When will you allow your daughter to have a boyfriend?

Philippines
September 18, 2008 12:39am CST
Hi everyone, I am a father of a 12-year old girl and I know that a couple of years from now, she will have suitors. One time she asked me - "when will you allow me to have a boyfriend?" I answered her calmly - "if I think that you are mature enough to have one". I know this is a general answer because maturity does not require a specific age. However, some parents are getting paranoid when their daughter is starting to be attracted with boys. Some even give specific time like after college, or when they reach 18, or when the guy had a decent job. So fellow parents - when will you allow your daughter to have a boyfriend? Thanks!
1 person likes this
10 responses
@Jenaisle (3803)
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
That's a very good question father. And it's a difficult question to answer too. You're right about age not largely being the determinant for having a boyfriend. Age does not really tell you if a child is mature enough or not. For me, I could at least say it would be 18 depending upon her maturity. Sometimes it takes parents to "release" a daughter more reluctantly because we consier them more "fragile". My own experience with my daughter is that I trusted her enough to make her decide, and she didn't betray my trust. She had been very responsible.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
19 Sep 08
Thanks for agreeing with me. Trust is very hard to earn, but one way to earn it is good and open communication. I believe that the maturity of a child depends a lot from it. Thanks.
@williamjisir (22903)
• China
24 Sep 08
Hello friend. I think that you have got a very good answer to your daughter on this question. Yeah, I also that it is ok when the kid is mature enough mentally and physically. But sometimes it is hard to prevent a teen kid to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend when they themselves think that they are really in love with each other. Mature love is based on their understanding of what they are focused on in their study during school years rather than getting indulged in it ignoring their study as to affect their study and future. The best time for them to have boy-or-girlfriends is after graduation from college when they get a stable of their own probably. Thank you so much for being my friend. Happy posting.
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
Very well, said. Preventing teens from their decisions can make them more rebellious. I think the approach would be motivation. I think that if the bad effect sinks in their minds when they were younger they would not even dare to try to it. Thanks!
• Canada
22 Sep 08
I think the best way is to keep the communication open with your daughter. If you forbid it she may sneek out to see boys, but if you and her can talk about things openly then you'll know what's really going on. It normal for young girls to want boyfriends at age 12, 13, but they need to know the good and bad of it.
• Philippines
23 Sep 08
Yes you're right. There's nothing better than open communication and in fact, it is a good way of guiding our children to be matured. Teach the pros and cons and she will learn to balance them.
@patgalca (14664)
• Orangeville, Ontario
18 Sep 08
My God! 12 is way too young to be having a boyfriend. I have a 15 year old and a 12 year old daughter. My rule has always been no dating until 16. My 15yo has shown very little interest in boys. She has gone to movies with her friends, which included boys which is okay. That's not a date. Even if it were I still think it would be okay as they are in a group. Unsupervised dating I don't approve of until 16. I don't even think they should be driving at 16. They are no mature enough to understand love or the consequences of their actions. Their brains are still growing. They are not fully mature until 21... if then! My 12yo has been around boys all her life and at times it has worried me. She wanted to have a sleepover at a boy friend's house and I said, "No way!" I spoke to the mother and she understood completely. But when they went on a day trip and they needed my daughter to sleep over I insisted she sleep with the boy's sister. I didn't even know the father so I had to protect my daughter from him too possibly. But what I did realize is that this daughter has many friends who are boys and will know when she gets older what she wants in a guy. She will know when the real one comes along because she has been around so many different male personalities. I think I have raised my daughters well, with good morals, etc. But I will not allow certain things until they are 16. Yes, I trust them but we can't always trust the boys, can we? Why is your daughter so anxious to have a boyfriend at 12 years of age? That concerns me. I think you really need to have a good talk with your daughter about the difference between friendship and closer relationships and hormones, etc. Don't object to her having male friends as she will probably just turn around and go behind your back. Insist on knowing all of her friends and, if possible, their parents. As a father, do you really want some boy putting his hands all over your little girl?
