The One Who Got Away...

Philippines
September 21, 2008 9:27pm CST
I am not sure if everybody has someone they consider as the one who "got away", this includes even those who are happily married or in a relationship right now... As for me anyways, I have this someone who I think "got away" from me. Not that I held him imprisoned and he wanted badly to get out of my life. I actually let him walk away from my life. I will not say I have no choice but to do it since I have other choices. It's just that letting him go was the wisest and kindest (for him) choice on the list. I'm talking about my ex-bf. The only man I ever loved like CRAZY. And I put I emphasis on the word CRAZY since I haven't even met him personally. Yes, he was my online bf. We saw each other in cam, we chat, we talk over the phone but that was all there was in that almost 2 years of relationship. It was CRAZY since even with the distance, I certainly felt like I'm spending my life with him. He wasn't even that young or that handsome. He was 41, divorced, had a 6 year old cute girl, and rather bitter about women who lie and cheat. I admit I am a sucker for intellectual guys but Roger has got more "negatives" than "positives". He isn't even "moneyed" enough to visit me here in the Philippines. He is just a regular Brazilian immigrant to the USA. Still, I fell so deeply with him that I shun away every suitor even those who are supposedly "better" than him. I was actually looking forward to spend my life with him. Then I cannot seem to give him the only thing he wanted from me. My freedom. I am still struggling with my annulment due to religious reasons and well, he just can't wait anymore. I stayed loyal and faithful to him, everybody around me can attest to that; how I've become so introverted that I wanna be alone all the times so that I can make sure I can protect my loyalty to him. But oh well, he was thinking I was stalling my annulment, that I don't love him that much to fight for my freedom. It wasn't that easy. Until he met a Polish girl. Blond, blue-eyed (he told me he hated blonds), single, and very sexy. I let him go. He didn't cheat on me, but I can always read between the lines whenever he tell me casually that the Polish girl has been asking him out and of course he declined the offer since he already has a girlfriend. But I'm sure he wasn't happy saying NO to her. I cannot be selfish, can I? So I let him go away.. Sorry for the rather long discussion. I can't help it. I just recently started another online relationship and I was thinking it would end up this way again. And Roger came into my thoughts again last night and though I'm happy that he's happy right now, I still feel so empty that I let him get away. Do you think I can ever get over him? Do you have someone who got away from you? Do you think you can get over that someone? Do pour out your thoughts...
2 people like this
12 responses
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
22 Sep 08
I was engaged once many years ago. I adored that man. I was excited to be getting married and knew that we would have such a fun life since we loved doing all the same things together. Then, two weeks before our wedding he PHONED me to tell me he was ending our engagement. Talk about a shock. I hoped over the next year that he would want me back. But, I never heard from him again. I've heard that he lives in the same town I grew up in, but I don't know how his life has been since that was over 30 years ago. I still think of him and the love I gave him, and how it changed me and my relationships after that. I've even thought of calling just to say hello and see how his life has been. But, I've decided to just keep my young memories and let it go.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
That's just shattering! How could a man so cruel? Oh well, I had a friend who was engaged with his bf, they've been steady for 8 years since our college days, she even has the ring to prove the engagement, but he just ended the engagement for another woman... Well, I'm not in the position to judge that man who broke your engagement, I know nothing of his reasons, but it seems heartless to do that to you Tess. And to think you still think of him and wanted to talk to him after what he's done. You are a kind-hearted person with a forgiving heart, I admire that. But well, he doesn't deserve you if he can easily give you up after an engagement, maybe letting him go was for the best...
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Thanks. His reasoning at the time was he wanted to "see the world." So he joined the military. He tried to convince me to join too and I said no way. So, he chose to end our engagement. His loss. Yea, enough years have passed for me to be able to forgive. Too bad the forget part never happened.
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Hello Maple. When my ex and I broke up, I really thought that that was it for me. I would never love someone as much as I loved him. He was my best friend in high school and a few years in college. It took a year of being apart (I decided to stay in the US, he remained in the Philippines) for us two to finally admit to each other that we loved each other much more than friends should. We only had a month of being together in the same place and I had to go back here. I was very happy and I almost, almost decided to stay for him but we thought about our future and we decided to give long-distance relationship a try. It only took us eight months to figure out that it wasn't working. We both still loved each other but the missed calls and not having the other there especially when we do need them took its toll. We decided to break up to save the friendship. We still kept in touch very often after breaking up and I was hoping that we might work things out if we see each other again. But six months later, I met someone else, my boyfriend now. Everyone told me then that he was my rebound guy but we've been together for more than 5 years now and we both are still happily together. I don't really know if my ex was the one that got away but I loved him very much. I don't know how my life would be different if I'm still with him but I don't want to find out since if that happened, then I wouldn't be with Boyfriend now. I don't know if you'll get over Roger. Two years is enough time for someone to have invested a lot of emotions and love for the other one in a relationship so I don't think we can avoid thinking of them from time to time. It also falls on you to make that step to move on. If you just let yourself wallow in the pain and misery of what could have been, then you'll never find out what could be right in front of you right now. Take care. I'm sorry this is another long one.
