Take A Chance...

Take a Chance... - Take a Chance...
@twoey68 (13651)
United States
September 22, 2008 7:38am CST
A woman I know was collecting Social Security on her ex husband along with certain benefits that she was awarded in their divorce…the only stipulation was that if she remarried she forfeited the benefits and Social Security. Well, she met a guy, fell in love, married him and the marriage lasted all of about 2 months. When they got divorced she found herself in a bad spot…she couldn’t afford her house payments anymore, she had no medical coverage (that was one of the benefits) and was forced to collect her own Social Security disability. She now deals with Medicaid, lives in low-income housing and barely has enough to pay her bills. Likewise I have a cousin who gets child support but was told by the courts that if she remarries the child support would end. She’s met a man she really likes but won’t marry him b/c if it doesn’t work out she loses everything. Do you think this is the way it should be? Do you think that if a marriage lasts say less then six months it shouldn’t affect things like Social Security, medical benefits or child support? Would you take the chance on remarrying if you knew you would lose what you already had? [b]**AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
14 people like this
43 responses
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
22 Sep 08
I seriously think we need to take responsibility for everything we do but especially whereever innocent children are born. Getting married should never have anything to do with loosing everything. If the marriage only lasts six months than obviously someone didn't do enough research into the relationship which should have zero to do with the child support payments. You can divorce a man or woman but your children are your responsibility till they reach adult age in my opinion. So lets say you have three children, you end up in divorce court then I think the daddy of these three children should continue to be responsible for child support regardless of who you are sleeping with or going to remarry. Then in the event you do remarry I still think the father of the three children needs to continue on being responsible for the children he helped bring into the world and unless there's a very serious reason the daddy should have visitation rights. The new husband/live in should also have some responsibility toward the children as well after all he knew you had the children when he made his commitment. He should do things like help feed the kids and see that they have something in life to look forward to, maybe sports or hobbies whatever. Children should never suffer from adult relationships yet it happens all the time. Sorry I got long winded but this is my opinion. Thank You
1 person likes this
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
22 Sep 08
Yes, I agree. Just because that person remarries, that does not mean the other parent stops child support. My best friend remarried and her daughter, my goddaughter, was still sent child support. She is in college now and the father still pays for child support. He decided, since he did not want anymore children, to never marry again or have children. He lives with his long-time girlfriend. I guess she goes along with it of her own accord but he did not want kids, anyway, but his girlfriend, later his wife (my BF), became pregnant and they married. It did not last as it was based more on her getting pregnant, but he never shirked his financial responsibility. Emotionally, he was, and still is, not the greatest, but he does love his daughter.
• Canada
22 Sep 08
Well that's good even though he is a bit of wing nut he did right by his child. That's the way it should be. You have a Great Day!!! I'm doing laundry but it's a Great Day for me because I feel good today!!!
@sunshine4 (8709)
• United States
22 Sep 08
I would be like your cousin...not take the chance. The way marriages break up these days, I wouldn't chance it. I would tell the guy that I will live with him, but not marry him. Especially after being married once...been there, done that:) I don't see how your cousin can loose her child support if getting remarried though. I think that these kids dad still needs to provide for the children whether your cousin remarries or not.
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4216)
• United States
22 Sep 08
I don't think the judge is correct in that she'd lose the child support if she remarries. My daughter remarried and got her child support for her two children. Her 2nd marriage broke up and she gets child support from him for her other two children. She's been a single Mom for 8 1/2 years and works every day, and still she doesn't have enough to have a good life for her and the 4 children. The two older ones are out of school and that money comes to an end in March of next year. I think that cousin should check farther into that problem with the child support. The DAD of those children has to support them, unless he gave them up for adoption to the step-father.
@Hatley (164485)
• Garden Grove, California
23 Sep 08
hi twoey68 yes I do think that if a marriage doesnt last more than six months it shouldnt affect social security and medical benefits at all.No I would stay single and keep what' benefits I had.
