where will you be when you get old?

@chechuva (1276)
Philippines
September 11, 2008 10:28pm CST
home care are very rampant in different countries now.. and lots of elderly are left in this home cares.. their family left them there and just visit them when they have the time. here in Philippines, we are very family oriented. we have this culture that even our parents get old, as their children we will take care of them 'til they die. i myself, i don't want to be put into a institution such as home for the aged or home care. i won't even like my parents to stay and die in that institution. how about you, will you put your parents in a home care when they get old? would you want to live in a home care when you get old? enjoy mylotting!!!
2 people like this
21 responses
@DawGwath (1044)
• Romania
12 Sep 08
I would never put my parents in a home care even if they did need it. Fortunately they managed to plan their elder lives and even if they needed special care they could afford it. But they live a healthy life so I don't think they will have problems. As for me, I'd better die before I have to depend on someone else, especially when I'm old. I know I would be a very grumpy lousy old man and don't want anyone have to bear me. I just hope I never grow old :D
1 person likes this
@chechuva (1276)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
some of us are really afraid to get old because we don't want to be a burden to our love ones...
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
I only have a parent left, it's my Mom and certainly we will never let her be taken cared by other people. We the children have all the time for her. We love her and we will take care of her till the Lord calls her home. I believe what you reap you will sow and therefore what I did to my parents, my son will also do to me.
1 person likes this
@chechuva (1276)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
i agree with you.. parents should be taken care of their children...
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
I'm also from the Philippines! My grandmother is currently living in her own house and with one of my uncles and his family. Hopefully in the future I won't be put in a home for the elderly. I want to live in my own house and I want my children to take care of me.
1 person likes this
@chechuva (1276)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
good for your grandmother that she have someone to look after her. if you'll instill this value to your children, for sure they will not leave you in a home care...
@tatiana07 (498)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
i will take care of my parents in our home when they get old..i don't have the heart to put them in a home for the aged..they're old now and they must be loved by their loved ones..i want them to be happy for the remaining days of their life, to give what is due with them..the love, care and everything that's make them happy..(",) ofcourse i don't want to live in home for the aged, i want to be with my children and my grandchildren perhaps...(",)
1 person likes this
@chechuva (1276)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
that's nice to hear from you. although it is hard to look after them, it is more better that they get the care and love from us their children.
• United States
12 Sep 08
That is a very good thing your culture does. I believe in sticking by your family all the way. I have never agreed with putting someone in a "home" unless it was necessary. Even then I'm not big on it. If that were the case we would visit about everyday though. It is a said thing to go to a place like that and see all the old people there. The sadder thing is a lot of them or mistreated or not cared for properly while there. Hopefully I'll have someone that cares enough not to put me through that when I get old.
1 person likes this
@chechuva (1276)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
im also thinking of the people who will be assigned to my parents if ever. i don't want my parents or myself to be treated unkindly by other people.
@kenzie45230 (3560)
• United States
12 Sep 08
My mother is in a beautiful assisted living center because she needs to be taken care of completely now. She's physically able to get around, but her mind has stopped working. She has very little memory. She can still dress herself, but she cannot remember to brush her hair or teeth. None of us have room nor the time or 24 hour availablity to care for her. She loves her home and loves the companionship of the other elderly. She sings constantly. What I hope I can do when I get older is to find a retirement community where one can start by living in independent apartments, then move to assisted living, then to a full fledged nursing home all on the same property. I have only one son and I would never ask him to care for me when I get old. People who promise to never put their loved ones in an assisted living center or nursing home are often sorry that they made that promise when caring for them takes to much time and effort. My ex husband's mother came to live with us in Florida. We bought a duplex so that she would have her own separate home. Her sons had all promised that she would never go to a nursing home. We hired cleaning help for her, paid a companion to watch her when we couldn't and had nurses coming to the home about 3 times a week. But there were times when the paid help wasn't there and then we had to step in and do for her. When I was working, my ex had to change his mother's diapers. No man should ever have to do that for his mother. At the time, my son was only about 8. He saw his grandmother without clothes when she "forgot" to get dressed. When she had pneumonia and the doctor (by phone, since, of course he wouldn't do a house call) said that her time was near, and that she should die in her own home, I insisted that she go to a hospital. Dying from pneumonia is not something our child needed to see either. (My mother saw her grandmother die that way - gasping for breath and asking someone to please help her breathe...and it stayed with her forever.) While I do think that we in the US stop paying attention to our elders and stop listening to their sage advice way too soon, I also think that having the option to put them where they will be more comfortable makes perfect sense.
• United States
12 Sep 08
When my grandmother was in a nursing home - because of having a stroke and breaking her hip and leg - for 6 years, we visited her about 3 times a week. She never knew who some of us were, but was thrilled to have visitors. Sadly, the women next to her had been in the nursing home for 20 years and her family never came to visit. That, I think, is wrong.
@ch88ss (2270)
• United States
12 Sep 08
Hi Kenzie I am with you on this. I am the oldest of three children and the stress of keeping my parents in my house to care for them when they are older is already putting a strain on my life daily. They don't live with us now but Long story short, my culture is similar to the user who started this discussion but my beliefs are totally different and very similar to yours. Why do I say that? Because I don’t think the elders need a place to live more than they need companionship plus a roof over their head. Unless you are stay at home and a husband with big salary, housing your parents is not possible. Since I suspect I be working for the rest of my life, there is no way I would have the time and energy to watch over my parents or the money to stay at home and take care of them. if I did , where in the world will I have money to pay for my kids college. I forever regret it if I could not care for my children first. If the elders were to live with us, It be a dull and miserable life if all they did was wake up, see you go off to work, and see you at night rushing to take care Of your kids, get ready for bed and repeat life again. If senior homes, or assisted Living ( when they need it) they at least can chat with others their age, play bingo other games, make new friends and have a fuller life and have visitors. Don’t you think this makes the parents feel more like they an independent life on instead of the boring one I describe?
