Diggin deeper blues on higher ground

United States
September 23, 2008 10:48pm CST
I was thinking the other day that the older I get, the more I realize how little I know and if that wasn't enough, I was also thinking that if I could go back in time and [/b]really know then what I know now, I wouldn't be any better off than I was before, not really, because what I know now doesn't amount to a hill of beans. Profound or just sad? Now I realize that I'm benefiting to some degree by my life's experiences and that I've definitely grown in a lot of important ways, but I'm still constantly amazed by the things I don't know. Things that happen in the world mystify me. Things that happen in my [b]life boggle my battered brain. When I was young, I always thought that when I reached 30 or so, things would just sort of "work out", "come together", in my mind, that I'd come to an understanding of things through osmosis or something, but yeah, guys and gals, I was wrong. I'm long past 30 and things still aren't worked out. But I haven't given up, nope. I don't intend to. I'll slog on through all the muck and mire and dig deeper blues on higher ground. Always. Perservere, live, love. Does any of this mean anything to you? Can you relate at all to what I'm trying to say here? Got any words of wisdom? p.s. sorry - still figuring out the Bold thing.....
5 people like this
9 responses
@Rosekitty (19441)
• San Marcos, Texas
24 Sep 08
Aww Nova My Luv..Come And sit down with Big Sis Rosekitty and let me tell you something.."it never changes"..I'm way older then you and still waiting for someone to come along and sweep me off my feet and take care of me and love the ME I am.., but i realise since IT will never change i have to make whatever i want come as close to my dream since only i can do this...so right here and Now i'm pronouncing my Dream of a huge stocking come Xmas filled with the Man of My Dreams and He better be in it! Ok I figured i'd be silly and make you laugh..
2 people like this
• United States
24 Sep 08
Snuggling up, darling, snuggling up. And you're notway older than I am, you're only a couple of years older. The difference is negligible. Hey Rosiekitty, I have an idea about that man of your dreams......I'll bet you know what I'm thinking too, don't you? Or should I say "who"? nyuk, nyuk, honey, wouldn't that be a sweet lil present to open up on Christmas morning? Yum, yum. And ya know what? I actually have the man of my dreams, or at least as close as it comes and although it's far from perfect, I consider myself extreeeemely fortunate and lucky and blessed because I have a life that I love and my stress level is ground level, which it neverhas been before. We live a very simple quiet kind of life, but we have what we need, and this is not sounding right to me, sorry, but it's good, Kitty, it's good. I didn't meet him till I was 40. There's ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS the possibility for love out there. He could walk in the door in a minute, you just never know. I know you DO keep an open heart, it's just part of who you are. You'll find it. Things do change. Break your patterns. Look at someone who you never would have looked at before. See what happens. Sorry, tired, breaktime. Be back later..........Biggest Smooches......xxxxxxx
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17690)
• United States
24 Sep 08
Oh Rosekitty, You don't need a man to complete your dream! You have more happiness than most if you just look around you! You have your family~your children, those grands! A man doesn't complete you! Haven't you figured that out by now! And you have us, me, Nova, Tess, and all the woman friends on the lot, we can give you more than that one man you're waiting for! Who's to say that there really is a Man of Your Dreams-they usually end up as a Nightmare! You know that I luvs you and only want the very best for you!!!Lots of luv, hugz & purz, Opalkitty!
