Is your husband a good listener? Or do you think he at least pretends to be?

@rocketj1 (6960)
United States
September 22, 2008 8:47pm CST
I have learned over the years (18 now) when it is a good time to talk to my husband. That doesn't mean that I always pay attention to what I've learned.lol If the TV is on, it is nearly impossible to get a listening ear (maybe it's a man's singular focus vs. a woman's multi-tasking focus). Also, if his day has been long, he gets a certain glazed "leave me alone", "stick a fork in me, I'm done" sort of look on his face. Also ....not a good time. But, for the most part, he's a pretty good listener. I have even caught him using a joke or two that I've told and also utilizing a political point I've made occasionally. How about your husband? Is he "all-ears"? Of are his ears all plugged up?
4 people like this
28 responses
@Humbug25 (12551)
23 Sep 08
Hi rocketj1 My husband was never a good listener which, somehow, like everything else, was my fault!!
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
23 Sep 08
The more I chat with you, the more I see why he's out of the picture.lol You sound much better off without him.Thanks:)
1 person likes this
@Humbug25 (12551)
26 Sep 08
Yes I am and my kids too, no doubt as you get to know me better you will be able to piece everything together as you seem to be doing a good job of now anyway!!
1 person likes this
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
23 Sep 08
Oh I have a very sharp sense. I can easily feel if my husband is not listening and when I noticed, then I'd stop talking. Then, when I'd stop he would tell me... what Honey what were you telling me? My response..."Never mind, you are not listening to me... I don't like to repeat anything... I am already tired!" Then.. he would laugh and hug me! One thing I've learned through all years of our being together. My husband does not like too much talking. He does not want any talking when he is tired. He is not a good listener when he is doing something but he is a good listener when he is relaxed and not doing anything.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I have read that men use approximately 25,000 words a day and women use 50,000. So if you are a homemaker like I am who has had little adult contact during the day, when he comes home from work, he's already used his 25,000 ann I haven't even gotten started with my 50,000 yet.LOL Thanks!
@salonga (27955)
• Philippines
23 Sep 08
Ha!ha!ha! So that explains why when I go to work I also don't do a lot of talking anymore. Unless there is something really that drives me to do so.
1 person likes this
@ronaldinu (12440)
• Malta
27 Sep 08
Usually I am in the listening off mode when I am watching a soccer game on television. Otherwise I am all ears to listen.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Seems to be a theme here. I guess women have learned a little something thru this. Thanks:)
@Justy24 (29)
• United States
27 Sep 08
My husband is a good listener only when he wants to be. Sometimes he'll be deep in conversation with me knodding his head you know really into it. Other times I could running around naked and on fire and he wouldn't know the difference. What I've found out over the years is to pay attention to when he's "available". Never talk to while he's watching TV Never talk to him while he's playing Madden 09 And never ever talk to him while he's eating These are times I'll surely be ignored.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
27 Sep 08
Wow, that all sounds very familiar. I would be careful about that running around thing you do though. You could really hurt yourself!LOL Thanks:)
@rainmark (4306)
27 Sep 08
I don't think so, sometimes when we are talking and he watching top gear you can hardly get his attention because of those cars on the telly. So i just shut up, so strange coz when i am so quite i got his attention lolz compare when i am talking to him. He's a strange man. I feel upset when he ignored me when i am talking to him so i do the same to him. So that he feels how to be ignored. But on the serious matter we sit down and talk properly specially on having a family decissions. happy posting.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
27 Sep 08
He sounds like many of the other husbands from this discussion:) Thanks:)
@aisaellis22 (6449)
• United States
27 Sep 08
My husband is a good listener. Everytime I talked he always listens and give comments. But sometimes, I can tell that he just pretended he listened so that I won't be offended but most of the time he listened. Communication is pne of the way for your relationship to grow, so it's not only means your husband must only listens to you but you should also listens to him.
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
27 Sep 08
I think it's true that guys don't always pretend to be listening just so they don't get "in trouble" but rather, as you have said, so that they don't offend us or hurt our feelings. Well said. Thanks:)
@belk89 (1103)
• Philippines
25 Sep 08
My hubby listens to me when we we talk or if there is something i feel towards a friend. Everything that i do during that day i always share it with him and his there to listen. I consider him as my bestfriend since his always there to comfort me whenever i feel sad over something. And he is bothered everytime i cry to the extent that he cant sleep at all feeling bad of seeing me cry. So i can say if there is a person who is a good listener everytime i feel bad over somethings that will be my hubby.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
25 Sep 08
Awww! You definitely have a wonderful relationship Thank you.
