Do you think it would be okay to send my son a Christmas present?

@xcammiex (272)
United States
September 27, 2008 4:22pm CST
So, I am currently in a custody battle of sorts with my son's adoptive parents. This has been going on since a few days after his birth and it looks like it isn't going to be resolved before Christmas. I'd really like to send him a Christmas present. Do you think this would be okay, legally speaking? Also, if I do, do I use the name I gave him or the name is APs gave him? Thanks.
1 person likes this
10 responses
@koalatbs (2230)
• United States
27 Sep 08
That sounds like a very difficult situation xcammiex and I'm sure it is extremely emotional for you to deal with. How old is your son now? I know you said that you've been in the custody battle since he was born but you didn't mention how long this has been going on or how old he is. Do you have any visitation rights to see him? Do you have a lawyer? Maybe you could ask him or her if it would be ok. Do you have any contact with hte adoptive parents? I'm just wondering if you did send your son a christmas present whether or not they would actually give it to him. For respect for the adoptive parents, I think if you do send it to him that you should address it using the name they gave him... even though I'm sure you'd much rather use the name you gave your son at birth. I guess my best suggestion is to check with a lawyer for their advice. It is a very sticky situation. I hope things go the way you want them and that you are able to get your child back, if that is what you want. Good luck xcammiex and take care.
@xcammiex (272)
• United States
27 Sep 08
He is 7 1/2 months old now. I don't have any visitation, plus I live in HI and they live in OR. Thanks for the advice.
@koalatbs (2230)
• United States
27 Sep 08
Hi xcammiex - Goodness... that is pretty far away, from Hawaii to Oregon. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I couldn't imagine how difficult this must be for you. I have a 13, almost 14, year old son. His father & I are divorced and I was very lucky that he did not fight me for primary custody. He has visitation, of course and it is difficult when my son is away on holidays and during most of the summer to be with his dad. Again, I hope things work out for you.
@4magoo (396)
27 Sep 08
Ouch... this sounds like a serious issue. If the child is adopted, he has a new set of parents. I am not doing the "judgement thing" but didn't you have to give up custody for them to adopt? At any rate, isn't there a public legal advice center you can go for help. Have you tried talking to someone for legal help. One last thing, how old is your son? What name does he know. That is what I would call him. If you get to see him and all you have to give up is calling him by his original name, I would let the adopted parents win that battle.
@xcammiex (272)
• United States
27 Sep 08
He is 7 1/2 months old. How he got adopted is a long story, but the short version is I had planned to give him up for adoption, but when he was born, I changed my mind. When the hospital and agency found out, they falsified my medical records, lied to me, and threatened me with CPS until I sighed the consent forms. When I found out everything was a lie a few days later, I got an attorney and filed paperwork to revoke my consent. I'm at the appeals level right now, but am doing it by myself.
@sandra966 (269)
• Spain
27 Sep 08
I would if I were you - he is still your son, and why not if it's Christmas, but then you must have legal representation, can't you ask them? If I were to send him something, I think I would use the name he is used to - I presume that would be the name his adoptive parents gave him. How old is your son? Did he ever know the name you gave him? I hope all goes well, and you are reunited with him soon.
@xcammiex (272)
• United States
27 Sep 08
Thanks. He is 7 1/2 months right now.
@TheCatLady (4695)
• Israel
9 Oct 08
I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I'd send the present. They can toss it if they are petty, or they can give it to the child and tell him or not tell him who it's from.
• United States
9 Oct 08
Oh yes, if for no reason other than it will stir up some tension with the kidnappers...i mean "adoptive parents" which means you'll have to talk again and then go to court and get your baby back. Wishful thinking I know, but hey, it could work.
• United States
29 Sep 08
I think it would be a very good idea for you to send your son a Christmas present. He is your child and you carried him for 9 months and gave birth to him. I do not see how sending him a present could be illegal. I would use his adopted name however, because then the adoptive parents are more likely to give him the gift and accept it a little better.
• United States
29 Sep 08
Well thats a hard question because and the reason i say that is because he was adoptive if you gave up your rights at brith then actually you have no rights to him. However if your trying to get him back i dont really think that would be the best thing in the world to do however i would still get him something and then when and if you get him back give it to him then because more than likely the child will not get the gift anyway if the adoptive parents dont agree to it. But I would nicely ask the Adoptive parents if it was okay just because that would be the respectful thing to do and ask them if it was okay because it is christmas and thats a time for giving and i would most deff. use the name he knows not a name he dont know. But its your chioce thats the only advise i can give you on a situation like this.
• United States
28 Sep 08
I can't believe they did that to you at the hospital. A mother always has the right to change her mind. Yes I think you should send him a present. Hes your son and you didn't want to give him up. As for the name I think you should go ahead and use the APs name. When you get him back you might want to keep it that to, otherwise he may be really confused. Good Luck!
@tlb0822 (1412)
• United States
27 Sep 08
I think that you should defianlty send him a present. I would talk to your legal counsel on whether you are allowed or not, but I don't see an issue with it. I think that your son would like that a lot, and I'm sure the custody battle is weighing on him as well, and recieving a present from you could relieve some of that stress. Good luck.
@SomeCowgirl (32270)
• United States
27 Sep 08
I think that as you are the parent of the child you should send him a present, but I would put his adoptive name as using his real name might spark something and it's more likely that the adoptive parents would give him the present if the name they gave was on it. I hope this helps!