"I knew you could not be trusted"

@makingpots (11922)
United States
September 26, 2008 10:43am CST
Someone said this to me recently and it cut very deep. I have come to realize that I must surround myself with people who have enough control of themselves as to not be directly attacking towards other people. Oh, sure, I have disagreements, arguements with people in my life, but no one ever says such directly hurtful things about my character. I worry now that each time I speak with this person I will be concerned with trying to 'earn their trust' and the thing is, I don't believe I have done anything to deserve losing their trust. Since the day I understood what having a strong character really means I have worked hard to maintain and improve mine. Feeling distrusted hurts me very much. In fairness to this person, they have been surprised and hurt by the actions of others in their life recently and might have a reason to be a distrusting person right now. Cutting this person from my life altogether is pretty high on my options list right now. But my worry is that maybe I have created a cocoon around myself that keeps people like this out. Maybe I need more people like that in my life to grow my character even stronger. What do you think? Do you protect yourself from hurtful people? Do you avoid them at all costs? Is that a healthy way to live?
5 people like this
18 responses
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
26 Sep 08
If someone told me that I could not be trusted, I would want to really look at myself and see if this is true. Am I one to tell secrets or be dishonest in any way? I grew up in New York City where most people were honest, even if you did not like it, and told you how it was, no matter what. It used to bother me but now, when I have dealt with liars in my life who have really hurt me, I decided I would rather here the truth, even if it hurts, than be lied to just to make me happy. I have tried, though, to surround myself with positive people and get the negative ones away from me, but some I have no choice. I will not avoid them at all costs, because it's just how it is. I learned that I can't change people, only how I react to them. I will not let negative people bring me down and if someone constantly hurts me, I will remove them from my life as much as possible but I won't avoid them at all costs. I just deal with it and give them little time to do much harm.
2 people like this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
26 Sep 08
It is great to learn the New York City connection about you, nanajanet. One more thing I like about you. NYC is one of my favorite places on earth... many friends and family there. Thank you for the straight-forwardness of this response and especially for the food for thought. I always look forward to your responses.
3 people like this
@nanajanet (4436)
• United States
27 Sep 08
Yes, NYC is really cool but we did grow tired of living there and moved to a small town area in Pennsylvania, one hour north of Philadelphia. I still go back, now and then, to visit loved ones or to Manhattan for the ballet and Broadway, or to bring friends, who have never been there, to tour around.
2 people like this
@lilybug (21148)
• United States
28 Sep 08
I try to avoid hurtful people as much as I can. It is really hard when the hurtful person is someone in your own family though. I have one of those in my family. What really matters is how you view yourself. If they cannot see you for a kind and honest person then I would avoid them as much as possible.
2 people like this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
29 Sep 08
What really matters is how we view ourselves... that is so true. Thanks, lilybug.
1 person likes this
@NrgDfenZ (1810)
• Belgium
27 Sep 08
Yes that can be very painfull if someone said that to you.. I never had that before.. I hang out with all kinds of persons, and I don't care what they say against me :D I know how I am, they don't.. Have a nice day..
2 people like this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
28 Sep 08
That's a healthy attitude, NrgDfenZ.
3 people like this
• United States
27 Sep 08
I have a very sensitive soul. I do try to stay away from people who are hurtful or who can bring me down. I have to do this in order to survive. Instead I try to keep happy, upbeat people around me. I do understand that this isn't possible at all times. In these situations I just try to limit my interactions with the people who can bring me down. I think this is a perfectly healthy way to live. I would be at the bottom of the barrel of depression if I didn't self-preserve in this way.
2 people like this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Oh I love your wording, hermitcrabheaven. I believe 'I have a very sensitive soul' too. It is about self-preservation and we have to know our own limits. Thanks for a great response.
3 people like this
@syankee525 (6294)
• United States
27 Sep 08
myself i am not changing myself for anyone, as long you are very true to yourself and you are real. then nothing wrong. like with me i am very straight with people, and sometime i can be hard on them, but i am a good person, i am very honest. but if someone like that, i don't have time for them, specaily if they want you to change to fit them or whatever. i often had a time where i had family wanted me to be like them and belive as well handle things like them. but hey this is who i am like it or leave. i have no problmes cutting off ties with anyone if i need to do it to keep myself real.
