Has love made you stay when you should leave?

@newmum (26)
September 17, 2008 10:50pm CST
Please help, Im in a bit of a pickle. my partner and i have been together for almost three years now, we have a six month old son together, a home, a car, a cat, and many other things, i love him more than almost anything in the world and would do anything to make him happy, yet he doesnt treat me the best sometimes, sometimes he drinks too much and says horrible things, sometimes he just says them because hes angry, i know that i love him and that he loves me, but i think it is the only thing keeping me, and our son, here.. should i leave? what should i do?? have you had anything similar happen to you?
5 people like this
14 responses
@yerikau (53)
19 Sep 08
Im living a similar situation and I bet most people tell you to leave him, that everything is going to be easier without him. I know is a tough situation because on one hand you already made your life with him and on the other hand you feel you dont deserve to be treated like he does. The question here is: How much does his actions affects you and your baby?
1 person likes this
@Saiyan25 (86)
• Canada
19 Sep 08
In the end it's going to be up to you what you want to do, all we can do is give you advice. There is definitely a limit to what a person can take so it's just going to get rougher. Try talking it out with him, tell him you don't like the way he's treating you, and he should try to maybe be a little nicer and not release his anger from somewhere else towards you. I'm sure if he loves you enough, he'll understand and you guys will fine fine and dandy again. You can also try searching for some anger management ways over the internet (if that's the issue) for him. I hope this advice helps you out, and hopefully you don't have to get separated (and go through all that hassle). Good luck!
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
You should make decision base on what makes you happy. If you think it is too much and you cant take it anymore then move on and live a better life without him. But if you feel that you can still talk it over and patch things up then stay and make it work. The decision is yours since your happiness is at stake on this. Life is too short to spend it being miserable. So make a decision base on what you think is best for you and your son.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Sep 08
Yes, women in my family have all been in your situation, but they stay because they love their men and they do not want their children to be without a father, but let me tell you that it is better for your children to have no father than to have one who is going to be abusive or hurtful. My mother's boyfriend was verbally abusive, but he financially took great care of us, but I did not care about the money, I would rather have no father at all, than have someone who is going to treat my mother and I like trash. Money is not worth pain.
1 person likes this
• Australia
18 Sep 08
Its a tough one & altho its good to get ppls advice its somthing u have to decided for yourself, but i am here to give my opinion so if it was me in your situation & you do want to stay & do stil truely love him but there r problems i thing you should talk to him & maybe try counciling ( it save a friend of mines relationship that sounds very similar to your situation)but if its to a point that you dont think its worth staying your probaby best to leave with your child as it may not be the best situation for them to grow up in ... i do think this is somthing you really need to have a good think about & decied on your own whats best for you & your child
@newmum (26)
18 Sep 08
Thanks for yourdvice, and i do know that its a decision i have to make myself, its just nice to know that im not alone and others can help me out, I have spoken to him many times about how i feels but he doesnt know how to communicate his feelings properly so we end up fighting and im crying and we get no where, i dont think i could ever convince him to go to a counselor either, but i thinkk it would help, i just want him to know how he makes me feel and how everything he doies affects me!
• Australia
18 Sep 08
maybe instead of trying to talk to him directly you could write down all the things you want to say so that rather than trying to talk fightly & then crying & both walking away its all there for him layed out & he will have to atleast see everyting your trying to tell him
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
it is ok for me that you should leave, temporarily so that your husband will realize if you and your son is important to him or not. drinking is one the factors that i dont like on men because most of them become "aliens" when they are drunk, and you will hear shocking revelations when they are. if i am in your shoes, i will give my husband to think about some things like he has to choose between his vice and his family, coz his vice can ruin you and your family. it wont be good if you will stay just for the sake of your son because he might grow up seeing his dad doing things that he might imitate that might also ruin his future. give your husband some time to change, and give yourself a break also, i know how hard it is for a woman because women decides based most on emotions. think. your decision can lead to a long term solution. do not be afraid.
• United States
18 Sep 08
I believe that you have to set a time that you can talk with him about this and that he needs to realize that he is only hurting you and your son with his drinking. He needs to either stop drinking to the point that he is so mean or he needs to quit and he needs to realize that you and your son are his priorities. It may be hard to get him to counseling but if you can it would help.
