sometimes, we don't realize that we offend others by the approach. You may try talking to the teacher again and clear things out.
3 people like this
@myteek (17)
• United States
8 Sep 08
Hi, I'm so sorry this happened. I have two thoughts that might be useful to you. First is that you are right...nobody has the right to talk down to you and make you feel inadequate. Every one is busy, especially moms. Maybe before going to the principal you could write her a letter and tell her directly. I can tell you from working in schools for more than twenty years that if you go to the principal not much can happen. I mean, she will be spoken to but she will probably feel embarrassed herself and it might make her resent your son since she cannot direct it at you (she might be a better person than that...but it's hard to say how us humans respond to being criticized!! LOL)....but, even if she is a good sport about it all, it's doubtful though that it will endear your son to her and might possibly tick her off enough that she labels YOU the problem. Remember that old saying...you catch more flies with honey than vinegar?(or something like that!). It's really true in cases like this, I think. If you do decide to write her a letter, there are a couple of things that are likely to get you what you want--which is, after all, a teacher who becomes INVESTED in your child being successful. Right? So make it a nice letter! Make it the kind of letter you would want to get. I don't mean you shouldn't be direct...of course you need to tell her she embarrassed you and that you felt like you came across like a lax parent, and that in fact, you are a hard working attentive, loving parent. But first tell her you appreciate it alot that she is concerned about your son's learning challenges and then at the end let her know you would be open to any specific suggestions she might have as to how you can help him. I say specific cuz in my experience most parents are really willing to help with homework and stuff, but they really don't know HOW...aren't sure what exactly to do. Another reason to write the letter (or email) is so that you have a documented record. If it does turn out that she is too easily frustrated and not the right match for your son, then it would be good to have a paper trail showing that you tried your best to work with her. The second thing is something called RTI. It stands for Response to Intervention and it is national program that all schools are supposed to have in place. Basically it is set up for kids just like your son...if they are struggling and the teachers have done all they can think of and the student is still not getting it, then a team gets their heads together and develops an intervention plan and takes DATA to make absolutely sure that what they set up is WORKING and the student is on the right track. It's an awesome, awesome program when run well. Ask the teacher if they have an RTI program set up at the school, and if they don't, ask if they have any sort of intervention program for kids who struggle a bit in the classroom. Something besides special education. Sadly, too many kids are left to struggle without intervention early on and wind up in special ed--not because they are handicapped or anything, but because by fourth or fifth grade they are so far behind that it is their only option. Special ed is great for the kids who truly need the services, but too many kids get placed there who should have had early intervention to head off the problems. At least, that's my opinion! You didn't say what grade your son is in or what state you are in. I am just curious. Good luck with this and GOOD FOR YOU FOR STICKING UP FOR YOUR DIGNITY AND THE DIGNITY OF YOUR SON!!!!! (insert applause!)I am a strong, strong supporter of parent's voices being heard...in fact, I just finished writing book that is going to be published later this month (assuming all goes well) and a LOT of the book talks about exactly that....that parents need to be empowered and their voices need to be heard. My Best! Debra
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
8 Sep 08
Thank you! Debra. My son is in Kindergarden. We live in South Carolina.
1 person likes this
@myteek (17)
• United States
8 Sep 08
Well, I hope it helps a little bit, anyway. I know how frustrating it can be to feel like as a parent you are not respected. Keep us posted so we all know how you end up handling this. You are not the only one standing in these shoes, that's for sure!!! Debra
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
8 Sep 08
And, I am glad to know that I am not the only one that is experiencing a trial as this.. It feels good to know that I am not alone in this situation.
@geekyjock (371)
• Philippines
8 Sep 08
Tsk Tsk tsk...It was indeed insulting to say such things to a mother. Some teachers shouldn't be teachers at all. I know it's hard for you especially you said that lately you were not that dedicated on looking after your son's assignment and stuffs. And I don't blame you, and please don't feel guilty about it. When someone says bad things to you that doesn't necessarily mean it's true. And I know It's hard to manage three small kids t the same time, and I'm sure you're taking care of them well. And just don't mind what the teacher said it will just a distraction to your focus. Because she doesn't exactly know your family's situation. And just stay put, as with the teacher I think it is right to make a complaint about the teacher because it is not proper for a teacher to speak such negative statement to a mother of her student. She can give advices but not to scrutinize. And it will rise questions about her management in class and to her students if she/he speaks that to a mother, imagine what more she could say to her students? So i Think for your own rights try to make the teacher apologize and she should be penalize for her actons
2 people like this
@rainmark (4306)
8 Sep 08
I do agree with you saying some teacher shoudn't be a teacher at all. I do sometimes wondering why they qualify as a teacher when thier attitude is worst than uneducated one, i had a teacher which i hate,teachers like them must switch into other jobs not in teaching!happy myloting
2 people like this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
8 Sep 08
Yes, what the both of you are saying is right.. Some teachers don't need to be teaching.. They would be better doing another type of job where they will not insult parents on..