2 people like this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
28 Sep 08
You are so right, I am not changing myself for anyone. True to myself is important to me. If I can improve as a person by toughening up to a person like this, that would be important to me as well.
3 people like this
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
27 Sep 08
Hi dear sure these were really harsf words and really very painful and hurting U know dear, its saying here in our part that " injury by sword can be healed but the injured u got by words can never be healed"" U can forget those words If U betray some one trust that its understandable but if u did not do anything and some one say to u then its hurting. Wish u all the best and take care
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Yes, if I betrayed someone's trust, I would deserve those words.... and accept them. I truly hope I did not betray this person. They actually are a very nice person and I would never betray them deliberately.
2 people like this
@cupid74 (11394)
• Pakistan
29 Sep 08
Hmmm Well, then it must be a misfortunate incident Just try to forget it and Move On Wish u all the best
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
29 Sep 08
You are always so kind to me, cupid74. I am very thankful for your friendship.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Sep 08
I do try to protect myself from being hurt. Nut the thing is, in this life, there is no way of knowing who will hurt you in the lng run. It could be done by your closest friend, or even a mere acquaintance. It's life mystery. The least you can do is protect yourself from being way too involved so that when the pain comes, it's sort of muffled. I do that, but I always fail. I promise myself not to be too close to someone so that they will never be able to hurt me deeply. But I am wrong. I always end up being hurt that I think I can handle it now. People tend to say hurtful things when they are overcome by emotions, and maybe, just maybe, that person who said that to you didn't mean it that strong. I don't know the reason behind it, so I can really say. Me, I have some expressions that may hurt strangers upon hearing them, but I only use them with my friends as a sort of friendly endearment and sarcasm. There isa difference between saying it to friends who know what you mean and to strangers who don't.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Great food for thought in this response, jedd_opalla, thank you! That is exactly why I am here at myLot. I do think it is possible the person didn't mean it at strong as I received it. I may not know them enough to know if they just say things like that.
2 people like this
• Philippines
28 Sep 08
I think it's time you start to know how to read between the lines, so that it can help you deal with people.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Reading between the lines, and feeling the need to do so when dealing with others is rather tiresome for me. I am much more of a straight forward, say what you mean kinda gal.
1 person likes this
@skysuccess (8881)
• Singapore
27 Sep 08
I do not think we (including me) could ever please and come to terms with everyone. In life, it is just too imperfect and full of trials and errors. I do not think we need to live up to people's expectations in the first place as far as honesty is concerned. Honesty to me is a straightforward issue, it is either you are or you are not. No use trying to conform and be mistaken here. Just live to your conscience and most of all to remember to love yourself. Time will prove to them that have other ideas about you. Just do not walk away but take it as a challenge to your integrity. Time will tell so do be patient and persistent. Not forgetting to be a little thick skinned here and stick to your ground.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Thank you for this wise response. Just do not walk away but take it as a challenge to your integrity. Time will tell so do be patient and persistent. Not forgetting to be a little thick skinned here and stick to your ground. a challenge to my integrity.... I like that, and accept that challenge.
3 people like this
• Singapore
28 Sep 08
I just hope that it will encourage you a little here but I have to asked that you be mindful with what you are doing with and for this person in the future. Such misunderstandings can be avoided had we been more cautious and prudent with out actions and undertakings. Just be on the look out when this person comes up to you for a favor and / or support. If you cannot do or fulfill then just be honest about it as there's no point trying to wear a cap that is too big for your head. Take care.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Thanks, skysuccess. I will take care. You do the same.
