fought with husband

India
September 26, 2008 8:57am CST
Hi friends yesterday night I fought with my husband...Wait let me tell you the reason..Yesterday he had promised me that he will come early by 8pm but when he reached home it was 12pm then when he came I dint speak anything I just gave him food..he had and then we came to bed but then I thought I will speak to him but he dint speak to me...inturn he shouted at me saying why did I behave like that when he came...Now friends tell me am I a victim in this? Till now we have not spoken I felt there is no need of it...because here there is no mistake of mine...can you help me out telling am I wrong..should I go and speak to my husband..hope u guys will help m eout
2 people like this
20 responses
@lingli_78 (12852)
• Australia
27 Sep 08
i also have similar problem like you... when i am mad with my hubby, he also doesn't realise it and even still have the guts to yell at me and ask me what's wrong with me... it is soooooo annoying... but i usually tell him what i am unhappy about and i am not a patient person like you... i can't just keep quiet... i always make sure that i tell him and he says sorry to me... good luck... hopefully, you can fix your problem with your hubby soon... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
• India
27 Sep 08
Hi to all of my friends who had replied for my question. I got such good responses for this topic so many shared your opinions and experiences..Well I myself patched up with my husband. But I dint tell sorry for what I behaved I just told my feelings to him and made him understand and even he told his reason. So now no problem. I personally experienced that we have accept the truth of life and lead our life happily. If you want to live your life with your husband and family then there should be give and take I understand that. Once again THANKS TO ALL..HAVE A GREAT DAY GUYS..AND HAPPY LOTTING.
1 person likes this
@lizard211 (240)
• United States
27 Sep 08
Yikes! I would definitely speak to him and tell him why you are mad and hurt. When my husband and I have a fight I usually don't speak for about a hour or so - I can't keep my mouth shut too long. :) Heck, I would have waited up for my husband, out of worry, but I sure wouldn't be offering him any food when he came walking in the door at midnight! Anyway, do you really want to be married or living with someone that you can not talk freely too? It is my opinion that once one gives up on the communication side of marriage, it can get rolling and potentially one ends up in a marriage that is really no marriage at all. I hope you and your husband can work it out. Good luck.
• India
27 Sep 08
Thanks dear friend I only spoke to him and we solved the issue...now we both r fine...we are happy..As you said if you need a good and fruitful marriage life then we have to have control on such kind of emotions..and should communicate to each other..thats the best solution..anyways thank you for your prompt answer..
1 person likes this
@brisk123 (2826)
• India
26 Sep 08
Hi Sujitha,I am also a woman though not yet married but I can understand and relate to your situation.I know it is very upsetting,when somebody who is close to your heart breaks a promise and more worst if that somebody you are talking about is none other than your "darling hubby".Don't be disaapointed my dear,I was wondering whether is this thing going on with you and husband only since recently?or it is like everyday kind of issue?Because if it is just recent,then it may happen that he is going through a lot at his work place and not able to communicate well with you and let you know his problems.He must be working too hard and find it really exhausted by the time he reach home.I understand that you are his wife and you have your expectations from him my friend but at times,we should also learn to keep quiet and be patient. I will give you one example,I have my fiance who is working in one reputed company,he has so much responsibilities that he don't have enough time to even take good care of himself.In the beginning,it was alright,he didn't have much to do in office then he started getting more projects etc and that eats up his time.Many times,we planned to go out and he will completely forget about it,at first even I used to react and feel badly hurt just like you,and it only made the situation more worse for both of us.Our relationship started shaking.At times I used to feel,this is enough then I realized something,something that I should have realized even before, and that is "Love",the love that we share,our affection,trust.I told myself,to have patience and control over my anger.I stop pitying myself and look out for the brighter side. I know it was difficult at first,but give it a try dear.You love him so much and care for him,I can see that through your responses to fellow myLotters.So,don't take your husband's behaviour to your heart,deep down inside your heart you know that he loves and care for you,right?Then,stop calling yourself a "Victim",you are not at all a victim.It is possible that,he might be having some problems,work pressure and not able to concentrate on family and you.Things will be fine,don't act kiddish or stay sulking with him when he comes back home.just be who you are,the way you used to be.Try to make him feel comfortable and share his mind,make him feel like he is the best and not like a promise breaker,be a friend,then a girlfriend then be a wife.However,if you still feel that,"NO" I am a victim then I say,you should better talk one to one with him,but yes,dear try to keep away from arguements.
1 person likes this
• India
27 Sep 08
Wow!! such a detailed reply...Thank you so much for such an open suggestion..It made me much more better and I am gonna do as u said...because I love him so much..happy day..happy lotting..
