I'm damned if I do..... And I'm damned if I don't..... Who feels the same as me?

@James72 (26829)
Australia
September 28, 2008 3:06am CST
Well there have certainly been some controversies on mylot lately! We have had discussions from stalking accusations (Which appear to not be accusations at all but ended up being seen as this!) to heated exchanges about burkas (Burqa's or Burkah's as well based on the different spellings I have seen) among other things. I avidly wacth these types of discussions and am actually amazed sometimes about how passionate and fired up some people can get! Part of me wishes to jump in and and say SOMETHING but I know that there is not really anything I can say at all that wouldn't be misinterpreted by somebody. So I sit there on the sidelines as a spectator and watch the circus..... It's not easy believe me! Do you sometimes feel the same as I do? You see a discussion that REALLY gets to you and you want to say something SO badly but you know it would be pointless?
11 people like this
16 responses
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Must... not... join... in... but here goes. I have been trying to follow the stalking controversy after I've finally made sense out of what was going on (took me a few days). For a while there, I was scratching my head and kept on wondering what is being talked about until I finally got to the discussion that started it all. Things got way out of hand. And I know that if I try to share my opinion about this whole business with the best of intentions, I am worried that it would still be taken out of context and misinterpreted by some people from both sides... thus adding more flames to the fire... or is it fanning the fire/flames even more? Like you said, we're damned if we do and damned if we don't. It's quite difficult for me since I was born and raised in said country and I can't help but be disappointed and upset over later comments (when things got really heated) made by a few people from both camps. So I decided to be like Switzerland, stayed neutral and hoped that cooler heads will prevail and not think about it anymore until you, Mr. James brought it up.
2 people like this
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
28 Sep 08
Yes it DID take a bot of research across multiple discussions for me to formulate my own opinion too. Wading through the history also made it very clear VERY quickly how pointless it would have been to add any comments of my own. Yet a part of me is SO desperate to do so! "Being like Switzerland" is a very apt way to put it. Neutrality and silence is definitely the smart move when situations like these gain momentum like they have. lol. Anyways, it has been an interesting spectacle! Thanks for the comments SaintAnne.
1 person likes this
@SaintAnne (5453)
• United States
28 Sep 08
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@James72 (26829)
• Australia
28 Sep 08
Oh, STEALTH mode..... Good choice, good choice!
1 person likes this
@taface412 (3176)
• United States
28 Sep 08
Yeah but unlike you I do not have the restraint to keep my mouth shut. If I know something is being blown out of proportion I will bring up the facts of the situation to encourage an actual working conversation to open up a true discussion. But I think most people use this site when it comes to topics that have a high rate of biases to further strengthen their biases and not actual converse on issues. Kinda one sided, but then again I do this in real life too. I cannot stand gossip. And I will always speak up when it is being said.
2 people like this
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
29 Sep 08
In the real world I am the same taface! lol. But for some reason I am far calmer and consider my words much more carefully before speaking them on mylot. I am not sure exactly why, but it is what it is! Sometimes even facts will be ignored when things get out of hand so even these can be a waste of time occasionally. Sad but true! Thanks for responding.
@dizzblnd (3073)
• United States
28 Sep 08
There are way too many discussions like the ones you are describing. The ones I tend to steer clear of are the ones in "Politics". Especially if the person doing the posting is bashing either of the candidates. I know everyone has there own opinions and ideas on things.. but bashing a candidate instead of offering unbiased facts or speculation will cause heated arguments and hurt feelings. SO that is one topic I try to steer clear. Other discussions are usually OK. If I feel I have to respond I try to keep things as civil as possible. But even then, some will misinterpret what you say to suit them so they can lash out against you. So.. you keep posting and replying and hope those with a superiority complex will leave you, your discussions, and your responders alone.
2 people like this
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
29 Sep 08
Yes, politics based discussions can definitely take an ugly turn once in a while but they don't seem to get as heated overall as some of the others can! As for remaining civil, I try to do the same dizzblnd but there are sometimes discussions where even making every effort possible to be objective and polite will STILL blow up in your face!These are the ones I choose to just watch instead. Thanks for responding.
@tlb0822 (1412)
• United States
28 Sep 08
There have been several times were I've found a discussion that I just want to jump into and speak my mind. Like others I just hold my thought to avoid being flooded with hate responses. At times it is difficult to do. It is really tough when I am already in a poor mood, and I find one that just calls me to jump in and say what I really think. I never do and just sit stewing on the side.