2 people like this
• United States
27 Sep 08
That statement sounds to me like a verbal control move. It sounds like something an insecure person says to try to win you to their side of an argument. I would probably stay away from them and if I am around them, I would avoid personal discussions.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Verbal control move, hmmmm.... I don't know about that. An insecure person.... I hope I never make anyone's insecurities cause them to say hurtful things. But you are definitely on to something with the suggestion to avoid personal discussions. Thanks for the input.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
26 Sep 08
Hurtful Words - can really do some damage
I bet it did cut deep!! Dang!! I had a friend tell me years ago that I treated her differently when my husband was around than when he wasn't around. I was shocked and really hurt by that comment and told her so for I didn't feel I was any different with or without my husband. In other words, my husband does not define me and who I am. I act this way with him around me or without him around me. It made me so self conscience on how I act that I had to ask a bunch of people about it to see if it were true and I've been told time and time again that no it wasn't true that I act the same with or without him around. Finally I've gotten to the point that "if a person likes me for who and what I am, fine. If they don't then they need to move on because I'm not changing for anyone."Now I had a friend who told me that I was mean to my fur babies because I make them mind me. Well it's better to have them mind me than to let them run over me and not listen and get hit by a car!! Besides, if I were so darned mean then why do they come to me when called and play tug of war with their toys and kiss all over my face when returning from running errands? And why does my 10 cats come flying to me when they're called? Mean hell!! I've been called several different things in my life and frankly, I don't care anymore because I am what I am and that's that. Now have I become reclusive? Yes I have very much and I like it better this way for it lessens the chance of getting hurt again by some one's choice of words.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
26 Sep 08
I think it's a healthier way to handle something then be stressed out everytime you talk to them or have to be with them...I do cut people out of my life. I have had some friends that are so negative that I can only tolerate so much then it's adios!
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
28 Sep 08
I've had to say adios to people in my life before. Somethings just can't be tolerated.
2 people like this
@jillmalitz (5132)
• United States
26 Sep 08
I have found that you can't always avoid people. I have always tried to maintain my attitude that if I did nothing wrong, I don't care. Life is too short to worry about people who are hurtful. They are usually the ones with the problems. They can't face the world as well as others do. So many of them hide their own feelings of inadequacy by attacking others. Don't worry about it. Go on about your life and be nice to the person and don't worry what they think. Be the better person and don't feel threatened.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
26 Sep 08
Oh, jill, I always like seeing that you have responded to one of my messages. You are wise and I appreciate your input.... on this one particullarly. Thanks!!!!
2 people like this
@Thoroughrob (11750)
• United States
26 Sep 08
You need to be around honest and positive people. I would be hurt also. Try to surround yourself with people that are nice and treat you nicely.
1 person likes this
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
26 Sep 08
Thanks, Thoroughrob. I guess that is how I have lived my life up 'til now. It has served me pretty well.
2 people like this
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
1 Oct 08
Did you do something that would warrant this? If not-- then I wouldn't worry about it. I don't live my life to please people that say mean things. If I know I was wrong or did something to not be trusted- I would apologize and try to make it up to them. If I didn't then- I'd limit my time with them. Life is too short to try to please everyone and deal with people who make us unhappy!
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
2 Oct 08
Hi, KrisNY :) I know what I did to upset them but I don't believe it warrants being considered a 'not to be trusted' person. I've appologized. You are right, life is too short to try to please everyone and deal with people who make us unhappy!
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Sep 08
trust is a very important thing. if someone says they do not trust you, they are really telling you something. i would protect myself from people who don't trust me.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
30 Sep 08
That is very true, sisters. They are really telling you something.
1 person likes this
@subha12 (18453)
• India
29 Sep 08
it is really a situation that hurts so much. when anyone is not sure about your true way, its really hard to make them believe. i actually experienced this other way. i was not able to trust a friend. i never told him though. later he cheated big time.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Sorry you were cheated, subha12. I hope it did not hurt you to badly.
1 person likes this
@winterose (39916)
• Canada
29 Sep 08
no cut them out, if you did nothing wrong to them and they are that blind to see you don't need them you do not need to be abused by anyone ever. They don't trust you, then there is no reason for you to trust them either. You must associate with good people that is how we grow as individuals, hanging around people that will put you down will only keep you down.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Thanks for the input, winterose.
1 person likes this
• Canada
28 Sep 08
You make a good point. When someone says that to me, it's their loss, and it's their cut off. Just because they think that of me does not mean that that is how I am, on the other hand, even though I know better than what they say, I'm still not going to hang around with someone who would be that hurtful.
@makingpots (11922)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Thanks for understanding me, danishcanadian. I am not so sure I'm completely right but it is good to feel understood.
1 person likes this