Is tat True???

India
September 13, 2008 10:57am CST
Hi friendz , I hear that when we fall in LOVE we always see positive things in our partner,but whereas after marriage we will only see their negative ....This makes a misunderstanding between each other...Even they loved many years ,they get divorced soon after marriage...........whats your opinion guys??
2 people like this
14 responses
• Bangladesh
14 Sep 08
You are absolutely..... right!! I support you man! You wrote the right thing in the right time. Bravo! Bravo!! Ok lets come to the point. When we are in love we never judge our partner properly. I mean we never think that s/he can do mistakes. But after the marriage if we find any mistakes in our partners then we go really crazy. We always blam others that, "I should have noticed you properly, if could find that you can do this silly mistakes I would never marry you." ha! ha! ha! LOL! It is so true. Before marriage we live on our parents and never have to think of our income but after marriage we have to think for us for our wife and our future planing. And our wives start blaming us we don't give them enough time. Man! seriously I have been seeing these stories every single time when I visit to my uncle's house. My suggession is "Love one and marry another one."
• Bangladesh
14 Sep 08
yeah may be you're right. LOL!
@jbe570 (22)
• United States
13 Sep 08
Remember there is falling in lust and being in love. Lust does not necessarily lead to love. During the beginning of a relationship we each try to please the other person and so to some extent create a false persona. We also tend to think that if the person we "love" had bad habits we can change them after marriage. Nothing could be further from the truth!To quote the apostle Paul, who by the way was never married, "Love is patient and kind. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged." Furthermore, he says, "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."Yes, with living together comes familiarity, and some things you may not like. A good marriage takes work. Before you marry, you need to agree that you know you will sometimes argue. You each need to be very careful to keep the argument or disagreement focused and not widen it to include every fault you can find with one another. Once the bad words are out of your mouth or your spouse's mouth, they can never be rescinded. You or your spouse really means those words. Words hurt a lot. But try forgiveness. I have been married 3 times. The first one ended in divorce for a number of reasons, one of which was emotional abuse. The second marriage was very good, lasted 7 years, and God called him home. I was very angry and hurt, felt abandoned. But a little over a year later God allowed a completely different man to come into my life. He loved me from day one; I was not so sure. For me love had to grow and the walls I put up after being widowed had to be chipped away. He proposed 3 times before I accepted. We have been married 20 years, and, although we have our disagreements, we never let the sun set without kissing and making up. Making up does not always have to include marital relations, but it sure is a great cleansing to the argument and is truly a blessing in marriage. Beware of too much togetherness. You each need your identity. Too much togetherness can engender jealousy and the feeling of being smothered. The most important thing, I believe, is to be of one faith, whether that be Christinaity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, or other faith. Marriage is not what causes negative feelings to come out. Marriage is a solidifying of your commitment and very important. I am also an advocate of getting premarital counseling so you will enter marriage with your eyes open. Remember, this is the most important commitment you will make in your life. That is my opinion and I am sticking with it!
• India
14 Sep 08
ya thanks alot for your opinion and view about this discussion.I too really appreciate to have pre-counselling before marriage.Since Iam a single ,i dont have much experience as you have my friend.
• India
15 Sep 08
Ya its happening the majority of the people but actually means that they didn't each other properly. Not knowing the full qualities of the life partner or lover whoever may be its not a true love. First both must try understand each other and make the life suitable according to it. Its a pain that people don't understand things.
• Singapore
14 Sep 08
Hello Veteran24, Well, sometimes during courtship, it is true that we often see only the positive side of our partner, as we want to believe that we made the right choice in choosing our partner. In addition, it is during courtship that we try to present our best to the other party. Thus, it is often only after marriage then all the negative side of us starts to show up.
@izhuce13 (158)
• China
14 Sep 08
it mean that our human do not know to cherish the thing thta we own. we always perchase the thing that is not belong to us.maybe this is the insasiate appetency of our human. in china there is a phrase“????”, it mean that the couples can treat their partners as the guest after they get marry. it very difficult. because you know, when every time we go back home, if we have something irritate us outside, so we will feel great spleenful. and we offen abuse the people that who really love us. if every remember the chinese's phrase"????“,then ,we will not do so.
