What do you do when you hate your partner?
By pehpot
@pehpot (4762)
Philippines
September 28, 2008 8:59pm CST
When we are in a relationship we can't prevent misunderstandings from happening right? we and our partner argue, curse at each other and sometimes do physical hurting. But of course to prevent things from being worse we do stop ourselves from getting mad. Sometime my hubby will make me things I don't want to and makes me mad, but the thing is I cannot say no to him and that would make me mad more, so when times that I am mad at him and he wants me to do something like preparing a cup of coffee or massaging his foot, what I do is I sabotage it. I sometimes prepare coffee with no sugar in it and so many spoons of coffee
or when he asked me to massage him, I give him a hard one
[b]there was this one story, when husband and wife argue, the wife just stay quiet and aftar the argument the wife would clean the bathroom, specially the toilet seat and that would relieve her from her anger to her hubby...
[/b]
[i]you know why?
[/i]
she uses her hubby's toothbrush to clean the toilet seat.
How about you? what are the things you do to reliebe you from your anger to your partner?
or when he asked me to massage him, I give him a hard one
[b]there was this one story, when husband and wife argue, the wife just stay quiet and aftar the argument the wife would clean the bathroom, specially the toilet seat and that would relieve her from her anger to her hubby...
[/b]
[i]you know why?
[/i]
she uses her hubby's toothbrush to clean the toilet seat.
How about you? what are the things you do to reliebe you from your anger to your partner?6 people like this
28 responses
@relundad (2310)
• United States
29 Sep 08
All relationships have differences and the occassional disagreement but what you are talking about here doesn't seem normal. What I would do is relieve myself from this type of relationship all together. This sounds obsurd to me. I don't think that people that love each other and want a relationship will behave in this manner on a regular basis.
I am going to check back on this discussion to see how many people respond and if they are of the same type relationship. This sounds like a very abusive relationship from both ends.
I hope that there are no kids to witness this type of relationship and grow up thinking that this is what loving couples look like.
1 person likes this
@relundad (2310)
• United States
29 Sep 08
In my opinion a relationship that involves yelling, cursing and physical hurt is abusive. A relationship where one person MAKES the other person do something that they don't want to do, or a relationship where I felt like I could not say no, its not what I would consider a healthy relationship. For me to think that I would need to "sabotage" my husband is unheard if. And your question was how do you relieve yourself, my answer was leave.
This was simply my opinion.
@marisriel (1156)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
On our first years of being married, my husband and I really had short tempers. I must admit that I am also really too sensitive. Too dramatic just like those who are in a telenovelas. I don't know why, maybe because of immaturity, and when we remember those times, my husband and I just really laughs out why we had those times in the past. We still argue these days and we still shout on each other sometimes. But not the scandalous type that we had in the past. Now I've learned to calm myself and know when it's really the proper time to argue. Sometimes when I feel that my husband's mind is closed, then I just wait for other time to push for the matters that I think really need pushing. But when I really hate him, I go out and go shopping. It's my absolute therapy
. Now I've learned to calm myself and know when it's really the proper time to argue. Sometimes when I feel that my husband's mind is closed, then I just wait for other time to push for the matters that I think really need pushing. But when I really hate him, I go out and go shopping. It's my absolute therapy@marisriel (1156)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Haha, that's really funny pehpot. I am not really more of the "get-even" type so I haven't tried thinking of ways to punish my husband when there are times when I really like to. Now that I am thinking it, I really can't even think of a single idea, so pathetic don't you think? I have thoughts of leaving him, I mean going back home to my parents, but it did not really materialized. It's either he'll talk me to go back or I just go back because I miss him.