1 person likes this
@II2aTee (2560)
• United States
24 Sep 08
My, what a bold question you ask here! I think alot about stuff like this. Mostly because in all honestly I didnt expect to live this long. I'm 26 now but I like to tell myself that even as kid I was a deep thinker. Always had my nose in some book, always questioning what I had been told. Drove my poor mum crazy, let me tell you. When I was a teenager I pictured my life to go something like this. I would graduate high school and move out of my parents house. On the day I move out I had planned on telling my family that I was gay because I was deathly afraid to tell them sooner. By the time I was 20 or 21 I fugured I would have met the man of my dreams, moved into an apartment together in France where I would study art. The reality was, when I was 14 and a freshman in high school I had my first kiss with another boy... stupidly enough, in Perkins. Do you know Perkins? Its a family resturaunt. Well, the next day I went to school and EVERYONE knew. Someone had seen me and told pretty much everyone. I went uo to a friend of mine and asked how her weekend was and she replied "Not as good as yours, since you were sucking face with some guy". I will never forget that day as long as I live. Its the day my heart turned hard and would take years to soften it. On the bus ride home that day my sister cried buckets. She was sure that I was not really gay and I had just been pressured by the people I had been hanging out with. When she got home she ran up to my mother and told her. My mother took me into my bedroom and held me while I cried. She cried a little too, but like any good mother she knew the truth in her heart. She had known me all my life, how could she not have known I was different. Months later my sister actually said the same. My mother took my father out to dinner and asked him how he would react if one of his kids were gay. "Well, its thier choice." Is what he said to her. Now, this might not sound like a big deal, but my father in Native American, construction worker, hunter, fisherman, sports fanatic... a mans man all the way. And he loved his kids very much. So much that nothing could dimish that love even if one of them turned out to be gay. The kids at High School were a totaly different story. This was the reality of my young life, the shattered delusions that I could plan my life so perfectly that nothing could go wrong. It was me, and my supportive family, against the kids in high school, and in a couple cases, the teachers. Hard lessons, but those ended up being the defining years of my life so far. Now I consider myself a good person. I pay my tazes, I help out with local charities I feel strongly about. I now work in a college and i volunteer as the advisor for the Gay Straight alliance. I see mirrors on the faces of the kids in that group. Its like looking back at different paths my life could have taken. SOme of them didnt have the amazing family that I had. Some of them are still healing. I like to give them hope. I guess the point I am trying to make is that we are not here because of what we do not know. We are who we are because of the path we have walked and the things we have seen. In my perfect life, you would never have known my name. I would be in France right now studying fine art with my dream guy in some loft. But thanks to that kiss in Perkins... thanks to 4 years of hell in a redneck high school, and thanks to two amazing parents who never turned thier back on their son, I am here telling you that right now, you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be, no matter what you think you dont know. And I'm glad of it. Very very glad. What would be the point of life if we have nothing more to learn? Love you Nova. Tee
2 people like this
• United States
24 Sep 08
Tee, Tee, Tee. Boy, do I wish I could give you a real hug!!! And hey, I DO know Perkins. Is it Perkins Pancake House, or did it used to be? We used to have them here, but I don't know that we still do. Haven't even thought about them for a zillion years now. But what an experience! Poor baby, no fair at all! Goddam kids. They had someone to focus all their own insecurities and self-anger on now, didn't they? High school sucks. I didn't like it at all. I didn't fit in in any of the groups in mine, and I was shy and awkward, and although I longed to be part of things, I avoided calling any attention to myself, so I wouldn't be a target like you were. But you had the best parents!!! Wow, were they your saving grace, or what???!!! The thing is, you took that experience are you're turning it around, Tee, you're doing something immensely positive with it, by what you're doing at your job and with your volunteering. You're on the side of the angels, baby. What a testament to your strength of character and your heart, Tee. I agree. we are exactly where we're supposed to be, I do believe that, always have. Discontentment will pop up occasionally. But for us, at least, it won't hang around long. Our sense will take over and we'll pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and do what we do best, which is live our lives as we believe they should be lived, with goodness and generosity and hope. And always learning. Love you too, Tee. Do I ever. XXX
2 people like this
• Canada
24 Sep 08
Hi honey! When you press the bold button, you have to do one of 2 things: 1. Press it, then type what you want bolded in between the 2 bracketted B's. The first one is bold on, the 2nd is bold off. 2. Or if you decide after typing it that you want to bold something, you just copy and paste to get the desireable letters or words in between the 2. Now about your post, Yes, I understand where you are coming from. You are depressed and I feel terribly for you. I wish I was there to give you a GREAT BIG HUG. I'm hugging you anyway. (((((HUGS))))) I hope you can feel it. I too, have had to resolve myself to hoping that certain things will just work themselves out, since I am powerless to change them, no matter how I try. Sometimes it is just too stressful to keep trying futilely and actually causes more stress to continue trying. If you know what I mean? You, my dear, are one of the good ones on this earth. One of the special ones, that we all adore and always will. We don't want to live life without you around to brighten our days. I get it, your resources are down and you have given, and given and you are very, very tired. Here, lay your head on MY LAP and I will console you as best I can. I will try and re-energize you. We'll go for a horse ride together today. I have been trimming feet, vaccinating and worming my ewes prior to putting the rams in for breeding on the 29th. So my back is sore and misaligned. I figured a ride on my horse today would help realign it somewhat and at the same time give me that feeling of freedom and exhilaration that will just make me feel better. So, in spirit, I will take you with me today, ok? LUV YA!