• Philippines
23 Sep 08
I admire your depth and substance so don't worry about the length of your response :) It's good that though you wouldn't deny that you're still wondering what could have happened if you end up with your ex, you are still thankful that part ended and that allowed you to start anew with your present boyfriend. I wish you all the happiness.. You're right, I should take responsibility for myself, others cannot do this for me. I should make the move as you said, wallowing in something that can never be mine is a waste of time... Thanks for the eye-opener...
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
I have experience letting someone go in the past. At first it was hard but as time passes by i was able to move on. I let him go by choice because he was pressured to choose either me or his parents. It is a hard decision but i was able to let go and move on. Now i am happily married and soon to be a mother. So i think eventually you will forget about him and have a better life. Perhaps God has a better plan for you. Sometimes things happen for a reason. The best thing for you to do is move on and dont cling on the past. Avoid thinking about anything that will remind you of him. Being happy is a choice. If you wanted to be happy you can always set a goal. Let time heal all sadness and love you had for your ex bf. You will be surprised one day you are finally over him.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
That's a decision you have to take there! I'm glad that you were able to move on and is now happily married. I just hope like you, I'll forget about the one who got away and stop clinging to those memories... I have to choose to be happy, you're right, I have to make that choice... I'm looking forward to that day time will surprise me that I'm finally over him... Thanks for the reply.
• United States
22 Sep 08
Well, this is always a complicated thing to talk about. I believe that in life and love, there is more than one person you are able to love and you will always love them even after you are not together anymore. The bigger question is, while you still love that person in the sense of fond memories and a learning experience, can you move past it? I am married, and things are pretty good. I will never say they are perfect, because no marriage is. But things are good and we are happy and have some things to work on to make it even better. But i think about past serious relationships sometimes and realize that it's okay to think about it, and even love them. What's not okay is to be IN love with them. I dated a guy for over 2 years while in college, and at the time, I was so in love with him that I couldn't really see him for who he really was. After finally breaking it off with him for good, I started to see what a mean and hurtful man he was to me. But, I still love him because of the great experience and lessons it taught me about my future relationships. I guess it just depends on how you look at things. If this guy is a good person and you are still in love, see if you might be able to pursue him once more. Sometimes people have to decide that this is truly "one last try" and see where it goes. If you don't think this is a good idea, then you have to change the way you think of it so you can move on and have healthy relationships. It's fine to think about the past, we all do it. Just make sure it's not overwhelming the present. Best of luck!
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
Nahh... I don't think I'll pursue him even with the fact that I still love him and I'm sure I always will. I have experienced his love (long distance though) and I'm thankful for the memories and the lessons (no matter how painful). I'll just have to think more of myself and think more of my happiness for now. Yes, you're right, I have to change the way I think, no use crying over spilled milk, he's gone, I let him go, that's final. I just wish it's as easy as saying it... I'll find a way... Thanks for the advice, it helps...
@mommyfied (243)
22 Sep 08
your story is heartbreaking. i've always believed that if a person and i are meant for each other then whatever happens we will be together. there are a few guys in my life who i thought got away but that's before i met my husband. and that's when i understood why they got away because there is someone better for me. what i'm longing for right now is closure. also, i think you should be in relationships that involve physical contact. my husband and i met online because given our backgrounds, i don't think we'll ever meet in situations like a party or through a friend in this lifetime. but i know that your online relationship mean a lot to you but you cannot assess a person fully if you haven't spent even just a day with him. to love someone through an online relationship is to love whatever it is that he tells you and what he projects in your mind. although there is webcam but i don't think seeing that person through the lens of a camera can make up for physical chemistry. i suggest you go out and enjoy life. hugs to you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it wasn't meant to be, I'm longing for closure as well... I'm glad that things turned out fine for you after finding your husband. Maybe someone better is just around the corner, waiting for me, who knows? Uhmmm, I got involved with a man I didn't love after Roger "got away", it was a physical relationship and ended in my becoming a mother at 27. Yep, I was stupid to let my sadness cloud my brain for protection but I don't mind, I'm having a baby and I'm happy about it. I just feel so sad that the baby won't be having a father to look up to though... I'll enjoy life, I'm determine to do so, my baby is my inspiration and though life has never been easy with my pregnancy, I'm sure my angel is a blessing... I appreciate your advice... God bless...