. I am not really more of the "get-even" type so I haven't tried thinking of ways to punish my husband when there are times when I really like to. Now that I am thinking it, I really can't even think of a single idea, so pathetic don't you think? I have thoughts of leaving him, I mean going back home to my parents, but it did not really materialized. It's either he'll talk me to go back or I just go back because I miss him.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
My goodness that one I can't do, using the toothbrush of my hubby to clean the toilet seat. That would be too stupid of me. Like others I also do have some petty quarrels with my hubby but I don't go to the extent of doing crazy things like that. In fact after every quarrel, I'd end up regretting all the hurting words I said just by thinking of the good side of my husband. He is so good to deserve my hurting words so more often than not.. I would be the one that say sorry to patch things up.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Well, I believe your relationship is not abnormal, I understand the things you do when you have petty quarels that is tolerable as those could even trigger laughter to both of you but what is not tolerable is the story about the wife using the hubby'stoothbrush to clean the toilet seat. As I said that is too cruel! so don't worry, I do understand your point. Relax and keep on having fun here!
@pehpot (4762)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
ngek, the toothbrush thing was a joke, it has circulated on the text for sometime and it made me laugh out loud and I send it the text to my hubby (in which he replied, he will not use his tooth brush when I am mad at him) I think everyone here misunderstood my post, I meant to be a funny discussion not a horrible one, but it seems this get out of hand, what I was just really trying to start is a discussion that one would share the things he or she do when you get petty quarrels with the partner, for some it is shopping, as in my case , Ok when he ask me to massage his foot and I am not in the mood for it, I still do it but made it a little harder (which I think he liked better) I really don't mean the kind of quarrels that we usually saw on the TV (and why is it that almost everyone thought it was what I am talking about?) or maybe I used the wrong word..
sorry mom to use this space, I just think I need a place to explain.
or just maybe our relationship is not normal for some..
@1111appleblossoms (169)
• Canada
29 Sep 08
My husband and I rarely argue over anything, and the odd time that we do I usually just leave the room, take a walk, go for a ride, anything to get away.
But I will say that if there was ever any physical hurting i would leave permanently. No one has the right to harm you and still expect freindship or loyalty! You deserve better than that!
@TakeThisName (769)
• Canada
29 Sep 08
When my boyfriend makes me mad then I go for a walk to try and cool down. If I did not cool down then I would not go back to him and would tell him we were over with. I will not stay with someone I do not like but if we can work things out and he will listen to waht I have to say and try to make things better then I will go back and try again cause I care for him but when I hate someone it is time to move on and find someone else cause there are lots more guys out there and I can fidn someone who will treat me good and the way they should treat me. I do not deserve to be treated badly and do not treat my boyfriend badly so if he talks to me then we are good.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
29 Sep 08
My husband and I have been together for 16 years and married for thirteen of them We have both had bad relationships in the past. We do love each other even though we disagree sometimes. We just try to look at the good things we have with each other and we accept that we do not always have to agree.
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
• India
29 Sep 08
Oh gosh!! All I can say is thank God I am not married!!
Cheers and happy mylotting
@iyah10 (4115)
• Kuwait
1 Oct 08
You make me laugh on telling that the wife would be relieving her way of anger in using the toothbrush in cleaning the toilet bowl... he he he and i think I have to check for my wife if she is angry or upset about me because maybe one day she will do that in my toothbrush as well......
@khatri_50 (225)
• India
30 Sep 08
Life is struggle yet it is intersting ,the life become enjoyable when we have
nice partner.there is always a misunderstanding between two partner for short
perid but it is settled in no time .that why it is said that there quarrel
between husband &wife and ended over the cup of tea. i never hate my partner
but in fit of temper i can say ill will. by hating the partner there is no life.after hating the life become more happy as the love increases after the quarrel.
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
29 Sep 08
So I'm curious... does your hubby actually make you do this stuff? Like, what would he do if you didn't do it? Like, chain you up and beat you or is it more of a feeling of obligation to honor his requests no matter what? Was this how you were raised? Is that what you believe you should do? Have you ever just refused to make tea or give a massage? What would the consequenses be? This is a very interesting concept for me as I have truely never met anyone who actually follows commands/orders. What is the reasoning for this???