• United States
24 Sep 08
I waskinda blue last night, Annie darling, you're right. I don't know that I realized it at the time, but hindsight is 20/20, eh? Thanks for the great big hug....I do feel it, Annie. And wow, thank you so much for what you've said here! You made me tear up. There's a reason I come here, and this is it. I don't know why I ever go away! But sometimes I just have to, as you understand, we all do, I guess. And when I come back, I'm once again overwhelmed by what I get from you people!!!! Such love, my goodness. Soothes my heart, truly. And a horseback ride! Oh Annie, I would so love to do that. You certainly need and deserve a ride! Maybe that will help realign your back a little. Surely, it will take you away, and that's always, always a wonderful thing. I'm with ya too, Annie, I'm on that horse with you, trying to keep my hat on, laughing, and having the time of my life. Can you see me? If you do, you'll laugh. (goodie!) LUV YA too, baby. You rock.
1 person likes this
• Canada
24 Sep 08
Ok, here we go. Now put your foot in the stirrup and up you go. Hang on to me, I won't let you fall, promise. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Isn't this fun? I can feel you smiling. I can hear you laughing, yes, I can. We're off for a run first, yep, but you don't have to hang on to your hat, because I will lend you one of mine that has a string to tie it on with. Us barrell racers have to have them, don't ya know. We are penalized if the hat falls off during the race. Feel free and ALIVE! I'm here to make you feel better. And one more thing, Nova is going to the fair on Thanksgiving weekend. My girlfriend is an even better horse trainer than I am and we have decided to wean our 2 foals by switching farms. I'm going to take her pony mare so her colt will be weaned and she is going to take Nova to finish halter breaking her and show her at the Fair with her pony colt. Nova will be 4 mos old on October 3rd, and she has grown so much and looks so beautiful, my girlfriend begged me to let her son show her. So we agreed. Nova leaves on Friday or Monday. I will take you a current pic to show you how much she has grown and how she somehow even looks more beautiful than when she was born.
• Canada
24 Sep 08
Yes, she wants to enter her with the name "Super Nova". She thinks it is the coolest name she has heard and she has named a lot of horses, too. In fact, everyone that we introduce her too, thinks she has a spectacular name because of YOU. THE ORIGINAL. Yes, see you soon. Love ya loads and loads. Raising my glass to you, too. Snifter to snifter. CHEERS! (clink)
@myklj999 (13948)
24 Sep 08
Well, I grew up with this mentality of "don't trust anyone over 30"; then I turned 30 and realised I could no longer trust myself. Explains why I'm so messed up some days... I was gonna tell you how to do the bold thind, but Bo already did. However, you can also type [ b ] before the word and then [ / b ] after it (without the spaces) and it'll do it.
1 person likes this
@II2aTee (2560)
• United States
24 Sep 08
Well, I grew up with this mentality of "don't trust anyone over 30"; then I turned 30 and realised I could no longer trust myself. LOL Myk, that is pretty deep!!