2 people like this
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
29 Sep 08
I can definitely relate to the moods aspect tlb! There are some days myself where I am maybe feeling a little more aggressive or sarcastic than usual and to keep these moods in check is NOT easy! Thanks for responding.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
28 Sep 08
I can understand religious discussions or discussions from Atheist who say God does not exist and Christians who say that HE does, or discussions about abortions and pro-life, marriage between different genders and marriages between same gender being controversial, but discussions on the right spelling for a certain word, or whether it is right to correct spelling or grammar even with the person's person, etc. That is taking it a bit too much. I mean are we going to be arrested or put in jail by the myLot police if we do spell one word wrong?
2 people like this
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
29 Sep 08
I too am happy to get involved in discussions that have a good balance of give and take and differing views suspenesful; it's just that sometimes the occasional topic ends up so off topic because of one upmanship and battles between members, the only thing to do is steer clear! And as for spelling and grammar? As long as their point is clear I don't really care about things like that at all. Thanks for responding.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
28 Sep 08
Well if I really have something to say, I will say it. But maybe it's pointless lol.
2 people like this
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
29 Sep 08
And therein lies the issue sometimes dawnald! To put a Shakespearean spin on it - To say or not to say, THAT is the question! lol. Thanks for responding.
28 Sep 08
All the time. Especially when I know the person in the real world and know what they talk about are nothing but lies. I keep my mouth shut and stopped reading what they write. Sometimes it's best to leave things alone!
2 people like this
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
28 Sep 08
Well aside from my own wife I don't know any other members from mylot in the real world. It would be a definite advantage if I did though! I agree with you that it is sometimes best to leave things alone and am sure that many of us have probably learned this the hard way in the past! Thanks for responding to the discussion.
1 person likes this
• Canada
28 Sep 08
No if I like the discussion I answer it. I have not seen anything that was so controversial that i could not answer it and even if it was I would still like to give my 2 cents on how I feel cause there is some who will agree with me and some who will not and I am not worried about those who don't cause they can feel the way they want and it don't bother me.
2 people like this
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
28 Sep 08
Fair enough! The interesting thing though is that sometimes there are discussions that I don't initially like at all, yet they end up getting so heated in some of the exchanges that I feel this strong urge to jump in and say something! This is where the challenge sometimes arises because my common sense tells me to steer clear and just watch! Thanks for your comments.
1 person likes this
@mysdianait (64056)
• Italy
28 Sep 08
Yes. I read a lot but don't say much where what I might say could be misunderstood either intentionaly or by mistake so I just huff and move on. Maybe I should have done here too
2 people like this
@alokn99 (5717)
• India
28 Sep 08
I have come across some dicussions of the kind that you have mentioned, not exactly the Burkha one but others which i would think fit into that category. It does get me kind of worked up and i do at times get tempted to say something. But those are initial ractions. I normaly then contemplate on whether i should or should not. Invariably i land up being the spectator and then am thankful that i did not post anything there. Why get into irritating, or conciously hurting someones sentiments ? That is how i end up silencing myself.
2 people like this
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
28 Sep 08
if I do any more contemplating I think my head will explode alok! In the cases I am referring to I think being a spectator is DEFINITELY the wisest move here. These discussions have gone WAY past the point of no return for many I think and it would be potentially damaging and far too stressful I think to wade on in as a new contributor at this point in time. A closed mouth catches no flies, right? (A bit of Confuscious for ya!) Thanks for the comments.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Sep 08
Oh gosh I so agree. There are so many times I want to jump in and give my opinion but I'm scared of what kind of hate I'll get back! I love being able to express my beliefs and thoughts but I also don't want to @@pi**@@ anyone off though. I recently posted on the religion thread and as much as I feel very strongly on the issue, I'm cringing about the response I might get. And my post wasn't even that strong. But I'm trying to become more confident in my rights to my opinion. It is just that indeed ~ an opinion.
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@James72 (26829)
• Australia
28 Sep 08
We are all entitled to our opinions and as long as we are never disrespectful to others then why shouldn't we be? I am generally a VERY outspoken person in the real world but have learned that sometimes it is better to just sit and watch rather than become part of the melee here on mylot! We should always stand up for what we believe in but sometimes it is in our best interests to pick our fights and not always jump in. Thanks for responding waters.
