When is Soon?

@SaintAnne (5453)
United States
September 21, 2008 2:14pm CST
Sometimes I wonder if there is a simpler way of asking someone what time something is happening. When I ask others when they're leaving/arriving or when something is going to get done, "soon" is the most common reply. And that irks me. What irks me more is when they repeat the same answer when I make the question more specific. "What time are we leaving?" "Soon." "Would that be in 15 minutes, 20, 30?" "Sometime soon." ~@ "When will you be here?" "Soon." "Will you be here in 15 minutes? An hour?" "I can't say but it's soon." "Well, I'll go do something else while you're still not here." "Will you be back soon?" "I don't know. Sooner than later, I guess." I'm just perplexed as to why people do this. Why would I bother asking if all I'm ever going to get is a vague answer?
4 people like this
19 responses
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
21 Sep 08
It all comes down to who is in control of the situation really when it is related to leaving for something. If I am driving for example then my time is the time we leave! I will allow SOME grace period and if the feet are still dragging then I go and they can find their own way. Sounds harsh but some people do need a damn good reality check once in a while. I can promise you they won't be late again! If you are waiting for someone and they are due at a certain time and are late and STILL are vague then again it may be time to take the tougher stance. "Fine! If you aren't here in 30 minutes then don't bother! We were supposed to start at 7....." This is always a last resort but once again people sometimes need a reality check! These people are unlikely to be late again either! In most situations it can arguably come down to people subliminally feeling that their own time is far more important than your own. In a way it's a milder form of arrogance! Bottom line SaintAnne is that if you don't give "serial late-comers" a good kick in the a@@ once in a while they will NEVER change. Forget looking for a simpler way, take charge!
2 people like this
21 Sep 08
i agree with james people respond by your behaviour i'm often late but am open and honest about it as a result i ask my friends to tell me to be places half an hour earlier than i should be so that i'm on time. I give alot of leeway with friends and family and am not obsessive about time but if i'm going to see a friend who is i make an extra effort to be on time and if i'm running late i will ring to explain and keep them updated. You should make them aware that it irritates you and if they still don't change do as james suggested leave after 30 minutes let them know you have things to do!
22 Sep 08
mmm i do know what you mean about that i am also an organiser and tend to get left to do it which i don't mind. I organised a friends hen do and one particular girl changed her mind a couple of days before saying she'd misunderstood where the venue was (thinking it was local it wasn't) so i sold her ticket and rearranged the lifts (some people had offered to drive to cut costs). She then phones me the day of the do to say she can now come. So i rang to have a ticket left at the door, managed to do that and was happy. She then decided she also needed the lift again so again i moved everyone about to get her in her previous place. Tells her the time to be at the meeting place to get picked up she can't be ready for then so she decides she'll catch the train. So i ring the girls again aplogising shifting people around back to before. By this time i have about an hour to get ready so i do we get ther no probs and just as i get into the venue she rings me saying shes at the train station where am i, at the venue i reply whose going to meet me?, it's 10 mins away catch a taxi i have 30 other people to sort out. She finally arrives and rings me to come to the door as she doesn't want to come in on her own, has a face on because it's 6 to a table and she has to sit on a table where she only knows the bride. Then at the end of the night whinges that sh isn't ready to go home at 12 when her lift was going home. Plus some of the younger girls were going into town and she wanted to go to. I suggested she stay and catch a taxi or the train (they were in a minibus) she didn't want to do that it would be expensive. Exasperated i decided to not make a scene there and then but did give her a piece of my mind the next time i saw her apparently i was being totally unreasonable and she has since not contacted me. Sorry i bored you with all that just wanted to prove i definately knew how you felt with that.
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
Believe me, guys, they would know if I'm upset. Sometimes it does ruin the whole point of the plan which is to go out and have a good time with each other. You really can't have so much fun if you're already annoyed and the other person knows you're annoyed at him/her. And what gets me is that this person gets annoyed that I get annoyed and impatient while she makes me wait. I've taken charge and doing so always make me end up the "party pooper".
