It Has Been A Yr, Today Since My Mom Died

@KrauseHome (34982)
United States
September 25, 2008 1:53am CST
In reality what a yr. it has been, and I think in a lot of ways, it has been used as a stepping stone and a learning experience for me as well. I have been having a lot of mixed emotions the last couple of days feeling really sad and sometimes still cannot believe she is gone. There are many times I have wished I could pick up the phone and call her, and just tell her about my day, or lifes struggles just to know she is there. Towards the end she had a lot of Health issues, but it was her heart that finally gave out, and what killed her. She was only 63 which is young. I have been having a lot of headaches since Tuesday. Some of them I do blame on Stress and other things going on in my life, but also another part of it is the memories of my Mom being gone and such, and just having to deal with that, and the memories from it as well. Also my little sister is moving to Pennsylvania on Saturday so I will no longer have any of my family around in the area as well. At least I have my husband though. So in reality, how long does it take on average to get over someone dying, and how do you know you have really started to move on? There are days I feel I have, and then there are also days I wonder have I really. ~~TINA~~
4 people like this
13 responses
• Philippines
25 Sep 08
I don't know how to answer your question. But this is what I have to say to you. Your MOM is listening, you don't need a phone to tell her about your day. Just close your eyes and imagine her , she will come to you. You don't need to speak. Im a mom myself and that's what I would do to my children when I die. I will ask them to just close their eyes and I will come. OK? Take care!
1 person likes this
@ellovire (409)
25 Sep 08
hi!! in my opinion, there is no time-frame in getting-over a loved one who passed away. Specially if they are very, very close and important to us. I can feel your grief, even though it has not happened to me yet. But just having the thought of a loved one passing away really gives me a heartache. Just cry if you still need to, just mourn if you still need to... you are human. Just think of this to lessen your grief--at least now she is in a better place, at least now she can suffer no more, have problems no more, and is now experiencing eternal happiness which she really deserves after all these years. Just be thankful, just be grateful that she is your mother. And she will always be, despite not being around.
1 person likes this
@paulsy (1264)
• Philippines
25 Sep 08
My father passed away about 11 years ago. But each time I remember him, I still find myself in tears. I still miss him a lot. I guess that's because he had great influence in my life. Sometimes it is really difficult to accept that a person who has been so important in your life has gone. However, life must go on. Be strong and happy for her, as she is now far away from physical pain, but never forget this person, and all the great things that he or she had done in your life, for they will come up every now and then as you go along your daily activities. good luck and God bless!
1 person likes this
• India
25 Sep 08
thats really a sad thing to remeber that mom is no more with us. that a big pain. we learn lot from her, we grow up seeing her. She will rest in peace and will be happy to see you be in happy. Mom is the most blessed ever gift by god. nothing can replace the lose.
1 person likes this
@sunilkonda (1215)
• India
26 Sep 08
Everyone love their mother very deeply.To loss a mother,who is too much attached with her child is very painful,cuts deep.Mother is a best friend of every women,she is the only one who shape your lives,understand you very well.After she die it is very difficult to move through.Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you fatigued.Your ability to think clearly and make decisions may be impaired and your low energy level may naturally slow you down.So take care of yourself because you have to look after your family who are also emotionally attached with you.
• India
25 Sep 08
Oh, I feel very sad for you! Only he/she knows the sorrow of loosing mother who has lost his/her mother. Mother is the best property in any person's life. She has no compare. Every other person may show you back in your rainy day but your mother never will not. Mother reads the soul of her offspring from her heart. It is very natural that her memory is peeping inside your mind. You are feeling she is very near to your sight. Though there is no consolation loosing your mother, you cannot but obey the rules of God. Take care.
• United States
25 Sep 08
I am sorry to hear that and my grandmother pass away to i think year ago.....but i really didnt have the close relationship...but my mother was crying all day....so yeah it really did turn out to be bad day.......even though we were living very far away from then and never had a chance to say good bye.............
• United States
25 Sep 08
I am sorry for your loss. I am thankful that my mom is still here we almost lost her a couple of times. I know that it is very hard. I can't imagine what your feeling. But I know that your a good daughter. From the things that you have wrote. and I am sure that when she was here you were a huge blessing to her heart! All That I can think to tell you right now. Is try to focus on the Happy times and the awesome memories. I am sure that, that is what she would want. She would not want you to be sad and hurting.
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
25 Sep 08
wow she was young iam sorry you lose your mother i cant say i know how you feel but i been where you are i to have lost and my heart go out to you.you go at your on paste to heal there is no time limit some people never get over there love one but the pain get easyer with time may god bless you and yours
• United Kingdom
25 Sep 08
Hi Tina, I know what it's like to lose any of your parents, I lost both of mine many years back now! Have I recovered from the grieving process? I think so. I'm 33 years of age now and I lost my parents when I was 18. It's been quite a few years now and I have become used to living alone. I cannot say that I have any major feelings anymore towards my deceased parents. This is not to say that I don't miss them, this is not to say that I don't love them but, I have moved on I guess! I'm even beginning to lose the pictures of them that I have in my memory! I guess I still have the family pictures somewhere. I experienced what you experienced in the first few years after their departure. It was a very difficult period for me and I just did not know how I would cope without my parents. I was relying solely on them at that time. Now, I am independent and I enjoy living alone. My parents always remain somewhere in the back of my mind. I still have days though that I like to stop and think about them, this truly is the gift of memory! Stay positive. Andrew
@MH4444 (2161)
• United States
25 Sep 08
Tina, I hope you feel better. It is good that you have your husband. I live away from my family. I went through some really hard times with loosing my significant other to substance abuse. Being alone here, it was really tough. I made it through though. My friends were really valuable to my life then and now. I felt really blessed to have them. You will make it through, even when it hurts. Just be thankful for and love the one you are married to and yourself. That's the best way to remember your mother. Take care. hugs
• United States
25 Sep 08
{{Tina }}, I am sorry for your loss, and its one that you "never" really are going to get over, you know what I mean?? The loss of ones Mother is just a terrible burden, especially if you are close; My Mom has been gone 11 years now it will be 12 years come April, 2009; There is just the biggest hole in my heart from this loss, and with all the holidays coming up right around the corner, its hard its just hard to deal with; just the other day on here Sept 20, marked my brother Alan's passing of 13 years; he passed away in Sept of 1995, then my Mom in april of 1997, and I don't think I've ever recovered from it all, then too during all of that was my car accident/injuries/pain/disability/, and for the last 5++ years has been my Dad's Health; GEEZZ it just never ends: all I can tell you is just take it one day at a time, keep her in your heart I know you will...trust in the fact that she will always live on through you and any kids you have or may have; and Yes stress will bring on mega headaches and a host of other health problems thankfully you do have a spouse, that helps, and do stay close to your sister ok? Good luck to you and I feel for you;
@Polly1 (12650)
• United States
25 Sep 08
You never "get over it", you learn to live again and live with it. The first year is the hardest, after that it does get easier. Your going thru some major changes right now, specially with your sister leaving you a year after your mom left you. I am using the words leaving and left because that is how you feel inside. You know your mom didn't leave on purpose, your sister is moving. But to you its personel, they left you, "how dare they do that". Hang in there hun it will get better.