1 person likes this
@jstmarfz (1499)
• United States
26 Sep 08
That's the problem to us as a wife. When we get upset or mad about something to our husband we will just keep quiet and say nothing. They don't like that kind of attitude. They rather you nag at them at least they knew that you are mad and not keep wondering or puzzle things why you act like that. Although it wasn't nice for you husband to shout at you of your behavior. He should be sensitive also why you acted that way. In order not to have this incident happen again, you should ask him why and for sure he will explain for you to understand. There are circumstances that happened unexpectedly. And you should think of positive reason why he came home late and not just get upset. :) I hope I made you feel better
1 person likes this
• India
26 Sep 08
Hey ya I think u made me feel better...but this is not for the first time dear..he keeps doing like this...so i went on mad yesterday..anyways I will take your adivce..Thank you..Happy lotting..
1 person likes this
• China
26 Sep 08
dear lady, i'm a girl, i can understand you. love is no yes or no. if something changed,that's feeling. you are not wrong. maybe he is in bad mood, maybe ... you should talk heart to heart. if he still loves you, i think he will say sorry to you and then live with you happily.if not, i think you should give some action.we should have our own happiness, if he can't give you, please leave him, although you will be sad in short time. but that is life. i wish you and your husband can love forever!
1 person likes this
• India
26 Sep 08
Hey thanks for your reply..My god I cant even imagine a life without my husband.Its just a small problem for that you are advising me like this..I can forgive anything for him...Because I love him so much..
1 person likes this
@teamloud (91)
• New Zealand
27 Sep 08
OH...GOOD GOD! WHERE? yes I'll say it again WHERE is the communication? He says he'll be home by 8.00 , he doesnt show until midnite, YOU as the other party,decide (and rightly so) to litigate, or argue (if you wish) all the reasons as to WHY he is late? I dont know what the "go" is over there and I have no idea as to what is happening with you and your partner. BUT it seems to me that communication in any way has been at an all time LOW! Seriously Guys...You wanna make it work? Yeah? You wanna take it on-high? Yeah? Then START COMMUNICATING!....WITH EACH OTHER! NOT the rest of the cyber world! This is a problem that MrsL® and I as MrL® have had, and its not until we sit down early in the morning, that we can talk and eventually come to some sort of middle ground! We can after talking things out laugh or at least joke and get on with it! Sujithakripesh, your husband may not feel like "talking". he may feel that work pressures are too much, he may well be "hog tied" and his tongue has been kidnapped by terrorists of an ethnicity yet to be defined! Like the Teletubbies for instance! YOU my friend ...need to be straight up!, you need to grab your husband by the balls and go "HEY TALK TIME!" You ALSO though, need to LISTEN! They say that Love can conquer all...They never ever indicated the price though! WHO in fact... are ...."They" ? To you and your Husband we wish NOTHING... But the very very best! Good Luck! Mr and Mrs L®
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
27 Sep 08
hi, i also found myself in that situation a couple of times and there is only one solution to that and that is to talk to him hear-to-heart whether you find it that you dont have any fault in what happened or whatsoever, it would not do good for you both to keep your pride, talk to him, explain to him why you got mad and you acted that way, explain to him why it hurts you so when he promised to come home at 8 but arrived at 12 in the midnight... there is no other solution to that but communication. Talk to him, if you love him let go of your pride and talk to him, it will do both of you good but also make it sure he understands you. I was also in such situations a couple of times but we passed through it and now he knows when he promsied he will keep it but when situation calls and he couldnt keep itt he makes it a point to call or send me a msg through my mobile so i wont get mad..:)) talk to him heart to heart and you'll see you will be enlightened and you wont feel so heavy anymore...
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Sep 08
Hi friend! First of all, you did right by giving food to your husband when he came home though I know it is quite hard for somebody to do something for someone who who has hurt you, in this case he broke a promise. However, it is always best that you communicate with him to tresh out things and you can always ask him in a matter of fact tone-what happened that day, and in this way you are giving him a chance to explain and will even keep the two of you talking harmoniously. No one is a victim, just two loving people still wanting to communicate in which ever way they can!
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Sep 08
we get tired when we come from jobs...............we just want food and goodnight sleep......................well that's what i need
1 person likes this
@chiaeugene (2226)
• China
27 Sep 08
did you ask him the reason for returning home late? maybe he has a bad day outside and felt frustrated. when he returned home, maybe he was waiting for your concerns but instead you gave him the look which may turn him off. i must admit that we guys are less sensitive than ladies and may have at times taken you for granted but that doesn't mean we do not care about you. just spend more efforts to understand each other.
1 person likes this
@annjilena (5621)
• United States
27 Sep 08
i would not say a word he was in the wrong he should apolyigize to you. why come home so late dinner time is over you should have not fix him no food let him fix his on he owe you at least a phone call don,t be a door mate for anyone.why is he yelling at you. you haven,t did anything wrong.
1 person likes this
• Canada
27 Sep 08
You did NOTHING wrong and do not let him or anyone else tell you otherwise . I have been in this same situation as you and they always have a way of making you feel guilty or wrong but you are not wrong in being upset . He is trying to turn the tables on you by yelling at you and asking you why you were behaving the way you were . I feel if you leave it alone he will eventually see that you are not going to be intimidated into feeling like you did something wrong and if he wants to work things out he knows where you are as he is your husband . It is wrong when someone tries to make you feel bad when they were the one in the wrong !!