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Sep 08
I think that the teacher should have asked what the reason for your "sometimes" comment was all about. If teachers are not clear on something, then they need to ask questions. Some teachers lose sight of what teaching is all about, it is not just about teaching to your students, but it is also about learning from your students. Your son might be like me, a slow learner, it is not a bad thing because a lot of people are this way, he might need extra tutoring or other methods of learning. I learn by using rhythmic devices, visuals, and hands-on activities. I was always told that if a student is not learning, then the teacher is not doing his or her job. You should talk to the teacher again, and tell her how you feel about her saying something like that to you, and then tell the principal about what your son's teacher told you. She needs to know that what she said is not right, and that your child deserves to learn just like all of her other students.
2 people like this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
8 Sep 08
Yes, she should have asked what my sometimes meant instead of lashing off at the mouth. This would have made things much more easier..
2 people like this
• United States
8 Sep 08
Well, like I said, talk to the teacher again, and talk to the principal, if none of it works, take you child out of the school and put him in a school that will give him the time of day. If my mother had done that for me when I was a child, my life would have been so different. I had two learning disorders: test anxiety (which is a real problem for a lot of people) and I would read words far too quickly and I would have to really tell myself to slow down and look at the words one at a time. I do not know if your son might have this problem, you never know, but quite a few people do have learning disabilities that enable them to learn like other people do, and it can ruin their scholastic career if not found early. My problem was not diagnosed until my last year of middle school, and first year of high school, and by then it was almost too late for me. I was so far behind in classes that I had to make up most of all of my classes in community college. I received my high school diploma, and my Associate in Arts Degree for English/Liberal Arts in community college, but I had to go to community college for five years to get that degree. You have to be your child's advocate for everything.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
7 Sep 08
So you want to get her fired? Sounds like that to me. Look you should have told her what you really meant, she could not read your mind. So the next time, make a list of what you do at home to help your son. First tell her of your baby and toddler. Write everything you do to make your son learn better, and then ask the principal or the teacher what else you could be doing to help as you are not a teacher, you are only a housewife, you do not have a good education. Ask her if there are any exercises, whether what you are doing is right or wrong, any books she can recommend. And the teacher did not know that you did not mean what you said. So of course, she jumped on you. What you have to do is to stop thinking the teachers all hate me and are against me, and then try to come to an understanding that both of you want your son to be better.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
8 Sep 08
Okay, then let the teacher say that to you, and let me see how well you handle it..
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
10 Sep 08
The main point is, is that the teacher should have acted accordingly to her job.. It is not my problem, what issues that she has dealt with for that day. I have a load of my own problems as well, but I still don't go around acting like an bully. Her attitude was very rude. And not acceptable.. She has to maintain her dignity when around an parent, no matter how her day may could have been.. I guess that gives me a right to approach her in a nasty way then? Then it would have been my fault, right?
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
7 Sep 08
You've got to make this teacher aware of your situation, because it affects your son's learning. And he may improve after being away from his father. Let the teacher know that you've recently left an abusive husband and father, that it may be affecting your son and that you have two other children to deal with. Also let her know that your time is mostly taken up just making sure your children have enough to eat! Tell her you want to help him but things are very unsettled right now and you would really appreciate any suggestions she might be able to give you. By the way, is your son able to take advantage of the breakfast and lunch programs at the school? I'm sure you qualify. Good nutrition is very important to learning. Are you getting any financial support from your husband? If not, talk to your caseworker and ask how to go about getting some. He's legally obligated to provide it. And if you haven't filed formal separation papers, find a way to do it. Again, talk to your caseworker. Legal separation gives you more legal rights!