• Australia
22 Sep 08
If you think that's bad, try this on. Some years ago I made a career change and went to school to learn to cook. Now cooking generally requires very precise timing, but in one area it is totally imprecise. We were learning how to properly grill steaks, how to tell whether it was blue, rare, medium, or well-done by the amount of give when you press it with a pair of tongs, and somebody asked the lecturer, "When is it ready to take off?" His reply, the same we got from all the other lecturers, was, "When it's done." They were, of course, quite correct, as experience taught me. You get to know at a glance when a steak is done in the required manner, but at that stage the imprecision of that answer irritated the hell of me, and many of the others. Lash
2 people like this
25 Sep 08
ahh yeh me too my mouths watering
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Thank you grandpa_lash for sharing this story. Now, I know what to expect if I ever have someone teach me how to properly grill. If someone asked you the same question, would you answer the same way as the lecturer? You're now making me want steak!
@shiloh_222 (5479)
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
hi there.. i agree with you... sometimes, i just want people to spell it out too... how soon is soon... hehehehe... because, we, i end up wondering and wondering and it's not good. happy mylotting. i will send you email in a few minutes. after dinner that is... miss you and take care friend.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Sep 08
hi friend, i sent it already. happy mylotting.... miss you and take care...
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
Hello Shiloh. Wondering and wondering is not a good thing. I don't know if you already sent out the email but I haven't gotten it yet. Take care!
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I got it, thanks!
1 person likes this
• Sri Lanka
22 Sep 08
I agree with you. "Soon" is an excuse than an answer. When someone is not confident about when the particular thing is going to happen, but they expect it to happen in a little time, they would use this word. This "soon" can vary from 5 minutes to a whole day in a worst case. It is always better to mention a time than using the word "soon". Nice thinking anyway.
1 person likes this
• Sri Lanka
30 Sep 08
Thanks Anne for the best response!
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
3 Oct 08
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
Thank you shamikabsb... nicely said because you agreed with me! I can deal with "soon" in, at most, an hour, but I don't want to deal with the worst-case scenario unless something happened that one really can't control.
@mands61123 (2098)
21 Sep 08
i can see that this would definately be annoying especially if you asked again and they still weren't specific. I have said soon before but if asked how long i usually clarify i'm often out by at least 10/15 mins but as its just a guestimate and my friends know me it doesn't cause problems. I think if i had someone that kept doing it to me i might purposely be out when they came and when they rang to see where i was and how long i'd be i would reply out and not long, the taste of their own medicine might make them realise how annoying and frustrating it is!
22 Sep 08
thank you very kind of you to say i think i've bored you enough now though so i'll shut up lol
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
You get major points today for participation in this discussion, mands! I've thought about purposely having this person wait for me but I just can't. I mostly believe in "act what you preach" and if I want others to be there on time, then I, myself, should be there on time too. And if they're late, then they at least should give us enough time to know so we wouldn't be there just sitting idly wondering when they'll come.
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
This is a discussion, mands, so you can say whatever you want and as long as you want to. I'm sorry that you had to take care of that indecisive and whining guest. I guess it's a good thing that she no longer contacts you? Thanks again, mands.
@jfxrsch (1041)
• China
22 Sep 08
When people tell me "soon", the "soon" must be followed by some detailed information of uncertainty which makes it a "soon". Otherwise, I'd simply ignore the event. It works. People need to be trained, one way or another. As soon as they don't get any response from you by their "soon", they will quit using "soon" with you.
1 person likes this
@jfxrsch (1041)
• China
22 Sep 08
I meant, if you tell me "soon", you'd better add something like this: "....soon, I'm waiting for..., it should be...oclock, but might be delay, I can't tell for the moment". In this case, I'd accept this "soon" and wait you. If you say, "soon". Full stop. I'd Full Stop with you too.
