My girlfriend want to marry me, but I have no money, what can I do?

China
September 15, 2008 11:20pm CST
I love my girlfriend very much,my girlfriend love me too.She wants to marry me.But I don't have a house and a car,but she said she doesn't mind about that,she just want to be stay with me.But I am fraid that I can't give my girlfriend a happy life. Of course, I am fraid that I disappoint my girlfriend after marriage.What can I do?How can I do?I am so confused right now.
4 people like this
36 responses
@lily3753 (390)
• China
16 Sep 08
Love is love ,if you love her and she love you back, and she want to marry you ,why not marry her ? Yes ,you said that you have no house no car , but if she don't mind ,why do you bother to mind . You love her and you treat her very well ,and then she will feel so happy . Money can earn in one day ,but a good girl cann't find any more . And I am a girl that my father have some kind of money ,and my boyfriend don't have extra money except for food. My family have ever look down upon him. But I still love my boyfriend and want to marry him , we live together and don't ask for money from my family. He feel so moved and he work hard and hard , now he can earn many money ,and he own my family's respect. Now my family allow me marry him. And we love each other more cause we have the same experience of poor. So you have a nice girl ,you can fight for her ,the house and car will come one day .But the girl is only this one.
2 people like this
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
16 Sep 08
Did you already say to your girlfriend about your worries?And what he reacts for your worries? The only problem is how you manage your financial status to make her happy, not to worrying about life after the marriage. So if you really love her, show her that you are a smartworker not a hardworker Because i believe if there's no financial problem you are facing, you will accept her propose Set your goal when do you plan to get married with her, and do everything to get your best financial status in time ... Creating sirge situation can help people achieve their goal with a faster step Hopes both of you will be happy together
2 people like this
• India
19 Sep 08
Oh Money is nothing but if you lost a good girl friend it was very badluck you can earn money in future when you got job and work hard but you cannot get back your girl friend. But i cannot fall in love because i'm not look good if i want to fall love first i will get job then i will try to love a girl if she like this ugly guy i will marry her. But you can marry your gf now then you try to earn money by doing a little job atleast then later you can get good job.
1 person likes this
@atish19 (180)
• Mauritius
17 Sep 08
I can understand in which situation you are going through. The best thing to do is to explain your girlfriend to give you at least one year. In this one year you can at least save enough and rent a house or if you can afford to take up a loan and by a house. Then you both can get married and later you both can save to afford a car. And if your girlfriend doesn't mind you dont have a car and your own house, that means she really loves you. Dont dissapoint her and do your best to have your own house and then get marry.
@jaygee96 (316)
• Philippines
17 Sep 08
If you dont have enough money, then both of you should save money for the wedding. Atleast she knows that you are planning to have a future with her. If she's really persistent and cant wait anymore, then you can get married first in civil ceremony. Then after that,continue saving for your church wedding. You can also rent a house first for both of you. You know, girls nowadays can also work even they're married so that you can help each other financially.
@Sovann (20)
• Canada
17 Sep 08
If you really love her and she really loves you I don't really think you should worry about that because she should have a happy life even if you have no money or no car. As long as shes with you she will be happy and will not be dissapointed in you. Maybe you aren't ready for a commitment.. and you should wait some time until you have a car and money so you know that you cannot dissapoint her. I really hoped this helped you.. Alex.
1 person likes this
@jojuana (311)
• Jamaica
16 Sep 08
let her know how you feel. be straight with her and i'm sure she will understand. dont be afraid to tell her your heart. all the best.