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Sep 08
Hi James72:) I haven't come across any discussions like that in the hour or so I've been puttering around mylot, but i will definatly keep my eye out for them. I would probably think the same as you and feel it pointless to respond. I bet reading other peoples responses would be entertaining though.
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
28 Sep 08
Hi karigig, welcome to mylot! There are always controversies existing somewhere within mylot and I generally miss most of them myself actually. There have just been a couple a little bigger than normal lately and yes, it can definitely be entertaining reading through them! It is just hard to remain a spectator sometimes is all. Thanks for responding and enjoy!
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Sep 08
I can't tell you how many times I have typed something in the response box, sat there and looked at it, deleted, retyped it, deleted, retyped, and finally just deleted it and walked away. I will jump in and defend a friend, if I feel they are being attacked for no real reason, if I see the discussion in time. For the most part, I sit on my hands to keep from saying something that may start more trouble than is worth bothering with. I will stick with laughing at Irish, calling you a dork, and chasing mykl around with a whip.*S*
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@James72 (26829)
• Australia
29 Sep 08
You called me a dork??? There have been so many slurs Bo I must have missed that one! lol. I have done the same actually and ended up deleting a post rather then submitting it before. You really, really want to put it out there but that little voice in your head tells you not to! I have yet to comce accross a scenario with a friend that I needed to seriously defend them and I hope it doesn't arise either! But if it did I think I would jump in also. Especially if it was innappropriate behaviour directed towards my wife. Thanks for your inputs Bo and go oil that whip to keep the sting in its tail!
1 person likes this
• United States
29 Sep 08
I couldn't be pretty. Heehee I meant ITcouldn't be pretty.
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@James72 (26829)
• Australia
29 Sep 08
I got what you meant Bo! Yes, when it comes to defending our own it cqan become VERY serious and nasty I agree. My wife's English is not perfect so I am extra protective because of it. But she too holds her own and there has yet to be any issues so all is well! And yes, I saw the dork comment! lol. I haven't heard "dork" for some time actually..... It was like having an 80's flashback!
1 person likes this
@LadyMarissa (12161)
• United States
29 Sep 08
OH YES!!! It seems that if I feel passion on any subject, that I should at least keep my mouth shut!!! Will I follow what my head is telling me??? Probably not!!! My heart usually leads & often gets me in trouble with someone. Do I really care??? NOOOO. This forum is for discussion & opinions. I offer my opinion & I've NEVER asked anyone to believe the same as me. ALL I ask is they consider what I said!!! Let me say James...if you run up on one of my posts & have the urge to respond, please do. Just know that if you disagree with me, you WILL get a response back not changing my opinion. However, I will sit back & think in private about YOUR OPINION & possibly modify my train of thought. When I feel passionately about something, totally changing my opinion may be hard. Yet modifying my opinion is a start & that is what I think discussions are for!!!
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
29 Sep 08
It is not really desirable to have to keep quiet when we feel so strongly about something at all; but sometimes it IS the smartest option to take. I am most certainly someone who is not afraid to disagree with someone and if I had an issue with something you said in one of your discussions LadyMarissa, or disagreed with you I would certainly say so! But not all people are able to BE as open to alternatives as what they should be, this is the problem. As far as I am concerned, ANY good exchange will have many different viewpoints stated and not be full of carbon-copy responses where everyone pretty much agrees with each other! But again, there are times when we DO have to pick our fights because some topics become so far gone there is just no point wading in, even if we DO feel so strongly about something. I appreciate your inputs to the discussion and thanks for responding.
• United States
29 Sep 08
Nope, I do not feel the same as you if you feel damned if you do and damned if you don't. I snicker if I do and roll my eyes if I don't.
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@James72 (26829)
• Australia
29 Sep 08
You don't?? Who said you could think differently?? Aside from that, your way of looking at things sounds far less stressful! I will contact Webster's to update their quotations.....
• United States
29 Sep 08
Yes, it happens to me all the time. That's why I try to specialize in only a few of my most passionate topics. Some days I don't post much at all, just read. A lot of times outsiders can see things that people smack in the middle, can't see.
1 person likes this
@James72 (26829)
• Australia
29 Sep 08
Reading through discussions only can be pretty entertaining at times! lol. I like to mix things up a little myself, but there are definitely some topics I am FAR more confident in discussing than others! Thanks for responding.