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
Perfect. Thanks for the clarification, jfx. Now I get it.
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
Did you mean detailed information of certainty or did you mean uncertainty? Because I would appreciate an answer with detailed information, rather than an uncertain "soon". Thanks for responding, jfx...
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
24 Sep 08
Hi Sisi You know what, it feels awful. Waiting is not one of the good things to do after all and that too for indefinite period, it irks for sure. Having said this, even I say this to patients so many times. When the doctor is in the OT and the patients behave so annoyingly for they have to pick up the kids or go for shopping, I do tell them the doc is expected shortly. That saves me from a lot. And yes this ‘shortly’ could be 5 mins to 30 mins. But I can’t help, can I? Blame it to the profession of surgeon. Lol..
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
25 Sep 08
Reading your post reminded me of someone else's discussion about how she had to wait a long time (and even come back) to have her ultrasound done. I guess it's part of your profession to tell people "shortly", after all, surgical procedures don't always stick to a specific schedule. Take care, mimpi.
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
26 Sep 08
USG and other non-invasive tests are okay. They can be done in proper time as per schedule but you ever know about a surgery! Thanks Sisi.
@drannhh (15219)
• United States
22 Sep 08
It does seem a bit rude to put you off that way, but maybe you need to be more concrete in your language when you question them. For instance, you might say "Will you have the trash emptied by 7 p.m. this evening?" Maybe they give a vague answer because they don't think you ought to know, like the might not want you to be asking questions. The answers you gave as examples sound like the way teenagers respond when they think their mum is nagging them.
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
I have tried to be more specific, drannhh. Sometimes it works, most times it doesn't. But I will remember to stick to this concrete language all the time now. If they tell me, they're not sure then I'll do my own thing. I really haven't noticed how teenager-like those conversations are. Now that you've mentioned it, maybe that's another thing that bothers me with this whole time deal. We're all adults but we still act like kids. Thank you!
@underdogtoo (9579)
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
I have a friend who says "I'm coming" but I know well enough to add 2 or 3 hours to it. Sometimes he forgets to come. It's a good thing I don't need him for anything. His sense of time is so cosmic you would go ballistic if you depended on him.
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Underdog, I would definitely go ballistic if someone tells me they're coming that day and then forget to come at the end of the day. It is a good thing that you now know what to do when it comes to spending time or waiting for this friend. Thanks for responding!
• United States
24 Sep 08
Well then for sure you should never ask me when I'm gonna do something or be somewhere!!! I usually say 'Ummm, I don't know, it all depends, I should be leaving pretty soon, or, maybe in a little while, maybe in a couple days, maybe next month, maybe never! Hahahaha, "How about never?? Is never good for you?" You just can't predict stuff like that. My sister says "I'll be there tomorrow night by about 11PM, but then neighbors drop by and she doesn't leave as soon as she expected to, then there is an accident on the highway which knocks another hour off her ETA... she has never rolled in here at the time she quoted, ever. So I just figure 'whenever'...
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
25 Sep 08
I will try to remember not to ask you, zig. Lol.
@kissie34 (2294)
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
Well, I guess the reason why they answer you in vague way is maybe because they don't know exact time they will be coming to see you.. Or they just can't give you exact time because they don't want you to expect them to be on time the way that they've told you.. Sometimes, I used to response vague way when I really don't know what to say or what exact answer should I gave.. I think it is best way to answer like this so that people who asked me don't expect me on time that I've told them especially if that's not sure..
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
Thanks kissie for sharing with us your thoughts on this matter. As I've commented in previous posts, I don't mind the answer "soon" just as long as someone gives me at least a time frame. But if someone doesn't really know when they're coming or doing something, then at least just let me know to not expect such to be happening anytime soon. Take care!