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
22 Sep 08
no, i would not. that one was very foolish on taking the chance to start with,she sure has herself in a mess. she knew up front what could happen. i would have just lived w/him. that little piece of paper sure wasn't worth what she lost.i hope your cousin hangs in there & keeps what she already has. tell her to be smart.
1 person likes this
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
22 Sep 08
That is so sad and I guess that is why so many elderly people don't remarry, some just live together. I agree with you about the marriage just lasting 2 months it should not have effected her income and benefits. Now as far as losing the child support if the mother gets married again??? I have never heard of that and I find it so unfair. The child support is for the child/children not the mother. I guess that means the ex can get married though. I know here in Texas I had friends with children who were divorced and got child support, got remarried and still got child support.
1 person likes this
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
22 Sep 08
I can understand not getting your husbands SS payments anymore, but child support? That doesn't make sense at all! Child support is not for the mother, but for the kids. Even when you remarry, they don't count your new husbands income. thousands of women are remarried and still get child support for their kids. Is marriage worth the risk? If you are happy and you really think that "love will last a lifetime" then if it worth the risk. Otherwise, if you are happy living with the person married, I wouldn't worry about it - marriage is really just a piece of paper that come with some perks.
• United States
22 Sep 08
Perks aren't the only thing that comes with marriage. It also has it's downsides depending on which state and country you live in. Here in NY state, because I am married, I am entitled to half of everything my husband owns... including his debt! Yes, in this state just because we are married our debtors can go after our spouse, they can garnish the wages or sieze the property of the spouse. Some states do it, some states don't.... ours does.
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
22 Sep 08
Is it a community property state there Kats? We are a community property state and everything is split 50/50 (unless you have a good lawyer).
@sharra1 (6342)
• Australia
30 Oct 08
That sounds very risky to me. In that situation I would not be getting remarried or at least not until I was absolutely sure it was going to work out. In Australia it does not matter if you live with a guy or marry him, from the moment he moves in you must tell social security and they assess his income to see if he can support you. Even if he does not earn enough to know you off his income is still taken into consideration to determine how much you get. However, if he moves out again you go back onto social security if you do not have a job. We used to pay single mothers a pension until the child was 16, now it is only until they are school age and then she is put onto unemployment benefits and must try and find a job. In the case of child support that is paid by the father and I know a lot of them complain if she is working. Lots of men complain about not having custody but being forced to pay child support. I do not know what they rules are if she remarries.
@anonymili (3138)
30 Oct 08
I'm not being funny but personally I've always been an independent person and have not had to rely on anyone, let alone a man, financially since I started working full time. I don't really have sympathy with people who rely on their ex husband to support them - unless they have kids - in that case I would expect the man to pay enough money to ensure his kids are raised properly, i.e. the same way they would be raised if he were in their lives full time. I don't know how your social security system works but in the UK I think men are expected to pay child support to their ex-wives which is fair enough. On the other hand I don't understand why people would be so money-motivated that they wouldn't want to get married again in case they lose benefits. If the man you want to marry knows you and loves you he would know that you had a kid(s) and would be happy to help support them. Not sure why the kids' father would have to stop paying child support - they're still his kids after all, aren't they? As for the woman whose marriage lasted for 2 months, well that's shocking! How on earth can you marry someone and split up after 2 months? How long were they dating for? Marriage is not a decision to be taken lightly - it should happen when you love each other and are prepared to make a lifetime commitment (so it doesn't always work out but don't go into it thinking it won't work out) and if people are thinking about losing out financially if they get married then maybe they shouldn't get married at all if they honestly don't think their marriage is going to last.
@msedge (4012)
• United States
30 Oct 08
Its hard to tell.I might have different answer if it happens to me but i hope not.This is my second marriage and i am hoping this will lasts forever.If it doesn't i might not get married again but its hard to say for our future.We never know what will happen.Falling in love is a wonderful thing but dangerous also.It can make us happy, sad and crazy sometimes.So its hard to chose life benefits or being with the person that makes you happy.I just wish we can have both.