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Sep 08
Hey, mykl, remember that movie, Wild In The Streets"? I think that was where I first heard that expression, or very close anyway. Don't trust anyone over 30. Yeah. Sheesh, any more, I don't trust anyone under 30! Nah, not really true, but I tend to trust people over 40 a bit more..... It's funny, I have one friend who's in his 20's, just passed the bar, as a matter of fact, and I'm so proud of him, but anyway, he's 26 I think, and I adore him. He's a bit of an oddball, therefore, just my kind of person. And I trust him, really. Well, I'm trus-ting im, as we get to know each other better, which we're in the process of doing. He and a friend of his are going to be my Halloween partners this year and I'm so much looking forward to that!!! I LOVE Halloween but my hubs isn't into it to quite the degree that I am, and I need someone to play with. And since the hubs just wants me to have fun and be happy, he's happy for me to go out and play with these young men, (bless his heart)and this is going to be probably the best Halloween I've had in years. Geez, do I digress or what????!!!! Aaaaaanyway, you know, I tried that thing with what you said about the bold thing, but it doesn't work for me - it puts everything after the word I want into bold and even though I do it the way you said, it still does that. But doing it like Bo showed me is working, so I'm gonna stick with that, I think. Whew. It's tough being so clueless!!! Great to see your sexy eyes, Mr. Ratcliff. Hey, Kitty's expecting you in her Christmas stocking this year. Omy. When I think about having that to open........................;;;;pant;;;;gulp;;;;;
1 person likes this
@II2aTee (2560)
• United States
24 Sep 08
Hey, Kitty's expecting you in her Christmas stocking this year OMG Hahahaha *Falls over laughing* Looks like Myk is gonna be a busy guy this year. He's already on my list I mailed to Santa. Too bad I've been very very naughty.... maybe Santa will bring him to me anyways :p
@underdogtoo (9599)
• Philippines
24 Sep 08
I am learning a lot of things and none of them are earth-shaking in their own way but definitely something that makes a profound difference in the way that I see myself and the universe I live in. I do not know if these are true or mere figments of my imagination. I do know this, I am enjoying the journey and the end is not so important as the trip.
• United States
24 Sep 08
Hey, underdogtoo, truth and figments of our imaginations are relative. If it's truth to you, then it's truth. I think you've got a good handle on the way you see things. And I agree, the journey is much more important than the destination. Isn't it the journey that determines the destination? We only end up where we put ourselves. And sometimes we take a really round-about way too. lol, I certainly have! But I like where I am too. What a trip.
1 person likes this
@mtdewgurl74 (18118)
• United States
26 Sep 08
I can relate totally to you. I feel the same way. Words of wisdom..I wish I could spout off some words of wisdom. If I could go back I know I would finish school. I am finding out new things everyday and learning. I feel that I am learning more now since I have gotten internet then I did all through school. I am 34 and still working on gaining some new insight and wisdom in this world. If you find any send some my way.
@walkthetalk (1307)
• United States
25 Sep 08
Ever heard the saying, ' IF I LEARNED FROM MY MISTAKES I'D BE A GEUINES '? Well, I think we all keep making the same mistakes, over and over. I may learn one day. I sure hope so. The good thing is, life is on my side. I have learned a lot in life, though I've been through so much. Mistakes are the only way to learn. If I knew then what I know now, would I go back in time? I don't think I would. Every thing I went through has made me who I am. If I change My first marriage, I wouldn't have my son. I wouldn't be as strong as I am. I'M NOT A FREAKEN GEUINES, yet, so I'm still makin mistakes! p.s. highlight your sentence then press bold.The same with Italic.
@steve9737 (918)
• Colombia
25 Sep 08
I have think that too, I would go back in the past and change many things I did or I didn't, because I know what things I would have do now, at lest I think that, I am not sure what would have happened if I did thing different in my past.
@madasp (563)
• United States
24 Sep 08
Yes I can totally relate and no I don't have any words of wisdom LOL. I completely know what you mean. Every time I think I have everything figured out and a plan in place life changes unexpectedly and your back to square one... not knowing a d*a*m*n thing LOL