How do you feel when you are always expected to sacrifice and enjoy nothing?

@subha12 (18453)
India
September 23, 2008 3:10am CST
It is a weird situation i guess. sometimes I have seen i am always expected to buy things for others for all occasions there. when I am facing all those problems each day to go to office and then earning whatever little it may be, I am not very well taken when i want to spend something for myself. it hurts me. There are some who never forget what I should buy for others to gift them, but when for instance I am to buy some dresses for me for festival, they think it is least prior for me.Why is it so? am I always to sacrifice for others? if I say them they will feel bad about it? what way should i approach?
2 people like this
21 responses
@sang2k2 (1834)
• India
23 Sep 08
oh sweety just chill.dont sacrifice so much.i know and can undersatnd your situation as i have been going through that but in sacrificing something else.you buy clothes for your self or whatever you want to and than when it comes to buy the gifts you can just open your mouth and say that my budget is less and i have no more funds beyond this. i think you can talk to the person asking you to buy gifts that what has the person for whom your buying the gift has given to you or them that you need to spend your hard earned money for all this. i know one would feel bad but some where or the other please draw a line as its almost a waste of money its better you shouldnt buy anything for them nor for yourself but dont waste it such a manner by giving to the people who doesnt values it.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
i think now its time i should open up and say my inability to scarifice always.
@sang2k2 (1834)
• India
30 Sep 08
yeh one should learn to step the feet down and draw a line...
• India
24 Sep 08
I think you should stop bothering about what others think; in other words, I think you should develop a thick skin. Don't ever buy gifts for others as a sort of "self sacrifice." I hardly purchase gifts, and nobody gives me anything either. I think the problem of purchasing gifts and feeling sacrificed arises only when a person has a huge family and a wide friends circle. I would ask you to do a lot for yourself without feeling guilty about it. Buy yourself whatever you want, and don't bother about what others thing. It is your money and your wish. About purchasing for others, it isn't a must, unless you feel so generous and that it is obligatory to give. Let me end with a popular Konkani saying: "The great mother who doesn't give, never gives, and that is fine. But what the hell happened today to this wretch that always gives?" The meaning and background of this saying is this: People who don't give, never give and this is simply accepted. He/she doesn't give, and nobody even bothers to ask them. However, the person who gives has to always give. If she/he doesn't give even for one day, she/he attracts a lot of unsavory attraction and earn the title of "wretch," while those who never give are always "the great mothers/fathers." Cheers and happy mylotting
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
yes i should now change the way of life. otherwise it is taking a toll on my mind and body in turn. i should think of myself and be little selfish
@mayka123 (11056)
• India
24 Sep 08
Dear, I think you should start thinking of yourself now first. When you go shopping why dont you first buy something for yourself and then for others. The others may say something at first but then I think after sometime they will just accept it. I think we should learn to live our own lives and think of ourselves too.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
i should think of myself i understand.now the time as come.
@lingli_78 (12844)
• Australia
24 Sep 08
well, it happens to me in the past as well and i always try to make other people's happy and fulfilled their needs while neglecting my own needs and happiness... nowadays, i try to be more assertive and learn how to say no... i won't let other people 'make use' of my kindness anymore and i also learn slowly to stop expecting too much from other people... because when i do that, i only get dissapointment and i don't like that... i think being more assertive and learn how to speak up for yourself is the only way that you can get out from this situation... good luck... take care and have a nice day...
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
i should be more assertive i undeerstand.
@srikool (936)
• India
24 Sep 08
if i get a chance to sacrifice my life to others..it is pleasure to me.i will be the very luckiest person in this world..because in this help only we can get a full happy.that happiness wont fade for anything at anytime.we are made to help to others..i think lik this.so i am ready to give my happiness for others.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
you are great
@magna86 (1787)
• India
24 Sep 08
well thats something that i hate to do.! since i am the elder in my family.. i have to the compromising part. but there is some limit to which a person can take, and he/she has the right to enjoy their life., live for themselves for a moment, and then live for others... i think yyou should tell them how you feel .. about this matter.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
it is true. we should be more assertive
@ch88ss (2270)
• United States
24 Sep 08
That is too bad that you are going through this. Sometimes, just ignore them and try to take care of yourself. I used to always think of others first before myself. And I was miserable, until my sister told me. I am too busy trying to make everbody happy that I forget about myself.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
it is bad. now i should take different way
@Rosekitty (19438)
• San Marcos, Texas
24 Sep 08
So Subha..now you know there are alot of selfish people out there that feel you should be only thinking of them and not yourself..like How dare you buy something for yourself..cause you should be spending it on them... From now on..Think YOU FIRST..and anything after that you can do for someone else if you want..there is no law that says you have to spend on someone, but if you are a caring person like alot of us are you will.. Huggs Hun
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
i think i should think of myself also.