@bellaofchaos (11550)
• United States
6 Oct 08
I hate to say this these people had sucky lawyers. I have child support though it's not much even if I were to remarry I would still get it. It doesn't matter. You have to be careful what you sign and agree to . But if I was in this position no I wouldn't remarry until the child was 18. I don't think another man should have to support another mans child and that a father should be responsible wether or not the childs mother remarries.
@peedielyn (1210)
• United States
2 Oct 08
Hi Twoey! I have a friend in the same situation. She is well off financially because of survivor benefits. She has been well kept so-to-speak. She told her mother in law that she was thinking of remarrying and she hit the roof. She still loves my friend dearly and wants her to be happy but warned her that if she did that she would lose all the money. Janie went to look that up and found out that if she remarried she in fact would lose all benefits. I feel that this sounds okay with me. If it were me I could follow those rules, and that being said I would rather not get married unless I found myself more stable. I would hate for the marraige to go down south and be a**ed out. God Bless
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
1 Oct 08
Child support should be paid regardless if someone gets re-married or not. It's your child. I think that is crazy. I'm thinking I would not get remarried for this reason. Heck why not just live together and still collect-- that way if something were to happen- you have the money to fall back on.
@flowerchilde (12547)
• United States
27 Sep 08
If it were me, I wouldn't even mess with the state, but would have a private ceremony/ritual between us and God.. If the relationship endured and I had no need for the benefits, then I would marry according to the state.. I'm not one for getting married too quickly, nor breaking up too quickly (unless it were an abusive relationship of course!)
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
27 Sep 08
Marriage AND Divorce Mistakes - Something we all need to consider before jumping on the band wagon
No I would not take the chance at all. Maybe having a guy move in as a room mate and see how things progress from there then take it up to another notch but marriage would be out of the question because like in this case, what if it didn't work out? Then the person is put in a very bad situation. However, to live together wouldn't hurt anything so why not leave it at that? As the saying goes, it's better to be safe than to be sorry.
• United States
27 Sep 08
if you have benefits like that,you really have to think before you remarry. i already had this discussion with my mom about that (she's a widow). she was talking about dating again and i reminded her if she remarried badly,she'd lose everything.
@jillmalitz (5132)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Personally it sounds like bad legal advice and bad advice from the government programs.Most of all she got a raw deal in the divorce settlements.
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I strongly believe that no one owes us anything in this world. That being said...the woman that forfeited her ex-husband's social security was really only forfeiting money that she was reaping in on work that he had done. In that case, it is only fair. As for the woman owed child support, that is another story. I don't know where that woman is from but anywhere in the states, a man has to pay child support regardless of whether or not the woman remarries. The fact remains that it is still HIS child and as a parent, he is obligated to help financially in the upbringing of that child. Why should the man she marries be held accountable for a child that is not hisl most men that get involved with women who have children do tend to help out but their obligation isn't legal
@heaven11 (1159)
• United States
23 Sep 08
as for the child support thats insane because either way you look at it there still the other mans kids he should still have to support them as for the other benfits ican see in away but i think they should put a limit like say they get married give it 6 months and if the divorce let them keep them if they dont take themaway
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Love can surely stink sometimes that is for sure. I feel that maybe it should be alteast given a year to find others means as support so that if her marriage didn't last she wouldn't have to worry about it. But that isn't how it works. Shame really. I am really sorry to hear that this woman is having such a hard time I know how it is not to have medical coverage or the money needed to live properly. Maybe soon she will marry and it will help her out of her predicament or we can hope so. You know the woman that refuses to marry is smart because unless she is truly sure then she shouldn't get married and then if it doesn't last long then her child is who suffers then she suffers because she can't provide properly for her kid.
@littleowl (7157)
22 Sep 08
Hi twoey I have lived on my own now for 8yrs, there is someone in my life but at the same time don't think I would give everything up-I would have to be 100% certain the relationship would work and mainly if it didn't I would be secure if it ended..I am unemployed and on benefits for medical reasons but don't have children young enough to get child support so am lucky that way-littleowl