Should I live apart from my husband for 8 months?

United States
September 15, 2008 11:05pm CST
My husband is starting grad school this January, and we're considering living apart for the first 8 months he's in school. His school is 10 hours from where we're living now, and he has to attend classes there for 8 months. After the 8 months, he'll have to do an 18-month internship, which will be in the town we're living now. My job is here, and I think it would be extremely difficult to leave my job here, find a new job for the 8 months in the other city, then have to find another job when we return. It seems like it just makes sense for me to stay here. On the other hand, it breaks my heart to think about being apart from my husband for that long! I'm really torn about what to do! Please, do you have any advice for me?
2 people like this
15 responses
@SukiSmiles (1999)
• United States
16 Sep 08
If you have a good job that you both depend on, I say, stay there. Eight months can be a long time, espeically if you have children (I don't know if you do). If you do that will be hard because all the parenting will be on you for eight months. But at least with technology now a days its easier to stay in touch. You have cell phones, email, even video chat and other ways to use video online. I do understand about it breaking your heart - I've been married for 12 years and I wouldn't want to do it. Especially since he couldn't drive home on the weekends. But I would if I had to.
2 people like this
• United States
16 Sep 08
Luckily, we don't have children, but we've been trying for one for a few months now. That would REALLY put a hamper on those efforts!
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Sep 08
Trust me on this one, wait until after he gets back. You want to be able to be pampered by him while pregant.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Sep 08
Maybe it would help to take out a piece of paper, and draw a line down the middle. Put the title of PROs on one side and CONs on the other. List everything out. It might help to weigh the options when you can see them right in front of you. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@goldeneagle (6776)
• United States
16 Sep 08
I know it will be hard to do, but with the job market and economy in the condition it is in, I would definitely recommend you keep the job you have. I am currently looking for a job myself. If you like your job, I don't see the need to quit it for eight months to go live where you husband will be going to school, especially if he will be doing an internship in the town where you are living now. Doing so will only mean that you will end up back in the same town trying to find a job. I say stick it out for the eight months and keep the job you have now. You will end up better in the long run...
2 people like this
• United States
16 Sep 08
If I were in this situation, I would probably encourage my wife to keep her job and stay there while I went to the school. It would make it a lot easier to come back to the town for the internship if you are already established there with a house and all for him to come back to...
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Sep 08
We're going to have to move regardless of if I move or not. Our lease is ending here, and they landlord has informed us we either have to move or buy the place. Also, if we maintain 2 households, I'd have to move anyway because we wouldn't be able to keep this place AND the one in the other city. I forsee difficult times in our future.... :(
@paulsy (1265)
• Philippines
16 Sep 08
Well, practically speaking, it really makes sense for you to stay right where you are. They say that "absence makes the heart grow fonder", but in my opinion, when it comes to husband and wife relationships, it's much better for you to be together all the time. I mean, if I were in your place, I wouldn't want to know and to learn how it is to be away from my hubby. I don't want to get used to living apart from him. I guess if I were in your place, I'd go through the sacrifice of looking for a new job in the other city, and find a new job later on when we return, just to be by his side all the time. It's a sacrifice, but I guess I would do it. I love him, I could make little sacrifices like these, he's worth it. That's just my opinion, though.
2 people like this
• Canada
16 Sep 08
That's a tough one. If your job you mentioned is the one for only 4 hrs a week, I'm not concerned that you have to keep that one anyway. Certainly not enough motivation for me to stay somewhere. But, since he will be returning to work in the town you currently live, it makes sense for you to stay. Plus, commuting 10hrs just for a 4hr a week job wouldn't make sense either. I guess it all boils down to how much you like the town you are currently in and if you want to settle and stay there. It will definitely test your relationship, but may also bring you closer, too, in the end. How does he feel about it? There are 2 opinions that matter the most, yours and his. Do you trust him to be faithful? If so, then, go with the flow.
• United States
16 Sep 08
Well, by the time January comes around, I'd be commuting for many more hours, and considering I'm paid very well, it would probably be worth it for me to stay here. (The ONLY way out of my contract is if I have to move to medical or family reasons.) Right now, it IS the job I'm only working 4 hours a week. I also may have come up with a solution to that issue too: If my husband is moving anyway, and we'll have to leave the house we're living in now anyway, I'm considering moving to where my employer lives and then just commuting down here for this small contract. Of course, that would mean not taking the additional hours in the meantime. IDK, there's just a lot of changes going on right now with no "good" solutions....
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Sep 08
Oh, and I definately trust him to be faithful. That' never been an issue in the decision. And NO, I've always hated living here, and would much rather be somewhere else! We moved here originally for my husband's job.
1 person likes this
• Canada
16 Sep 08
No body can give you the real answer.But all we can do is help.It is mostly up to you's to decide.Whatever is right is right.Do what your heart tells you to do.If I had myself in that situation I would do whatever I could to make it better.I can't really answer your question cus I am not in that situation.But if my husband had to go and I don't have a job I would probably go with him. Then the bills,rent etc would be split and I would find a job in the new place maybe.I am at ends for you though not knowing what to do...lol.Good Luck though:)
1 person likes this
16 Sep 08
I think its just a matter of 8 months.......
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6961)
• United States
17 Sep 08
My mom's best advice "Stick together. It's got to be you and him against the world"! Don't know how that will work for you but your relationship should come before ANYTHING else.
@rocketj1 (6961)
• United States
17 Sep 08
You will never regret time together. But you very well could regret time apart.