@SangsTurks (1447)
• India
18 Sep 08
It is your life and you are the one who should decide what to do with it!! Everybody has a limit to what they can take and what they cant take, i dont know what limits you have. Love sometimes does tie you down BUT for how long?? if you can wait to see what happens, chances are that things can change for good or for bad. You decide. As for me, if i were you i would wait fro somemore time to see what comes up next and then decide. Like you said your son keeps you from leaving, i think you are doing the right thing because it is the children that suffer the most of brokrn relationship. Think about it and act wisely.
@newmum (26)
18 Sep 08
Thanks, and dont think i am going to make a rash decision in a fight and up and leave without thinking it through, i think about it all the time, the pro's and con's of staying, and of leaving, its just that sometimes i come to the end of my tether and i dont think i can take any more and i want to leave, but i love him so much sometimes i cant bare to imagine myself without him in my life.
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
19 Sep 08
I never actually bind myself with anyone until I know them enough. The one that I married I've known him about a year prior to marriage and he hasn't changed. We have our fights and cold wars, but we always make up later. There are of course moments of anger we spit out words we regretted but after cooling down we came back to each other and apologized. I am 10 yrs younger than he is and he does things slowly it frustrates me to no end when things need to be decided fast and he can't make up his mind and we lose the opportunity. So yea I guess I have moments like yours, it's different situation, but I know if I don't love him I would burst out the door being impatient as I am. But then again I know nobody can love me the way he does, he is a solid stable person and this is actually the reason why I fell for him in the first place. Maybe it would help to look back and remember why you both fell for each other in the first place and try to assess what is actually going on have any of you changed not to the best of the relationship? if yes, why? and so on
• United States
19 Sep 08
The answer to that lies within you and only you. Children are no reason to stay in a relationship. I would rather be a child from a broken home with 2 happy parents than come from a home watching both parents fight and be un-happy. My fiance and I have been together for 6 1/2 years and have a 4 yr old daughter together and I have a 10 yr old from my marriage. Believe me, when have been through some times.....times when I wanted to leave but stuck it out, not for our child but for love and am happy with my choice for not leaving. Words hurt and really cut quick and deep, I know. There are so many things that I could share. Seek out counseling if he would be open to it. If not go for yourself. Counselors are great listeners and can often give alot advice about how to handle certain situations and maybe once he sees you making an effort he will want to take part. I know my couselor helped me alot with dealing with things on the homefront and my fiance did partcipate in several sessions. I dont know what state you live in, but some offer free counseling at the Health Dept. or something. I think I paid $6 a visit. Whatever you decide, hold your head up high and be a survivor!
@Hatley (164395)
• Garden Grove, California
19 Sep 08
hi newmum how can you love being called horrible things,and being the objectof his anger,how can you love his drinking? wake up' this man is not resp ecting you or loving you, he is using you and now you have a six month old son probably he is looking for greener pastures . face it if a man loves you he doesnt drink himselfsilly to show it. okay if you want to save a relationship that is based on sinking sand, talk to him and say what you have said here.if he can stop the drinking and the ugly words and treat you with respect and prove he loves you fine. Otherwise I would say pack up his stuff, show him the door and say, dont et it hit you on the butt on ther way ou and do go now.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Sep 08
Love isn't enough to stay in an abusive relationship. He needs to be willing to change the way he is treating you (and actually do it) or eventually you are going decide that you've had enough.
18 Sep 08
ha a i dont have a lover soo i dont have these problems
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
Love can makes us blind not just sometimes but often times. But it doesn't even made us a lesser person. They say true love is still true even at a point of letting go, but why should we let go if we can hold on? Love only pass once in your life, like a train when you can't make to its stop, you can't even get a ride. It will made us selfless at times, and there's a lot of reasons to hold on specially when we have build it over the years. When I got hurt, I cried. My partner told me, we will be OK soon, just hold on, we can surpass this.
18 Sep 08
hmm..but my advise to you..is to talk one on one with your husband..talk about your problem each other..and say to him that you don't want to see him drinking..and other vices..hmm..and think to your future..that's all..and if he did it again..you should leave him before it's too late..you will suffer the worst case scenario i told you..having a drunkard husband..