Stay at home mother

United States
September 11, 2008 9:01pm CST
I am a full time college student and a mother of two with one on the way. I am also a stay at home mother. The other day while in the grocery store i ran into an old friend who in a nonchalant way critized me for working at home. She let me know that she thought that everyone who worked at home were lazy, and my reply to her was that I most likely along with other stay at home mothers work harder than anyone does because we work 24/7. I know that i dont have days off, that not me, i work all of the time, although i spend a great amount of time with my family i am working all in the same time. I became extremely offended and would like to know if i was being rude, by standing up for myself and other work at home mothers. I mean am i right, i know how hard stay at home mothers work, was my old friend being a big buthead, or was she just jealous? Have any of you ever came across anything like that? Let me know what you think
12 people like this
36 responses
• Malaysia
12 Sep 08
Being a full time mom is definitely a full time job. I resigned from my office job end of last year, to be a full time mom. Never had i expected that it could be this tiring. Its a 24/7 work that sometimes i feel that i need to run away from it just to have some rest. I choose to stay at home because i want to spend all of my time with my children. I want to be the one who feed them, bathe them, read to them, teach them as well as be with them through their thick and thin. I want them to know that i am always there for them. Being at home is not lazy because everything is our job, from cleaning up the house, to cooking, to washing up the laundry as well as educating our children. Its a 'job' worth doing. In the end we can see the product of our job, its very rewarding, not in monetary term tho'. Let them say anything they want as they dont understand what our priorities are. Our priorities are much much different from them. We have made our choices and we are here to stay.
• United States
12 Sep 08
Way to go that's exactly right. We have chosen what we want to do and we stick y our choice and will see our finished in the end. I have a lot of respect for someone who will say that and you are exactly right. We are always here for our children whenever or for whatever they may need. They know that we are here and that makes it better. Some people just don't like that fact, and some people are jealous of it, either way i am very happy with my choice and always will be. Way to go keep up the great work.
@rocketj1 (6957)
• United States
12 Sep 08
Everyone will someday regret something but I can guarantee that you will NEVER regret spending every moment you were able with your precious babies! You Go Girl!!!
• United States
12 Sep 08
Thats wonderful and very true, thank you so much for your responce. That is the one thing that i will never regret, being here for my babies. Watching them grow and actually being around for them, it's a wonderful feeling that no one could ever take away. I love every second of it. Very hard at times, yet very rewarding at the same time. I would replace it for the world. Thanks so much for your responce.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6957)
• United States
12 Sep 08
You know, I don't think any child would ever say either "I wish my mommy worked and spent more time away from me". They need you! Hang in there!:)
@liquorice (3902)
12 Sep 08
That's a lovely and very true answer!
@joyadalia (1410)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
Don't let other people put you down. You are not a stay-at-home-mom but a Full Time Home Manager . Don't let it bother you.
• United States
12 Sep 08
lol awesome thanks so much for the words of enthuiasm. I appreciate it and i'll keep that in mind for the next time I run into her.
1 person likes this
@joyadalia (1410)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
@stylioJ (403)
• United States
12 Sep 08
I love that - "Full Time Home Manager." You should get to put that on your wall like people do with their degrees!
1 person likes this
@deebomb (15347)
• United States
12 Sep 08
These people that like to put down stay at home moms really are the lazy ones because they are have some one else raise their kids. Yes a stay at home mom really does work so much harder than a mom that goes out of the home to work. It is time that they realized that staying at home to raise you kids is no easy task. and your not siting watching soap operas and eating bonbon.
• United States
12 Sep 08
That's exactly right, i really don't think that they understand what all goes into being a stay at home mother. Man i would love to sit down and actually watch television, but i don't have time to. I haven't even been able to get through a show without having to switch it to Barney lol or Dora lol. Everything is for the children, i mean let's face it they are our future, and i know that they will respect everything that i do for them, and they will appreciate it much more. I really enjoyed your funny yet truthful responce. Thanks so much. You are exactly right.
2 people like this
@deebomb (15347)
• United States
12 Sep 08
There is a saying"The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world." I think if more moms would stay home we would have a lot less trouble in the world. I know that there are a lot of moms that would love to stay home but because of being single or other surcomestance they can't but those that can should.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Sep 08
You are right on target. That's how i feel too. If your able to then you need to or should do so, if you feel you can, however, if you can't or don't feel that it's right for you to do then don't. For me and my family, i know that I am doing the right thing, my children need me and i definately don't want another persons influence on them where their mothers should be. Thanks so much for the responce.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Sep 08
I think a stay at home mom is definitely a full time job. You get no days off, no sick days, no 401K, just constant work. People try to manage success by the jobs they hold but the most successful job is raising a successful child. Keep it up!