• United States
25 Sep 08
My husband listens when he wants to listen. I hate when I tell him something and five minutes later he ask me a question pertaining to what I just told him. Man that gets on my nerves. So we go through the usual "You weren't listening to me" and him saying "Yes I was." LOL, well if he was he wouldn't have asked me that question when I just told him the answer five minutes prior.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
25 Sep 08
wooo! Been there, done that! Gotta love 'em though
@toni1972 (15)
• United States
25 Sep 08
My husband is a good listener only when he wants to be. When the TV is on or he is at the computer reading about sports, that is not a good time to talk because it will go in one ear and out the other. And at times when we bring something up that we have talked about in the past he doesn't remember talking about it. So, if I really need him to listen, I have to ask if it is a good time to talk and make sure I have his attention. That usually is the best way to get him to really listen.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
25 Sep 08
Trying to get his attention and making him know something is important seems to be a theme for a lot of the women's responses here in this discussion. Thanks:)
@gemini_rose (16194)
25 Sep 08
My husband is a terrible listener. He walks away when I am talking to him, he does not listen to me and he changes the subject sometimes when I am talking to him. Or he does not take me seriously and just makes stupid childish comments. And he wonders why I hardly talk somedays or why I prefer to talk to myself! I get really cross because truth is he is the only person that I have to talk to about anything so it is hard.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
25 Sep 08
Oh, I am so sorry for you! I think finding some friends to chat with will be important for you. Thanks:)
@eagle_f15 (2054)
• Malaysia
24 Sep 08
My husband is a good listener but don't get him at the wrong timing or he won't listen or he will get irritated. Just get him at a time when he is not busy and all relax...he will listen to what I talk to him or discuss to him about.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
25 Sep 08
Good listeners are a blessing! Thanks:)
@lilcee (2704)
• United States
23 Sep 08
My husband is a good listener, when he's not doing something else. If he's reading the paper, watching tv or something else, he doesn't hear me. I have to get his attention first. He can't do two things at once and when he's doing something, he's totaly focased on that. Once I get his attention, he will listen to me.
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@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I don't believe that men are multi-taskers like we are. I think God made them that way to be the protectors and providers. We're more made for doing mutliple things and that's why we tend to be the nurturers. Just my theory. Thanks:)
@Ithink (10495)
• United States
23 Sep 08
My husband is a good listener too except when watching a few of his shows. Normally thou he is very good at it. Now talking is another subject, unless he has heard something on talk radio or something like that Im normally the one bringing up something to talk about. Once I do thou he might have a few comments, I think those are just to prove that he is listening .. lol
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
24 Sep 08
He sounds like the "strong silent type". That can be pretty nice too Thanks:)
@lkoenig07 (289)
• United States
23 Sep 08
My husband is a very good listener. He not only listens, but usually has advice ready when I need it, and is willing to give it to me if I want to hear it. But, like you said, I know when not to bother talking to him, like when he's watching tv/playing Call of Duty, or when he has had a long day at work. For the most part though, he is great. :)
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Just had an example of when not to try to talk to my husband about 15 minutes ago. He stopped in for a few seconds before going back to work. I was showing him some trouble that I was having with my clothes dryer. He was all ears until he got a phone call from work with some news he didn't want to hear. I told him that we'll discuss the dryer tonight. I know better than to push it right now. Ah...... the joys of really knowing each other.lol And....just like you....my husband is still for the most part GREAT!
@NrgDfenZ (1810)
• Belgium
23 Sep 08
I think some husbands are good listeners.. And some just pretend to.. You'll have to find out which yours is :D Have a nice day ^^
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
24 Sep 08
Thank you
@mikeysmom (2092)
• United States
23 Sep 08
he does not even pretend to be a good listener so i save my breath on most issues. he does not like to discuss anything for that matter. that is hard for me because i need to reason things out with people and he cannot be bothered. he just gets mad and thinks i am a nag.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I hope that you have some good friends or family around who you can turn to! Thanks:)
@jonesy123 (3950)
• United States
23 Sep 08
My husband used to listen in the early years, lol. I know I can't get his attention during TV time or if he is busy with something. But even otherwise I have to make sure to get his attention first. If it is something he has to do or remember, I have to add "this is important" or he might just get distracted again by his own thoughts. Somehow he managed to tune me out over the years. Sometimes, if I'm angry because he has yet forgotten something again, I'll tell him something important (important only for him) during TV time. When he forgets, then it's his problem, lol. He knows he is that way. He is the forgetful professor in the true sense of the word. But I have managed to live with it. Still irritated sometimes, but generally I manage;)
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@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
24 Sep 08
We all have our cross to bear , don't we?lol Thanks:)
23 Sep 08
My hubby is definitely one of those with the plugged up ears lol. Sometimes he does listen but he does have a bad case of "selective deafness". But after 8 years I'm so used to it that it doesn't bother me any more. I just get on with whatever I'm doing and wait till he asks!
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
24 Sep 08
I'm used to it now too. Thanks:)
• Canada
23 Sep 08
My husband listens to nothing during the day and the only time I can get a chance to maybe get him to hear what I am saying is if I tell him we need to go for a drive just the two of us or late at night when we are in bed . Although he tries to listen half the time I can't get him to understand what I am trying to say . He is not much of a talker and never was and is not one for wanting to talk about anything that will make him have to give some input . His favorite answer is not to worry about it that everything will work itself out !!
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
23 Sep 08
Ah..... the strong silent type!lol Actually, I think that there are many guys like this (according to my friends). Thanks:)
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I could be juggling fireballs while bouncing on one foot and my guy wouldn't notice. LOL Especially if he is on the computer playing his games! Like you, I see that glazed over look often. Or as my mom called it - the deer in headlights look. LOL Now if I want to tell him something important I take the mouse away, make him look at me, tell him what I need to say - then ask him to repeat it back. Its so silly, but its the only way to get thru his thick head.
1 person likes this
@rocketj1 (6960)
• United States
24 Sep 08
It's definitely a male thing. My son (14) is just like that. Thanks:)