In your current relationship, do you tell everything to your partner?

@iskayz (5422)
Philippines
September 10, 2008 10:41pm CST
Hi everyone! Trust is very important in a relationship. Trust is also somewhat related to secrets. When you trust someone especially your partner you can tell him/her everything about your life. And if you trust the person so much you even confide your deepest secrets. But in a relationship, are we obliged to tell our partners everything? Every little secret and past that we have? Even things that happens in a regular basis in our everyday lives should we tell them? Does keeping secrets mean, you don't trust your partner? If your partner has been asking things about your past, your secrets, can that be considered an invasion of privacy? Does your partner have the right to know everything about you? - especially in a boyfriend - girlfriend relationship. And do we have the right not tell everything to our partners too?
6 people like this
25 responses
@1hopefulman (31696)
• Canada
12 Sep 08
I'm not in a relationship but still would like to give my point of view. I don't think I need to know or even want to know everything past and present about my partner. All I want to know is that they love me. And after all isn't that what a relationship is about. Things get told as life unfolds. Did I not fall in love with the person at present. I did not fall in love with the past. What the person did in the past is not necessarily the person now. Someone that wants to know everything surely lacks trust.
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
Finally!A totally different point of view.. I like what you said, things get told as life unfolds. That you fall in love with the person at present and not the past. Yours is the reverse of everybody's belief, that a person who likes to know everything lacks trust. I do believe that if one really trust his/her partner, theres nothing else important for him or her to know about the other. Thanks for the wonderful response! I'm sure who ever becomes your partner, will be so happy with you. Ciao!
1 person likes this
@1hopefulman (31696)
• Canada
12 Sep 08
Thank you! If one has a relationship that is based of love and trust then they never have to worry. They will have peace of mind knowing that their partner would never do anything to hurt them. Sort of like in the song where they sing that they can have fun but to remember to save the last dance for me. Ciao! PS Did you say ciao because you speak Italian and you know I am or do you just like touse that expression?
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
11 Sep 08
I think you have a right to your privacy to some extent, even from your partner. That doesn't mean you should keep secrets about things that would be considered a betrayal of trust. But you shouldn't feel obligated to share every little thing.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
I don't feel obligated to tell my partner every little thing cause that is my belief but he makes me feel its an obligation. He keeps telling me that its his right to know.
@34momma (13895)
• United States
11 Sep 08
i don't think not telling someone you are in a relationship every little thing about your life before them is keeping secrets. i think if there is something in your past that is going to effect your life with your partner today, then you should share that. if it has nothing to do with the right here and now, let the past be the past. everyone doesn't need to know everything. some may say that is keeping secrets, but like i said. unless my past is going to effect my partner, then they only need to know what i tell them.
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
That is how think in a relationship too. If the past or things doesn't have to do with our relationship right now, then it is not important for my partner to know. I also believe that not telling him everything means I am keeping secrets.
@us2owls (1681)
• United States
11 Sep 08
I tell my husband everything and I did so even before we were married. He is not only my husband he is also my best friend and we share everything - good or bad and I think that is the way it should be.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
Hi! Yeah, maybe partners should share everything and that is how it should be. But I guess I am not fully ready for that and or maybe this is just how I look at a relationship. Happy mylotting!
@lemayan (188)
• Germany
11 Sep 08
no your partner is not entitled to know everything about you, and especially in the past, everybody has their secrets, even the person you call your partner has his or her secrets, remember this person is not a god he or she is a human being too and if they are old enough to marry or be in a relationship then they also do have a past, and i dont think, they have told you every thing about their past, be pleasant or disgusting, we keep secrets from our partners to protect them, us and what we share, for example, if your man or woman thinks you are the holy type never slept with more than 3 partners in your life of being single would you like to clarify that and probably say 'ooh honey your wrong i have slept with 15 other before you' dont you think that would taint the way he or she thought or had figured you out? and yes when your partner keeps probing into your past,it is an invasion of privacy, you are with them now, not in the past i dont think the past is their business unless ofcourse you want to tell them or it affects your current life.
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
I agree with you. It's an invasion of privacy. And I think I do have the right not to tell him everything. For me I still have my own life and sometimes I just want to keep things to myself. Even simple things, be it a secret or not. And I think partners should respect if they don't want to be told and just concentrate in the now and future of being together. Enjoy mylot!