• United States
17 Sep 08
I really like your mom's advice! I *really* wish it were that easy. What if living apart IS what will be best for us?
@checapricorn (16072)
• United States
16 Sep 08
[i]Hi wrld, 8 months is quite long..In my case, I will love to be with my husband and look for another job in the other city where he is moving! That is life and I will be ready with all those changes! ANyway, the last decision will still be up to you, just talk to him and discuss pros and cons about the situation! good Luck![/i]
• United States
16 Sep 08
ohhh...now I got an idea about the situation..I would say you need to have that job really! ANyway, when we are busy, we will never recognize the passing of days! You can visit him and then just find time to have constant communication!
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Sep 08
My bf and I live in different states. The drive from here to there is about 6 hrs and I do it every 4 weeks. Ive been doing it for 7 months now and in a way I think it's made our relationship stronger. It was a great career move for me and this move has opened so many doors for me. I have in fact just put in my transfer back to where he is. I will be making more money. I do miss him and my family but Im glad I did it. It was worth it. I think he should do it it would also give you guys a little break from each other and you guys will really enjoy your time when you see eachother.
• United States
17 Sep 08
It sounds like you've had a decent experience in long-distance relationships. Before we were married, my husband and I lived apart for 2 years. We saw each other a week out of every month, but it was hard. And now that we're used to living together, it just seems unimaginable. I'm thinking we'll have to sacrifice to not put ourselves in debt any further though.
• China
17 Sep 08
i know you are love your husband, just like i love my boyfriend. we don't want to live apart. if this really happened, usually, in china, i will choose to leave him for 8 moths although i can't bare the apart. because he is to do sth that is very necessary, and i'm impossible to follow him, i have to think much for our future job. but you can ask for your husband's advice. if he agrees you to follow you, you should be proud, your husband loves your very much, so that he can't leave you. i advise you go together. job can be found again.
• United States
17 Sep 08
My husband is really leaving the decision up to me, which makes it much harder. He says he'll be very busy studying, so if I don't come, he'd probably live in the dorm. My field really isn't the easiest to find and leave a job bc I work with kids with autism, and they need consistency. *Sigh* I'm starting to feel resigned that I'm going to have to stay here unless we want to take out outside the cost of living loans (which we don't.) It also took me 8 months to get the job I have now, which is something for me to consider....
• Philippines
17 Sep 08
It's hard to be apart from a husband and a best friend but this is a sacrifice you both need to make. 8 month is really not that long. after all, what he would be doing is for him and for you. besides internship will be in your town too and he doesn't have to be away again for that. it is also hard to be leaving your job which would also lead to another challenge of getting a job to where your hubby will be staying for 8 months. if he'd be away for 8 months, you can still instantly connect with each other thru emails, phones, and chats. you can also both agree to meet twice or thrice a month if your scheds would allow you to. This is really another life's challenge on your part and needs to think hard on it for your choice. Goodluck to whatever choice you gotta make.
• United States
17 Sep 08
LOL I think meeting 2-3 times a month is a very unlikely occurrence considering the cities are 10 hours apart by car, and a 4 hour minimum flight.
• Canada
17 Sep 08
Well, just to give you a quick breakdown of my situation and maybe it'll help you!! I've been best friends with my husband for over 7 years now and we just got married in February. He is of course a soldier and we live in two different countries. We have not had the time to live with eachother yet, but have spent a couple weeks here and there. We see eachother every few months...the last time we were together was the long weekend in July. The next time will be in November and then he is hopefully gonna be done for awhile come December. The way that we stay strong is we send eachother cards and letters by snail-mail, emails, phone calls (unlimited long distance plan!!) and we catch eachother on the webcam every now and then. It is possible to live apart for awhile and as long as you both love and trust eachother then there shouldn't be any problems. Don't let any temptations get to you either!! Just think of it as a time to grow. You will enjoy the time that you do get with eachother when it happens and you'll become closer to eachother. That is what has happened to my husband and I. Everytime we speak to eachother or see eachother, we are like kids....giddy, playful, caring, loving.......it's as if we keep reliving our first date!!!! We are not a young couple either and I'm not sure how old you are but once you have lived your life and gone through life......you know what you want and are more responsible in the final relationship, so that is why I know that know matter how long we are away from eachother, we will soon be together for the rest of our lives!!! Good luck to the two of you!!!
@jfilips (261)
• United States
17 Sep 08
Well, you could look at it this way even if it sounds a bit harsh, but I've heard from some err... movies xD it works. It's kinda like separating, and trying to see how it would be your lives without each other, many things could happen, but I definitely think that everything will result in positive things =). Like when you meet again your gonna love each other even more and etc... xD sorry just not so good talking about this stuff but hey , its my two cents. I don't think it's a bad idea, it could even strengthen your relationship. Although it sucks to be so far away from your husband =(.
@illfavors (592)
• United States
17 Sep 08
I say once the internship is over, everything would fall into place and you would not have to worry about being apart. This could only make your marriage stronger because absence makes the heart grow fonder. It is tough to be away from the ones we love and I know this won't be easy for you. I think if this is something he really wants, and you support him, then things should be okay.
@Hatley (164055)
• Garden Grove, California
16 Sep 08
wrldnharmony hi you would hate it after the second month, no better to uproot and find a new job,maybe your old employer can help you out, may be even have something else to hire you back after the 8 months, but go with your husband or you will really regret it, as you need to be with him. you know you are torn so find a way to go with him and then come back later, it can be done as others have done it. Its easier for women to fine jobs than men really.