@ShellyB (5241)
• United States
22 Sep 08
Well when I give a vague answer like that it is because not only I am not sure, I would say soon as I planning to arrive, do certain thing as soon as I can but I do not want to commit to a dateline. This is just me and I do not know why anyone else would answer soon.
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
Thanks ShellyB for giving us one of the reasons why we say "soon". Take care!
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
22 Sep 08
He Anne! We have another thing in common! I hate that answer too! I don't like that vague "soon"! It drives me nuts! Soon is not an answer! I don't know why people say it and think is will suffice! It means virtually nothing. It is not a time. I don't now what it is, but it is nothing. Who ever invented that word! They should be murdered. If I wanted a stupid answer like that I wouldn't even waste my time asking. I guess from this rant you have guessed that you have hit on one of my pet peeves! It's nice to know that you share it with me too!
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
I hope you've calmed down by now, Opal, as I have. I don't mind the word "soon" but like some of the posters here say, it should be followed with at least a time frame, if one can't commit to a specific time/date. I'm sure who ever came up with that word may have passed on by now and murder isn't the only answer. We do share a lot in common, Opal. But I'm a Capricorn. Do Capricorns and Libras see eye-to-eye most of the time?
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
I just did some "research" online and it says that a boy-girl relationship between a Capricorn and a Libra would not work. Very incompatible. But I haven't checked on the friendship compatibility just yet.
• United States
22 Sep 08
Soon means as quickly as you are capable of accomplishing the task at hand. Not all people live on rigid schedules, some are free Spirits. The beauty of human nature is the vast diversity and if the rigid could bend just a little they probably wouldn't stress over little things and enjoy life a little more.
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
Well, annamcarra, if the free spirits that you're describing could unbend just a little and think of the others that wait for them, then, we the rigid ones, wouldn't be as stressed out and we can enjoy life a little bit more. I have nothing against free spirits. I don't adhere to schedules all the time but I think there should at least be a compromise. If one knows that he/she can't accomplish the task at hand at a given time, then one should be honest and let the others know. Thanks for sharing, annamcarra!
@Bluepatch (2476)
• Trinidad And Tobago
22 Sep 08
Soon is in a while but not right away and it usually depends on someone else's sense of timing. People say soon when they want to encourage and not say no or when they really cannot tell the exact time although they know its going to happen in a short while. No one will be likely to be exact when they say soon because they don't really know. If they are being honest, that is.
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I like how you explain "soon", Bluepatch. Thanks!
@bubblyapple (2653)
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
Better way is to ask them a specific time, or day, or date that they are expecting to be done or finished with whatever you are asking....
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
21 Sep 08
I do, bubblyapple. That is why I get more annoyed when they keep on telling me soon. Thanks for responding.
@hellcowboy (7374)
• United States
21 Sep 08
I know what you mean my friend I wish there was a simpler way to ask people when they are going to do something,or when something is going to happen,because soon seems to be everyone's response when you asked them something,like I will ask one of my friends when we are going to hang out and they will say soon,or I will ask my mom when me,my fiance,and her are going somewhere,she will say soon,and I am not sure why people do it,but I agree there is not much asking if all people say is soon or other vague answers.
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
Thanks cowboy. I guess we have to follow James and Mands' advice to take charge and not take "soon" for an answer.
• United States
21 Sep 08
Maybe they give you a vague answer because they aren't sure of how long they are going to take themselves.
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
21 Sep 08
Well, I hope they find out how long it'll take them, um, soon. Thanks Rabbit for responding.
@mapuang (612)
• Philippines
21 Sep 08
yah me too i dont like somebody answer me "soon" when is that soon?, it seems like its not true.. but its ok coz if they give you a time or day you will expect that they are there but they are not there and then you will embarass.... but if soon you will not expect when is that, just a surprise... thats why sometimes i like soon but sometimes i hate it...
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
22 Sep 08
I like good surprises too, mapuang. I've noticed that when we do something on the fly, everything happens right away but if we make plans, then that's when the waiting game begins. Thanks for responding.