2 people like this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
7 Sep 08
Yes, my son is getting free lunch and breakfast...
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Sep 08
Dragon54u is right. Teachers and even the principal should know a child's home problems. If there are changes in a home situation, it often affects how a child does in school, even when the change is for the good.
1 person likes this
@animeniak (425)
• United States
8 Sep 08
I'm sorry to say this, but all I can say is that your son just met the wrong teacher at the wrong time (maybe at the right time, but just the wrong teacher) it's ok that your son has trouble learning something at school, heck, everyone will always have trouble trying to learn something at school. I know I have, and I'm pretty sure that you have, too. The fact is that some teachers just care about their jobs, and that is teaching, and some gifted teachers should try to go beyond and discover some ways that will actually help the kids to learn in different ways... and to me, your description of the teacher doesn't sound like the gifted teachers at all -0-;; well if you really want to go talk to the principal, than that's your decision, so go for it. but if it was me, i would at least take some more time trying to talk to the teacher, and if she insults you some more, than i don't know, try insulting back, say something like her teaching is not so effective or just go talk to the principal.. hope that helps :)
2 people like this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
8 Sep 08
Yes, you are right, a firm solid decision has to be made in this situation..
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Sep 08
cream the teachers job is really to teach, yours is to be mom to your kids and of course work when you can with your kids to help them understand their work better. Sounds like she rolled over what you tried to tell her. this was not your fault. so yes I would go to the principle and tell him what' you have told us here. some teachers just do not get it and are clumsy and bungling when it comes to working with the parent. the principle needs to know all she has said and done so he may straighten her outl.this time she is to blame all the way. She should realize that you have your hands full and try to help instead of belittling you like that. I have talked to teachers like that when my son was little and they acted like I was speaking french to them. they just rolled right over me and what I had to say which is just not right. so go girl talk to the principle.\\ m
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
8 Sep 08
I am glad that you can see what I am implying here.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7434)
• United States
7 Sep 08
We have had a problem simular to this a few times with teachers. They treat us like kids and speak to us in this manner. I have had my say to these teachers and told them I'm old enough to be their mother and even if I weren't...I'm an adult and they will adress me with the respect due to me. I am not one of their students and if I even hear they are disrespecting my grandchild there will be something done about it. They have been taking back by my statements and stammer and studder. But I meant what I said. My daughter has had the same "run-ins" with the same teachers as I have, she too puts them in their place. My daughter has even got a couple of teachers fired because of their behavior towards her and the child in question. She went up to take a book he had left home the teacher cussed and literally threw the book at my grandson. She was cussing and hollering at my grandson. She was called into a meeting and lost her job! Another was worse than her and lost her job as well. I don't like butting heads with teachers, but they need to know how they influence the children in their care. Their actions cause reactions and they need to be where they are best suited in teaching, although many are not.
2 people like this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
7 Sep 08
Yes, this is very true..
1 person likes this
@mscott (1924)
• United States
7 Sep 08
You need to be honest with the person. You said your words didn't come out right so maybe hers didn't either. I think going to the principal might turn her even more against you. You should be an adult and talk to her directly to straighten things out between you. If that doesn't work then it would be time to go to the principal. Teachers have many kids to account for, and while it is there job to teach the kids they are not the ones ultimately responsible for the children the parents are. Everyone should be trying to work together to make the learning possible for the kid, not fighting and making things worse.
2 people like this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
7 Sep 08
Yes, you are right... I had thoughts to go to her first.. But, it may not work out as well.. So, that is why I brought up the situation with the Principal.. I am tired of being talked down to.. I am not going to let this go on in my life.. It is just not fair to have to put up with rudeness.. I am not the one to put up with it.. No parent should.
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Sep 08
I completely understand what your are talking about. Just simply speak with the principal i guess and have a meeting with the teacher. After that then all else should be well.
2 people like this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
8 Sep 08
Hi cream97! She is the teacher and the first thing she should have assessed is herself. Was she an effective and efficient teacher before putting the blame on anything or anyone else. Besides, it is her main job and responsibility to teach the child, that is what they are being paid for. I do agree with you that you should not tolerate this kind of treatment and behavior of the teacher towards you. Have that meeting with the principal and her, so you can clear things up. Take care always..God Bless!