1 person likes this
@geekyjock (371)
• Philippines
16 Sep 08
I know exactly how you feel. Although the only difference is that she's not telling me straight but I know she wants to marry me and be with me of course. And Just like you I'm having a hard time thinking about it. Although I love her so much but I'm also afraid that I still couldn't provide her a better living especially now the world economy is in the worst time. I've made a discussion about that and many nice mylotters gave me some credible advices. Now I will share to you what they told me. Talking to her is the most important thing to do and try to convince her that it's not that you don't love her enough that's why you're still hesitant to marry her, rather you are still in an unstable situation financially and you need some more time to save enough money for your guys' future. And as for you, i understand that we men are afraid of making a big mistake or entering a marriage but not yet financially stable and we don't want our future wives to have a life in suffering. By some advices that I've learned is that we will never felt enough about our savings. The main factors that we consider is that 1.) Do we have stable income/job? meaning we can provide food, shelter, and pay utility bills with out crunching the budget? 2.) do we have enough savings to pay for the marriage expenses and after it do we still have money left? 3.) Are we psychologically, emotional ready? If the answer to these questions are yes. Then we are ready to get married
1 person likes this
@nengs10 (3189)
• Philippines
16 Sep 08
You may seek help from your friends or your family. Anyway, first thing that you'll do is to plan and talk about your marriage. If you're already engaged, you don't have to rush things. Take things slow and plan well for the success of such event. If you really can't find any source of money, better yet to talk to your girlfriend and set another date so both of you can save more for your wedding.
1 person likes this
@chabawel (330)
• Philippines
16 Sep 08
Are you one of those people whose trying to be practical in life first before using the heart? Are you really in love with your girlfriend? If your girlfriend is willing to take a chance with you, then take that moment. There will not be another girl who will come in your life to do that. She's accepting you completely not for material reason. But if you are not ready to take a chance right now, then you are not emotionally involved with your girlfriend. Think about it. Good luck.
@goldeneagle (6775)
• United States
16 Sep 08
Well one thing you have to realize is that if she is willing to marry you knowing that you don't have anything, she is definitely not after your money. You also need to remember that money is the number one cause of marital issues, though. If you really love each other, you can work out the issues with the car and the house. As long as you can both work, and you don't try to live above your means, you can make it. I am sure you can rent a place to stay or something. Depending on where you live, you can think about using public transportation until you can get a car. I guess what I am trying to say is that as long as the two of you want to be together, and you work at it, you can make the marriage work. Don't expect it to be easy and fun all the time, because it is not going to be, but remember that you haven't failed until you give up. So, never give up, and you can make it happen...
1 person likes this
@patzel88 (3311)
• Philippines
16 Sep 08
i think you are not ready for a commitment. your girlfriend wants for the security but you cannot give to her. but it is also important to build a house first before getting married.
1 person likes this
@modstar (9612)
• Philippines
16 Sep 08
if you really love her, you won't be having second thoughts of marrying her. i can see you're one lucky guy because your girlfriend will love and marry you even if you don't have money. which means that she loves you for you not because of what you have.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Sep 08
well neulichuang (8), I can understand your situation. It looks like you have a good foundation. It seems she's not a gold digger type and loves you for who you are. That's a good start, but there's no reason why you can't use the love that you have for her to get a better job atleast put the energy out there to do so because all it takes is putting the energy out there and things seem to work out when you put out effort. She will see that you are trying and because your trying, something good will come of it. What is the reason you aren't working or don't have a good enough paying job? I'm not putting you down in the least, I'm just curious. I'm going through a hard time with getting work right now myself,so I understand there are a million reasons why, but I would like to know what your reason is so I can try to give you better advice. I wouldn't be afraid to marry her, I know with a little bit of effort, everything will work out. Don't worry, that's the worst thing you could do, by the way CONGRATULATIONS.
• China
18 Sep 08
Thank you very much,my friend! I have a very stable job,and have a not bad salary,and I always think I am a person who have abilities.I had a good achievement when I was in the university.After my graduation from university,I am still a excellent person,I get a stable job,not bad salary.I work hard,and take the important job.But I come from the countryside of China which is a very poor place. I finish my university almost only by the loan which is for the needy college students.I have a brother who doesn't have a high education,because in my countryside is very difficult to go to college.I am very fortunate,and my family is very fortunate and my families are very proud of me.Another thing is that my family is more needy in my countryside,because my father is a low education person,and my mother is a disabled person,she is very great mother.She has a very rough time, and bears hardships a lot.When my brother married,my father borrowed a lot of money. I decided that I will return all the money instead of father and mother.So I must return my loan and my father's loan.So I feel my stress just a little heavy.I hope you can understand me.Thank you for your response.