• Singapore
16 Sep 08
What u heard, may be wrong. "Love" doesnt makes us see only the positive things in our partner. We will still be able to see both positive and negative things in our partner, but because of "Love" we tend to ignore the negative things during the "Loving" period. The problem arise during marriage. Marriage will start to bring about "Problems" such as "Money, Babies, Relations between in-laws, friends, work" and inturn bring us more "stress". Stress is the ultimate cause of divorce, in my opinion. Under these stress, we start to "malfunction"(work problerms, attitudes change....), failing to comply with one-another as often as before. When this happens, u will then start to notice about the negative things of your partner that u tend to ignore earlier. In the end, u would find yourself seeing only the negative things of your partner.--------------- However, these can be avoided. A good solution is a well planned marriage ( finance, in-laws, babies ), plan them in a such a way that both parties accept. In this way, the stress factor can be reduced Greatly after marriage. =)
@austere (2812)
• Philippines
14 Sep 08
well, i think there should be a great foundation of love and trust in the relationship. marriage can still be happy and full of loving if we are happy with our marriage and with our partners. if i will get married someday, i want to marry somebody i truly love, that will help me have a wonderfully happy marriage. we should not see the other person negatively.. and instead accept the person's imperfection and love our husbands and wives unconditionally
• Lubbock, Texas
13 Sep 08
I think that this is true for many people, but the problem is that they aren't friends. They are lovers. Even if they've been together many years before they marry, the romance fades and then they see the flaws. If you know a person well enough to see their good characteristics and their flaws and still want to spend the rest of your life with them, you'll make the effort to stay together.
@sweetyethot (1737)
• China
14 Sep 08
i learn that before from books or magazines, i dont remember.since i am a single and sad to say i never love or being truelly loved before, i cant jump to conclusion. one thing i know for sure is that it's always easy to fall in love,but it's not easy to be together. am i right?
• Indonesia
13 Sep 08
When people enter marriage life, they sometimes set many high expectations that they did not set before. They demand their spouse to act like this, to say like this, to treat them like that, etc. If they don't wake up, open their eyes, and drop those expectations, they will end up with dissapointed on their spouse. Perfect marriage do not demand anything. Love is not demanded but giving.
@magna86 (1786)
• India
13 Sep 08
positive things / negative things should not matter much in love.. but after marriage there are people who give much more attention to the negative manners, than the positive ones.. people get divorced only because.. of the fact that they do not know what love is before marriage and what love is after marriage!! only those people will do such an act! its all in a simple word!! "understand each other... to live together"
@flance101 (137)
• Philippines
13 Sep 08
well, i cant deny that what you said is true to some people. but not to everybody. thats why i think its best to show your partner not only your similarities, but also your differences. this way, at the earliest stage possible, you can discuss them with your partner. also, you will be able to know early if there are things you need to adjust to, for the both of you. changing for good, for your partner is not very easy, it is still best that you learn to adjust. this way, your love, and respect for each other will also deepen.
• India
13 Sep 08
hmmm this is not true at all. Because when you are in love with one person and when you accept everything about your partner, how can that change when it comes to marriage. Many people think that there is less love after marriage, but it is in their hands to make a marriage fruitful and to have that kind of love even after many years of marriage. Success in marriage is in being as you are and not the other way. Yes, these days we do see many couples after marriage with difference of opinions taking divorce, why is it that our parents and grand-parents though they had difference in opinions never took divorce? these days peoples opinions, interests are all changing and that change is too quick , they want change, thats the reason we see many divorce cases, however, there are many other couples who are protecting their marriages and are successful.
13 Sep 08
I'm not think so. Because if we honest to our lover,after married we still can see positive things but not negative. But I want to remind you that you cant honest all of your things to your lover. Because if you honest negative things with your lover such as you have another lover,you lie to her,then wicked impression will happen to you. But after this you will never see her negative things,because you no need to marry with her. BECAUSE YOU ALREADY DIVORCE WITH HER!!! Haha...