2 people like this
@Chevee (5915)
• United States
8 Sep 08
Very well said. The same way you said it here you should say the exact same thing to her. Here they have a parent teacher conference and they air their problems both sides. If it is possible see if you can have one at your child's school. Also here they have a learning center it was started by retired or teachers that are no longer teaching because of health problem. They tutor children after school. See if you can find something similar to that to help him. I really believe you should stand up for yourself. I see you have been pushed to that limit.
2 people like this
@sunkissed (4332)
• United States
7 Sep 08
cream, Well, I would not feel bad about going to the principal at all, if I were in your shoes. This teacher was way out of line for talking to you the way that she did. In the first place it is the teachers job to teach your son, it really is not your place, that is what she is getting paid for. I can see you helping him with his homework, and maybe going over things that they say he is having problems with. But as you say you do have other children at home that also need your attention.Not to mention the other family problems you have been going through lately, it is very hard on you being a single parent.
2 people like this
@jimbelle (485)
• Philippines
13 Sep 08
I have been following your story here. Let us take a look at the problem of your child's learning in school since the teacher has called you and asked you if you are helping him with his school works at home. I can see her concern regarding the performance of your child. If she did not care she would not have talked to you. She may trying to tell you that helping him with his school work will perhaps help. My suggestion is talking things over with his teacher might help rather than going to the principal directly for the meantime. You been having a bad time with your son's father which may have affected your sons emotions and school performance as well. Perhaps if you were able to tell her what you and your children been through perhaps she will understand and she may help you to deal with your son's learning problems. She can make adjustments in dealing with your son and yourself and may even offer help to spend more time for your son.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
13 Sep 08
Yes, I agree. But, she still needs to maintain her attitude around any parent that she deals with.. If she was having a bad day that day, it would have shown when I greeted her, but it didn't.. That is why I am uncomfortable with her demeanor.
@jimbelle (485)
• Philippines
13 Sep 08
However if you really felt bad about what happened I agree that you have to see the principal and resolve the matter.Good luck and hope you will solve the problem soon.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
13 Sep 08
Yes, that is what I plan to do. But, I was thinking of talking to her first..
• United States
7 Sep 08
cream, I'm not sure how old you are (i promise i have a point here), but I'm 38. If we're about the same age, then you'll know when we were children things were lots different than they are now. The children respected teachers because if they didn't they would get a taste of the "Board of Education" at school and a taste of the switch at home, lol. In those days teachers loved spending time helping the kids because there were lots more teachers, now society is cutting back in all areas and people aren't being replaced. Teachers are under lots of stress too that we don't realize, but it doesn't give her the right to speak to you that way. It's possibly a misunderstanding. Pull her off to the side and give her an opportunity to explain what she meant by her statement before you talk to the principal. At least that's what I think you should do.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
8 Sep 08
Yes, I agree, things have changed with many teachers since my younger years. I am 30, so I can see major changes by looking back at my younger years. The changes are not good ones from what I can see. Then there are other changes, that are meant for the good.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
8 Sep 08
But, in saying all this, she should have been mindful of what she said to me though..
1 person likes this
@shana123 (2096)
• India
9 Sep 08
These problems happens everywhere and always the teachers blames the parents or the child, small children will not know what to read and how to read and how to by heart only teachers has to guide them and teach everything in class its true that parents are also responsible to teach the children but she cant blame you for this and you must have spoke that it is her responsibility and duty to look after them you must goto the higher authority and complain about this teacher as she has to respect the parents and not answer or blame you in this manner and you also should say you child has the potential to grasp and only because of her he is like this..
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
9 Sep 08
Yes, I would say the same thing.. Having a negative and impatient teacher will surely interfere with my son's learning process..
@monkeysay (228)
• Singapore
7 Sep 08
I suggest you visit/ring her up again, and tell her that you're not happy with the way she phrased things. Explain the situation you have at home. Most teachers are in fact understanding people and hopefully she will apologize for her wrong attitude earlier on. If you complain straight to (her!) authorities, she may harbor a grudge for you, and consciously or subconsciously treat your child in a more negative manner. That will not be good for your child, wouldn't it? Just my 0.2 cents, hope it helped.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
8 Sep 08
Yes, and doing so, she will lose her damn job.. Then this will defininetly not be good for her at all.
1 person likes this