@4mymak (1796)
• Malaysia
24 Sep 08
i feel really sad for you... but if you believe in God.. do believe that He sees, He knows.. and He Will look after you... some people say... the person that God loves 'more' are the ones who are 'tested more'... hard to believe that God will let you live a 'miserable life' if He really loves you... but... if you always remember Him.. pray to Him.. He does listens.. and He 'works' and gives in ways that we dont see or easily understand.. just be strong... be patient...
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
you are telling words from herat. i am also tested so much. but don't know why all are negatives with me.
• United States
23 Sep 08
I think a gift given in Love and admiration is good but if you simply feel obligated then no Love energy will travel with the gift making the gift meaningless. We all make sacrifices but are the sacrifices you are making worth it? Does good come from it? O.k. say you give a gift of some thing and it makes you feel resentment then that is not good. If you give a gift and it has a good purpose ( such as planting trees in the receiver's name or feeding starving children with a monetary gift in the receiver's name) and you walk away feeling good. When I give a gift I split whatever amount I have to spend and buy a small gift for the recipient and donate the equal amount to feed hungry children in honor of the person getting the gift. Now if I can not afford to do that then I can give the gift of planting tree saplings and give a certificate of service to the person whom the gift is for. If you have personal needs I would make them known that you too would like to receive a gift. After all of your generosity your needs should also be met. I hope this helps.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
its true that i should now think of myself a swell.
@Ithink (10495)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I used to be like this and honestly it is NOT healthy and good for you or anybody else. You start to resent others and it does come out at some point. Be it in words, attitude or whatever. You have to take care of you and give to yourself as well as others. Resentment when it builds can make you dislike and even want to leave. Giving is good at times but always remember you too!
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
may be i need to be initially indirect. then if it does not change, i will be vocal
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
23 Sep 08
[i]Hi subha, that is not fair...They have to consider your also! Maybe you just spoiled them also, so, it['s time for you to have some limitations because when it is too much kindness, people tend to abuse![/i]
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
i think i should be more assertive now
@dionesioz (100)
• Philippines
23 Sep 08
its such a ridiculous behavior that you have, just try to practice to priorities yourself, but, there's also a case that you priorities your family member than you, well thats nice,
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
yes i should balance both
@Bluepatch (2480)
• Trinidad And Tobago
23 Sep 08
Like something the dog left behind in the cemetary. Thats not a joke. It aptly describes that utterly godawfull feeling when people treat you like a piece of crap. My co-workers do it though not in the same way, but they do. I foot the road, take the unwanted burdens in my job and get no thanks, ever. I'd like to meet the dog in the cemetary. I guess I must know him.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
it is true. now i must be assertive.
@NrgDfenZ (1810)
• Belgium
23 Sep 08
Well you need to do the thing which you think is right.. Not only think about others, but also about yourself.. That too is important.. Have a nice day..
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
yes i should
@pehpot (4762)
• Philippines
23 Sep 08
I sometimes feel a boiling madness inside of me when I think about things that I have to sacrifice for my love ones, but then when I see them very happy, the boiling madness becomes joyful warmth.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
its true it feels to se them happy. but next moment like a chain reaction they again start expecting another thing
• Japan
23 Sep 08
well tell them that sometime you deserve to enjoy the fruits of your labor coz if not then there would be nothing to work hard for.Tell them all the time its them that benefited to what you have worked so hard for so i guess you deserve a lil consolation too. Its hard to feel being deprived when your the one who deserves it.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
yes you are right
@mimpi1911 (25479)
• India
23 Sep 08
Subha this is sad! But I would still say prioritise you things, do not let others upset you. If you feel like doing something for yourself go ahead , do it. Live your dreams. Living this little little dreams make our lives so much more happy. smiles..
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
yes its hogh time i should enjoy my life. i am not getting the fruit of my labour
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
23 Sep 08
I'm with OceanTiara on this one. You should also take care of yourself while trying to take care of others. If you just keep on sacrificing for other people at the expense of your own happiness, then there is that possibility of feeling resentment towards those people and even the act of giving itself. Maybe you can just talk to them personally and try to explain why you're not able to give so-and-so this kind of gift and be honest that well, sometimes, the budget could be tight. Don't feel guilty for spending something for yourself. It is your money and you worked hard for it.
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
i should now try to expalin them i think
• India
23 Sep 08
Well I am not sure how big is your sacrifice list and how much concern you have for others. But I feel that if sacrifice is done with pure intentions, it becomes prayer and only those can sacrifice who have power and upper hand in society. You can sacrifice only if you have that power, so feel proud when you sacrifice. prashant@friendstime.com
@subha12 (18453)
• India
24 Sep 08
it is truw may be i am having power. but i am missing out my life