i have a problem.
By ROXYZMOMMY
@ROXYZMOMMY (245)
United States
September 9, 2008 1:31pm CST
ive been with my boyfriend now for a long time we live together and have for a long time. we are thinking about getting married, but there will be no bachlor party!!!
why does he think that he is a bachlor? weve been together forever... weve known eachother since i was 13 and he was 15 weve been together for about 5 of those years there is no last night of freedom . as i tell him, if he wanted to go to a strip club he should have done it before i was his girlfriend... he agreed not to have one but im still curious what he thinks he will be doing the night before his wedding.
i know all his friends will tell him to go.
when we were at his friends wedding in vegas he was telling him about his time at the strip club... he was sucking on a girls boob and she wanted to "do" him and he wanted too but didnt have the money!
now.. i dont even want that guy around but i know i dont have a choice because my boyfriend was his best man!
i dont want him to be under peer pressure and i know that he will be drunk and i dont want alcohol to play a factor..
i dont want him to look like a little puppet in front of his friends.
but he has told me the same thing as i am telling you he doesnt want me to. ., if he goes to the strip club well then so am i.. but he doesnt like that .
this wedding will be off before it even began! what to do!!!
i think i will get a spy!
5 people like this
18 responses
@jessica4red (41)
• Romania
9 Sep 08
it's a known fact that guys like to have a little freedom or at least to have the illusion of it. if you won't let him to do something, he'll want that thing more, because this is human nature: we want what we can't get. for sure he loves you and i know that you are scared not to lose him because you love him too much, but just ask yourself: can you live with this pressure all your life? a long relationship like yours is based on trust. my advice is: trust him, don't be so scared, i'm sure he's crazy about you. if he looks at some girl, that doesn't mean he appreciates you less. let him have his bachelor party. he's smart enough not to cheat on you with a stripper. and if his friend that got married would have cheated on his bride to be, that doesn't mean he'll get your man to do the same. believe me, this man doesn't want to hurt you. you're the love of his life. goodluck! ;]
1 person likes this
@shana123 (2095)
• India
10 Sep 08
really a nice comforting words and advice , im agreeing with you wholly , even i had undergone similar problem in my life and yes this was my friends advice and when i looked into this discussion i was just running back to my old days well fine you have helped this pretty girl much.. GOD BLESS..
@ch88ss (2271)
• United States
10 Sep 08
Wow, if he can be honest with you about how he was s… a girls’s b… then he sure is honest with you.
I used to feel this way too. After watching and observing my own life, and then looking at my brother.
He recently got married. He goes to club and strip clubs all the time. However, My sister in law does not seem to mind
He goes to clubs and strip clubs whenever, it did not need to be a bachelor party event.
What I notice, they are happy. Both of them. Why? I believe it is the trust. They trust one another and have faith in their relationship.
I believe that because my husband does not have trust me even though I have not done anything to suggest that.
But because of his constant distrust of me, I have over time, do not feel my marriage is worth saving.
I feel I will be a happier person when I don’t need to answer to anybody.
I have never been in a club, strip club or bar in my life.
So I like to share with you my views and hope you and your fiancé can work it out and begin to build a strong future together.
Good luck and congratulations on finding an honest man. (that is the start)
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16061)
• United States
10 Sep 08
[i]Hi ROXY,
That is also for fun and I am sure you bf knows what to do and he is willing to marry you and you've been together for 5 years, I am very confident that no need to get a spy! let him enjoy with the boys and enjoy also!
I will allow that to happen if I am in your situation! Just trust your love and your man![/i]
@creative_angel312 (390)
• United States
11 Sep 08
Your dooming your marriage before it has even started. If you cannot trust him to do what he says and you feel as if you need to spy on him, I suggest not to get married because that feeling will never go away no matter what you do or what he does.
@kassdaw (591)
• United States
9 Sep 08
I see nothing wrong with guys going out to the strip club. Hell, sometimes I get invited to go. I know that when my man says "guys' night" it means, "baby, I'm going to the strip club with guys, so don't be mad." I tell him to go. I know he wont cheat on me, he loves me. If you wanted to go to a 'Chip'n'Dales' night at a bar you won't want him to say no to you. It kind of seems that you are trying to control what he does when you aren't around. But good luck anyways
@medney1988 (560)
• United States
9 Sep 08
and what does that say about him that he wants to go. What does that say about your friends that they would promote that type of behavior??
@reoko10 (578)
• United States
9 Sep 08
just make it easy tell him that if he is going to go to the strip on the night before your wedding then you will go to a male strip club with your girlfriends on the night before your wedding and just tell him don't do any thing that he wouldn't wont you to do.
@ROXYZMOMMY (245)
• United States
9 Sep 08
i told him that.. i dont think its him i have to worry about.. its his friends and step dad and everyone else.. and hes ver gullible when hes drunk.
@medney1988 (560)
• United States
9 Sep 08
So does that mean for the rest of your life you're going to play babysitter everywhere he goes. Does he drink a lot? Because if that's the case you have a lot of issues ahead of you. Maybe you guys just aren't mature enough for a marriage. To me it sounds like there is more to the story that you're not telling. This sounds like trust issues
@medney1988 (560)
• United States
9 Sep 08
also using other people is an excuse. No one makes you do anything you don't want to do. And being drunk lowers your inhibitions. If your fiance has done something stupid like this in the past and blamed it on being drunk or his friends he was just making up excuses not to have to take responsibilities for his actions.