@switlyf (650)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
yes and no..Important things that he must know yes i do tell him all of that but then things that are not so important and i know will not affect our marriage and doesn't have anything to do with our marriage i just don't tell him. I trust my husband and i know that he won't do anything to hurt me or to jurt my feelings rather, we have known each other for more than ten years now. we got married at a very tender age and we both grew up emotionally with each other. We have so many indiferrences but somehow we are able to patch things up. That's how deep our relationship has become and I have entrusted him my life. I can tell him almost everything and vice versa. happy mylotting! cheers!
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
Emotionally grew up with each other.. That maybe one factor to fully trust your partner. And again, the longer relationship you had the more easier to trust. Thank for the response!
• China
11 Sep 08
Hello,its nice to be here.This is a good question,and it should be answered with maybe one of many you could select.The best is simply,"Use You Own Judgement". In a relationship,married or single,best friends,its certainly a good shot,to know what you expect them to expect from you.The past should stay in the past,and the present and future,should be carefully weighed before you tell anyone anything.In my life,I tell people I have no money.At first,they have disbelief,then after a very short lapse of time,they are no longer in our lives.They finally conclude you have spoke the truth,and awayy they go!!This is what the truth will affect your lif e at times.The minute the lawyers hear you have no money,they are gone. So I have always told my wife the truth,and its easy,as she understands very little English terminology.Now however after two years,she knows and understands me very well.Thus telling the truth is very helpful.Regretably,we know very little about each others past,yet we get the drift,without asking questions.Yes we do the truth all the time and it does not hurt.But,please do not tell everything,as you do have your own spa ce.My wife says,"Give Me Freedom",and its working quite well,and its effective.Now we can talk more as she understands more,but the mistrust is always there.So the moral is maybe,dont even think about telling everything in the begining.If your'e together long enough,everything will come out,when you are better able to discuss the issues in your lives. Sincerely James
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
Hi! Hmm.. I guess that's what I am waiting for in my relationship. Maybe not rushing on telling everything to my partner. Not because I want to hide secrets from him but waiting for the right time until we've come to know each other longer. I do believe eventually will talk about our past but I don't think the past is important anymore. Keep posting!
• India
11 Sep 08
Hi Well, I will tell everything to my partner. Till now I have not maintained any distance. Everyday once we reach home we discuss everything either it may be related to personal or official. He cooperates and helps me lot in all my day today works. We have a very good relationship and better understanding in each other. As ours is arranged marriage we dont have any past secrets or something like that. We believe each other. A partner has the right to know everything and also right to question on everything. So according to me we dont keep any secrets. We have to tell evrything. Otherwise if he has any doubts it may lead to some misunderstandings or disputes. We have to avoid those things for our better future.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
An arrange marriage? Hmmm.. Interesting relationship you have with your hubby. Frankly I don't really think that arrange marriages will work out. But I guess I was wrong. Good for you! And yes, maybe if I'm already married then I guess my partner has the right to know everything. But for now, I would like to stick to my own beliefs. Ciao!
• Sri Lanka
11 Sep 08
All these things depend on the type of relationship you have with your partner. If both have mutual understanding about each other, yes everything could be told to each other. But if it is not so, better be selective. At the same time it is not necessary to share every single incident with your partner. Be it a secret or not it would not be important of telling your partner so you should not tell it just because it wastes your time.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
I also believe that I don't have to tell every incident that happens in my everyday life. It's like I should be in the mood to tell him stories to be able to share what happened in my day. But sometimes its irritating if he keeps on asking things.
@pinks17 (2192)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
My boyfriend knows everything.I told him even my darkest secret that my parents are not aware of that I've done such a thing.I am such a transparent person.I even told him the stories of all my ex's.I even tells him that a certain ex texted me.I accidentally saw my ex at the mall I let him know that.I basically tell him everything.Even if I know it could hurt his feelings I would still tell him everything I want to say so that he will know.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
Wow.. you really trust your boyfriend so much that your were able to tell him things you never even told your parents. I guess confiding everything to a partner is more of a personal choice. I think you're a strong woman. Not afraid to tell even your darkest secrets. Ciao!
@joy4you (641)
• India
11 Sep 08
I believe ultimately it is the trust hat you have in each other that is important, whether or not you tell each other everything. When you hide something or lie sooner or later you will get caught then it will be impossible to rebuild the trust. Hiding painful things from the past may be ok but hiding things you are doing in the present that you know would hurt your partner would be cheating, if you know they would be hurt then why do it. It just shows that in your mind you do not care about the feelings of your partner. Honesty and trust are very important ingredients of a relationship. Happy mylotting.