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Sep 08
Thank you so much for the confidence. i really appreciate it. You are exactly right, we really do work 24/7 absolutely no days off no matter what.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Sep 08
No problem. Happy MyLotting.
• United States
12 Sep 08
She was beign a butthead for sure. My closest friends all work out of the home and they come home and have it just as crazy and stressful as i do, but they each were home for a bit after ecah child and have seen both aspects. I agree after seeing this and they also feel, both are just as hectic as the other..but in no way are at home moms lazy. I have seen on day time news or talk shows over and over again, what it would cost to hire people to do what most mothers (both at home and working) do...i dont know the numbers but you would have to hire a driver to get kids back and forth to games, practices, etc, a maid to keep up the house and laundry, a cook, a nurse of some sort to care for everyone when they are sick..and a few other positions, but just those alone would cost thousands a month..i believe it said that if a woman got paid for all the work she does taking care of family and home the total for a year would be something like 140,000 Lazy....I THINK NOT! Oh and kudos to you for being a full time student while doing all of this..being a student itself shows you arent lazy..man was your friend being a big BUTT HEAD!
• United States
13 Sep 08
Thanks so much, i really agree. being a stay at home mother is very difficult and can be trying at times, but very rewarding. I enjoy every bit of it and wouldnt' trade it for the world. I really do think that she is just jealous, thats the only thing that i can think of.
• United States
12 Sep 08
Being a mother is the best job in the whole world. But it is hard, down right difficult at times. Your friend doesn't know what she is talking about. Staying home with your children is a choice and a sacrifice. I gave up a career I worked at getting through nine years of college education to be a SAHM. My decision was because I thought about my own childhood and how my mom stayed home with us. I also thought about my baby and if she could speak what would she prefer, me to stay at home with her or to be raised by someone else? There will always be people who are apposed to your opinion but be strong and know that you are doing what is best for you and your family. I applaud you!
• United States
12 Sep 08
Thank you so much for your very caring responce, i really appreciate it. Now in this day and age it is much easier for mothers to stay at home and make an ok living, although the easier part is only with finding work on the internet. All of it is hard, the work and tending to the children and keeping up the home, and taking care of your significant other (if you have one). All of it tied in together make it very rough, and I honestly think that we truly work very hard, and some people just don't know what it takes to make it through one day of being a stay at home mother, and working from home. You are a wonderful person for choosing to stay at home with your child and passing up the career because you looked at what your child would want more. That takes a lot of courage and i'm sure it's been dificult for you, although very rewarding. Even when i do finish college, I firmly believe that my place is with my children, they came from my body and they belong with me. I need to tend to them and help them in any way that i can, and i will always do that, along with any mother. Thank you so much for your responce.
1 person likes this
@jfeets726 (775)
• United States
12 Sep 08
Sadly, I do not have a lot of friends and staying home had a lot to do with it. Once, I became a stay-at-home mom, I lost contact with a lot of friends and people I worked with (that was my fault, as the transition was kind of weird for me, as I was use to working 60+ hours a week as a retail manager). The few other friendships I had ended because of staying at home. Around this time, I also decided to work from home. I started doing freelance writing. I was very upset and it does bother you when people assume you just sit at home watching television all day long. Regardless of whether or not you make money from home or just stay at home with your kids, it is a very demanding job. And, of course, no one ever likes to hear their job or their personal decesions put down by others. My daughter recently started full day prek this week. Everyone, expect for my family (which included my partner, parents, grandma, and brother) was like, "so you are returning to work right?" Hello, I work from home! My family has actually encouraged me to stay working from home if that is what I want. I am just switching my hours from working after everyone goes to bed to the day. I will still have the freedom to attend functions at my child's school though. In a way, I feel some people are jealous. In another way, I feel people are misinformed about working and staying from home. Instead of trying to understand it, they just put it down. I really wish people understood there is no difference really between a working outside of the home and a stay at home mom. We all love our kids, just make differnet decesions, but no one should be critizied for that decesion. Lol, sorry for my long rant.
• United States
12 Sep 08
Very enlightening and truly correct. No one should be put down for their decisions, and i feel that being a stay at home mother and working from home is the best decision for my family and for me. Honestly i have enough on my plate right now, that i do not need to be at an office for 10 hours a day when i can be at home working here all of the time. Anyway if i were to work outside of the home when could i do it? I can't work days because i have college, and i can't work evenings because i have an evening class, and nights i couldnt work either because i have to be able to get sleep for school and to tend to my children. Almost every day I am working off of about 4 hours of sleep just doing what i am doing, so i think anymore would completely throw me overboard. I couldnt handle anymore than i already do. If people want to be jealous of me that fine, i just wish they would keep it to themselves as you said. They don't have the right to judge me because I am doing what i can. Thanks so much for your responce.