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
I am sad that your story does not have a happy ending but like what they always say when God closes a door, he opens a window. Maybe he was not really meant for you. In my case, I do not think there's someone that I would consider "The One Who Got Away... ". When I think of the people I dated, I am happy that I let them go because I know it won't work out and there's no point in dragging the relationship until it turns ugly and bitter. At least, I parted ways with them when we can still talk amicably to each other. I have someone special right now, if things would end up the way I want it to between us, then I might be able to refer to him as the one who got away, but I hope he won't.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
I do hope the window's as wide open as the door though, I might not be able to go through, hehehe! I am quite sure he isn't for me, I've accepted that fact. It's good that you never had the sad experience of losing someone you don't want to lose... I hope you'll end up happily with your someone special and that he won't be someone who got away...
@ganda8831 (816)
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
If you really love this man, why dont you pursue him again? Is it too late? Yes, just like you i had someone who got away from me. He's actually my first boyfriend. It all happened eleven years ago but until now there are times that i still think of him and wonder where he is. I had to let him go because he fell in love with another woman. Since i loved him so much, i actually loved him more than i love myself, i let him go. I wanted him to be happy and if it means giving him his freedom, then i did it. Give it time and you'll get over roger. The love will always remain though and the memories.
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
I do love him still and I'm sure the love won't go away. But well, I have no plans of wrecking other people's relationship, Roger's happy with his life now. Besides, he just closed his door on me... I guess, we're in the same boat then, we both loved selflessly and had to let go people we love for their happiness. I hope that you're over it though.. I think just like the song "I'll never get over him getting over me."
@LaReni (8)
• Nigeria
23 Sep 08
I guess I'm lucky. I dont have any that got away. Thank God. I would have been biting my nails by now. I have always tried to see my relationships to a logical conclusion because I never wanted to have a 'I wish I had done more' moment. Thanks to an older friend who warned me of this possibility of the 'get away syndrome'.
• Philippines
23 Sep 08
Good for you! Darn! I should have an older friend to warn me as well! Hehehe! But well, as of now, I'm trying to be logical and practical as well, though easier said than done..
@shell94 (990)
• Canada
22 Sep 08
I only have one very close male friend that I feel that way about. We have been friends for over 20 years and until recently, this past spring, I did not know his true feelings for me. I have had them for him for many many years but did not want to intrude in his life or jeopardize an amazing friendship. When I finally told him the truth (after he did) he was blown away and told me that there had been friends of mine back in school that he dated only because he could be around me more. I am curious as to how our life would have been as a couple, but am greatly happy that I still can have him as my best bud. That will never ever change. Who knows what may happen down the road, ones life is full of learning curves, twists and bends. As it stands right now I am married. And plan on remaining that way at the present time...but one never knows what the future holds.
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
That's a twist alright, I hope you didn't regret not making the first step, regrets are just a waste of time, you see... But yeah, I like that you are still positive about what might happen around the corner. But you are happily married and plans to be happily married, that's very practical as well....
@Bluepatch (2480)
• Trinidad And Tobago
22 Sep 08
The one I loved didn't get away, she wasn't that interested. Obviously you're in love but if its not possible then it isn't. I know how you feel. The number of gals I've wanted and never got close to is legion. Maybe you should try not to let somebody get to you like that. Although I know its not easy.
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
Shucks, that's just painful as well... Yeah, I know I have to change something in me as well, I know I've been loving wholeheartedly and when I say I love a man, I love everything about him... I know I shouldn't let anybody make me forget about myself.. but yeah, it sure isn't easy....
@1hopefulman (31587)
• Canada
22 Sep 08
Oh yes, I've had a few that got away. I got over them and I'm sure you'll get over Roger in time. But from time to time they still come back to mind. But it's hard to go back in time and fix the problems. At least for me it is. Hope that all works out well for you. So life goes on and we move forward.
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
Good for you, I hope things will work out for me too, someday... I'm moving forward and looking forward to a new life...
@kellys3ps (3726)
• United States
22 Sep 08
I do have a few ex-boyfriends that I think that about. I'm not sure if I will ever stop thinking that way or not.
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
Sigh.. welcome to the club then.