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Sep 08
Of course you should speak to him he's your husband. Relationships are not the easiest things to come by. You're placing two people together and making them become one. It'll always happen, the occasional coming home late or the I had a bad day at work attitude. Speak to him though and move on from the situation that happened. If you need to, talk to him about it and explain to him you weren't happy he didn't keep to his word. If both of you can find an understanding in eachother, things will be better. Still, you're in the same house and you're falling asleep in the same bed at night. Don't allow there to be awkward silence.
1 person likes this
@belk89 (1104)
• Philippines
27 Sep 08
I can understand what you feel but i think the two of you should talk about it. One way to settle things out is to talk about the problem and let him explain his sides why he was late. Let him know as well what you feel deep inside so he will understand why you acted that way. Before i use to do that but i realized that there is nothing good will happen if i will just ignore my hubby, instead of discussing about the problem and find solution. In that way the two of you can avoid making things complicated . Sometimes we need to set aside our pride to make a relationship work out. For sure he wanted to asked forgiveness for what he did too, he just dont know how to start a conversation with you. So just open up the topic and tell him that he should not make promises if he cant keep it. By doing that he will avoid ever committing the same mistakes again in the future.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Sep 08
I don't think that I would be more concerned of whether I should speak to my husband or whether his scheme is in love or lust. I mean in any type of relationship there must be an understanding that things will go and work a certain way. Everything especially in a marriage is 50/50, there is no one who gets the majority rule. If my husband was gone until 12 I would not be worried about whether he was going to talk to me or not, I would be wondering where he was, and what he was doing. That would be a little outragous, and it is very disrespectful to you. He should have enough respect for you to come home when you ask him to. Apparently he does not know that you are serious. Especially yelling at you, that is uncalled for and childish. Set your foot down and let him know that he is only half of the relationship, and by that you mean half that can be replaced. Love is one thing, but immorturity, brinking emotional abuse, is another. Let him know.
1 person likes this
@icegermany (2524)
• India
26 Sep 08
i can really understand you as even i have come a crossed this kind of things happening between me and my husband and everytime i need to start up as my husband was not at all speaking to me first. but for a few days i did it and i dont mind it but i know in any corner of the heart i had that feeling that why everytime i had to start first. but now i will mostly not start of and now he usually starts first. i think for the small things like that there is no matter you start up first and speak to him and just tell him a emotional dialogue too so that he should not behave like this again.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Sep 08
I think you should speak to him and find out where he was (calmly). Let him know that you wanted to spend time with him and he promised to come home early and he didn't. Let him know how that upsets you because all you wanted to do was be with him and have him home. You can get your point across without yelling or being rude. Still let him know that's jacked up what he did and you don't appreciate him getting mad at you because you didn't speak to him. You had every right to be upset with him.
1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16072)
• United States
26 Sep 08
[i]Hi suji, If he was from work and stressed out, I understand also the way she acted and also I understand your side, but for me the proper is, you talked to him when he got home and while you were preparing his food, like the common questions of wife, how was your day? what takes you too long? things like that... Anyway, was there no call before that about his coming home late? if you have cellphones, he has some fault also for not even txting and calling you! ANyway, you have to talk to him and clear this things...that is the only solution you can do!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
26 Sep 08
It is the normal reaction of most women to keep quiet when they are upset. Well, there are others too who nag when they got upset. But me? I am same with you. I just keep quiet and let hubby think why my reaction is like that. Sometimes he ask me what happen why I acted that way.. And when he asked, it is now the time that I will tell him why. Did your husband remember that he promise you to come home early? does it not make any sense to him why you get upset? he should realize that.. But the best thing is to tell him, you are upset because he did not fulfill his promise and there is no explanation why he come home late. He should explain why so that you will understand and not get upset.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
27 Sep 08
sujithakripesh, After reading your post, I just felt the need to mention a few observation of mine here. What age is this? When your husband was an hour late for his appointment returning home, why didn't you call to ask and check if there's anything wrong? I think giving and taking here, does not matter who should call here. If he had called he remembered, responsible and loves you; if he had not called, then you could have called here. He would not have loved you any lesser and your called would to him mean that you are ever loving him and concern about him. Give and take is also another form of mutual understanding and another dimension of love. Silence is not golden. Yes, my dear, contrary to Paul Simon's song silence is not golden. The least you could do was let go of your anger and ego and asked if he is alright and rush to give him a hug and peck on the cheek. After all, I am sure it was never his intention to be late and/or out having a voyeurism of his whim and fancy, lest you forget he is your husband here. For what you do not know, he had a rough day at the office and he was made a scapegoat to stay back to clean up the mess. So, the last thing he needs is a sunglass and silent attitude from your end. Again, where is that mutual understanding required here? No offense here, I am just coming from an angle where no one had mentioned about and I am also a man. I believe that your husband is of integrity here and I hope you do not mind my defense here. I am hoping that you may see things from another angle here.