1 person likes this
@izathewzia (5142)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
I am also a stay home mom. I have three kids, small business, taking up another degree in college and doing online activities once in awhile. I enjoy as things are happening in my life. I love my kids, my business and my soon-to-be-career.
1 person likes this
• United States
12 Sep 08
Way to go girl, keep it up. We work very hard, and it shows and always will. Keep up the great work, and good luck on your career.
@ch88ss (2270)
• United States
12 Sep 08
Being a full time employee, I have to say your friend is jealous. Because I am jealous , I am jealous that you have the luxury of being a stay at home mother. But I applaud you for making that choice, it is a great sacrifice but a great one. Good job. Nothing is better than being able to be there for your when they come home from school, get them ready in the morning and greet them with hugs and kisses after school too. It all makes a big difference. I want to be a stay at home mom, but my husband does not think it is necessary. He does not see the value and importance for our children. But financially that might not be possible anymore. Congratulations on speaking about it with your friend. Stay at home mom works harder because they are the first one up getting everybody ready and the last one to go to bed because they are also cleaning up after everything else. I also know as a mother, our spouses usually expect us to do so much more for the kids that sometimes you want a vacation. But with stay at home parent, a lot of time this is ignored. They are expected to keep the house clean, do all the errands, have dinner ready, lunches packed , laundry done, bills paid, lawn mowed, kids dropped at their next practice and more. So it is clear stay at home parent work much harder, full time employee do the 9-5 and have one hour break. I bet some days you don’t even get to eat lunch. Hang in there, the biggest reward is when you get the hugs and kisses everyday when they come home from school.
1 person likes this
@bridgetl (14)
• United States
12 Sep 08
What a rude way to act. Hopefully, this person isn't a friend anymore. A stay-at-home mom is the HARDEST job there is, and the most rewarding. I was able to stay at home with my son for his 1st 5 years and am so thankful for that. Now I work part time and homeschool the same son, whom is now 13. I also take care of my in-laws, mow, clean the house, do projects, and make Christmas gifts. Oh, I and I try to make a little money on the side. So, like you, being at home can be more of a hectic job than any other. Kudos to you!!! And you are a college student too. You should be very proud of yourself!!!
1 person likes this
• Canada
12 Sep 08
preach it sister! us stay at home moms have the most underappreciated jobs in the world. they actually did a study about what we would get paid, and it was over 6 figures. i would say your friend is rather ignorant to say the least. I mean i take care of my 2 kids, keep a clean house, make sure everyone has clean clothes, dinner is always on the table. I dont get sick days, i dont get vacation days, and i certainly most days dont get a word of thanks. would i trade it for a 9-5 job? no way in the world. While i do have my days of feeling underappreciated, i like knowing im the one who is raising my kids. while im not knocking working moms, me personally, i just enjoy being home with my children and teaching them things as they get ready to go to school and get older.I was home to see my chieldren take thier first steps, i was home to see my kids say thier first words. if your friend thinks being a stay at home mom means im lazy, i would like to see her walk a mile in my shoes.
1 person likes this
@belk89 (1104)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
Being a stay home mom is not an easy tasked. So for someone to criticized stay home mom never realized how hard it is to stay at home 24 hours and do all the chores for your husband. Not to mention the other things you need to take care of such as budget the salary and plan for the meal everyday. So i dont think being a stay home mom is a sign of being lazy. It might not look hard to think that you dont have to chase the time and do a lot of stuff for your boss but hey you work almost every hours doing the same thing again and again. Not to mention the stress of solving problems that has something to do with kids. Making sure they eat on time and discipline so they will grow up to be a good person is not an easy thing to do. If your friend had to stay home and be a stay home mom she will realized how hard it is. It is not fair to say words that are harsh towards housewife. They play a very important role in the family and they deserved to be respected.
1 person likes this
@o2bnocn (2896)
• United States
12 Sep 08
I don't think you were being rude. I do not think that people that work at home are lazy. I think people like to label them that way. I don't think you are lazy at all. I don't have any kids but I help take care of my sister a lot. My mother just started working in retail to I am watching her quite often. She did start school but on weekends and days she is off of school or sick I am taking care of her if my mother has work. Not only that I spend quite a bit of time online making money. I also have cleaning that has to get done everyday, at least the clothes and the dishes. I am the only one that takes care of them. In the beginning of October I will be starting classes so I will also be taking college classes. My point is that someone doesn't have to have a job outside of the house to look like she or he is not lazy, or look as if they work hard. Plenty of people that do not have jobs outside of the home are hard working people. I am not saying that I have as much as mothers do or anything like that, I was just trying to make a point. Between the cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, and taking classes I think you probably work harder than that person does. I don't think people that don't have any kids realize all of this.