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
13 Sep 08
Hi chechuva, I think it is very good that you take care of the elderly in that way, but it isn't like that in most countries. My parents lived with me and didn't have to go in a seniors home, but there is very little of that today. I am hoping to live in my own home as long as possible, even if someone has to come in and do the housework and cooking for me. There are some good seniors homes and if I have to go to one, I'll try to be happy there. Blessings.
@rekcart83 (149)
• Philippines
13 Sep 08
I really have no idea. I don't even know if I'll reach that age when I'm going to be called an old man. Haha. Since I really have no idea. I'll just prefer here. Or some place peaceful. But there is a good chance that if I ended being alone when I get old and no one to take care of me, I think I'll be in a home for the elders kinda place. Hehe.
@ch88ss (2270)
• United States
12 Sep 08
I will want to move to a senior home where I can get care when needed and meet new friends and be around others my age. Why do I say that? Your culture is very similar to mines. This may sound extremely selfish and cold hearted, but by committing myself to this culture and tradition, I have not been able to perform my duty as a mother to my children or husband. It has made me miserable and constantly fighting with my husband about what my role in the family is. I am torn between being the daughter and the mother to my children. I don’t even get weekend off there is so much to do. When you have someone who has mood swings and probably schizophrenia you wonder what your days are like. Working full time my energy is drained and I have no more energy left to care for an adult who is just as needy as a 6 years old with special need. It also makes me miserable to see that they are home alone with not other adults to chat with. So staying in a home with other senior they can make friends, get the medical care they need, and best of all see that they are not a burden to their family. I believe once you are married with children, your time and energy needs to be concentrated on your currently family. After all they raised you to start your own family right? So when you do have one, I am pretty sure they will want you to be a better mother/ father to your children too right?
• United States
12 Sep 08
When I get older I am hoping that I will have my degree and go ahead and be able to buy a nice home. I would really like to have decorative conrete also, but unsure of what I would get done. Hopefully I will be set up by the age of 30 with my career and everything in check. Just keep you fingers crossed for me it's a lot of work but i will achieve my goals. Great discussion.
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
12 Sep 08
[i]HI chechuva, I will never do that! I will find a way to have my parents in our house when they are old and I myself will not choose to spend my old age in any of the home care! I will rather choose to have a caretaker while I am inside the house when I am too old and I know I need to save money for that so that I will not burden my future kids![/i]
@nlcapricorn (1115)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
It our one culture of the Filipinos that when parents are getting old children will be the one to take care of them. But there are some families who are busy and maybe just dont want to take care of their parents for they dont want a responsibility that is why they put their parents in HOME CARE. Its okay maybe if they will always visit their parents there. Ive been Durano Foundation, Danao City Cebu, HOme for the Aged for ten days. I was having my On the job training there are caregiver together with my classmates. I myself feel pity to those old men and women there that has being abandon by their families. They will always ask you if their family misses them or if they will visit. Its really sad. If i will get old i want that my children in the future will take care of me till i die. Not that i will be put in the place where in i cant see them.
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
I will never let my parents grow old in a home care. As a daughter it is my responsibility to take care of them. To love them and understand them. As much as they understand me when i was still growing up and unable to know a lot of things about life. I hope in the future my kids wont also send me and my hubby to a homecare but we already plan that when we retire we will live in Hawaii for good. I want to spend the last days of my life happy with my family and my husband. I hope my relatives would be closer to me though..but if they wont i guess if we can still travel. We will visit them every now and then.
• United States
12 Sep 08
I actually wouldn't mind it. I wouldn't want to be at home if I couldn't care for myself. As far as family visiting me...I know my kids would when time allowed or more. I'm not much into 'visiting' with other family besides my children anyhow and I would'nt want my kids to take care of me as I know they are going to have thier own lives too.
@ronaldinu (12440)
• Malta
12 Sep 08
I hope that I will be able to stay in my home when I am at old age. That I would be able to walk and take care of myself. If not perhaps a day carer would help me to do the daily required chores. Regarding my parents, i would try to avoid sending them in an elderly home unless they request it themselves.
• Singapore
12 Sep 08
Never thought of it yet, well maybe it's time to plan first before getting there a. Well maybe I'll be with my wife in our own home, enjoying our views at our dream home. The sea breeze blowing on our face and our kids, kids playing on the golden sandy beach. The house maid served us our afternoon teas and i was sitting on my rocking chairs looking at my papers, sipping onto my afternoon tea. And my wife was on her rocking chair stroking her cat.
@divinchris (2449)
• India
12 Sep 08
I don't like to be in a old age or what ever.I will be in a position to take care of myself,as im so confident that I can be a great person in the coming days.I dont think even my parents wont go there,as they are well settled in their life.Thank You
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
definitely not. I wouldn't leave my parents there. I love them so much. And I believe in karma, what goes around comes around. I don't want my kids putting me up in those home cares....
@Luvxoni (135)
• United States
12 Sep 08
My mother will die at home. Hopefully I will die at home. I'm hope to retire in Africa, and facilities for the elderly aren't really there, right now. If that doesn't go as plan, I hope my future kids will keep me at home. Maybe I'll marry into a culture that doesn't believe in putting the elderly away.
• Philippines
12 Sep 08
i will be at home at my own home when i grow old. together with my loveones. i also wanted to have my parents grow old with me but i have to ask permission first with my husband or i will ask my parents where would they like to stay. caregiver institution will be our second option though as a filipino, we our a close tight family...we cannot bear to be away with our loveones. we see to it that we always visit our loveones in that institution. proper health care and total monitoring from medical poeple, cannot replace the presence our family.