• Philippines
19 Sep 08
Hi,I understand that you are concern with my daughter and I thank you for that. However, I must say that I am more concern than anyone else. Please do not get me wrong, I am a very strict father and she knows that. I even made some confessions on my blog. But one thing that I allow in our house is the freedom of speech. I allow my children to ask me anything under the sun, as I think it would be better if they ask me rather than somebody else who would be misleading them. With this, I do not see any problem when my daughter asks me such questions. For me, I always want to know what's on her mind and what she want to know. We cannot deny the fact that media is a great contributor where our children starts to wonder what they see and hear. My daughter and I always talk things seriously because I know I am not always around to look after her. I want her to be aware of what's happening outside her world so she can prepare herself when she gets there, and I believe asking such question and hearing matured answers from a father who loves her much is a great way to make her prepared. Believe me, I am also shock when she ask questions like that but I do not want to act like paranoid because I feel that by doing so, she will be conscious and may look for another way to find the answer. Lastly, of course I do not want some boy putting his hands all over my little girl. In fact, I am teaching her the styles of boys (and men) that should be avoided. Thanks.
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
Hey there! I'm not a father yet, I'm not even married but I have a girlfriend. If ever my daughter ask me that question(if I will have a daughter) I'd let her when she reaches her senior year in high school. Let her experience to have a boy friend in high school. As long as parents talk to their daughter that there are limits to it. Communication between parents and their child(ren) is very important specially that they are in what we call adolescent stage. There is no perfect guy, boyfriend out there. I won't trust any guy that would date, court my daughter. We should teach our children what is right and wrong, what they should not do. MORALITY...
• United States
5 Oct 08
Coming from the daughter's point of view, because I was a girl and I am not a mother, if you sat no, then either she will sneak out to see him or she will stop seeing him and resent you for a long,long time.I guess the best you can do is make sure she knows abot the birds and the bees and that a Real boyfriend doesn't pressure his girlfriend to do Anything. And he doesn't hit her.If you inform her and trust her, it wil be better. And you can always invite her gentleman caller over so yo can get to know him. 12 may see too young but these days there are 12 year old mothers. good Luck.
@mona269 (133)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
hmmmmmmmmmm...this is probably the toughest question i will ever answer here. my daughter is 13 and it scares the hell out of me just thinking that she'll be having a boyfriend anytime soon. i guess, i can't really put a specific age to it. let's face it. we've all been through that and we know for a fact that we don't have the power to control anyone's heart and we cannot stop our kids from falling in love. but if it does happen, i just hope i've instilled enough good values in my daughter for her to make the right choices and the right decisions in life. i guess, as a parent, all i can do is lay down the ground rules like - curfew - no going out on school days - the guy's got to visit her at HOME (and bring the mommy some chocolates! hehehe!) - and stuff like that.
@steve9737 (918)
• Colombia
24 Sep 08
I am not father yet and I think I will have kids in any time soon, but thinking about it maybe I would let her to have a boyfriend when she is 18 years old. of course I know it would be hard to stopping her to having a boyfriend and maybe it would make her run away from home, so I just don't know if it would work up, anyway I think a 12 years old girl don't should to have a boyfriend yet, but not having a boyfriend would frustrate her, maybe if you get her in a only girls school you would prevent her to having a boyfriend at early age, other thing is that she would get a boyfriend online and maybe run away from home, so there is a risk in stopping her to having a boyfriend.
@emarie (5451)
• United States
19 Sep 08
i think whenever she's ready for one. i can't say specific age because depending on my childs maturity will ultimately decide weather shes ready or not. i'll hold the same rule for my boys. my only condition is that they tell me when they are ready and when they go out. i don't want to have any secrets from them because i kept them from my mother because i was scared she wouldn't accept them. i'm a little more lenient then my parents were. as long as they have good intentions with my children its fine. i know i was my daddy's little girl and he was like that with his daughters. i didn't help either. my mother said once i hit 16, i was able to date, although i went out when i was 14 and 15 but never told them. i don't think you should set a restriction because i would think it would cause her to hide things from you. this coming from my experience as a daughter towards my father. the first boyfriend i introduced them to was my husband. we dropped a bomb on them saying, this is my boyfriend, i'm moving in with him, he's 13 years older then me and i'm pregnant with his child. NOW... if you don't want something like that, don't be too strict on them. take an active role without being intimidating and remember fathers...you should be the most important man in your daughters life. trust her judgment in men if you trust your daughter. me and my husband have been married for 6 years and have 2 children together. we're going strong and my father didn't really approve of him. my husband reminds me of my father in so many differnt ways which is one of the reasons i fell for him. majority of women pick a man who is similar in characteristics to their father. in good or bad ways.
• Philippines
18 Sep 08
That's one question I often ask myself. My daughter is 14 and I am sure (even if she's not telling me) that some guys out there have already set their eyes to my her. Truth is I haven't figured out yet what I would answer her when she'll be asking me about that question. But I'll have it soon...