• United States
18 Sep 08
Like I said, everything will work out perfectly. You are worrying way too much. You are very lucky, she really loves you. Cherish that and you'll be fine. All the best of luck. MARRY HER!!!!!!!!! hee hee
• China
19 Sep 08
Thank you very much,my friend. I am very glad to hear what you have said to me.Now I have confidence to cope with the difficulties I have encountered.Allah bless you!
• United States
16 Sep 08
Work, get money, do what you can to help take care of her. She has to get a job as well, and she must work too. It takes two people to make a relationship work. One person cannot do it alone. You two can still get married, just do not make it extravagant. You can have a nice wedding on a budget. Many people do that. My boyfriend and I are not going to get married, marriage is over-rated. We are going to be a common-law marriage couple. Most people cannot understand that, but it is not for them to understand.
• China
21 Sep 08
I am so sorry!I am a Chinese! What's the meaning of "common-law marriage couple"?
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Sep 08
In America, if you love together long enough with your partner, then under the law, you are considered married, it is called a "common-law marriage". See most people cannot afford marriage, but they still love each other and they want to be together, so they live together for a long time to be considered married.
@jammyt (2824)
• Philippines
16 Sep 08
Don't think that you can't make her happy because the more you do, the more you will believe this. Of course, you have to talk about it very well so that she will not expect, from your story it seems that she just really wants to marry you. you know, getting married also means you have someone to help you with everything. It does not mean that because you are the guy, you will shoulder all expenses. Your wife to be should be able to help you too. Goodluck and I hope you make the right decision.
• China
17 Sep 08
I am a girl,I think she love you so much that like to live together with you everyday and every minute till forever,Maybe you think the best way to make her happy is earn more money,maybe it isn't her ideas.
• Philippines
16 Sep 08
neulichuang, Don't you have another discussion thread where you said that you were infatuated with a female friend of yours who has a boyfriend? My wife just showed me the reply she made to your topic not too long ago. Soooo, which one are you REALLY interested in? Your girlfriend or your other female friend?
• China
18 Sep 08
I know which topic of mine,yes,I confess that I liked my that classmate once,maybe now I still like her, I am confused by this question for a long time,I feel very sorry to my girlfriend,my girlfriend really love me,and is very considerate to me,I'm always moved by my girlfriend,so I love her,she is a very kind-hearted girl,the most important is that she love me very much.Don't you think that is my biggest happiness.I choose my current girlfriend as my girlfriend,because of a lot of things.I hope my girlfriend don't know my feeling to that my classmate,now I just want to love my girlfriend carefully forever,and the feeling to that my classmate is over.I just put forward my question.I hope you can understand me.I love my girlfriend!
• China
30 Jul 09
If you love her,please marry her and work more hard to give her good life.If my girl friend wants marry me,I wll go to register with her at once.
• China
27 Jul 09
well,I'm kind of confranting your situation at this period. Therefore, I can totally understand your confusion. For me,I would like to tell my girlfriend I'm not fully ready for marriage,but I should promise to her that I marry her in the near future.
@Citychic (4078)
• United States
13 Jun 09
I have no money but my gf wants to marry me......... Hello neulichuang, it sounds like the first thing that you need to do is get a job. Then you can start buying some of the things that you need like a car and a house or an apartment. Tell your girlfriend to wait and let you at least get a job because when you get married you want to try to make things right between the two of you. Also you probably want to be able to have a nice wedding with her. All of this will cost money. Matter of fact, love can only carry you so far. It won't pay the bills so remind your girlfriend of this and tell her to back off until you can get your act together a little bit better. I am talking to you just as I would one of my own children if their girlfriend was bugging them about wanting to get married. I wonder if she has a job already. What is her hurry in wanting to get married at such a young age? Don't allow her to make your decisions for you neulichuang. Marriage is a very serious commitment in life and don't let anyone tell you anything any different. Wishing you all the best.Happy mylot!