Virginity and Marriage

United States
September 22, 2008 3:18pm CST
I just read about a case in Paris where a man in his 30's sought and got an annulment from his wife (in her 20's) because she lied to him about being a virgin. The lower court cited that a person could seek an annullment if one spouse lied about an essential quality of themselves. That means a woman's virginity is an essential quality. How demeaning. Bascially, this means that a woman's virginity is essential to who she is. It would be the same as if she had told her husband she was filthy rich and then turned out to be dirt poor. This only applies to women because proving a man's virginity is impossible. How can it be an essential quality for one but not the other? The prosecutors are seeking to get the decision overturned, still allow the annullment but on different grounds. What do people think? Should this guy be able to get an annullment because she wasn't a virgin?
3 people like this
8 responses
• United States
22 Sep 08
You can't prove a woman's virginity, either. It's completely ridiculous. I can't believe a court would actually uphold something so revoltingly degrading. That makes me sick.
3 people like this
• India
24 Sep 08
VERY TRUE....i am a dancer and i used to ride bicycle for many years,....and hence though I am a virgin...the hymen test will say Iam not....
3 people like this
• United States
2 Jan 09
Very right both of you. However, for women there is a chance to determine virginity for men, there is none.
2 people like this
• United States
2 Jan 09
No, there's not. That's what I'm trying to say.
2 people like this
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
2 Jan 09
I think the woman should have been honest, and I wonder why she was not. Was it because he insisted that she be one, and she felt that no other guy would have her so she had to lie? Did he have the idea that if a woman is not a virgin, she is going to do things like swing from the chandeliers, or stand on street corners waiting for other men? Does he think only a virgin will be faithful? I am all for saying whether you are a virgin or not when you are married, but not to give specific details as to the number of guys you were with, if it were more than one. Now I can understand her keeping silent if she were raped and does not want to live the shame, but he should not have expected her to be unfaithful if she was not a virgin. I would have had them get marriage counselling and both get medical checkups so they can prove that they did not contact any s*xually transmitted diseases, so she can ensure him that she will not infect him, but he should have taken the tests to prove that he is not going to infect her and maybe she should have had a detective follow him around since he probably assumes she is a tr*mp so if he was running around before the marriage, maybe she is not sure of his fiedlity either.
@soooobored (1187)
• United States
22 Sep 08
I don't know a lot about marriage law, or anything really! But isn't it okay to annul a marriage if it is entered into under false pretenses? I think then that the annulment is okay, she lied about something that was important to her husband, and that's not right.
2 people like this
• Philippines
22 Sep 08
Virginity is not the issue here. I think the main issue is the lying. The woman made the man think that she was a virgin. And in any court, I think the deception made by the woman made their marriage worthy of a divorce. If she hadn't led him to believe that she was a virgin, then the divorce would not push through.
2 people like this
@oyenkai (4399)
• Philippines
22 Apr 09
It only means that she seriously lied about her virginity and part of the man's love for that woman was the thought that she saved herself for him. Nothing was said about the man's virginity maybe because he was open about it (maybe he said that he wasn't a virgin and he really wasn't, or that he was and he really was; or maybe the woman doesn't find it an important aspect in their relationship). The main point here is that "she lied". And yes virginity is an "essential" quality in anyone - that's why it's a gift to the person you "lose it to". Let's put it this way - if the man asked for an annulment because the woman lied about being a doctor (which is a profession and is also an essential quality of a person and is qualified grounds for annulment according to my theology professor) then the annulment would have proceeded quite smoothly. I think the man has every right to have an annulment because his supposed wife lied about her virginity (also I think it's a serious issue why she actually lied about it). If the man's idea of a partner included virginity then that's his discretion and that's what he's convinced of. As for me, I think I would have made it an issue if my supposed husband lied about not being a smoker. Like the man's feelings towards a woman's virginity, that's how strongly I feel against a smoker of a husband. Thanks for the response on my discussion!
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Apr 09
Thank you for responding to mine. An annulment is a very serious legal proceeding and should never be granted lightly. If you have to get an annulment something must be seriously wrong. Being a virgin shouldn't qualify. It doesn't change the person in any intrinsic way. And it is demeaning, because the only reason this annulment was granted was because of the woman's virginity. The man's never came into question. I have never heard of and challenge anyone to find a case where a man lying about his virginity was grounds for annulment. Virginity has always been a woman's issue. Partially for biological reasons and partially for societal reasons. I make no arguments that this marriage should have been terminated. However, deception would have been far better grounds the termination. Virginity should never have played into it. It's not the the annulment I have an issue with, but rather the grounds. To start saying a woman's virginity is so important that men have the right to kick women to the curb over it is a very demeaning path to go on. It's something that women have fought against for centuries. I'm not eager to see a return to it. As to the smoking, I see this is a big issue with you. And that's fine. Everybody has theirs, but I have to say that if you don't find out your husband is a smoker until after the wedding day, then perhaps the two of you didn't spend enough time with each other in the first place. Smoking, unlike virginity, is not something that is that easily concealed.
@oyenkai (4399)
• Philippines
22 Apr 09
The only reason that the woman's virginity is considered grounds for annulment is if she lied about it and the man's love was built on a lie. It's not because she's not a virgin, but it's because she lied about it and she lied about something that the husband considered as a vital quality for an ideal woman. I seriously don't find it strange and it's a religious, Catholic matter that the person should strive for the ideal. And the reason that the man's virginity is not even considered in the matter is because it was not part of the "deal". Also we Catholics do value virginity that highly. As I have said, it's a gift we give to someone special. Some people no longer see it as such, but the Church certainly does. I think the only reason they're granting the annulment "but for different reasons" is because people are making such a fuss about it.
@udnisak (610)
• Australia
20 Sep 09
virginity shouldnt be a problem if u love your partner.. if it is a problem then u dont love him/her...
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Sep 09
I don't know if I'd go that far. For some people, their moral convictions are so strong that they can interfere with even the most sincerely held emotions. Meaning, that while they love their partner with all their heart, something like virginity could really affect whether they could pursue a permanent relationship. Love is a complicated emotion.
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
14 Jan 09
I suppose that I really can't judge people too much for what they do especially this man. His wife should not have lied and he was insulted by that I guess. It seems a little silly to seek a divorce but that is how this guy happens to want to deal with it. I suppose it is alright to seek an annulment over this. People get them all of the time for various reasons.
• United States
27 Jan 09
Actually, annulments are only granted for very specific reasons. Unlike a divorce, an annulment is a complete removal of the marriage. When you get one it's as if you were never married. A divorce, on the other hand, has many legal implications because you are married but then severed from your spouse. The biggest difference between the two is the financial arrangement of the couple. In a divorce, you can seek alimony, with an annulment you cannot because you were never married. I have no problem with him wanting the annulment, but making her virginity the issue, I have a problem with. It's wrong to for the law to have two different standards for women and men.
@jlamela (4909)
• Philippines
22 Apr 09
I think what the court's mean about "essential" is on the part of the man. The man believed that his wife was a virgin but when he found out that he was lying, it is really a ground for annulment or dissolution of marriage because the "essential" takes effect for the fact that the man consider "virginity" as precious to his principle and we cannot blame him for that because that's what where his principle resides. Well, most men want a virgin wife and we cannot blame them for that. They have their own reason, most of my male friends in the Philippines considered virginity as a very precious thing, it tells a lot how a girl lived her single life and that part really suggest her behavior in the married life that's why most men choose a virgin wife.
1 person likes this