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
I agree with you that the past doesn't have to be told cause the present is what's important. But sometimes we still need some privacy and I feel that when it comes to things that doesn't involve the realtionship, for me it is not an obligation to tell. Unless otherwise, there would a come a time that we discuss about it. Ciao!
• United States
11 Sep 08
Yes I tell my husband everything. I don't beleive in keeping anything from him at all
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
Yes, I believe between husbands and wives I think there should be no secrets because once you get married you become one. But between boyfriends and girlfriends only, I'm not so sure if we should tell everything. Maybe full trust is needed in order to that. And its hard to give it unless we're sure that we've found the perfect the partner for life. Keep posting!
• Canada
11 Sep 08
I do trust my husband and do tell him everything about myself but don't tell him everything that is going on all the time as I have friends that he doesn't hang out with as they are my friends and if they ask me not to tell anyone what is going on with them , then I respect them enough not to discuss what we discussed with my husband as it is up to them to repeat if that is what they decide to do and not mine . My husband does know about my past from when I was younger and I don't believe I have kept anything from him but that was my choice . I don't see any reason why one woudln't be able to have some privacy . I don't believe that one should ever feel obligated to tell everything . It would have to depend on the secret , if something happened that you yourself was not ready to face it wouldn't mean you didn't trust your partner but that you were unable to face it yourself so how could possibly explain it to someone else . And if one was abused ( an example ) , they may not know how to bring this up and may decide to keep it to themselves . This would have nothing to do with trust . I woulnd't consider an invaison of privacy if your partner asked you everything about your past . That is just because they care about you and want to know about your past but doesn't mean that they expect you to tell them everything . If they do expect it then they may be too possesive . I don't believe anyone has the right to know everything as long as it doesn't have to do with the relationship . Everyone is entitled to keep things to themselves for thier own reasons . Now if your partner is cheating on you then that is a different story . This should not have happened and by not telling about this then you are basically lying to your partenr .
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
Yes.. Being possessive. That's what comes in my mind if a partner is being so querry about everything his/her partner does. I think respect is also needed if the other decides not to tell everything, his/her partner should accept that. Thanks for the response!
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
I tell my girlfriend everything she wants to know about me. I share with her even my deepest secrets. She also shares with me and tells me things about her when I ask. If you are hiding something from your partner, I think there is a certain betrayal of trust there. Why hide something from your partner? Maybe if the topic is very sensitive and brings you pain, maybe you could tell your partner that you don't want to talk about it just yet. I think that would be alright.
1 person likes this
@iskayz (5422)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
Hi! Well, betrayal of trust is harsh word I think. Maybe there are just some things that should be kept a secret for the betterment of both partners. Keeping secrets doesn't mean that we don't trust our partners especially if its about the past. What's important is the now, I think. Ciao!
• United States
11 Sep 08
I tell him quite a lot of things, but I can never tell him about the time I was raped. That would kill our relationship for sure. Since I have been with him, I have been completely honest with him, and I have never cheated on him with anyone else. I love him too much to do that. There are some things that you can never really tell your partner for fear that they will get angry at you or just flat out leave you.
1 person likes this
• Indonesia
11 Sep 08
I ll tell everything she wanted to know ... in words "Wanted to know" , if she doesn't ask me ... then my secret will still be secret. If it needed to preserve our relationship ... there will be something that i could not tell her ...
@ehlsie (730)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
Me, i tell everything to my boyfriend same with him...He knows evrything about me even my past relationships.He also tells me everything...we have no secrets to each other. Because for me, i want that he knows everything about me At least i know that what ever he'll knows he still accept me who i am.WHat i have on my past and what i have now..I agree with you that trust is very important in a relationship.That will keep your relationship work... happy mylotters!
• India
11 Sep 08
hi a good relationship is based on trust. You can live a happy and relief life life when u are open with your partner. when u dont hide anything from ur partner u live with him/her peacefully. ur mind is not puzzled from the tention that if he come to know then what will happen. u never scared of others to tell ur partner any of ur secrets. so in my opinion it is good to tell everything to ur partner.
1 person likes this
@magojordan (3254)
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
I think it is part of building the trust but of course we mustn't force our partners to tell us all. Let us give them time and surely they will be able to tell it to you and of course it will strengthen your relationship.
• Philippines
11 Sep 08
yep yep yep.. we do this to prevent mistrust and doubts in our relationship... we dont worry bout anything coz, whenever we make a mistake we both would find a way, and not fight about it... :D
1 person likes this