i can forgive but i can't forget

Philippines
September 20, 2008 10:49pm CST
when i found out that my boyfriend for 4 years is having an affair with other woman, my life have been shattered, i cried for months, i cant eat, cant think good, maybe because i really love him so much and whats in my mind is that i thought he was really the one for me, knowing we lasted for 4 years, and i keep on asking myself whats on me??why he looked for someone else??whats wrong with me??and whats with the girl that my bf turn on to her??many question keeps on tingling on my mind. But nothing keeps on my mind to answer that, knowing that i did all my best for the relationship to keep going, i always give him time, support he needed and the love he wants, thats why when he asked me for a second chance and forgiveness on what he had done, i didnt easily say YES i forgive you...but after months i told him i forgive him but the relationship will never be the same, cause the thought of him with another girl truly hurts me a lot, i cant forget what he had done to me...how about you guys?? can you forgive and same time forget??
4 people like this
32 responses
@myklj999 (18234)
21 Sep 08
I suffered the same agony when my wife of 4 years cheated on me with my best friend of 22 years. As much as I tried to forgive both of them, I couldn't forget, and it finally became too much to handle. We are no longer together.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
im really sorry to hear that!!!yours is more painful than im feeling right now!!!to think that you two are married already, and the guy she was with was your best friend, shame on them!!!
1 person likes this
• United States
16 Oct 08
Sorry for what happened, but undersatnd this if your a church goer you understand that we need to forgive are enemys or someone who just made us mad. Though we may not forget leave up to God to deal with these people. BEcause its just going to tear you up inside if you keep it bottle up inside. Carlos Jimenez Of Orange Cove Califonia
• Philippines
17 Oct 08
thank you so much!!i know i have to forgive him, its just that everytime i remember what he did to me my heart aches again!!!maybe time will come!!
• Australia
21 Sep 08
Nothing lasts forever, neither joy nor bitter pain So weave the memories of the good times into the fabric of your brain. And when the hungry days are here again, and the wolf comes to the door, Just feast your soul on happiness from the good times gone before. Got me through a few losses, that one. Lash
@PRIYANK1992 (1678)
• India
21 Sep 08
I think you have follow the rule of Forgive and Forget.If you would keep this thought in your mind then only you would be survive in this world..
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Sep 08
i am sorry to hear about that, carmela! that really sucks to find out something that hard. i think that in time you can learn to forgive, but that you should not forget what happened. everything happens for a reason, and everything can be a learning experience. if we forget these things, how will we learn from them?
1 person likes this
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
21 Sep 08
First off, you're thinking is askew here, It should not be "what's wrong with me?" the question should be "What's wrong with him?" His cheating on you was all him, not you. Yes, I could forgive but I wouldn't forget. Nor would I have taken a partner like that back because I would always spend my time wondering if they are cheating on me again. It wouldn't be worth the trouble to my mind
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
yeah you bet im like that always, it keeps on flowing to my mind that he done it once, he could do it again, things like that, and sometime i feel paranoid. To the point that i hate myself for thinking like that.
@fwidman (11515)
• United States
21 Sep 08
I wouldn't say your thinking was paranoia, just being rational. There have been men who changed and didn't cheat on their partners ever again, but those men are few and far between. I hope things work out better for you
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
thanks so much, its just that i cant help on thinking that when i accept him again and give him another chance that he'll do ti again to me, he'd done it once he can do it again, that thought keeps on popping on my mind.
@kaakaa (6)
• China
21 Sep 08
This is not your fault, it is man's nature.
• United States
21 Sep 08
i disagree and its not in man nature mine was other way around..........it did hurt me a lot... but things just doesn't stay the same...so it is better to move on................although i will never forget..............
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
yeah i know i have to move on, i really have to mon\ve on but just cant fogive him on what he have done to me...i really love him thats why i cant think of the possible answer on why he did that thing on me, onspite of what i did to keep the relationship work.
@zipk11 (99)
• India
19 Oct 08
I am a scorpio so i cant even forgive or forget .....
• Philippines
20 Oct 08
whats the connection of being a Scorpio on forgiving and forgetting, i don't see any senses??because you think guys its the nature of scorpions not to be forgiving and forgetting??i don't think so, its just some lame sayings and its just in your thought!!!
@selece (2357)
• Philippines
19 Oct 08
Of all things that happen in our lives, the ones significant are what we can never forget. Significant in a way that it made us really happy or it hurt us really bad. In this case, you got hurt deeply. Forgiveness doesn't always come with forgetting what happened. I think it served as a lesson, and as you just said, it will never be the same. It is true that once something is broken, it could never return back to its original state. One's heart cannot be mended fully. So I suggest that you take good care of yourself and that you should be careful with your decisions. He should prove to you that he is sincere and that he fully wants to make up for his mistake. The only thing I'm afraid of, for you, is what if he did the same thing again? So please do take caution in your decisions. We can all forgive but never FULLY forget.
• Philippines
20 Oct 08
ohhh yeah!!!you said it right, and cant really forget what he had done to me, but in each end of a day, i just told myself to forget about what he had done to me, for me to go on with my life and start all over again, and hope that this will never happen to me again!!!
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
18 Oct 08
I could forgive but I think I would have to end the relationship...at least for a long while. I think that is a hard thing to work thru. I'd need time alone to heal. I know people make mistakes and do things they later regret but cheating is a tough one for me and mainly because I have never done it to anyone. I think much would depend on the situation. Did he come to you and confess? How long had it been going on?