1 person likes this
@Latrivia (2890)
• United States
12 Sep 08
Being a mom in general is a full time job that never ends. There are no sick days or vacation time, and the work never pays well (at least not monetarily). No, a full time college student/mom has a full plate. It's also a very admirable thing to stay home with your kids rather than seek a good career for yourself outside the home. I always believed that family should come before everything, so get the whole "working" outside of home thing out of your system if you can before you have kids. I plan to become a stay at home/work at home mother when I have kids, because I personally believe it's healthier for the family and the children. You're definitely not lazy for being a stay at home mom, and this person you spoke to sounds like a pretty stuck up snob, in my opinion.
1 person likes this
@mflower2053 (3227)
• United States
12 Sep 08
She must not have any kids. A stay at home mom is a hard job. We don't get many breaks not even to use the bathroom. People who do work go to work and sit at a desk for hours where we rarely sit and are running after kids all day long how is that lazy? Shes probably jealous. Wow good for you for going to college full time. I think you do more than enough. Keep up the good work.
1 person likes this
@madasp (563)
• United States
12 Sep 08
I stayed at home with my oldest 3 and now that we have another on the way I plan to stay home with him. When I left my job last week I had to laugh because my boss told me she knew I would be back because I would get "bored" being "stuck" at home with a baby all yhe time. Obviously she never stayed home with her kids, because I don't remember boredom ever being a problem LOL. When your trying to manage a home, children and earn an income from home it doesn't leave much time for boredom or laziness. You were right to stand up for yourself and you are probably right that she was jealous.
1 person likes this
@Shar19 (8236)
• United States
12 Sep 08
I am also a SAHM and I think your friend is definitely jealous. It's ashame that people have to be that way. We work very hard taking care of our kids. We have to clean, cook, run errands, break up fights, teach children things to grow so that they're ready for school. I think also that a lot of husbands don't realize how much we actually do being at home. I don't know how many times I've gotten "the attitude" for not making any money for the family from my husband, since he is the breadwinner. I know of some ladies in the neighborhood that give me an attitude too about being home with my youngest. Everytime I see them at the bus stop and they ask "what are you doing today"? I tell them my chores/errands and then I always get the same response "must be nice". I can't stand when people say that. To me that is really putting someone down. Makes me feel like my life and myself are not as nearly important as theirs. They act like their careers are much more superior to my little stay at home life. I think they are jealous and mad at themselves. Maybe they needs to realize that some of us get jealous of them too because we're not able to just get out of the house and be around adults all day and make money.
@phoenix25 (1543)
• United States
14 Sep 08
You're so right. I used to work until my son was about 2 and I hated leaving him every day to go to work. I always felt so guilty and he always got so upset when I left. However, being a SAHM has it's disadvantages. My idea of a "break" is getting to go to the grocery store by myself. Woo hoo...party time, right? I guess we all can't have our cake and eat it too. I've been on both sides of the fence, so I guess I have respect for both sides of the argument. I would never insult someone for making one or the other choice.
@mimingsi (152)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
For me, the hardest occupation in the world is being a full-time mom. You don't get paid and yet you work 24/7. I believe that being a dedicated and loving homemaker is the most noble job on earth. Don't let others' criticism wear you down..
• United States
12 Sep 08
Thank you so much for your responce, i really appreciate it. It is a very hard job, yet very rewarding, and it will pay off in the end. I expect to get critized for it I know i will, but in the back of my mind i can't help but feel pity for the ones who do, because i know that they are just jealous or envious of what i do, and wish that they could. Thank you once again.
@starjmom (88)
• United States
12 Sep 08
Heck, I think it is easier to go out to work than to stay at home!! I have raised 5 kids (well, 2 are still under 13), I homeschool, cook, clean, do laundry, etc, etc, etc, and I DON"T GET PAID!!! Not that I want to get paid but you know what I mean. People think we stay at home and type on the computer all day - well, maybe some do lol!! Don't let anyone put you down for staying home, being home with my kids is one of the most important things!
• United States
12 Sep 08
That's exactly right, being with your children is the most important part. A mothers work is very hard, i was reading a recent study of what parents do; and it said that if a stay at home mother was paid for everything that she did her salary would be 210,000 annually!!! That's a heck of a lot of money (unfortunetly i havn't seen any of it yet lol), but that is just an insight of what all there is to do being a stay at home mom. There is a lot of hard work involved, enjoyable, but hard. I love being a stay at home mother and working from home, and i think that my friend was just envious or jealous, which upsets me, or makes me pity her. Thanks so much for your responce.
1 person likes this