@sanell (2112)
• United States
10 Sep 08
you have to trust him and believe that if he says he will not have a bachelor party nor go to the strip club then you have to take his word for it. If you do not take his word for it then you do not trust him and THEREFORE should not get married. It is hard to marry someone you do not trust.
@wotfpatty (2065)
• United States
10 Sep 08
I've been married for nearly 25 years (!!) since I was very young. I was once really jealous. I mean REALLY jealous. I didn't want my husband to have a bachelor party especially since, when I met him, he was a bouncer at a strip joint and dated some of them.
However, the bottom line is, if you can't trust your husband to be now, you may be headed for trouble later. The chances of a guy cheating at their bachelor party is slim. They just go out and act stupid like guys do.
My sisters had bachelorette parties with male strippers and all that and it was fun but meant nothing. They are still married many years later. I didn't have a bachelorette party because I didn't want one at the time. (I do now. lol.)
I think you should relax and let your fiancé have a good time. He loves you and wants to be with you forever. Some skanky chick dancing around won't change that. Men like to look at these women but they want to marry US.
If a guy allows a friend to pressure him into dissing his fiancee, I'd think twice about his loyalty to me. I also think you should go out and have a good time too. All's fair!
Good luck. I am sure it will all work out. :)
@melanie1208 (133)
• United States
10 Sep 08
i think this is a very good situation where you need to analized if you should marry him or not. can you go on for the rest of yourlife thinking the worst everytime he needs a boys night out ? I have been married for 4 years and from time to time my husband would tell me that they have boys night out. I let him go, because I trusted him not to do something stupid and would regret for the rest of his life. I keep on telling him, I trusted you but dont ever make something that would break the trust, otherwise you would not see me and your daughter ever ! Same thing goes with me. trust is very important once your get married, otherwise you would end up fighting most of the time. Boys needs sometime for themselves once in a while and same so with us girls. So if you don't trust each other, how could you go out with your girlfriends or boyfriends ? I hope you could talk and settle this issue before it goes anywhere. Goodluck !
@panthercat (10)
• Canada
10 Sep 08
Suffice to say roxymommy if he chooses to betray everything you have built together for one night of foolish tradition, instead of spending it doing something that is respectful to you and your pending marriage, then you will know if he is the kind of guy that will always have your best interests at heart. Never rush into something that is meant to last forever. Good luck
@supercharged (36)
• Australia
10 Sep 08
If he loves you & wants to marry you he'll understand you saying you don't want any strippers involved & if he can't stick to that agreement how do you see him being when your married to him? I know your worried bout peir preasure but trust & honesty is going to play a big factor here.
@zhxcumt (22)
• China
9 Sep 08
Hi,pretty girl.I don't think it is a serious problem.i dont konw how you get this information about his going to the strip club.If you were told about this by him,you can trust him.Maybe he only want to asks for a forgive.There needs some trust between of you.If he love you,he doesnt do anything that makes you grievous.
@missblues (7)
• United States
10 Sep 08
Personally, I think that a bachlor party of sorts, is somewhat of a 'right of passage' that men are thinking about from a very early age, just like women dream of their wedding day. I think that if you've been together as long as you have and if you love/trust this man enough to marry him, then trust should come into play on your part. NOT that I blame you..I'm not sure how I would feel about my future husband getting all giddy to see other women naked lol. However, you know that men and women are wired differently and he means no disrespect to you whatsoever.
Either way, I wish you both the best of luck and happiness in your upcoming wedding. :)
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
9 Sep 08
Why don't you have a group outing of some kind? You can get a large group of people together for bar hopping and strip clubs (or whatever).
If he doesn't have a bachelor's party then you can't have a bachelorette party either...
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
9 Sep 08
Boy, you really do not trust your boyfriend, do you? One, it sounds to me like you two did not date around before you two got together. Two, he is a guy, and like many other guys, he loves the ladies. Three, if he is doing what his friends do, then he is not an individual. Four, he might not be ready to settle down, and he is only marrying you because he feels that he owes it to you since you two have been together for so long, and if that is the case, then that is not a good reason to get married. You might to ask him a few serious questions before you really decide to tie the knot with him. Does he really love you? Do his friends come before you? Is he easily swayed into doing what everyone tells him to do? What does he really want? Questions are wonderful because they guide you to the truth. You want the truth. You do not want to settle down with a guy who really does not want to settle down with you. If you want to get a spy, you can, but be careful, if he finds out that you have one, you could be in a lot of trouble too. This is almost a no win situation.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Sep 08
roxyzmommy hi well in a legal way he is a bachelor as he
is definitely not married to you.well since he must love you
to want to marry you, then best to give him that vote of
confidence, let him go to the strip club and tell him that
you are okay because you trust him , but if he gets drunk
and does things he shouldnt then he will have lost your trust.
If that happens its up to you, is he the right one or not?
Trust should start now if you want a good marriage.
@medney1988 (560)
• United States
9 Sep 08
umm first of all you shouldn't be telling your future husband what to do. That's like pushing him in the wrong direction. Obviously you have some trust issues with him if you don't trust him enough to have a bachelors party. Are you planning on having a bachlorettes party? Sometimes women are worst than the men. If that's the case I think you're being very unfair. If you love and trust him so much there shouldn't be a problem. Maybe you guys can come up with a compromise. Otherwise he's going to end up doing it behind your back which will cause more problems