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
29 Sep 08
I have to say that my hubby and I have been through some TERRIBLE things, but if he started regularly demanding me to do things or retaliating against me in the ways you mentioned I would leave him. I mean what I say, I have lived abuse, adultry, so on, for 6 years and stuck it out. But I wouldn't have done so if I was ordered around like a freakin servant. One of the things that has kept us going is that I'm not "made" to do things. People shouldn't have to live that way. Or if he scrubbed the toilet with my toothbrush or intentionally sabataged my food or drinks... what a terrible thing to do. WOW
@psspurgeon1 (1109)
• United States
29 Sep 08
Oh, ok. I was truely concerned. So by you saying you want to serve him, you don't mean like, literally do you? My hubby to has become a great man and does alot and I am as stubborn as a mule, but while he does everything for us I still don't want to SERVE anyone. But I guess it is not such a strange concept for some to want to serve their husbands I actually was watching wife swap the other day and this woman had read a book on how to be a 'june cleaver' housewife and be a good wife like in the 50's and she actually wanted to clip his toenails. A very odd concept for me to grasp, seems a little demeaning but if it is your choice and not a requirement then that is good. Sorry for all of the personal questions.
@pehpot (4762)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
why is it serve does not sound good to you? I actually do his toenails, I clean his ears, and those were the thing that we do ordinarily. It's OK, maybe we both have different outlook on being a wife. he he you can say I am a mix of housewife from the 50's and wife from today
@shana123 (2095)
• India
29 Sep 08
Well am not yet married but we are commited to each other only because i need to complete my studies , my guy is in abroad for work.The main comedy is , since he is working i cannot adjust him , i keep on asking him to talk to me and be with me , it is so difficult for him to do that because of work , when he does i never concentrate on him ever.So its like he goes off from me soon , i fight for this , i say that he is not fit to be in a relation etc , and if he is not consoling me i will scold him bad lol but if he consoles i would forgive him , i know well that that is too much to do for him but i only enjoy scolding him , he will ask me to forgive him .This is what i do to him when i hate him ( not fully hating or something , just doesnt like when he is not spending time with me )
@bugbaby (1787)
• Indonesia
30 Sep 08
Quiet...if i have some debate or have a problem with my wife i just Quiet, and she know if she has already do something wrong, and when we in a bedroom time to sleep she always ask me, why i am so Quiet today ?,,,and then i give her the reason why i do that. i love my wife so much.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
30 Sep 08
Hubby and I have been together 8 years and married 2 years...we bicker now and then but we've never cursed each other or hit one another. We don't yell, shout, scream or throw things (a biggie for me b/c I used to throw things alot before I met Hubby). We bicker, we go to seperate rooms to cool down until it blows over and then we go on with the day. I wouldn't do things like your talking about b/c I wouldn't want him to do anything like that to me. I do think the toothbrush thing is funny though.
[b]**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~[/b]
@anne12d (676)
• Philippines
30 Sep 08
When I'm mad with my boyfriend and we are in long distance relationship, I go out with friend and have fun without texting him, calling him or any means of communications with him. I don't reply on his text or even answer his calls, But when I went home and I'm cool down a bit, I texted him or call him to patch things out...hehehehe
@WildWetJoyce (215)
• Philippines
29 Sep 08
Hahaha! That's really funny and nasty! But the devil in me might just use that strategy in the future if I need too LOL! You really know how to brighten a cloudy morning pehpot! My first laugh this day!
Well, I am single, though I've had relationships before. I really don't come as far as hating my ex though. I always make sure things are fine before I come into such a bad emotion. Hatred can suffocate one's heart and cloud one's thinking, nahhh, I don't wait for hatred to sink in. When my ex and I used to fight I always lay down my pride and prevent arguments to push through. I don't like arguments! That's why whenever I'm angry I tell my ex to leave me alone for 5-10 minutes to compose my thoughts and then I'll give myself breathing exercises (I do yoga). After that, the anger is dissolved and I can talk to my ex in a more civilized and matured manner.
Great discussion! Keep it up!