• Philippines
18 Oct 08
ohhh we broke up already!!!but its just that until now i cant help it but cant forgive him until now, and wish i could, at first he would made small mistakes, just like having text mates and just ignore it maybe because i know he is just a guy, but when i learned that he was really seeing another girl that was the time i freak out, at first he only say it was not true that it was just some kind of a hearsay but afterwards he confess to me eventually!!!and it hurts..but im ok now, i just think so,,,
@inarkel (28)
• India
18 Oct 08
hai carmela0210; According to me if he really loves you, he can't make an affair with another women. i think you really love him so that you can't eat or drink. some guys are like that. they make releationship with more than one girl at the same time. dont think that you have wrongs and so he looks for another girl.it is the goodness of your mind to forgive him in this matter. be frank i say if i'm in you place i can't forgive and forget this matter and i stopped the relationship there.
• Philippines
18 Oct 08
thank you so so much bout this, yeah i know guys do those things really more often, just so sad it happens to us, but i can say im over with it already!!i just wish that it will be heals anytime soon!!but looking forward for new love already...and this time ill be more cautious!!!
@Lee_Rites (845)
• United States
27 Sep 08
I can't forget. I think it would be stupid to forget. I think the saying "forgive and forget" means to forgive and not bring it up again, lol. Or maybe, forgive until you do the same stupid stuff again.
• Philippines
17 Oct 08
you say it right!!lol
• China
21 Sep 08
i understand your feeling.i have been with my boyfriend for 5years. sometimes, he made mistake, i tried to igore it, but i found i can't forget.
• Philippines
17 Oct 08
yeah this happens to me all the time, he made mistakes, i ignored it but i never forget about it, maybe all his small mistakes sum up until i realize i dontwant the relationship to last more!!
@xbrendax (2668)
• United States
21 Sep 08
It is good that you can forgive but NEVER let your guard down and NEVER think that it will never happen again. Many years ago when I was going through a divorce, (cheating husband), my grandfather said these words to me: A man truly loves one woman with his heart, but he can love many women with his...., know what I mean??
• Australia
21 Sep 08
So why take such a pessimistic view of it? If a man (or woman) truly loves you with his/her heart, what difference does it makes if they love someone else with their bodies? No person can provide you with everything you need, no matter how mcuh you love them. Lash
1 person likes this
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
I had my guy from California for almost 4 years and he had another girl even during we had a relationship. He had lied to me for so many years and I found out the truth by myself, thanks to the technology! It hurt me so much thinking that I had loved him, spent a lot of time for him and did something "foolish". But I guess if someone is not meant for you, no matter how you try to keep the relationship going, you will still lost it because someone out there is destined to be yours. My advise is that, if you are still hurt, cry until your mind and hurt say its over. Do not ignore the pain, face it, then someday you will realized someone is more worthy than him and someone will love you the way you wanted to be. It is not yet the end of the world. If you will love again, you will laugh and tell yourself on how you had been. "I do remember the boy but not the feeling anymore", if he doesn't love me anymore, then he does not deserve my love. If he does not value your trust and love for him then value your love and self respect.
• Philippines
17 Oct 08
that was so nice of you!!i know the feeling of being cheated,theyre were times in our relationship before that he do something to cheat on me, but i just ignore those things cause i know its the nature of guys already, but maybe the time for meto woke up from an impossible dream come!!
@esilanna (168)
• Malta
21 Sep 08
Hello mylotting friends!!!! I know what you are talking about. It is practically impossible to forget an action sometimes. However forgiving still requires courage. A saying that once impressed me is:"Weak people don't forgive. Forgiveness belongs to the strong."
• Philippines
17 Oct 08
yeah i know i can forgive him later on!!when the pain heals already, but i dont think that there was a day that someone hurts me so badly,,
@chabawel (330)
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
If your b/f will make things better for you, and if you're willing to move on, then in time, you'll forget the past that had come between you two. Don't blame yourself. It's not going to help your relationship with your bf if you act so insecure and sensitive. Know what you need in life and there you can say if you still want to keep your relationship or move on without your bf. It's not worth keeping the past 4 years if you remain negative towards your bf. Life is short to expect things will be like yesterday. It won't be. You can forgive a person and the "forgetting" process may take a while because this actually depends on you. YOU have the CHOICE to keep the pain or LET GO. Good luck.
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
you said it right, maybe, just maybe, when the right man comes along this pain would evetually heals, and ill get over him!!!maybe i just need time..
@lilaclady (28240)
• Australia
21 Sep 08
Feelings are somthing that I don't believe people can really control, they just happen, and when one gets cheated on it changes your life forever, its sort of like losing your innocence, you never really trust again 100%, it is good that you can forgive, but unfortunately it is now a part of your life and it can't be forgotten.
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
thats absolutely true, after what happens to us, i think im a change woman already, and cant love him fully, and even if ill have another. or engage with another relationship, i dont think i can manage to love the guy with the same love i did with my past bf,
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
22 Sep 08
carmedla once a relationship like yours is broken its really hard to fix. like some inanimate things that get broken but are so delicately made its almost impossible to repair them.I dont think I could both forgive a nd forget, it just doesnt work that way. he should have thought of you and not done what he has done.maybe given time you might be able to reconstruct your relationship but he will have to prove he can be trusted again.
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
Personally, it's so easy to forgive someone for a wrongdoing but is very hard to forget the fault he/she has caused you. I mean it's hard to easily forget when a scar has already been marked inside your heart.
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
It is never easy to deal to infidelity. Take time to evaluate your feelings. Do not rush things. If you feel that you are not ready to forgive that person, then do not force yourself to do so. Never mind what other people has to say about forgiveness. It doesn't make your less human if you cannot forgive easily. Remember that some things are easier said than done. Listen to your heart.